A/N: Hi everyone, I know it's been a long time for Snakes, but the reality is, this was never meant to be more than maybe two chapters. There might be one more chapter after this, but since there really isn't a plot, it must come to an end. I might bring back Hermione, Luna and Theo in a different fic, I do love their dynamic, they are truly fun to write. I hope you all enjoy, this has not been beta'd so I know there will be grammatical errors, but to error is human right?

Love and Slyther,

Gimi aka Jess

"Hermione, you are coming to London this weekend." Theo called out after letting himself into her home, "Hermione, where are you? GAHH! Bloody hell Draco, put some clothes on!"

Hermione chuckled as she exited her bathroom and Draco smirked standing there pulling up his trousers. "Do you always just barge into Hermione's bedroom Theo?"

"Yes, though there's normally not a man here in the morning." Theo grumbled, "Anyways 'Mina, you are coming to London, Luna's orders!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Okay Theo, why am I going to London this weekend?"

"Because we are going to a new book signing." Theo smirked. There was an evil glint in his eye.

Hermione looked at him suspiciously, "What book?"

Theo laughed and shrugged. "That, is a secret. Just be at my flat Friday evening and we'll go from there."

Draco coughed. "If she's coming to London, she's staying with me."

Theo chuckled. "That's sweet and a bit gross, I just threw up a little, be at my flat Friday at 4:30. We're meeting Luna at Flourish and Blotts."

Hermione chuckled and Theo apparated away, leaving the new couple to spend the day together.

OoOoOoO

On Friday Draco and Hermione made it to Theo's flat a little before 4:30 and found their friend sitting there waiting for them. Theo was especially excited and immediately Hermione became suspicious again.

"What is going on Theo?" She demanded from her sneaky friend. "You seem very excited for going to a bookstore."

Draco knew what was going on by now but was sworn to secrecy by Luna. He had found out that while Luna seemed a bit spacey, she was extremely intelligent and loyal. This was her scheme and Draco was not going to ruin it for her.

"Nothing 'Mina, let's get going. Luna is waiting for us, she's working right now at this book signing but we're to meet her there and then we are going to dinner." Hermione narrowed her eyes at her friend and looked over at Draco who was smiling at her. "You are both horrible liars. Just so you know. I'm a solicitor, I know when someone is lying to me, but I'll pretend I believe you. Let's go." With that, she grabbed both Theo and Draco and apparated them to Diagon Alley.

Looking at the door of Flourish and Blotts and seeing the banner for the book signing. "You all are arseholes. What am I doing here?" Hermione groaned. The banner was advertising Ron Weasley's new book

The Dynamic Duo

Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley

Defenders of the Wizarding World

Theo just grabbed her arm and walked her towards the building. Draco laced his hand through hers and held onto her. "Luna is reporting for The Quibbler, after this is over we will go to dinner and you can drink as much as you want." Theo bribed her.

"At dinner?" Hermione scoffed as the snakes opened the door. "I need a drink now. Theo, give me the flask I know you're hiding. You better have known better than to bring me to a book signing of the Dynamic Idiots and not bring me something to drink." Theo grinned and handed over a small flask. He must have put an extension charm on the flask because the pull of whiskey Hermione drank seemed far more than the small flask could hold.

Walking into the bookstore, Hermione grabbed a glass of champagne that a server was passing around on a tray and drank it quickly. Waving her hand over the glass, it refilled itself. Luna and the other reporters were already sitting in front of a stage where Ron sat with Ginny. Hermione picked up a book and began to skim it, rolling her eyes she wondered how Ronald could fit his big head through the door. George was standing off to the side with Angelina and spotted Hermione.

Grinning, George walked over to Hermione. "What is my favorite non wife doing here?" George questioned. "I thought this would be the last place you would want to be."

Hermione smirked and lifted the book. "This is the last place I want to be. Luna is scheming and insisted Theo trick me into coming. I didn't know he wrote a book. Dynamic Duo? What is this rubbish?"

George sniggered. "Ah, this is Ron trying to rub you out of the picture. Didn't you know? You were there in the background. He and Harry are the real heroes."

Hermione had been taking a sip of her champagne and promptly spit it out. "Are you joking?"

George shook his head and grinned. "I do wonder what Luna is up to."

Hermione's eyes sparkled with glee. "Let's go find out, shall we? I'm sure I am needed for whatever display she has planned." Hermione and George joined Draco and Theo at the back of a packed room. Theo was trying not to laugh at something Ron had been reading. "What we miss?"

Draco turned to her with a suppressed grin. "Oh, did you know that Weasley was the one who figured out the basilisk was in the Chamber of Secrets? I didn't know he had enough brain power to spell basilisk, let alone figure out what one was."

Hermione sniggered. "He doesn't. I'm sure Percy helped spell the words for him. He always was the smartest Weasley." George elbowed her in the ribs which only caused her to giggle out loud. A few reporters turned around at the noise and Ron looked up. He paled slightly at the sight of his brother and old friend, but continued on.

Hermione leaned over to George and whispered. "Where is Harry in all this? Shouldn't he be up there for the inaugural arse kissing?" Hermione heard sniggering next to her and George even grinned.

"Harry is out of town on assignment. Ginny is here in his stead of course. My lovely family, I am so proud."

Hermione snickered. "As you should be."

Luna's blonde head popped up from the sea of reporters once Ron was done reading and had asked for questions. "Mr. Weasley, you say that you are the one who figured out what was in the Chamber, how did you come to that conclusion?" Hermione, George and the Snakes all stopped whispering and listened for his response.

"Well, Miss Lovegood. Harry was a parselmouth and he was the only one who could hear it, it wasn't hard to figure out it was a snake after that." Ron answered smugly.

Luna rolled her eyes. "Obviously, that part would be easy. But what made you suspect it was a Basilisk? It could have been any number of different types of snakes. What research did you do?"

"I found it in a book." Ron answered quickly. "Anyone else-"

"What book?" Luna carried on.

"This was so long ago, Miss Lovegood." Ron answered, turning slightly pink. "It's been over 15 years, you expect me to remember the book?"

Luna laughed. "Of course I do, you wrote a book about your adventures, you must remember how you found your answers. Also Mr. Weasley, how would you have found this piece of information when the book in question doesn't have that page anymore? See, that book, where this information about basilisks, that page is torn out. I know, I looked it up."

"It could have been torn out after I found it." Ron argued.

Luna shook her head. "No, not possible, because I have it here."

Hermione was impressed with Luna, sneaky witch, going through her stuff. Hermione had that page, it was in her old school trunk at her home.

Ron laughed, but Hermione could tell he was worried. "And how do you know it's the correct page from that book?"

Luna smiled. "Oh, because I brought it to Madam Pince a few days ago and she confirmed it was from that book with a quick wave of her wand. Now I haven't seen your writing in a long time, but I know this writing." She lifted up the page, the writing where it mentioned pipes. "This writing is the writing of Hermione Granger."

"How would you know that?" Ron sneered. "Where did you get that anyways Luna?"

Hermione moved forward. "It was in my trunk Ron. Harry gave it back to me after I was revived."

Whispers began circulating around them.

Ron paled, but said. "He must have been mistaken. I tore that page out myself. I found the answer and told him, you were a statue in the hospital wing. You couldn't have possibly done anything."

"Oh, but it is my writing on that page, so even if you found the page, I gave you the information."

"Mr. Weasley, in your book, you state that you are the one who led Umbridge to the Forbidden Forest and into the centaurs."

The Slytherins laughed heartily at that one. They were both there for this story. This was very entertaining.

"Yes, well-" Ron had started, Hermione could see the wheels in his head turning.

"Mr. Weasley, did you know that Centaurs don't like humans? That they would never willing help humans, especially do their bidding like you allude to in your book?"

Ron visibly swallowed hard.

"Mr. Weasley, wasn't in fact, Miss Granger here, who left with Harry Potter and Umbridge for the forest?"

"Yes, but I-"

"Isn't it true that you were being held by a member of the Inquisitorial Squad, we have members of that Squad here tonight, if you need to refresh your memory about who really left the room that day. I was also there, I may be a bit spacey, but I don't remember you having much of a brain wave that night." George sniggered loudly at this which got Theo and Draco started as well. "Though I do remember you having a brain attack you that night, but in your book, you state that it was Miss Granger who was attacked and then allude that it was fitting because she always thought she had more brain power than she knew what to do with."

Hermione narrowed her eyes and looked through the book more closely. "Ronald, is this a work of fiction? I must admit, I didn't even know about this book."

"No, it's the story of our time at school and helping Harry." Ron said stiffly. The reporters sitting in the gallery were still whispering, wanting to ask questions but afraid of interrupting this scandal unfolding before their very eyes.

"Ronald, did you know I am a solicitor. A very high profile solicitor in Italy?" Hermione asked innocently. Ron shook his head. "No? Well, you never did care about anyone but yourself. Do you know what slander is? Slander is printing or saying something that is damaging to one's character or reputation. Now, I don't have to tell you, I am suppose to be notified whenever something like a book is going to be published that I am in. Since I wasn't notified and this is really just lies about my character. If you sell even one copy of this piece of rubbish, I will sue you and I will win. See, I have the page of the book, as Luna has shown you, it has my writing on it. I also have countless journals of my time with Harry on the run. I can even get Firenze, who was there in the forest that day with Umbridge, to give a statement about what happened in the forest."

"Are you threatening me in front of all of these people?" Ron spat at her. His face as red as his hair. "Are you really that petty after I broke up with you that you would come to my book signing to spout lies?"

Hermione laughed loudly. "Ronald, you are in need of help. I am not being petty, I'm being smart. Do you think I would allow you to print a book that says I am stupid? That I am just another Ron Weasley fan who was spurned? Do you understand what that would do to my career? No, you don't because you only care about yourself. You are the one being petty, you are mad I wouldn't marry you, I didn't want to be your wife and you are spreading lies about me."

"Oh talk normally will you, no one buys that know-it-all attitude anymore." Ron growled.

Hermione smirked. "Actually a lot of people buy it, it's why I'm one of the most sought after solicitors. It's because I am smart, you Ron, I'm afraid. I'm afraid you aren't. Expect a letter from my solicitor and tell your publisher to expect one as well. Have a good evening. Luna, can we go to dinner. I'm starving." Hermione turned to the boys. "Let's go lads."

Taking Draco's hand, she turned to the reporters. "Oh yeah, I am dating Draco Malfoy, ex-death eater, yes, you heard me. Hermione Granger, know it all swot and muggleborn is dating Draco Malfoy. I am also best friends with Luna Lovegood and Theodore Nott, son of a death eater. I am no longer friends or associated with Ron Weasley, as if that wasn't already obvious, or Harry Potter, though the latter is only because of the former. But I am happy, I am not imperiused and Luna and George Weasley can attest to that in case anyone wants to spread that lie. If anyone in this room reports any kind of lie about me, I will also be suing you for slander as well as whatever paper reports it. Good evening to all."

The Slytherins both waved at the crowd and Angelina joined her husband, George calling goodbye to his brother and the group left the bookstore. Theo almost crying in mirth.

OoOoOoO

Hermione and Luna were laughing hard as they walked out of the bookstore. "I'm sorry 'Mina, I just had to do that stupid book signing for The Quibbler and I read the book and got so angry for you."

Hermione hugged her blonde friend. "Not to worry Luna, I'm sure Ronald will have such fun figuring out what to do now. I'll have to owl my solicitor in the morning, he honestly thought he would get away with lying about what went on during school. When I'm done with him, he will be the laughingstock of the Wizarding world."

"I thought you were done with Wizarding London Hermione?" Angelina grinned slyly at her friend.

"I was but it just sucks me back in." Hermione pulled her fists back towards her body and everyone chuckled. "This is all your fault Theo."

"My fault?"

"If you didn't drag me out that night, I wouldn't have seen them."

Theo laughed. "If I didn't drag you out, you wouldn't have see Draco again and there would have went your explosive sex life."

The group laughed again. Hermione stood there, hands on hips. "Who said it was explosive?"

Luna bounced up and put an arm around Theo. "Oh 'Mina, I forgot to tell you, I found bits of your clothes from that night in my bag."

"What do you mean bits?" Draco asked with a grin.

Theo smirked at his sneaky friend. "She means, your clothes were in tatters, so unless you guys were really hungry and ate them. I found bits in my bag too."

Draco snickered. "So that's what happened to them." Hermione paled. "'Mina, you okay?"

"Dammit!" Hermione shouted out loud. Everyone jumped slightly. "That was one of my favorite dresses, bugger!" George began to howl, doubled over with laughter. "It's not funny George."

Luna smiled serenely. "It really is 'Mina. But really, it's rare, do you know how much magic you have to have for your clothes to explode?"

Hermione began to laugh, tears pricked her eyes. "Yes, I do, it feels fucking amazing too. Lu, did you ever go looking for sea monkeys again?" Hermione changed the subject swiftly and glanced sideways at Draco who was trying to gulp down his laughter and turning red.

Luna looked at her friend with a giant smile. "Yes I did, I found quite a few sea monkeys. I told you I could find them."

"Really?" Asked George, interested. "Where did you find them? Did you know muggles keep them as pets? Maybe they would be a good novelty for the joke shop."

Draco could not hold it anymore he burst out laughing, but Hermione did surprisingly well at keeping a straight face. She was really good at her job.

"I'm sorry, I just… I couldn't hold it in anymore." Draco gasped for air as Theo frowned at his friend, causing another bout of chuckles. "Let's go find some dinner. Where do you ladies want to go?"

"No!" Theo groaned. George looked up quickly and grabbed Angelina's hand, saying something about not being able to leave Freddy for that long. Angelina looked quite upset, not being able to go to dinner with them, but left with her husband with promises for a next time. Theo grabbed Luna's waist. "Luna, Love not out of country. I have a meeting tomorrow."

"Theo, tomorrow is Saturday, the only meeting you have tomorrow is with me, naked in a room, tied to my bed. Or your bed, or let's go to Mina's! I really want some Italian."

"Blaise isn't home from holiday," Draco chortled while Theo gave his friend a stink eye.

Luna shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not in the mood for Italian sausage tonight, I was never a fan."

Draco was practically in tears, Luna was definitely a good friend to have around, the things that just come out of her mouth were priceless.

"Not true, Luciano was a very nice Italian." Hermione argued, grinning cheekily at Draco.

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her soundly, trailing kisses to the spot he knew would make her legs wobble, "Minx, it's not nice to tease me Hermione." Draco felt his magic vibrate as she sighed and melted into him. The four friends apparated back to Italy to Hermione's home.

"Let's go make dinner and drink copious amounts of wine. You can play find the sea monkey again with Luna in the pool if you like. I know you have a fetish for water."

"What do you mean?" Theo asked innocently, though Hermione could see the lust growing in his eyes for their blonde pixie.

"Theo, we all know you like to shag in water. Why do you think Luna wanted to go look for shrimp?" Hermione ducked a stinging hex and Luna's spell collided with Draco's arm instead.

Swearing and grabbing his arm, Draco glared at Luna who just aimed another hex at Hermione, "You were not suppose to tell Mi, that wasn't nice. I'll get you, tie you up and spank you raw." Draco's ears perked up, did he just hear what he thought he heard. Luna had jumped on Hermione and they both fell onto the sofa, Luna straddling Hermione's stomach. Theo just rolled his eyes and sat down, grinning.

Sitting down next to Theo, Draco leaned towards his friend, "Do you think they'll get naked and wrestle like muggles?"

Theo just chuckled, "You don't want that to happen. They are both experienced fighters remember, last time something like that that happened we had to take a trip to the hospital because someone almost lost an arm."

Draco looked at Theo, eyebrow raised and his friend smirked, "Wizarding pub about three… maybe four months ago in Prague. The girls were dancing and these two guys came and started chatting them up, but their slags were not happy about it. Tried to fight dirty, but 'Mina is a sly fighter. She's deadly at times, good thing she was slightly pissed, she vanished the girl's hair, every last bit of it, eyelashes and everything. Luna, my little fairy, transfigured the other witch into one of those giant pink birds, flarigos or whatever it was, but it was a nightmare." Draco laughed at the thought, though he didn't know what a flarigo was, "I had to apparate them back to the hotel and have have the front desk call medi-wizards to the pub to help the poor witches."

"It's flamingo Love," Luna called out in her ethereal voice, "She was very pretty, though I don't think that bloke fancied her much after she started pecking at his trousers."

"You, Miss Solicitor, War heroine, Brains of the Golden Trio," Draco smirked, "That isn't very nice, leaving a defenseless girl hairless."

Hermione smiled, "It grew back, mostly on her legs and under her arms, but sadly her eyebrows, lashes and head took a bit of time, I think she was able to get a small dusting of hair on her head after about two days. She was fine."

Luna couldn't help it, she began to giggle at the memory of the hairless girl. Then Hermione and Theo, knowing what she was laughing at, began to chuckle too. Hermione and Luna both stood up and went into the kitchen to begin dinner. Draco just sat there shaking his head, clearly it was something he had to have been there for. Oh well, maybe one day, he will be part of the fun.