Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Gucchi... and I'm not so sure about that either... it has a mind of its own

Matthew Oxford Davies was dying.

Of boredom.

Gucchi Enchilada Nostradamus Olive Churro Insidious Dinnerbone Exelodius, his looks-exactly-like-but-really-not dog, was off working. Without it around, there was nothing worth doing.

They had come to New York because of the recent Chitauri invasion (the sheer size of the genocide warranted a personal visit), but the fighting had passed and all that was left was rubble and dead bodies. Matthew had seen enough those to last eternity.

Gucchi actually had the fun part of the job, but did Matthew get to round up souls with awesome herding skills? No; he had to do paperwork. Merlin, all the bloody paperwork…

So that was why he was here, signing papers in a partially destroyed shawarma joint with a hood pulled up to hide his features. Not that it was strictly necessary, as the only ones who could see him were Gucchi and those with close - very close - brushes with death.

Matthew sighed. He sometimes wished more people had very closes brushes with death, if only because existence with only Gucchi left him a bit… cracked.

Matthew giggled as he kept signing. Him? Cracke? Ha! He was… sane. Right? Then again, what sane person forgot the "d" in "cracked"? And he wasn't even writing. It was all in his head… well, if it was all in his head, there was no evidence of insanity, so of course he wasn't crazy. He nodded, satisfied, then turned back to his job.

The face behind the hood scowled as he looked at the ever-growing stack of paperwork.

He was signing the papers with a skull, but it looked more like a mushroom. Matthew's frown deepened. His awesome, badarse skull looked like a mushroom? The cloaked figure shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts. They only led to depression.

Besides that, what was Gucchi doing? The pile was no longer growing, but Matthew was sure there were more souls to sign out.

"Stupid looks-exactly-like-but-really-not dog," Matthew muttered, "Probably wagging it's tail at a poor grandma to get a cookie." He stabbed the next paper perhaps a bit too forcefully, poking a hole that repaired itself immediately. Damn it, he couldn't even take out his frustration on the bane of his existence.

He was still glaring at the paper - which burst into flames repeatedly under the intense emerald gaze - when the door to the shop opened and seven figures walked in. Two of them were arguing.

"C'mon, Steve, can we keep him?" a man with fancy facial hair whined.

"For the thirteenth and last time, Stark, no."

"You said the same thing ten no's ago! Look at him. He's so adorable in that scruffy, underfed way."

"Last time before this shield is used for something other than killing alie-"

"GUCCHI!"

The two holding the conversation and another, a bearded man with armor, a red cape, and a hammer (Matthew didn't even want to ask) jumped at the sound. Matthew ignored them, his eyes snapping to Gucchi, who whimpered.

"Don't try that pity thing with me, Exelodius," Matthew snarled. Gucchi gulped. Its master only called it by its last name if he was pissed. "Why aren't you doing your job?" he boomed, jabbing his finger in the direction of the cursed paperwork, "I've been sitting here slaving away for the past four hours while you've been hanging around a bunch of mortals wagging your tail. You know what the punishment for procrastination is..."

Under the shocked eyes of three humanoids (and a terrified one from Gucchi), Matthew waved a hand. With a poof, the shaggy form was gone...

only to be replaced by a white and pink poodle, a pink bow tied on its tail. It whimpered.

In a flash, there was a hammer and a blue, red, and white frisbee raised threateningly in Matthew's direction. The man with fancy facial hair shifted into a battle stance.

"Release the animal from your spell, sorcerer!"

"...Gucchi! Why did you bring a bunch of almost-died people with you?!"

A/N: Hey! First chapter of first story, yeah? If you have opinions on who should be able to see Matthew, let me know! If I agree with your reasoning I'll be sure to make changes. And yes, to those who haven't guessed, Matthew is Harry Potter.

Sorry about the constant changes; this is my first fanfic.

Probably gonna be updating this whenever a bolt of lightning strikes from inspiration land and hits me straight in the forehead.

Thanks for reading!