DISCLAIMER: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda.

~ Nico Robin Plus Alcohol Equals Butts Everywhere ~

Robin was quietly enjoying a bottle of wine alone in her room. She had nearly finished the entire bottle when her quiet alone-time was brought to a crashing halt by the advent of Luffy and Usopp bursting through the wall. Apparently they were in the middle of some kind of fight, which had already reached the point where it devolved into juvenile insults.

"Stop that, you butt-head!"

"I'm not a butt-head; you're a butt-head!"

"There, now you're both butt-heads~!" Robin announced with a happy grin.

The sniper and the captain pointed and laughed at each other for several long moments before they each realized what the other must be laughing at... Their laughter died down as they tentatively raised their hands to their foreheads - where, indeed, they now each had a butt.

"EW, ROBIN! DON'T PUT YOUR BUTT ON ME!" Luffy shouted, wiping his palms on his shorts in an effort to get the dirty butt germs off of his hands.

"GET IT OFF!" Usopp wailed as he ran around the room in a panic.

The mention of Robin's butt drew Sanji to the room like a siren's call. Just as the cook burst through the door, Robin intoned, "Skunk."

At the command, each of the head-mounted rears gave a hearty trumpet.

"SHE FARTED!" Luffy yelled, covering his nose with both hands. "SHE FARTED RIGHT IN MY FACE!"

"IT STINKS!" Usopp howled. Unfortunately for him, he could not cover his entire nose even if he used both hands. Even more unfortunately for him, Sanji was there.

"How dare you say that Robin-chan's fart stinks? Stop running away and let me kick that stupid long nose of yours right off your stupid face!"

The extraneous butts popped out of existence as suddenly as they had appeared. Sanji finally caught Usopp and delivered the promised kick to his face right at the moment the butts disappeared.

Robin giggled drunkenly at their antics from the corner.

Sanji was about to give the sniper another kick for good measure, when he suddenly realized-

"NOOOOOoOoOoOooo... I had a chance to look at Robin-chan's beautiful bare butt and I missed out on it!" the cook lamented, sinking to the floor in a sitting position. "But seeing it attached to such an ugly face would have probably been worse than not getting to see it at all..."

"HEY!" Usopp protested.

"Well," Robin said. "I wouldn't want you to miss out on all the fun."

Sanji found himself covered in booty, and not the kind that pirates were normally interested in. He promptly collapsed from a massive nosebleed.

Upon seeing the cook's condition, Luffy yelled at the top of his lungs, "CHOPPER! YOU'D BETTER GET IN HERE! HURRY! SANJI IS LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD!"

Soon the entire floor was covered in a thin layer of red.

"... does the human body even have that much blood in it?" Usopp asked, sounding rather concerned about Sanji despite the face-kicking he'd received from him earlier.

Chopper appeared in the doorway just as Usopp was commenting about the amount of blood.

"WHOA THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD! HELP! DOCTOR!"

Everyone (except for Sanji, who was currently unconscious) stared at Chopper.

"Oh, right," the reindeer said, blushing slightly. "I'm the doctor."

Hesitating to walk across the blood-covered floor, Chopper decided to try and see if he could diagnose the cook's condition from where he stood in the doorway.

"Um, guys... this really is a lot of blood, but aren't you more concerned with why Sanji has butts all over him?"

"Nah, those are Robin's butts."

"WHAT? You mean Robin's Devil Fruit power doesn't only work for hands? That's amazing!"

The doctor then determined that Sanji's blood loss was not serious due to the fact that it was caused by a comedic situation, and the cook would recover approximately two minutes after Robin's butts were removed from his body.

~end~