A/N: The next four chapters fit into TTTR after chapter 15 and before chapter 16. Think of chapter 15 as 15a and these are 15b, 15c, 15d & 15e.

These outtakes are a more in-depth look at Edwards struggle to reconcile his feeling for Bella with the enormity, reality and shock of her having a son. I know for some readers he is struggling too much, but I have also had a lot of readers say they like the realism of his struggle and I always felt he would struggle more than he did, so I had to write it that way as Edward just kept talking to me! These chapters actually turned out to be some of my favorite chapters (if you like a bit of angsty Edward!).

I don't own Twilight or its characters; they belong to Stephanie Meyer. This is just what they got up to in my mind.

15B "I didn't know you'd go ahead and fall in love with her…"

As much as I wanted to have answers for Bella, I didn't.

It was now a few days after I'd found out about, and met, Tyler. He was clearly a great kid, but all that meant was that I needed to be extra cautious about my feelings and decisions.

All night I'd thought about Jake. Bella and Jake. Tyler and Jake.

Could I compete with him? Jake wasn't even around, so I knew that thought was stupid but I also knew Bella had been in love before and that relationship didn't end by choice. So was her heart even free to give to me?

I shook my head, I was thinking too deeply, as usual. Emmett always teased me for having an old head on my shoulders; shoulders that were twelve minutes younger than his, as he liked to point out.

I wanted to keep in touch with Bella and let her know I wasn't ignoring our situation, so I texted a brief message to her, hoping it would bide me more time. "I'm thinking of you but I need more time. I hope you understand."

It was brief but to the point.

I really hoped she understood.

But her reply surprised me.

"Sure. Are you going to Tanya and Eli's party?"

Shit! I dropped my head to my desk with a thud. Damn it!

My cousin never did things by halfs. She and Eli were both turning thirty in the same week, so, despite it being only a month or so since their wedding, they were having a joint birthday party at a restaurant downtown.

I knew all about it. I'd chipped in for a gift from the whole family. I'd stuck the invitation on my fridge and Emmett and I had made sure we didn't book any early meetings for tomorrow morning. Neither of us would be drinking much, as we'd be driving, but I now wished I could drink. With Bella at this party I'd sure want to.

I knew it was too late to change my plans and back out of the party now. That would send a bad message to Bella. Plus, part of me was desperate to see her.

That's why, several hours later, I was standing in front of the mirror in my suit, wondering whether to bother with a tie or not.

I signed, unable to find the fucking energy to care. I was about to walk into a minefield, a damn tie wouldn't change anything.

I threw my tie back on the bed. I didn't want to turn up looking like I'd just finished work, plus, part of me wanted to leave my top few shirt buttons undone, just the way Bella liked it.

I grabbed my phone, wallet and keys and rushed to leave my house before I changed my mind about going to this damn party at all.

I was dreading tonight, and secretly looking forward to it at the same time.

As I drove I gripped the steering wheel tighter than necessary, trying to remain calm. I knew I was torturing myself by wanting to see Bella, but I couldn't help the way my mind wandered to her. I'd finally let myself think of her today, unlike the rest of the week when I'd tried to stay as busy as possible and tried to avoid thinking about her at all.

Emmett and I had taken on a big building project, with me working the lead. The advantage of having a twin was knowing that he understood me. I didn't have to explain that I needed to keep my mind busy, Emmett merely handed me the blueprints and told me to make a start.

And I was grateful for it.

And him.

But now, tonight, not even he could help me.

I wasn't exactly thrilled that my whole family would be at this party. I knew they'd be keeping an eye on me and part of me didn't want to bother going. I didn't need their scrutiny, or worse, pity.

But then I'd remember Bella.

Would she show up?

What would she wear?

Would she even want to talk to me?

I turned off the engine of my Volvo and dried my palms on the thighs of my pants. I could see Emmett's car a few spaces over so I knew I'd have someone to talk to when I entered, which helped to calm my nerves.

My eyes scanned around as soon as I stepped into the hot and overly busy restaurant. A member of the staff dressed in a crisp black suit showed me to the private function room where I immediately spotted Emmett and Rosalie.

Without words, Emmett shook his head subtly at me, which I knew meant he hadn't seen Bella yet.

They were chatting to Tanya so I joined them, scanning the room in what I hoped was a subtle way.

"Where's Eli?" I asked Tanya once I'd greeted her, thinking I should be polite and greet the other host.

"Over there." She nodded to a small gathering of people before she continued. "I'd avoid him if I were you, though. He doesn't take kindly to his friends' hearts being broken. You're lucky we're blood or you wouldn't be standing here."

Lucky? I didn't know whether Bella had spoken to Eli about us or Emmett had told Tanya god knows what, but it seemed most people at this party knew all about my love life and hated me for it. That didn't sound very lucky to me.

"I can go. I don't want you to take sides, Tan." I was serious, this was all the excuse I needed to go. I really didn't want to cause issues between anyone.

"Hey," she held my shoulder and shook her head. "I was joking Edward, things are just raw right now. It'll be fine. Stay."

I scrubbed a hand down my face. I knew this party would suck.

"Besides, I kinda feel bad." Tanya rested a hand on my forearm and continued. "Some of this mess is probably my fault."

"How on earth do you figure that out?" I asked intrigued by my cousin's words.

"Why do you think I sat you on that table at the wedding? With Bella! It would have been so much easier to sit you and Seth as a pair at Emmett's table to keep the numbers even, but Eli and I may have thought that you and Bella meeting would be…interesting."

Well, damn! She set me up!

Emmett barked out a laugh. "Tan, what have you done!" he joked, slapping me on the back, waiting for my reaction.

I didn't know whether to kiss Tanya or kill her. She probably read my thunderous expression and started to defend herself.

"I didn't know you'd go ahead and fall in love with her, I just thought…"

"Love? What the hell?" I interrupted. I'd been annoyed before I even came to this party and now this was tipping me over the edge.

Emmett held my shoulder, calming me down. "Deny it all you want Edward, but what would you call it?"

Thankfully, at that moment Alice and Jasper joined us. Ali was oblivious to the tension surrounding us and started chatting away, making Tanya relax and laugh as the tension melted away. I slowly calmed down and enjoyed the fact that my love life was no longer the topic of conversation.

Then the inevitable happened.

I was in mid-conversation with Jasper and Alice about the road works outside my office block when I spotted her.

Of course she looked fucking beautiful.

Of course she wore a short blue dress that showed off her long legs and slender body.

And, of course her hair was down, falling past her shoulders and sweeping across her back as she turned to me and our eyes locked.

"Edward...Ed..." Alice tried to regain my attention but once she followed my gaze and saw Bella staring at me the way I was staring at her, she fell silent.

I watched Bella's eyes fall to my chest where I'd kept the top few buttons of my shirt undone.

I didn't realize we'd walked towards each other but, somehow, we were alone and face-to-face as her eyes drifted upwards to meet mine.

"So..."

"Bella..."

We both spoke at the same time and then paused in silence.

"You go first," I gestured to her and her mouth formed into a tiny grin as she shook her head.

"Always such a gentleman," she whispered, almost to herself. She took a deep breath before she spoke again. "I was just going to ask how you've been."

"Oh, good. Okay." I shrugged. "Keeping busy with work."

She nodded at my unspoken words, the reasons I had to keep myself so busy. "So, where's Tyler tonight?"

Her eyebrows rose as she tried to hide her surprise, probably at my blatant mention of Tyler. I didn't want to pretend he didn't exist. I knew full well that he did.

"Having a sleepover with Garrett. They're sharing a takeout pizza and will be staying up far too late, I imagine." Her lips formed into a familiar smile at the mention of her son, her love and pride was so obvious. Her eyes again drifted to my chest where her smile suddenly dropped. She then sighed before making eye contact with me.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I have to go." She spoke slowly and softly, almost managing to hide the wobble in her voice. But not quite.

"Oh," I couldn't disguise my surprise. She hadn't been here more than a few minutes. "Don't leave..." She had obviously spent time getting ready tonight and had planned a babysitter; surely she wouldn't take off so soon.

"I thought I'd be okay seeing you but..." She shook her head before continuing. "It's a self-preservation thing," she concluded as she nervously rubbed her hands together and avoided further eye contact with me. "I'm sorry."

And with that she was gone.

I watched, listening to her heels clicking across floor to where Eli and Tanya were now talking to a woman who I think was Eli's mom.

Bella stood with her back to me as she chatted to them. I could see them shaking their heads then looking around the room, searching for someone. Eli then leaned forward and enveloped Bella in a hug as his mom continued to talk to her, getting more and more animated the longer she spoke. Eli then caught my eye over Bella's shoulder.

If looks could kill...

Bella then walked away without looking around as I watched her back dissapear, the door slowly swinging closed behind her.

Then she was gone.

I don't know what I was expecting from tonight, but that wasn't it.

I stood in a daze in the space where Bella and I had made small talk only minutes earlier.

I wasn't aware of my sister's presence until she spoke to me, placing her hand softly on my forearm in an annoyingly comforting gesture.

"Was that her?" she asked, reminding me how Bella and I hadn't even gotten very far into our relationship. She hadn't officially met my family; she'd never met my sister, which made me quite sad as I thought they had the potential to be great friends. Alice could see the best in everyone and would love Bella's caring heart and love for her family.

I shook my head clear of those thoughts. "Not now, Ali. I need some fresh air."

"Edward!" Emmett called out but I didn't turn around.

"Let him go." I heard Rosalie's voice say softly as I left the same way Bella had.

I found myself on the narrow street out in front of the restaurant. I could still hear the chatter from the party so I turned and walked aimlessly down the sidewalk, away from the distracting noise as I concentrated only on feeling the cool air on my overheated skin and trying to block out all other thoughts.

I didn't realize how far I'd walked until I saw a familiar car.

Her car.

The car I'd kissed her against after our date when things were so simple between us.

Just like last time, she was parked under a streetlight, no doubt a result of her police chief father's advice.

The eerie yellowish glow shining down on her car meant I could see her inside. As soon as I looked at her though, I wished I couldn't see her at all. Her body was hunched over the steering wheel, her head buried in her hands, her face covered by her hair as her torso moved softly, wracked with sobs I couldn't hear, but was certain I'd caused.

Whether she felt my presence or not, I don't know, but she looked up, directly out of the window at me. Her look of surprise was quickly hidden by her hands as she wiped furiously at her face and then looked quickly away again.

I pulled my hands from my pants pockets and approached her car.

I wasn't thinking straight, I just needed to get to her.

To comfort her.

To talk to her.

To touch her.

Before I'd realized it, I was walking around the front of her car and trying to open the passenger door.

By this time she had already started the engine and I'd realized the door was locked, another piece of fatherly advice, no doubt.

"Please."

She looked me in the eyes and hesitated.

I merely returned her gaze, watching as she bit her lip nervously before I heard the faint unlocking noise and tried the door again, feeling relieved when it opened this time.

I seemed to take her by surprise yet again, as instead of leaning in and talking, I go inside and sat in the passenger seat of her car.

"What are you doing, Edward?" She sounded exhausted as she spoke, speaking straight ahead to her windshield and not looking at me.

I, however, turned and looked at her. I knew she'd been crying but she'd now composed herself and just looked mad. Really mad.

I stuttered, not having an answer for her question so I shot her words right back at her. "What are you doing? You didn't have to leave."

"I did. I need to get home."

"Are Tyler and Garrett at your house?"

"No. They're staying at Garrett's, ready for karate tomorrow." She sounded tired and worn out, I observed as I watched her pick at a loose stitch on her steering wheel while she still didn't look at me.

I nodded, remembering their routine, which I'd never really forgotten. I remembered how every Saturday, Tyler had karate with Garrett, and it was her only real free time of the week. I knew this because I'd tortured myself by spending last Saturday wondering what she was doing and who she was spending her time with.

My silence must have confused her as she finally looked me in the eyes before her gaze trailed down to my chest as she released a small sigh.

"I'm driving home now, Edward." Her voice was a warning.

"Okay."

I didn't move.

She paused and raised her eyebrows at me.

I still didn't move.

She silently held my gaze before she shrugged, clicked on her indicator and pulled away from the curb.

We remained silent as I watched her drive, remembering the look she got when she concentrated. I saw her wrinkle her nose in annoyance as the green lights ahead turned red and I noticed the nervous fidgeting of her hands on the steering wheel while we waited in awkward silence for the lights to change. I saw her legs jiggling nervously which only drew my attention to the way her dress rode up to her mid-thighs in the driver's seat. I remembered how smooth and soft her legs are. Were. How soft they were because we weren't doing this again.

I shook my head, wondering what the hell I was doing, but I felt relieved once she joined the highway, because I knew then I knew there was no going back.

Knowing it was too late to get out the car now I finally turned and looked out of the window until she pulled in her driveway ten minutes later.

She stopped the engine and we sat in the car, both looking forward. The darkness of the evening was pressing upon me as neither one of us spoke.

"This is a bad idea," Bella whispered unconvincingly.

I ran my palms down my thighs as she watched me, her eyes following my hands as I remembered the ways in which she liked my body, my thighs, my hands. Past tense. Used to like my body. This wasn't happening again. Remember?

Or was it?

"I'll go if you want me to." I meant it. I wouldn't push her.

"I never wanted you to go." The pain with which she spat her words at me made me wince.

"Bella..."

"Don't. I don't want to talk about it." She straightened her back, and drew in a deep breath, no doubt biting back many more words.

She then unclipped her seatbelt, yanked her keys out of the dashboard and left the car with an almighty slam of the door.

I exited the car in a quieter fashion and followed her up the driveway.

She unlocked her front door and turned back to me, her eyes pleading, but I didn't know what for.

To leave?

To stay?

As mentioned there are three more chapters in this outtake.

Please hit review and let me know what you think. I love your feedback and want to know what people think of my writing.

Thanks to SarcasticBimbo and EdwardsFirstKissfor giving up their time to beta and pre-read for this chapter. Any mistakes are my own.