The relationship barrier deactivation

Chapter 1

All the gang was in 4a one Friday evening and eating takeout together, and Penny was at that moment asking Leonard if he would like another glass of wine, when Sheldon remonstrated with her "Really Penny?, another glass?, think carefully. If you get him drunk, he will only keep pestering you for coitus or find himself being unable to stand upright only to find gravity pulling him unmercifully back towards the hard ground."

Leonard, who had been belittled by Sheldon all day, rounded on him after hearing yet another of Sheldon's comments spluttered angrily, "Sheldon since when have I ever got as drunk as that?, are you crazy?."

Sheldon indignantly replied "No, certainly not. My mother had me tested. No I refer back specifically to a Friday morning. You must remember, Surely?, it was on the Friday, a couple of days or so after you had gone to Kurt's apartment and demanded Kurt pay back the money that he owed to Penny on the previous Tuesday.

I had left my room for my 7:30 am ablutions to see you sitting on my spot and you were in the process of examining all the bruises on your upper torso, which I can only conclude that you received them due to an advanced state of inebriation?." Leonard looked horrified at Sheldon as it was an incident he had very carefully kept to himself.

Meanwhile Penny who until that moment, had only been half listening to Dr Wack-a-doodle suddenly gasped, realizing what Sheldon had said.

The sound of Penny's glass shattering on the floor made them all look up.

Standing there in horror, Penny turned, to Leonard "you didn't tell me about that?"

"It was no big deal" Leonard mumbled in reply.

"No big Deal! You could have been very badly hurt and you say it's no big deal"

Penny remembered the occasion when she had thought that Kurt had had a change of heart and she had gone out on a date with Kurt too on that assumption. But it was all because of Leonard. 'How could I have been so stupid? And Leonard never said a word, My God, He even stood there and watched me go on a date with Kurt', and the more she meditated on the event the more the truth became unbearable for her.

Finally with her eyes brimming with tears, Penny turned opened the door to 4a and fled to 4b slamming the door behind her in her anguish.

"There, you see! you've even upset Penny over your drunken behavior." Sheldon declared triumphantly.

Leonard did not reply at this, his face a mask of anxiety.

Bernadette noting this said quietly to Howard "I'd better go and see if I can talk to her., I know those two, and they are so in love with each other that I am sure if they broke up now both of them would cope very badly with it."

"Yeah I think you're right, I know for sure that Leonard would be an absolute mess if he lost Penny again", Howard whispered back.

She stood up and made her way to 4b tapping on Penny's door. "It's not locked", Penny's muffled voice told her in an angry tone.

Bernadette entered and saw Penny with her back to her standing stiffly arms folded staring out her window. "Leonard please I don't want to talk about it right now" Penny said as she turned towards the door.

"Actually it's not Leonard it's me," Bernadette quietly replied, "Please Penny, don't be angry at Leonard, you know how much he loves you and you know Leonard would do anything to make you happy" Bernadette pleaded.

"I'm not angry at Leonard, I'm angry at myself." Penny sniffed, "he got those bruises from Kurt and never told me. Really if Kurt or Mike or even all the guys I dated in both Nebraska and right here in Pasadena. They would have reminded me frequently how they had put themselves out for me.

But Leonard, He doesn't say anything whatsoever about it, not a single word of how much he had suffered just to help me. And I, What do I do? all I ever do is to hurt him in return. I'm just no good for him that is what I am angry about and I find I can't even tell him I love him, and I am so scared even to have him move in with me let alone set a date for our wedding. And this is what I am so angry about. Please, help me, why can't I love him as I should? When I so very much want to be with him, I know I do", Penny tearfully asked

Bernadette put a comforting hand on Penny's shoulder. "Penny, have you ever known anyone that loves you as deeply as Leonard does? have you?"

"No, are you kidding, all the other jerks I thought I was in love with like Kurt and Mike were only interested in their own selfish interests and I would always end up getting my heart broken"

"But Leonard" Penny went on, "as you have seen tonight, bends over backwards to make me happy". "So why do I feel so afraid to let him into my life? When he is such a wonderful Guy?"

"Bernadette thought for a moment, "Penny do you remember when Leonard asked you out on a date? it was a few weeks after his split from Priya. I saw you that night as you were getting ready for that date. And I have never ever seen you to be so nervous as you were that night, and the most important things on your mind that night was what were the right things you could say to him, and what dress could you wear that would please Leonard the most, and I noticed your eyes were wide with a mixture of longing and excitement. Yes Penny, I saw a woman who was very much in love with a very special guy who had just asked her for a date. I remember a few weeks before when Amy, yourself and I went to a nightclub, and do you remember saying to us that you were going to find yourself a Heine to bite, but when we were at the club, sure you had guys hit on you, but then you proceeded to turn every man jack of them away, and then, when I asked you why you turned them down, do you remember what you said to me?".

Penny shook her head, "Nope I guess I was pretty wasted by then. You will just have to tell me". "You told me that It was due to you seeing the snowflake before we left and you told us that the only Heine you wanted to bite right now was Leonard's," and then when we did get you back here. Amy and I had quite a struggle to stop you going over to 4a to climb into Leonard's bed with him at two o'clock in the morning. I'll tell you, how we never woke Sheldon up I'll never know? And you ended up, I'm afraid, crying yourself to sleep, and all because you couldn't be with Leonard".

"I did?" Penny asked her eyes widening in surprise, but without doubting the veracity of Bernadette's account of Penny's behaviour that night.

"Yup, you sure did", Bernadette confirmed.

"You know during that date with Leonard, he asked me if we were going to get back together, and I had never seen so much longing in a guys eyes as I saw in Leonard's, I mean I know the look of lust, hell I've seen that lots of times, but I just can't explain why, but my heart just felt as if it was leaping inside my chest and I so wanted to shout at the top of my voice yes darling, please oh yes. And yet at the same time I just panicked, I felt so scared, I don't understand? You know on another occasion previously when we were broken up, I drunkenly hammered on his door and demanded sex from him, and I still remember feeling so incredibly happy just being in his arms, but the next morning I just panicked again and I stupidly told him it was a mistake even though the voice inside my head was screaming at me, No!, and then when I saw the hurt on his face, well it near broke my heart, and I felt so awful. Why am I so stupid? I want him so much yet I am so scared inside? Just what is wrong with me?", and then Penny threw herself on her couch crying bitterly.

Bernadette sat and calmly stroked Penny's hair until Penny was able to regain her composure.

"I'm really not an expert in these things Penny, but my suspicion is that you are over sensitive to emotional pain

You have a big heart and subconsciously you think Leonard will hurt you like Kurt or Mike or even guys you dated back home. So you have learnt to put up this barrier to shield you from the heartache. You show us this tough, carefree happy go lucky person, but deep inside your like Julia Roberts in that film all you are is a girl searching for a special boy to love her, but at the same time so afraid that that special boy will hurt her deeply. And I strongly believe Penny that you have found that special boy in Leonard.

Penny I know from listening to Howard telling me things that Leonard had told him. Leonard loves you very much. And as you have discovered tonight he goes to great lengths to make you happy without you even being aware of it. Penny that is so rare today. Look Penny try to imagine you living your life without Leonard. And if you find you truly want Leonard then you are going to have to overcome that fear and only then will you finally be able to allow him to get deep into your heart. And Penny I beg you, no one can do it for you; you are going to have to do it yourself".

"Seriously though Penny when I watch the two of you together, and whenever you look at each other, I don't see lovers, I see best friends, I see soul mates".

"Thanks, You know I don't really have to think about life without Leonard, My God, I know I cried myself to sleep so many times when I thought I had lost him to Priya, man I was hurting so, so bad inside", Penny confessed

"You didn't tell us about that?, my god Penny we could have helped, Amy and me", Bernadette told her.

"I'm sorry but I just couldn't risk it getting back to Leonard, I was the one who screwed up, the one who broke it off, and I didn't want to ruin his chance of happiness with Priya", Penny revealed

"Oh Penny, I'm so sorry, but surely you knew that he wasn't really in love with Priya, because when they did split, he wasn't as half upset as he would have been if he was in love with her you know", Bernadette said comfortingly.

Bernadette then asked Penny "look I will go now and can I send Leonard in to see you; he was very upset, I think as usual for Leonard over thinking things, that he thought that you were breaking up with him?", Bernadette asked.

"Yes please but give me 20 minutes O K to think and to freshen myself up". Penny replied, wiping her tears away with some tp, before hugging Bernadette in thanks. Then Bernadette left to return to 4a.

Penny went to her bathroom and quickly washed her face and combed her hair, then looked in her mirror hoping that Leonard would like what he sees as she inspected her reflection. Then she sat back down on her couch to think.

It was true Leonard was a rare guy indeed. And Penny knew all too well and had been convinced for quite some time too, although she had till now kept it hidden from Leonard, He would be forever the only guy in her life, yes Leonard was and always will be, as far as Penny was concerned, her personal Mr Big. And thence in a state of nervous excitement Penny waited for the love of her life to appear.

On entering 4a, Bernadette beckoned Leonard over, "It's OK, just give Penny 20 minutes, then go and see her, and Leonard don't try to talk or I know you you will just keep rambling on. I beg you, just listen very carefully to what Penny has to say" and she squeezed his arm as she smiled in encouragement "don't worry everything will be alright you'll see."

After waiting 20 minutes, though to Leonard it felt like an eternity as he had checked the time every 30 seconds. Leonard nervously entered 4b to see Penny smiling at him and patting the seat beside her for him to sit down.

Taking his hands in hers Penny though at first with difficulty, fully opened her heart to Leonard, pouring out all her feelings and fears finally revealing to him how she really felt about him and though at first the panic was there, but Penny was determined, and by the time she had finished speaking it had dissipated. Leonard was now and always totally and immovably in her heart just as Penny had always been so in his heart.

Penny locked her door and turning to Leonard she asked him to move in with her for good, as his eyes lit up at her request and the broad smile on his face that was always just for her,

Penny was suddenly a lot happier, now being secure in the knowledge that she had made the right decision.

And after a passionate, loving kiss they hugged each other tightly for several minutes, before they returned to 4a and everyone noticed a subtle difference in Penny the huge smile on her face as she looked at Leonard and the twinkle in her eyes spoke volumes that something had changed for the better.

"Well I see you have managed to deactivate the relationship barrier then" Howard noted.

"Howard, you really are such a nerd at times" said Bernadette nudging him in the ribs. Though the loving smile on her face betrayed her real feelings towards her husband.

And later that night as Penny in an ecstasy, lay spooned in front of Leonard, the fingers of one hand intertwined with his, she sighed happily at the realization of how so right it felt to be snuggled up like this, to the most wonderful guy she could ever hope to meet.