A/N: Hey guys so this my first ever Joshaya fanfic, not my first fanfic just my first for this couple. I have to admit they kind of snuck up on me. Didn't really ship them, but then I re-watched GMW and saw the really intense hidden chemistry between Uriah and Sabrina. Plus Uriah isn't in GMW enough so I wanted to write this to fill my need for more Joshaya. So I hope you guys like this and are willing to take this journey with me!
This will be AU in the sense that Maya is older than what she is in the show. Josh is 20 and Maya is 19. Please keep that in mind as you read. Hope you guys enjoy!
***DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM GMW. THEY BELONG TO DISNEY.***
Things were different; Maya was no longer the broken little girl she used to be; now she was Maya the broken adult that has yet to find her open door. The moment she thought she did, things went south for her. Everyone always left her, chipped away pieces of her until nothing was left. People somehow always found a way to hurt her; to leave her picking up the pieces.
She wasn't strong enough for all of this. A sophomore at NYU and she still hadn't learnt her lesson. To have hope is to only set you up for disappointment if things didn't go well later on.
Maya looked down at her sketch pad. It was blank, which had never happened to her before; she'd been like this since spring semester had started up.
She usually exploded with creativity every time she was hurt or disappointed. But as she looked down at the white page she realized it represented everything she felt; unsure.
She sighed and closed her eyes listening to the rustle of dried up leafs of the tree she was laying against, and occasionally the orangey yellow leafs would fall around her. The constant sounds of taxi's off in the distance and the bustle of students walking around campus.
She was starting to relax a bit when she felt her phone start to vibrate and picked it up when she saw who it was.
"Hey Riles." She answered.
"Maya! How are you, how's school?" Her best friend asked energetically. Good ole Riley Matthews her eternally optimistic and incredibly peppy best friend.
Maya sighed. "It was fine, just finished my art two class. Now I'm currently sitting by the benches under our favorite tree. Doing absolutely nothing." She added indignantly.
"You're still upset, and you're outside in the cold weather, it's not exactly warm right now Maya." Riley pointed out, her voice serious now.
Maya huffed. "No Riles, I'm not mad. I didn't mean to sound so bitchy, I'm just… lost. I mean you're not here to help me deal with all my issues. I miss you. Plus I have my jacket on I'll be fine."
"I miss you too Maya. I didn't want to leave, but this was an offer I couldn't pass up. If it makes you feel any better I'm hurt by it too, on both accounts."
Maya played with the metal binds of her sketch pad. "I get it I really do. I just they hurt me Riles and I don't know why I feel so… unsure."
"I know you do, but if there's anyone that can come out of this it's you."
Maya closed her eyes, she wish Riley were here. Things seemed so much worse without her best friend there to help her.
"I don't know Riles, its different this time. I don't want to trust anyone. I don't want to hope, it'll only lead to disappointment."
"You have to Maya; it's not the end for you. You're going to get everything you want out of life. You can't let people who hurt you keep haunting your every step."
"Yeah…" Maya sighed. "Anyways what are you up to right now?" Maya asked trying to change the subject.
"It's 7 p.m. here, just got back to my room after I took a tour of the city. Barcelona is gorgeous Maya, I hope one day you get to see the world." Riley said hopeful.
Maya bit down on her bottom lip, her hand holding her phone to her ear growing warm. Yeah she hoped one day she could too.
"Me too Riles." Maya answered, and looked down to her left wrist to look at her watch.
"Hey I have to go; I have to clock in at 1:30. I'll talk to you soon."
"Ok, love you Maya. Promise me that you'll try not to let this thing stop you from being the best Maya you can be?" Riley's voice grew soft on the other line.
"I'll try, and I love you too Riles." Maya said her goodbye and hung up her phone putting it back in her pocket. She closed her sketchbook and put it in her messenger bag, getting up and walked straight to her residential hall.
She walked alone; she didn't really know many people at school. Farkle was off at MIT and Lucas went back down to Texas after pappy Joe passed away leaving him his family's ranch and attending UT in the meantime, and Riley… Riley attended NYU with Maya their freshman year, but she'd gotten a chance to study their entire sophomore year abroad. It was an offer she couldn't pass up… but man did the offer come at the worst possible moment.
She needed her best friend, she was hurt and she felt hopeless. Riley has been the only constant in her life, the only person that could ever get through to her; especially when she was feeling this lost.
The only person she knew at school was Josh, and even they didn't talk as much as she would've liked. He was a Junior so usually their schedules never coincided. She still saw him and they always talked, she just wished they could see more of each other.
He was sweet; she always remembers the intense feelings she had for him when they were younger. He'd always been a grade ahead of her and every time the Matthews would come up to visit from Philadelphia Maya always jumped at the chance to see Josh.
Over the years they became friends and even though she still didn't see him as much, she was glad that at least someone familiar was in her general vicinity.
Maya walked up to her dorm room and saw her new roommate on her laptop. She'd met her only a few weeks ago before the semester started. Quiet but she was really nice, they never really talked but they got along well. Thank God for small miracles. After Riley left she was afraid she'd end up with someone she couldn't stand.
Maya walked over to her dresser and picked out her uniform for work. She was a part-time barista at a coffee shop a few blocks from school. Even with a full-ride scholarship Maya still needed to make extra cash.
With only a small nod of acknowledgement to her roommate, she walked out and headed out towards her job.
A few hours had passed since she clocked in and Maya was annoyed as hell, ready to go back to her dorm room and just sleep.
It was 9 p.m. and business was starting to die down only a few people sitting down drinking their coffee either reading or on their laptops.
Maya had a damp cloth in her hand and she was cleaning the counter when she heard the ding of the door signaling another customer.
Maya stopped cleaning when she saw who it was… none other than tall dark and handsome, Mr. pouty lips, blue-eyed Joshua Matthews. He was alone and when he noticed her behind the counter he gave her an endearing smile.
She wondered why he was here, this was the last place she thought she'd ever seen him. He hated coffee….
He walked up to the counter and sat down on one of the stools.
"What's up stranger?" He said easy going, his deep voice a familiarity she didn't know she needed. He crossed his arms over the counter and leaned in closer.
Maya held the cloth in one of her hands as she placed them out beside her gripping the edges.
"Not much, just ready to leave this place." She answered.
His blue eyes were gleaming with the ambient light of the shop. "Bad day?"
"You could say that." Maya felt sad, she was usually a lot more animated with Josh. Their easy friendship was something she always enjoyed, but lately there hasn't been a lot of room for any other emotion but sadness.
" I haven't seen you since last week, how's everything going?" Josh asked the look in his eyes calculating and intrigued.
"Everything's fine, classes were great. Haven't being doing much since… just school and work." Maya answered trying to keep things short. As much as she liked Josh, she wasn't in the mood for talking.
Josh squinted his blue eyes, almost like he was trying to figure her out.
"Okay." Josh smacked his hands down on the wooden counter top, startling Maya a bit. "What's going Maya, why are you being so short with me… I usually can't get you to stop talking?" He asked crossing his arms, waiting for her to answer his dark brows raised.
"What are you talking about, I'm fine." She insisted.
"Bull. Come on what's going on in the pretty little head of yours. I've talked to you for all of-" Josh looked down at his watch for affect. "One minute and I can tell something is up with you so spill."
Maya groaned and rolled her eyes. "Josh, I'm so not in the mood."
"Well too bad because I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on. That alone should tell you how concerned I am since I hate the smell of coffee." He said with determination.
Maya pursed her lips as she stared at the blue eyed guy.
"If you hate coffee so much what are you doing here?" Maya answered her question with a question; something she knew annoyed the hell out of people.
Josh grew serious. "Riley is worried about you."He answered his previous energetic attitude gone. "And frankly I'm starting to become concerned as well."
Maya rolled her eyes again, and turned to look away from him. Things grew quiet, only the sound of the coffee machines and the soft clicking sounds of someone typing engulfed the quiet atmosphere. She stayed quiet and moved around making him a hot chocolate. She needed to buy herself some time.
She should've known the way her and Riley's previous phone call ended that she'd do something to make sure she was ok. She should be irritated and a little angry that she sent someone to babysit her, but she knew she did this only because she cared.
She finished the hot chocolate and turned back to look at Josh who was patiently waiting for her.
She placed the foam cup in front of him.
"Thanks but you know I don't like coffee."
Maya grinned, and by the tightness in her cheeks it was clear her facial muscles were out of practice, but alas it was genuine. The first one in what felt like forever. "It's hot chocolate uncle boing, your favorite. This a coffee shop, but we don't just sell coffee." She answered using her old nickname for him, and just like that the tension was gone. He gave her a lighthearted smirk.
He picked up the plastic cup and took a sip of it; Maya just stayed quiet waiting for him to talk.
A few seconds passed before he set his cup down, glancing back at her. "This is good, thanks."
"Welcome."
"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" Josh asked, not wasting any time.
"How much did Riley tell you?"
Josh took another sip of his hot chocolate. "Not much, she just asked me to come and check up on you, said you might need someone to talk to." He paused. "I know I haven't seen you much since we started the semester, but you know you can talk to me if there's something wrong? Even though she called me, if I'd known something's wrong I would've come on my own without Riley telling me." He said his eyes showing sincerity in what he was saying.
"I know it's just really hard talking about, I've never really been great at expressing my feelings with words." Maya said her eyes moving away from his intense gaze.
"Try, I've got time. Finished my homework and I don't have class until twelve tomorrow." He insisted.
"I have to close."
"I'll wait. I can walk you back to campus?" He suggested.
"You're going to wait an hour?" Maya raised her brow in question, pointing to her watch.
Josh looked down to his watch grinned at Maya. "Sure, besides you shouldn't be walking alone at night. It'll give me peace of mind."
An hour later Maya and her co-worker were making sure everything was cleaned and all the machines were turned off. She looked out the windows to see Josh waiting for her to come outside.
She took off her apron and waited till her co-worker walked out of the shop. She grabbed the keys and turned the sign on the door to closed before she walked out the chill of the breezed hitting her face as she opened the door. She locked up and turned towards Josh that had an easy smile on his face.
She suddenly felt an overwhelming need to run. She was afraid; if there was anything that Maya hated was opening up to people other than Riley. There weren't a lot of people she trusted, and even though she and Josh were friends she didn't know if she could tell him everything.
They started walking in silence her mind racing. She clutched her bag tighter and tried to distract herself by fixing the beanie on her head.
"So, what's been going on Maya?" Josh asked suddenly.
Maya took a second to get her thoughts in order. Could she handle trusting another person, only to give the power to hurt her like almost everyone else?
"Come on Maya you've known me for years, I don't mean to sound pushy or nosy, but I see it in your eyes. Riley isn't here and I know how attached at the hip you two are. You can trust me." He said earnestly.
Maya looked up at him; since she was super short he towered over her. She sighed, her hands clutching onto her coat tighter.
"That's the problem Josh, that's always been the problem… trusting people." Maya said it. It felt weird confessing such a huge insecurity of hers to someone other than Riley, but it felt good. Felt like a small piece of the weight on her shoulders lifted off her. Her initial fear all but gone.
"You can trust me. Like I said before I know we don't talk as much as we used to, but I still care, I always have."
Maya sighed, and melted slightly at the sight of Josh's pleading face.
"After the fall semester, during Christmas break, I'm not sure if you heard, but my mom and Shawn finalized their divorce. He left after promising years ago when they got married that he would never leave my mom, or leave me. And to put the cherry on top of all that crap, my boyfriend of five years cheated on me." Maya spilled before she could have another second to change her mind. She tried to ignore the stinging pain in her chest.
Leave it to her to get the short end of the stick on this thing called life. It was always one thing after another. She swore she felt like something was wrong with her. First her father, Shawn, and that ass hole that had taken five years of her life she could never take back. Not to mention Lucas and Farkle were also gone, and Riley was in a different country.
It seemed like most people she loved just eventually left her.
"I'm so sorry Maya. I had no idea. After the semester ended I went back to Philly and I didn't think to pay attention to what was going on over here. I'm sorry that I didn't call you or do something to try and help you feel better. I hate seeing you this way." Josh sounded sad.
How great, the last thing she needed was someone feeling sorry for her. She didn't need that she already throws a pity party for herself every time she's reminded of all the crap that's happened to her.
She figured Josh could feel her apprehension to his words because he spoke up again."If it makes you feel any better I never liked that douche bag you were dating, he doesn't deserve your sadness Maya."
Maya huffed. "I've heard that before." Riley, her mother, everyone told her she was too good for Evan. She never believed them. The common denominator in everything was her. She was the only constant every time someone disappointed her.
"Hey none of that blondie." He lightly chastised, looking down at her as they continued to walk the streets of Manhattan.
"Listen, it's not your fault he cheated. People who cheat have no self-worth Maya. Don't let this guy win by degrading yourself… I know how much you artists love to be martyrs." He joked.
Maya let out a small breathy laugh at his last jab. "It just hurts. I've been with this guy for five years. I lost myself so completely in him that I don't even know who I am anymore. Also Shawn leaving is just another confirmation that my life stinks, and that there's clearly something wrong with me." She confessed miserably and a little uneasy.
"Stop." Josh stopped their walking as he placed his hand on her upper arm, making her look up into his blue eyes. His gaze was intense. He had a solemn look in his face.
"Shawn leaving has nothing to do with you. That is something that happened between your mom and him. It's their relationship, and while I'm sure Shawn loves you, sometimes the pain of falling out of love with someone or for whatever reason he left is something that's hard to face. Especially when you were married to that person."
Maya looked away, Josh's hand tightening softly. She knew deep down he was right, but it was still hard to believe the thing's people said. It's difficult when all your life it's been one let down after another, she's been conditioned to accept the fact that people leave her eventually.
"I lost the only father figure I've ever had, other than your brother. What's worse I feel like I've lost myself. I can't even draw up enough inspiration to draw or make music anymore. Every time I invest my time and dedication to someone I'm always the one to end up with my face plastered to the hypothetical floor."
Josh let go of her arm and grabbed onto her wrist making sure he had her full attention.
"Ok then, how about you invest in yourself this time?" He suggested pausing. "Dedicate time and energy in yourself."
"I-… I don't- what?"
"Stop trying to fit yourself into the lives of others; don't worry about anyone else for while but you. When you do things, do it because it'll make you happy not anyone else. Learn to love yourself, and take care of you."
Maya was taken aback.
"I wouldn't even know where to start."
Josh smiled. "What if I help you?" He offered, his smile returning in full force. "I'll help you find yourself. I'll be there for you, until you feel ready to trust people. Until you realize that no matter how many times life kicks you down you have to keep going, because we only have one life to live. So how about it?"
"You really want to help me? I mean what about school and everything else?" She said apprehensively.
He squeezed his hand on her wrist and before she knew it he was holding onto both of her wrists looking straight at her. She could see every breath he took, the chill of night hitting them.
"Maya I can make time." He persisted.
She realized looking up at him she'd never really gotten over him. Her childhood feelings for him had always been there, and before she'd met Evan in high school she wondered if she'd ever have a chance with Josh. Now here they were so close to each other she could see the different shades of blue in his eyes despite it being dark out.
It was tough, trusting people. After what Evan did, no matter what lingering feelings she has for Josh, she didn't know if it could ever amount to anything; but as she stood there a few inches shorter than him. Looking up to his handsome face, while his warm hands were wrapped around her wrists. She knew those feelings weren't just lingering… they had always been there. She loved Evan, she was in love with him at one point, but he'd hurt her and now she couldn't stand the guy. Other than complete anger towards her ex, there was also misery. She'd given her all in the relationship, and now she felt like pieces of who she thought she was are gone.
This realization hit her hard, and she was sure Josh felt the way she slightly tensed up because he let go of her wrists.
Even though she'd just had this epiphany about her feelings, she wasn't ready, too much stuff had happened Maya wouldn't know how to let someone in the same way she'd let Evan. Plus no one could guarantee if Josh even felt the same way.
Either way, Josh was right. She needed to find herself again. She lost who she was as a person when she was with Evan. She trusted Shawn and believed in the promise he made years ago, once again her heart earning a blow where it hurt the most.
She'd been disappointed by the two people who had meant a lot to her at a point in her life. It was time she try and move on. It was time to learn to forgive herself, before she could go on with her life.
"Okay." She breathed.
"Okay." Josh smiled triumphantly.
Well I hope yall liked chapter one! So clearly this is a little different. Maya and Josh are friends (Not for long yall know I'll give in and have them kiss soon), and well Maya is older. I wanted to explore a more mature story and I hope yall are ok with that. Let me know what you guys think if yall want me to continue or not, reviews are what give me my drive to continue, so please take time and let me know what yall think and if you just want to talk. Anyways love all of you and I'll see you for chapter 2!