.o0o. Memorial Day One Shot .o0o.

A/N - This one shot is not perfect. There are mistakes and it has been written in a hurry. But I wanted to share something on Memorial Day but I am aware that this little story is simply nothing on what our servicemen and servicewomen sacrifice every day. Having lived in a military town for fifteen years before moving ten months ago, I am acutely aware of the crushing pain losses can cause as well as the euphoria of getting back home safely.

This is unbeta'd. All errors and military ignorance are my own.

I was mentally drained from the thousand of miles that I had already travelled but I stood in the corner of the room regardlessly. I was waiting in the exact spot I had been told to stand, because I was used to taking orders and not simply because it gave me a chance, just for one moment, to start processing my innermost thoughts.

I was body weary from the past six months of battle but I was doing my part for my country. I was proud of the role I was playing as a US Marine but this had been my last tour of duty and I would admit privately that I was ready to come home, back to my loving family. I already had a job lined up with my Uncle Joey for when I got back to Arizona and while it was simply home renovations, it was honest pay for honest work and who knew where it would take me in a few years time.

I always said that as long as I could support my family, I didn't care what I did for work. I'd sweep floors, work in fast food, or even be an accountant if it meant that we were happy. I attended college, passed with honours and made some great friends while I was there. The kind of friends you just know who'll be around forever. I even sung in an a capella band called the Treble Makers with Jesse, my best friend, but after graduating, I wanted to give something back before I settled into a career. With the full support of my family, I entered into the Marine Corps.

I'd be the first to admit it was a surprising choice for me to make. I wasn't a tough guy, I didn't have muscles or an interest in working out and my desire to help was limited to handing out flyers to college kids. But something changed in me the day I donned my cap and gown. My girlfriend was standing just a few people behind me. She winked at me and did a little wave and I knew there and then that one day I would marry her. As we stood having photographs taken afterwards, I told her that joining the military was something I felt called to do. I wanted her to be proud of me and while she said that I didn't have to go to war to prove myself, I knew I had to be the one to provide for our family. She said she'd support me the whole time and seemingly understood why I was doing it. I felt really lucky to have found her and knew that my choice of university had been a good one.

College was an eye opener for me. I turned up on my first day, having been dropped off early by my parents and began organising my room. Together with my new roommate, we headed off to the activities fair and came across an a capella group. Long story short, it didn't really work out all that well until the lead singer up and left and a new vibe was brought in. We even won the ICCA's in my final year, which was pretty good. It impressed the female a capella group and while I had been pursuing one particular girl for most of the year, something happened on a journey back home that changed everything.

"Applebaum?"

"Yes sir." I said, snapping to attention and refocusing my energies on the here and now. I hadn't heard the door open and I didn't like that; I should have been aware.

"Twenty minutes."

"Thank you sir." I said, saluting to my superior officer who repeated the same action back to me.

I watched as the door shut behind him and relaxed into my casual, more comfortable stand. Everything hurt. My knees, my hips, my back but this, standing here in a cold, damp waiting room was something that I had to do. Even the scars on my wrist from a landmine incident ached but I knew people would understand and wouldn't ask me why I was doing this. Sometimes there just weren't the words to explain actions.

My thoughts drifted back to my family. After enlisting, I was shipped off to bootcamp where, for the first six weeks, I was treated like the squads meat mascot. I couldn't fit in with the bravado, I wasn't one for quips and funny turns. I practised illusions and magic for goodness sake but I stuck with it. I took my lumps, the teasing, the ridicule for being slim and scrawny. I just tried harder and for some reason that impressed people. In the end, I passed out with the rest of my class, made a few friends and received my first assignment overseas.

That was the only time I hesitated, realising what I was about to do. Knowing I had to leave my girlfriend. We struggled. We cried but we both knew it was inevitable. It was what I had signed up for and we knew it was going.

"I'll write you every day." I said, as we kissed goodbye on the day of my deployment.

"Now you sound like Forrest Gump." She had replied, waving me off with more tears in her eyes than I had ever seen anyone have. She was usually so upbeat, happy and comfortable that seeing her face crumble as I got ready to board the plane to take me away broke my heart. I did notice that a few of the guys were quiet on the flight out, looking at photographs or lost, deep in thought.

When it all boils down to it, I guess we were all in the same boat really. All young men being shipped off to fight a war to save our future generations.

Thoughts of Chloe, my gorgeous girlfriend, kept me grounded in that first week while everything was so new and scary. I'd been abroad before but that was only to Canada. The hot, arid desert was similar to home so I was lucky there, but the bombs, weapons testings, continuous clattering and dodgy food was something I never got used to. I missed Chloe's cooking, the little packages of cookies she would ship out to me whilst I was in training were shared with my new friends and my first weekend on leave, we spent the day in bed followed by her delicious homemade dinner. I missed her smell, the vanilla scent left on her skin from her moisturiser and the way her hands were so soft and warm. I missed her eyes; the pools of sentiment that shared everything she was feeling. I missed her lame attempts at really bad jokes. I missed the way she had to read the instructions on how to put batteries into the remote control but could quote pages of Anna Karenina to me if I couldn't sleep. I missed her gentle touch, her soothing tone and her boobs. Geez, that girl had a rack I could just ... yes, well, enough about that.

My first letter home from abroad was full of emotion. I poured everything out on paper. How much I missed her, how I loved her, how I was so happy to have her by my side and how much she meant to me. I said everything I needed to say in that note if something happened to me, if I didn't make it back to her. Then I folded the paper in quarters, slipped it into an envelope, wrote her name on the outside and put it in my locker. I pulled out a fresh sheet of paper and wrote a jovial letter instead, complaining about the lack of five star service and how the view was not the same as was in the holiday brochure. It was easier to lie about my feelings in those first weeks. She needed me to be strong and I needed to be strong for her.

I hoped she got my humour and didn't see the pain behind my words.

It was one of the things that kept the two of us going in the beginning. Chloe and her fellow band of a capella singers, a highly successful singing group called The Barden Bella's had flown out to Copenhagen for a world tour. I had been pursuing a girl for a year called Emily and had flown out with my buddy Jesse to surprise the girls. It worked! Emily and I shared our first kiss and I really thought we were going to go somewhere but after a couple of days together before we flew home, it was obvious we actually weren't that suited. We laughed about it, promised to be friends forever but it still hurt. Weirdly, it was Chloe, Jesse's girlfriend's best friend who offered me comfort. We sat next to each other on the flight back to Atlanta and talked for twelve hours straight. We had so much in common and I'd never realised. I've never felt so alive and awake as I did when we landed and we met up the next day for coffee. We couldn't quite believe we'd known each other for four years but never really connected before.

We became inseparable from that moment on and I even moved into her small apartment that she'd rented after leaving college. She had mused about teaching under privileged kids or dancing exotically for a living but she found a job on the college campus and the housing was discounted. It was small but she made it cosy, comfortable and warm in a matter of weeks. There was always something being baked, sewn or crafted and it felt like home before I left for boot camp. They were some of the happiest weeks of my life and the best thing of it all, my Mom and Dad really liked her too. Not as much as I did, obviously. I loved her. Completely. I'd never felt so sure of anything in my life at that point.

And it remained that way for the longest time. I didn't realise how much I missed her though until a month into my deployment. I was particularly tired, we'd been out on reconnaissance all day and I just wanted to be at home with her on the sofa. There was no way I was walking out on my brothers and my honour and dedication to the cause remained the same but I wanted to talk to her, just to hear her voice to calm my sense of foreboding. I asked for some personal time to make a call back home and was denied. Which I expected. I was a mere grunt out of ten thousand others so I sucked it up.

The next day I was out on patrol. We swept for landmines, scoured for unexploded bombs and collected unspent bullets. It was not an easy, pretty or thankful task but I put my back into it and focussed on what I was doing. Keeping eyes open for a long period of time is draining and I didn't realise an eighteen hour guard duty could be so draining. Heading back to base, the driver, my twenty six year old squad leader caught a pot hole and we blew a tyre. Three of us saw the landmine before we hit it but there was nothing we could do in our out of control vehicle.

I felt the heat rip through me as the bomb exploded, our front right hand side tyre catching the landmine head on. The bright light burnt my eyes and I closed them to the horror of my buddies losing life and limb as the Humvee flew through the air. I don't recall much more after that I was woke up in the field hospital three days later. I'm grateful for that now. My wrist was shattered and I had a couple of broken ribs but they healed, my memories didn't.

I was allowed home for two weeks while my injuries healed. I was given counselling for what I had seen and the option to retire from service. I accepted the former and refused the latter. Chloe came to collect me from the base, waiting in the rain for an hour with tears streaming down her face but so very happy to see me. We headed straight back to her apartment where we talked politely for a couple of hours and ate lunch before falling into bed for the rest of the day. Laying with her wrapped against my side helped heal more wounds than counselling ever could.

She cooked dinner that night and Beca and Jesse were invited to join us. I had missed them both a lot and it was just what I needed to take my mind off other things. They had some news to share and Jesse asked me to be his best man at his wedding in eighteen months time. I was so, so very happy for them both and sat on the sofa with Jesse and a snoring Beca long after Chloe had to excuse herself to go to bed. It would seem I had worn her out earlier.

"I'm happy for you J." I said, looking at his fiancée curled up in his lap. "She's probably the best thing that ever happened to you and making the commitment ... you know?"

"Yeah man. But we want you home safely more than anything."

"I appreciate that." I said honestly, raising my bottle of beer to him. I shouldn't be drinking but I figured what the hell to it all. A light beer wasn't going to do me any more harm than a landmine.

"Why are you doing it Benji?" Jesse asked, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees. I looked at Beca and I looked at him.

"Keeping you and yours safe brother." I offered as my answer.

That was a question I had been asked a lot and while I wish I had an answer for the inquiry into possibly my most random life choice, I didn't. It just felt like the right thing to do but what felt even more right was the question I asked Chloe the next morning as she was cooking bacon on the stove.

"Sorry, what?" She asked, turning around and wiping her hands on the dishcloth she'd laid on the side as I came in from the lounge and joined her.

"I asked you if you'll marry me." I repeated.

"Benji?"

"I know, we've only been together six months-"

"-Seven but who's counting?"

"Seven months ..." I corrected myself. "... but they have been the best seven months of my life. I don't want it to be without you."

"Are you crazy?" Chloe asked and for the briefest moment, I thought I'd gotten it very wrong.

"Maybe I am. What's your answer?"

"It's yes of course!" She squealed, jumping up and into my arms. I caught her with my good arm and swung her around.

"Let's do it before I head back." I stated and she nodded, understanding what I was meaning without me having to say it. My brush with death had taught us both not to wait for anything. We embraced, kissing hard as Beca peered around the kitchen archway, raising an eyebrow before running to tell Jesse our news. I briefly worried if they would feel as if we had stolen their thunder but I needn't have worried; they were too full of joy and happiness at our news.

We married eight days later in a simple ceremony surrounded by both sets of parents, Beca, Jesse and a handful of other friends including my closest Marine buddy, Jonno. It was beautiful and while I would have preferred to give her the white wedding of her dreams, I started to think where we could go for our one year anniversary slash belated honeymoon as we headed to New York City for three days before I had to report back for deployment again. The pull to stay was just as strong as the urge to leave, to get back to my brothers on the front line. I had arranged for Beca to stay with Chloe for a few days, booked a weekend spa trip for them both, ordered flowers to be delivered every day for ten days and looked into getting Chloe a puppy just to keep her occupied. She cried so hard as she waved goodbye that even Beca was in floods of tears. I didn't think it was possible for someone to love me the way she did.

It was another week before I could write Chloe a letter. I was on restricted duty, due to my broken wrist and the metal plate was causing irritation. I didn't fuss about it, what would it have achieved anyway. My lack of complaining earned me points amongst my brothers but I still missed my wife.

My wife.

That name rolled off my tongue so easily. She was my world and my reason to put my feet on the floor and keep walking. I was so lucky to have found such a gorgeous girl who was my everything. She radiated sunshine, she made me laugh, she gave me hope and security. But she also had a killer pair of boobs which kept my mind occupied when the going got tough. We talked through letter, hand written words documenting our love, our hopes for the future and where we wanted to be in five years time.

Chloe talked about starting a family but with me being out of the country, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. She said that she would get a new job that meant we could actually start saving money, to be able to put a down payment on a bigger apartment or maybe even a small house that we could rent out while she was living in military housing. I asked her what she would do but she was cagey about her choice of work and I didn't push it.

Three months later, I received a call to attend a meeting with my superiors. Fearing the incident in the mess hall when I was showing some of the guys a few magic tricks was coming back to bite me in the ass, I was suitably nervous as I stood waiting in the hallway outside the makeshift office, four tents down from the weapons building. Jonno walked with me to the office and clapped me on the back before continuing on his journey to the clinic on the left side of the base. They began the meeting by informing me that this was off the record and I was able to speak freely.

"Applebaum? That's an unusual name, isn't it?"

"Yes sir."

"Where is it from? Is it a popular name there?"

"I believe it is German descent sir. There aren't that many Applebaums doing the rounds sir."

"Very good. The reason I ask you is that we have another Applebaum coming out on deployment in the next batch of trainees and she-"

"-Sir? My apologies for interrupting you but who-"

"-We wondered if she was your sister or a cousin maybe. We cannot have you both posted in the same Unit and ..." The Sergeant looked down at his notes. "... Chloe Marie Applebaum will-"

"-Sir, that's my wife!"

"Your wife?"

"Yes, she was Chloe Marie Beale and we married fourteen weeks ago when I was on leave." I said in response.

"We have no record of you being married Ben."

"I was told it takes a while for everything to filter through the system sir."

"Well, that part is true. It just changes a few things."

"Sir?" I asked the unanswered question.

"She signed up, passed training with honours and is coming out as an Officer due to her degree in Russian Literature."

"She won't be on the front line?"

"Applebaum, did you not know that she was being deployed here?"

"No, sir, no I did not."

The meeting had ended well and I was granted a phone call home. I guess she had been told I had been made aware of the situation as she answered on the first ring.

"Hey baby." She purred down the phone at me and I admit that the sound of her voice dissipated any anger I had.

"Hello Staff Sergeant Applebaum." I said, a little colder than I had meant to.

"Don't be mad hunny."

"Mad?"

"Yeah. I can tell. Let me explain."

"You don't have to." I said, aware of the whine in my voice. I kicked a couple of loose stones with my boot and sighed heartily. "Chloe ...?"

"Yes baby."

"Did you think this through?"

"Yes Ben. All the way. Once you asked me to understand why you were doing this when you had no words to explain yourself. Now I am asking you to do the same for me. This is an opportunity for me to give something back as well before we settle down for the rest of our lives."

I sighed again, blowing the air out of my lungs.

"Chloe, couldn't you have volunteered at Church or something?"

"Benji, it's-"

"-No, it's fine. I understand. I'm proud of you."

"Do you mean that?" She asked, surprised.

"Yeah, of course I do." I said genuinely. "Look, my time is up."

"Okay. I love you hunny."

"Be safe. I love you too."

So that was that. I was a little surprised to learn that I was excited to be seeing her so soon, as it meant she'd be in harms way and completely shocked as it could mean that she'd be in Jacca Province in a few days. I missed her, I'd admit that. But I also didn't want her to be in danger. Jonno and I talked about it over our meal that evening but there was little to be done.

In the end, when she arrived, we actually had little interaction. And weirdly, we were okay with that. I saw her on her birthday which was great but I was here to work, as was she, and we had an unspoken agreement that we'd both be okay with that.

I finished my tour one week before Chloe was due back to base and I knew how I was going to spend my time before she got home. I picked up a pizza and a six pack on my way back to our tiny house and was determined to have just the one night off. I was tired from the travel and knew I needed to find some time to go to the grocery store and air the house. Walking through the front door felt like home despite me not living there for any length of time and I loved the comfortable feeling that afforded me. I dumped my dinner on the dining table before taking my pack upstairs. I smelt freshly laundered sheets as soon as I opened the door and was surprised at the gesture. Heading back downstairs, I pulled open the fridge and saw the shelves were stocked with essentials and a few treats. There was a note pinned to the front of the fridge and I lifted the magnet holding it in place and slipped the card out from the inside the envelope.

It was from Beca, Chloe's best friend and she said she hoped I hadn't minded her airing the house and changing the bedsheets as well as buying a few food items so I didn't have too much to do on my first day back home. I was beyond touched and pulled my phone to send her a thank you text. She replied within a few moments and said to call if I needed anything, which was nice. I did call, I invited her and Jesse round to share my large cheesy pizza and beer. I quickly showered and changed into chinos and a polo shirt and had just enough time to get the pizza in the oven before they arrived. It was great to see them and they agreed to stay and help me with my plan for Chloe's arrival back home.

Calling upon my Uncle Joey, a plethora of friends and of course, my best buddy Jesse, we managed to pull off the perfect surprise. I wasn't entirely sure how Chloe was going to react and I was nervous about the stunt as I pulled up to the drop off point to collect her, three hours after she landed. I'd been home for eight days and while I hadn't caught up with that many people, I'd sent a handful of texts and made a few arrangements. We had about six weeks before the next deployment came in and I wanted us to catch up with the people that we hadn't gotten round to telling about our wedding. I was a few minutes late to collect her and I knew that she would have some paperwork to deal with and, being an officer, would want to make sure the unit was disbanded before leaving the base but I had wanted to be on time. I had missed her in the week we were apart, despite not seeing her all that much while overseas.

I pulled into the parking lot and looked around for her, unable to see her beautiful red hair in and amongst the last few remaining service personnel. I was confused and checked the time to see if I was an hour early to collect her. I pushed open my truck door and jumped down on the hot asphalt below. Without meaning to, I instinctively marched over to the personnel building to find Chloe and I admit I was feeling a little peeved that she wasn't ready to come home straight away. We hadn't seen each other properly for three weeks and I wanted to wrap her in my arms and protect her against all she had seen. I know she had been a little sick but the heat, humidity and sights were hard enough for anyone to witness, let alone my sweet girl.

The phone ringing in my pocket interrupted my hearty march and I paused under the shade of the large oak tree by the buildings to answer my call.

"Hello?" I said, a little briskly, into the phone.

"Benj, it's me."

Surprised, I looked down at the number on my phone.

"Ben, are you there?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here. I'm at the base. You aren't on your phone. Where are you? Is everything okay?"

"Yes. I'm fine. We landed early and ... can you come to the medical building?"

A flicker of fear ran through me. Had that pain in her shoulder turned into something more?

"Are you sick?" I asked, knowing how the heat overseas had affected her more than a lot of people. She never complained but I know the blistering heat and burning hot sand had marked her lightly freckled skin in ways that I hated. I didn't wait for her reply and cleared the call, breaking into a fairly manly jog back across the parking lot and down by the training field towards the medical building. I burst through the doors with more gusto than I meant to and the security detail, stationed just by the entrance had his hand on his weapon as I struggled to find my feet.

"I'm looking for my wife!" I half yelled, half cried as the receptionist looked up from behind her desk. Remembering where I was, I straightened up and calmly approached the desk. "My name is Benjamin Applebaum. My wife, Chloe-"

"-Is right down the hall. She's in room four."

"Thank you." I said politely and wished with all my might that I hadn't just acted like a complete freak just seconds before. I straightened up, pulled down my shirt and swept a bead of sweat away from my brow before I nodded to the receptionist and the security guard and headed down the corridor, finding room four with ease. I knocked politely and waited for the call to come in before I entered.

"Hey!" The soft voice of my girl had me focused in seconds and a sense of relief flooded through me as I realised that she looked fine.

"Hey yourself." I said, quickly crossing the room to give her a hug. She clung onto me a little longer than necessary and, as I pulled away, I noticed tears in her eyes.

"How has your week been?" Chloe asked, patting the space on the bed near to her knees. I perched on the edge and took her hand in mine, kissing her fingers.

"Good. What's going on?" I asked, hearing the concern in my own voice as I squeezed her fingers a little tighter.

"I'm okay. I'm okay." She repeated, more to herself than me as she looked down at her interlocked fingers. "But I guess I might need a new line of work."

I was completely confused and gripped hold of her hand even tighter. I could feel a bead of sweat begin to roll down the side of my temple. The coolness of the air conditioning made it feel bigger than it was and I desperately wanted to brush it off but I also couldn't take my eyes off of Chloe's face.

"Hunny ..." I gulped.

"Yeah?" Chloe said. She turned those blues eyes on me and I was gone, terrified something was wrong.

"What's going on? Are you hurt? Did a bomb get you? Seen something in the desert you can't ever seen again and you want to quit?" I asked, thinking back to her comment on a new line of work.

Dropping my hand and scooting up on the bed, she hugged her knees to her chest and laid her face on her left knee.

"I could never have imagined how this year would turn out." She began softly. "Two years ago, I contemplated moving to Australia for a few years just to get away from my life here. I wasn't unhappy. I was just stuck in a bit of a rut I guess. I should have been happy but leaving college, the Bellas and my life left with me without meaning. Amy offered me a place to stay after she and Bumper set up home in Melbourne as she could tell I needed out of here. Ben, you know me well, right? I'm happy go lucky, positive and enjoy life ... but I struggled through college, went a little crazy over the Bellas and inside I was dying a little. I fought with my friends and Beca seemed distant through our last year of college. Everyone kept telling me to chill out but I was scared of losing everything that I'd know for seven years. At twenty five, I was older than the other girls and felt the difference. Then Beca and I reconnected, we won The Worlds and then the trifecta was getting to know you better. You gave me a reason to smile without fear of judgement, a purpose for my crazy baking, an outlet to my passion ... you breathed the life back in me that I didn't even know I had lost."

"I feel the same way." I whispered. "Except for the baking part."

"Seven months in we get married. Seven months! And it just felt so right. I know you think I should have had the perfect white wedding and maybe someday, we can do that but our parents, our best friends and us ... that was all I needed. I felt ... feel safe, secure with this ring on my finger. I love you Benjamin Applebaum. With all of my heart."

"I love you too Chloe Applebaum. Forever."

"I followed you overseas, partly because I couldn't be without you. I felt lost and alone back on campus and I understood the calling you had; to do something right for our future generations. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be pissed and try to stay and make it all better."

"Well yeah, my crazy redhead shouldn't be-"

"-But I should have been. And let me tell you why. In my teens, I was told by a group of doctors that I couldn't have children. It's a long story but I got over the idea and decided I'd travel, get a puppy, maybe even adopt when the time was right. Then I met you and we talked about having children. I knew I'd have to tell you about my medical issues but then you got deployed and it all went out of the window before I had the chance. Then I felt as if I had betrayed you by not telling you. So I thought I'd make you proud of me, sign up and ..."

Chloe reached up and brushed two stray tears from my cheeks. I hadn't realised my eyes were leaking and blinked several times to control myself. She smiled up at me but I had no words at that moment.

"Before I left, I had a medical and was offered the contraceptive pill whilst I was on tour. I told them I didn't need it due to being unable to bear and carry children. I was offered some more tests which I undertook and the doctors had some news. There was a chance to have my own baby but my window was going to be short. With only one working ovary, which in itself, was running at about ten percent, I knew the odds were millions to one that it would work. I actually laughed in the doctors surgery as he explained that if it was going to happen, it would need to happen within three months. You had just been posted overseas for four months."

"Oh my goodness!" I exclaimed. "If I'd known-"

"-I could just imagine that conversation with your CO; 'Sir I need a leave of absence to go home and fuck my wife!'"

"Chloe!" I blurted out but she giggled and winked at me. "So, I guess from what you are saying, that we missed the opportunity to have children and is this your way of telling me that you have been in pain for months and-"

"-Not exactly. I mean, yes, this took place eight months ago and what the doctor said was correct; my ovaries are both shot to pieces."

"I'm sorry Chloe." I said, my mind racing through a hundred thoughts as to where we could go from here. I didn't have time to feel disappointed, I was more concerned with her welfare.

"I felt sorry for myself for a week or so, figured there was always a Plan B and threw myself into life on Base."

"I now remember you being sad and-"

"-That's right, it was just before you went on assignment and I didn't to worry you. I hated you being away and the hardest thing was keeping that to myself."

"I was back in time for your birthday though." I recalled.

"I remember!" Chloe giggled. "I remember the birthday magic."

We both grinned at the memory. I'd returned back from three weeks on the road, undercover, working on a special assignment and was weary. It was midnight when we returned to base camp, covered head to foot in mud, sand and sweat. After unpacking the Humvee, the band of six showered and headed back to barracks for some long overdue sleep. I'd just laid down in my bunk when I had the overwhelming urge to see Chloe so I crept out of bed and jogged the quarter of mile to the other end of camp, where Chloe was stationed. Call it sixth sense or simply because she had missed me too, I found her leaning against the mess tent looking up at the stars.

I'd softly called her name and she spun around, her face lighting up in the pale moonlight as soon as she saw me. We'd hugged and caressed for several minutes before sneaking into the mess tent and finding some lukewarm coffee that had seen better days.

'Happy Birthday!' I whispered and she'd begun to cry.

'You remembered.' She cried in hushed tones.

I'd kissed her and one thing had led to another and before either of us knew what was happening, we were huddled in the corner of the mess tent, wrapped in the shadows and making love. It was fast, furious and oh so necessary. We both needed the tension release but the connection was so much more than that.

"It was good birthday magic!" I said.

"The best." Chloe said, winking at me.

"Why bring up your birthday? It was four months ago." I asked.

"Well, Mr Applebaum, it would seem that you are a miracle."

"A miracle Mrs Applebaum?" I repeated, not really understanding anything that was going on.

"Yes sir."

"How so?"

"Because, somehow, against all odds and the medically impossible of my damaged eggs, your super sperm has managed to get me-"

"-Are you pregnant?!"

"I am!" Chloe confirmed, looking at me with tearful eyes. "Thank you Benji for giving me the one thing in life I'd always dreamed about having but thought would never ever happen."

"But the doctor said ..."

"That it was clearly meant to be."

"How far along are you?" I tried to mentally calculate dates in my head.

"Sixteen weeks."

"So, he or she will be here in time for Christmas?" I asked, working out some basic maths in my head.

"I'm due on the fourth of March."

"Yeah, I don't know how these things work. Holy Shit."

"Benji, you do want this, don't you?"

"Fuckballs Chloe. I'm beyond ... you made me the happiest man alive when you agreed to marry me and now I'm going to be a dad as well! I'm lost for words! I always wanted to be a father but I didn't wish it would happen so soon. I'm beyond excited!"

"Then come here and kiss me!"

I leaned forward and planted a meaningful kiss on her beautiful lips. I was beyond ecstatic and my mind was racing through everything. I couldn't wait to tell everyone what we'd managed to achieve and Chloe, despite all of her medical problems was giving us a future generation. She amazed me!

"I've got a surprise for you too." I said. "But it's not quite as exciting as yours!"

"What is it?" Chloe said, clapping her hands together in glee.

"I got a few of the guys together and we've stripped out the old kitchen that you hate so much and installed a new one. But it all seems a bit redundant now."

"Oh Benji! What did I do to deserve you?"

"I'm the lucky one."

"Do you want to see the ultrasound?" Chloe asked me and I hadn't even thought to ask about that. I guessed I was still in shock.

"Please."

Chloe pulled out a grainy picture from underneath her pillow and handed it to me. I looked at the picture for a few moments and felt my eyebrows knitting in confusion.

"It's upside down." Chloe said, grinning at my confused face.

"What a putz!" I laughed, turning the paper the right way up. It still didn't make much sense to me so I politely smiled and went to hand it back. Just before I did, I noticed hand drawn circles on the scan. "It's our initials!"

"Hmmm?" Chloe said, staring intently at my face.

"Yeah! Why are there circles with A, B and C on there? Is that for Applebaum, Ben and Chloe? So we know that this is ours. Is that how this works?" I asked, knowing I must have looked as confused as sausage meat.

"Nope."

"Did someone doodle on this? Shall I ask for a new copy?"

"No Benji. Those letters stand for Baby A, Baby B and Baby C."

Oh.

Well then.

When the shock eventually wore off and my stupidity at the situation had resolved, the enormity of our actions began to settle. Three babies. Three. Chloe nicknamed me the Sperminator and I loved my new moniker.

Chloe was granted immediate maternity leave from the military and took a desk job at the base near where we lived. She managed superbly through her entire pregnancy and I fetched and carried and supported as best I could. On more than one occasion, Chloe had to tell me to back off and let her do some things but I was trying to help as much as I could. By Thanksgiving, she was enormous and barely able to walk and by the week before Christmas, she was pretty much bedridden.

She never complained. Not once. Even when I turned into a fussy old woman and wouldn't even let her brush her own hair by herself. Three days before Christmas, she was taken into hospital and it was decided she should stay until the babies were due or when they decided it was time.

That turned out to be Christmas Day.

Her waters broke, and Baby B, the smallest of them all began to struggle so it was decided that she should deliver that day and not wait any longer. I could not be any prouder of her the day she gave birth to our children. Three boys to make us both as happy as could be. If she had any disappointment that there wasn't a girl in the mix, she hid it well.

We named our boys Thomas, Harrison and Oliver, a slight throwback to my European descent and Chloe's love of old fashioned names. She remained in hospital for five days and never once complained about being in pain or anything at all in fact. She spent her days with the boys in the ICU and I'm convinced to this day she is the reason all three boys left the hospital after sixteen days.

Bringing my sons home left with me so filled with love and pride, I thought I would burst. Beca and Jesse were over to visit as soon as we called, respectfully waiting for the nod before they came with arms full of gifts and balloons. Of course we asked them to be Godparents to all three babies. When I had to return back on assignment overseas, Beca took three months off from work to help Chloe out.

That gave me some comfort while I was away. I found that tour to be the hardest. I ached to be with my children and I missed my wife. I felt lost and alone after spending so much time with them all. I talked to Chloe about leaving the military and she said it was a choice only I could make and that she'd support me all the way. I called my Uncle Joey and he said he'd have work for me when I was discharged.

So I made my decision. I resigned my position, having completed all the tours I needed to do. They were sorry to let me go but understood my decision. I had one last tour to complete and that sent me directly into Jacca Province on a back to back. I wasn't happy about it but figured it was the quickest way to get me home long term.

I called Chloe late one night. She was up with Harrison doing a middle of the night feed.

"Hey hunny." She purred down the phone. "How's things?"

"All good here." I said, my stock answer to everything. "How are the boys?"

"Growing up so fast!"

"Can I just-"

"I need to-"

We both started to speak at once and stopped at the same time. I let her go first and she explained to me that she had been in to see the recruitment officers at the base. Her maternity leave was up and we had to talk about what to do next.

"So, we would both be in Jacca at the same time?" I asked, not liking that thought one bit as she explained she was coming back.

"Yes, I need to do one last tour so I can retire with a full military pension and that way we'll have enough money when you get back home."

"It's not about the money." I said. "I'll work extra hours and-"

"-This is something I have to do Benji."

I remember how hard I sighed when I recognised the phrase I had coined to explain everything to her. I was beyond proud of her stance and completely understood why she was doing this. Four months away and then we'd be home together for good.

"When do you get here?" I asked, biting my lip against my overwhelming emotions.

"Five weeks."

"Boys will be four months old."

"Beca and Jesse, your Mom, my Mom and Dad will be here with them the whole time. Your Dad said he'd be around to help when he wasn't on a shift. Please Benji ..."

"No, I get it. I do. I'm just so full of emotion right now. Make sure you get lots of photos of the boys before you come. And find me when you get here."

"You know I will."

The conversation had ended quickly but the four letters I received the following week explained everything better and I understood. I was packing up my kit bag to leave for Jacca when I got word that I was needed in the officers mess. Having not been in there before, I was surprised by the request but followed orders as I didn't know how not to.

I'd be gone on another assignment when Chloe would get to Jacca. I didn't know how I felt about that but this was our way of life for now. It wasn't going to be forever and then we'd be home together for the rest of our lives. I loved what I did, my brothers and my country but I was ready to settle down with family life. I packed my kit, was ready to leave and shipped out the next day. Arriving into a blitz of shelling and fire, I know the sounds of the pop, pop, pop would never leave me and will be the reason I hated fireworks for the rest of my life. I had twelve hours to meet up with my new unit so showered, shaved and slept. Before I left, I wrote a note for Chloe. She'd be on light duties when she arrived for a couple of weeks and the administration team were happy to keep the letter for me. I wish I could have talked to her one last night before I headed out but I thought of her the entire journey as we trundled along in our Humvee's. My wrist was aching and I was pleased that after this tour was over, I could get some proper treatment for myself. I would be away from Base for three weeks and was looking forward to getting back to some sort of normality and routine.

The first mortar attack was hard and fast. The second, brutal.

The ringing in my ears thankfully began to subside within a few moments after the shell exploded in the room I was standing in. I was suddenly alone and the hole in the wall was exactly where my friend Jonno had just been standing. I couldn't see him any longer. He was gone. I tried to sit up but found the pounding in my head too much to bear. As my hearing returned to normal, I checked my legs for injuries and aside from a few skin rips, I seemed to be in tact. Convinced my wrist was broken again, I struggled to my feet and crossed the room to the doorway.

We had been clearing the houses and surrounding buildings as part of a reconnaissance unit, supporting the cavalry and gunners. We weren't in the line of fire although we were in the area. The enemy had gotten wind of our location and wanted us destroyed. I was furiously angry but this was war and this is what happened; I'd have done the same on the other side of the bombs. I didn't allow myself to cry although my heart was breaking at the loss of my friends. I had to get help.

A soft moaning behind me brought me back to the moment and I spun around, finding Jonno on the floor, just outside the door. He was in a bad way, covered in blood and with the lower part of his leg missing. I resisted the urge to gag as I sunk to my knees, pulling the meagre first aid kit from my pocket and fussing over Jonno's leg. He gripped my arm as I tied a length of bandage just above his knee to stop what bleeding I could. I looked down at him as he shook his head.

"Too late Ben. Find the others and get out."

"I'm here buddy. Just hold on. Help is coming." I said.

"I'm done."

"I hear the medivacs. Hold on." I repeated but Jonno closed his eyes and coughed up a lungful of dark blood. He died with me sitting right there.

"Jonno? Jon? Buddy? No!"

There was nothing that could be done. My friend was dead. We'd signed up together, gone through boot camp together, made it through hell together and he was the closest thing I had to a brother. He'd gained the rank of Staff Sergeant, the same as Chloe and I was proud to be part of his unit. And now, as the medics approached, I held his hand so he wouldn't be alone and waved them away, signalling to find someone else. A thousand thoughts were running through my head. I wanted to be the one to tell his family. I knew he had a girlfriend back in California and a sister. I wanted to be the one to take him home. I wanted to call Chloe and tell her too.

"Are you hurt?" The question drew me back to the moment in question and I shook my head as the medic knelt by my side. "Can you walk?"

"Yeah but Jonno ... Sergeant Jon Cafferty. He's ..."

"I know soldier."

I was back on Base within six hours, having my wrist set again and my cuts stitched. I was overly medicated when I asked one of the nurses to find Chloe. I know we weren't supposed to do it but I hoped one this one occasion it would be allowed. The drugs took effect over my conscious state as I heard the nurse utter words I couldn't quite understand. I slipped into a medicated sleep as I heard,

"Poor guy. He doesn't know."

I was in a dreamlike state for a week until it was time to head back to the USA. As the news sunk in and the base began to recover, it all seemed as if it was happening to other people. This was something we had signed up for, were aware of the dangers but this just hurt my heart.

I was medically discharged with full honours as my left wrist would never work the same way again. It had been pinned in such a fashion that I could no longer bend it. I was past caring now. Nothing meant anything to me anymore and wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Keeping my shit together was one of the hardest things that I had to do. I needed to be strong for my boys. My sweet baby boys who I was so desperate to hold. I knew my flight home was going to be a tough one.

I asked to accompany the body home and my wish was granted without delay. The humanoid factor was strong and our base compromised with heavy losses from several attacks in the past week. I didn't care enough to pretend I wanted to stay. I was ready to get out, get home. Wrap my weary arms around my boys and never let them go. The thought of them was the only thing keeping me going.

And as I stood waiting in the corner of the room, standing to attention to honour the fallen, I held my breath as I saw the coffin being moved onto the asphalt and carried carefully onto the waiting plane. I never thought I could feel so shitty as I did right there in that moment. I felt proud that I was able to accompany the casket back home. I didn't want to have to deal with everyone's grief but this was what I was meant to do.

My sergeant, also on the journey home, walked up to me and spoke quietly.

"Applebaum, it's time."

"Thank you sir."

"You are retired from service. I'm no longer sir to you son."

"You always will be."

My hands were shaking as I tried to straighten my beret. Nathan Johnson, being the man he was, helped me, noting my arm encased in thick plaster.

"I'm sorry for your loss Benji. No one should witness what you did."

"I'm a soldier sir. I knew what was at stake. We ... we all did."

I closed my eyes at the memories but now was not the time to show my emotion. We shook hands and walked out of the room together. I was grateful for his company. I hadn't slept for days, eaten little and while my personal hygiene was up to code, I am sure I looked at disgusting mess, despite the uniform.

"I hope you don't mind the commercial flight home Benji. Military is backed up after the attacks."

"No sir. I understand."

"Look Benji, I'm hoping I've done the right thing here."

"Sir?"

"Your friends ... the one who sent over your dress uniform."

"Beca ... um, Rebeca Mitchell and Jesse Swanson?"

"Yes."

"What sir?"

The Sergeant pointed to a space over my soldier and I spun around quickly.

Like a mirage in a desert, I saw just what I needed walked down the dimly lit corridor towards me. I burst into tears, spilling onto the concrete floor a thousand rounds of tears as I saw Jesse and Beca approaching me, their eyes dark with the same sadness I had. Jesse was pushing a double stroller with Thomas and Oliver all tucked in neatly as Beca was carrying Harrison so protectively in her arms. I was about to break rank and run towards them when I saw two sets of parents turn the corridor behind them. My parents and Chloe's parents had also made the flight over so I didn't have to make this trip by myself. I sank to my knees, ignoring the pull of my many stitches as I hit the floor.

"And your parents too son."

"Fuck." I sobbed into the ground, resting my one good arm on the ground. I didn't want them to see me like this. I wasn't ready to face them. I felt weak and vulnerable and so very alone as they approached. My Mom was there first, hugging me and holding me so tightly, it hurt. My Dad took my arm and helped me to my feet and I embraced them before hugging Chloe's folks. No words were spoken. What could anyone say? Jesse was fighting back tears as he put an arm around Beca, holding his sobbing fiancée to him as Beca pushed the baby into my arms. I held that tiny little body to my chest, peeling the blanket from his face so I could drink in the contours and angles of his jaw, mouth and cute button nose. The boys weren't identical and Harrison was the most like Chloe. That seemed to choke me more as I wished she were by my side to see them as well.

"There was ... nothing I ... could ... do." I gasped out but instead of replies, I was surrounded by loving arms, patting my back, rubbing my arm and stroked the back of my neck.

I don't really remember how I got on the plane fifteen minutes later. I remember sitting in my seat and lots of fellow passengers looking at me as they filed past on the way to their seats. I wasn't surprised, military uniform attracted a lot of attention and triplet baby boys even more so. One older gentleman saluted me as I walked past and I guessed he was a veteran as he didn't drop his salute until I raised my hand to my temple. The flight took off without any delays or dramas and my mind began to relax as I realised this was the last good deed I could do for my fellow soldier.

Jesse disappeared to the back of the plane for a few minutes half way through the journey and I was about to ask Beca where he was when he returned with three warmed baby bottles. I had so much to learn about my own children and in that instant, I sucked up my grief. I needed to be a father to these boys, not a snivelling mess that couldn't form a sentence. I held out my hand for a bottle and my Mom passed me the baby she was holding. Thomas was fussing slightly and I looked at him straight in the eye as I plugged the bottle into his open mouth, remembering that Chloe said I should keep him at a decent angle to he didn't spit up his milk. I was glad some of her teaching had sunk in as I heard her voice clearly in my mind.

'You are a good dad Benji. Babies fuss and cry.'

"I know my love." I whispered to no one.

The crackle of the tannoy sounded an hour before we were due to land. It had been an easy flight but the ache in my wrist was reminding me that we'd flown a long way home. We still had a four hour wait in Virginia and another flight to go. The announcement stated that the weather looked good for our arrival and we'd be landing on time. As the details finished and the captain confirmed he'd be back just before we landed, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Sir, please can you come with me." The Head Bursar said and I nodded, unclipping my seat belt and following the smartly dressed attendant through to the front of the plane. "The Captain would like a word with you."

"Okay." I said, feeling a little dumb.

She opened the cockpit door and I stepped inside, maintaining a formal stance as I took in the array of buttons and levers.

"You have the toughest role, being on the front line." The pilot said, extending his hand to me. I shook his hand warmly. I was grateful for the smooth ride home.

"Thank you sir." I said.

"I appreciate the work you do for the fallen soldiers as well. I wish there were words of comfort at a time like this."

"Thank you."

"I wanted you to know that I have been speaking with dispatch in Virginia during the duration of the flight. I am sorry it has taken so long to get these details to you."

"That's okay sir." I said. "I understand the protocols. The casket is unloaded and moved on to the next flight."

"Well, usually yes. I also know that this soldier ... you were particularly close to. Am I correct?"

"Yes sir." I so wanted to look down at my feet but I somehow maintained eye contact.

"Okay, well, we now have a policy on this. I had to check on a few things and I hope you don't mind. Upon your arrival a dedicated escort team will meet the aircraft and the team will escort you and your family to the ramp and plane side. A private van will be used to bring the coffin out of the plane and that, and a second van for your family, will be taken directly to a private area, just for you guys only."

"We will have the Staff Sergeant with us while we wait Sir?" I asked.

"Yes, I know it isn't much."

"Sir, it is everything. I thank you for your attention here. Knowing the Staff Sergeant isn't alone is a great comfort." I held out my hand to him which he shook heartily. I also shook the First Officer's hand as well.

"I have a son in the military." The First Officer said quietly and I nodded.

I left the cockpit and headed back to my seat, passing the Head Bursar on the way. I thanked her and she patted my arm as she passed. With forty five minutes to landing, I quickly explained what was going to happen to everyone and we prepared to get off the aircraft, no easy task with three small babies.

As the plane touched down on the asphalt, I felt a sense of relief. This day was nearly over. I watched out of the window as the plane taxied towards the terminal. I was waiting to pull up to the connecting air bridge when we stopped short by several metres. Fearing a problem, I twisted in my seat and was about to speak when I heard the Captain over the tannoy.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain speaking. I have stopped short of our gate to make an announcement. I realised a few moments ago that as soon as I pulled up to the air bridge, everyone would be keen to get off the flight and there is a special family on board who deserve to deplane before everyone else."

I twisted my mouth, thinking that a famous celebrity must have been on board.

"We have a passenger on board with us today who deserves our honour and our respect. Her name is Staff Sergeant Chloe Marie Applebaum, who recently lost her young life when her military base in Jacca Province was subject to an attack so severe, the base needs to be closed permanently. Staff Sergeant Applebaum had completed three tours of duty and had only returned to the front line two weeks ago after giving birth to triplet boys. Staff Sergeant Applebaum is under your feet in the cargo hold. Escorting her today is her husband, Officer Benjamin Applebaum and his parents, her five month old triplet boys, her parents and her best friends. Your entire flight crew is asking for all passengers to remain in their seats to allow the family to escort the aircraft first so they can accompany Staff Sergeant Applebaum onto her final resting place. Thank you."

The click of the tannoy brought an incredible silence to the entire plane as it began to slowly move towards the gate. I looked over to Beca who had tears pouring down her face. She knew how I was feeling, having just lost her best friend. I lost my wife, the mother of my children and the best friend I had ever had.

Jesse wrapped his arms around Beca and held her as she sobbed in her seat. The raw grief was overwhelming. I turned in my seat to look at Chloe's parents, the ones who had travelled such a difficult journey to also bring their daughter home. They mouthed, 'we love you' to me and I mouthed back the same. My Mom gripped onto Chloe's Mom's hand as I was so grateful that they had been able to travel with my in-laws so that they didn't have to travel alone.

The attack on the base happened at the same time as the attack on my own Unit. Out of a team of six, only myself and Adam 'Jolly' Jolson survived, both of us injured. I learnt of my unit's losses as I was being operated on for my broken wrist. I had a broken wrist but I was alive. It was only after the surgery when I heard what happened to the Base. I was paralysed with fear as I asked about Chloe, whether she'd been hurt in the attack. My mind was racing as I was planning what to do and say should she have been damaged and needed help for the rest of her life. I was prepared to step up and do what I needed to. I loved her more than life itself.

I barely remember the Base's CO calling me to his tent, making me sit down with a large brandy as he told me the news. My beautiful wife hadn't been involved in the first bomb and had rushed out to help her fellow soldiers when a rogue mortar hit the hospital wing where she was trying to help some of the injured as they started coming in. She never stood a chance. My one concession to a miracle was that she was barely marked, her death instant. She had thrown herself across an bleeding soldier and saved her life. That was so Chloe.

Jesse touching my hand brought me back to the moment as I realised the plane had come to a stop. I unclipped my seat belt and stood up just as a passenger began to clap his hands in a slow, steady rhythm. I heard Chloe's Mom began to sob as more passengers began to clap. From the crescendo that accompanied our slow walk down the aisle of the plane, I believe the entire aircraft was clapping. Words of 'God Bless You', I'm sorry', 'Thank you for your service', 'Be proud', "Love your children, they are a blessing from your wife' and other kind words were uttered to us as we walked past. Not one person tried to stand or tutted about the extra time on the aircraft.

We were escorted to the ramp of the plane where there were two vans waiting as promised. I saluted my wife as her coffin was unloaded from the aircraft. We remained as dignified as we could as we alighted the van and made our way to the terminal. I was so unbelievably grateful for the private room.

And I was even more grateful when we entered the terminal to find every single one of Chloe's beloved Bella's waiting for us, singing 'Amazing Grace' as if their lives depended on it. They clearly wanted to do something to help Chloe's transition home easy. My wife could have been buried at Arlington Cemetery in Washington DC but I wanted her close to me so we could visit her with the boys.

A lump formed so hard in my throat that I was almost choking on it as the girls surrounded us all, silently hugging us and comforting us. No words could say what was needed to say. They had lost their friend as well. I realised that in that moment, their lives would never be the same as well and there would always be a missing piece to a puzzle and a day in history that they'd dread just as much as I did when the anniversary of her death would come about.

Chloe touched many lives. Her infectious smile, her kind, sweet nature and her ability to see the good in everything and everyone, despite the war zone was teaching me a valuable lesson daily. She'd have even berated me for accompanying her home instead of Jonno but I knew he'd understand. I'd call his family when I was home and hope that would help ease some of their suffering, to know what a fine young man he was, and still is.

She gave the ultimate sacrifice to her country and in turn made her whole collection of family and friends beyond proud of her. We will love forever and respect her for eternity.

And I will raise my boys to know what an awesome girl, woman, friend, wife and mother she was.

I thought that I've been hurt before
But no one's ever left me quite this sore
Your words cut deeper than a knife
Now I need someone to breathe me back to life

Got a feeling that I'm going under
But I know that I'll make it out alive
If I quit calling you my lover
Move on

You watch me bleed until I can't breathe
I'm shaking falling onto my knees
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
I'm tripping over myself
I'm aching begging you to come help
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches

.o0o.

Thank you to every single member of the military for their service. I am sorry that I don't know enough about the military to do this sort of story justice. Forgive me that fact. Thank you.

Lyrics for 'Stitches' by Shawn Mendes