It returned again.

All the memories of those who had fallen under him once again returned to haunt him.

They kept unravelling from the past, no matter how much he tried to surpress them.

This time, was a woman and her husband corpse lying motionlessly next to her. "Please spare me, I have 3 children at home.", she begged in tears, but to no avail. The soldier acted as if he didn't hear anything, grabbing her by the hair then slammed her head on the floor, breaking the neck in the process. Blooking leaking out from the cracks on her head was all over the floor, and soon out of it did some crimson tentacles grow, slowly wrapping around his legs. He tried to shoot them, but they only grew stronger .And when they was big enough to spread all over the room, he could see faces on each one of them. They were all so familiar, and horrifying.

"Gahhh", Bucky got up, letting out a small cry. Sweat running down his face, as well as his body, reminded him of the frightened dream he had just had. He quickly looked down at the floor to make sure that nothing out of ordinary would rise and swallow him, and how relieved he was when there was nothing but some newspapers scattering around. He had woken up so many times before that he lost count of it, and this was just one of those time.

It was a nice day as usual. The sun shone through the curtan,hitting him fully on the face. He groaned, shotting his eyes open as he rose up,pushing the blanket aside. Rubbing his eyes, Bucky let out a yawn for not having enough sleep. He didn't remember what he had seen last night, but there's one thing he was so sure of was that it was so vivid and terrifying that his heart skipped a beat whenever he tried to recall it. Brushing the thought aside,he went to the bathroom to prepare for a new day, just like how any other ordinary people would do. After that, he would put on some plain clothes, consisting of a pair of dark jeans and a grey t-shirt that had been fold neatly in the closet. His preference of clothes was pretty simple, as he chosed almost anything, as long as they helped him keep low. To finish off his look, he put on a black hoodie and pulled the hood all over his head, despite having already worn a cap in order not to attract any unnecessary attention to him. Then he was ready to head out. His daily life was so simple and repetitive to the point that he could just foresee what was about to happen. First, on the way to the market stalls on the other side of the streets,he would be spotted and greeted by Greta, who ran a vegetables stall, and then he would help her settle the goods and boxes. As a reward, she gave him some fresh tomatoes or lettuces,and even an invitation to her house , to which he just politely declined. But of course he kept the food. He then would go to a mall or store to continue his search for the lost memory, which sometimes involved a computer. That stuff sure was difficult to understand, but being a smart and witty guy he was, Bucky was able to do few simple tasks on it by observing other people. Of course, his time using it wouldn't be so long since the store mangaer always kept an eye on every customers. Therefore, after spending a fair amount of time on it, he would find a corner where not many people noticed to jot down his notebook every little thing he learned each day. After that, he would just head back to his little hideout,as he prefered to call so, to prepare meals in advance. He also had s mall nap after lunch,during which he actually found sleeping comfortable instead of torturing and that he couldn't be disturbed by nightmares. Throughout the day, some memories might strike him out of nowhere,and he would grab his little notebook to write it down as quick as possible before they faded away. Sometimes, they came back so powerful that he couldn't hold on to all of them at the same time. Nevertheless, it was comforting to see that they were still there, waiting for him to be untangled little by little.

At least that's what he thought. He thought that today would be the same like any other days, that he would meet Greta again and maybe he would stop by the café on his way home to treat himself to a generous meal once in a while,until he was brought out of his mind by a buzzling sound. It was the doorbell. He hadn't had any guest ever since his arrival here, except for the old lady next door, but it couldn't have been her for she had left the previous night to visit her children. Tension raised in the air, as the unexpected guest rang the bell again, this time also knocking on the door. Bucky swallowed hard as he stared at it, not knowing whether to open it or not. He had tried his best to stay low,leaving behind no trace in order to not be found,at least for a while. Yet here he was,on the verge of death if he made any trivial mistake. Bucky was lost in his thought until a voice called out, bringing him back to reality. It was so soft, delicate and full of American accent. It was of a woman's.

"Hello? Is anybody home? ", she asked,ringing the bell for the third time,"There's gotta be someone,right?"

Bucky slowly headed towards the door, grabbing a knife on the table and shoved it into his hoodie pocket. Caution was never enough. He looked through the eye on the door, and found a seemingly young woman dressed in white with a large baggage next to her. He couldn't make out who she was since the fedora and a big pair of glasses had covered her whole face, but it seemed like she didn't pose any threat. Still, he had to lure her away, for the sake of him, and for her own.

"Who are you? I don't know you. Go away now ", he spoked a chain of sentences in German, hoping that she would just go away. As expected, she slightly jumped at the sound of the foreign language, to which she didn't seem to understand anything at all. But she was still there,looking directly at the eye.

"Can you at least open the door ? It only takes a few minutes I promise."

But he ignored her, continuing to speak in the other language. And it indeed got on her nerves when he could see her eyebrows knitted, lips curling downwards, hands tapping on the handle of her baggage. That should do the work, he thought,turning back to his room. However, he stopped dead in tracks when she cleared her voice, calling him by the name that he thought had long disappeared out of his life. And it went on so smooth at the tip of her tongue, despite hardships itself brought.

"Soldier".

It was in Russian. Not perfect ,but still reconizable.

"I know you're the Winter soldier. Please open the door so I can exchange a few words with you. I do not bring anyone or weapons. It's just gonna be between the two of us ", after a long pause, the woman continued, " if you still avoid me, hope you don't mind the police blowing this place up."

Grinning his teeth, Bucky could feel anger welling up in his chest at the mention of his alter ego. Oh how much he wanted to forget about it ,yet no one let him do so. The more he neglected it,the tighter it clinged to him, pulling him down to the void of guilt. Nevertheless, he would still have to clean up the mess he did when his wilder part took over.

"Hey you heard me ? , the woman knocked again," Don't leave me with the other ch-", not until she finished her sentence did he open the door, grabbing her arm as quick as possible and pulled her into the room. Closing the door behind him, Bucky, eyes filled with wrath,tried his best to keep his voice down.

"Who are you ? , each word spat out harshly on her, "What do you want from me?", said as he grabbed the woman by her colar and slammed her against the door, making her yelp in pain.

"So, it's really you. I just can't believe this. I mean, you haven't changed a bit since then", she took off her hat and glasses. Dark brown hair was tied in a messy bun, hazel eyes were filled with.. happiness. "Do you still remember me ?"

Bucky, hands still on her collar,narrowed his eyebrows. He still got some memories left of her, at the back of his mind, but he didn't want to give it away.

"No I don't. I don't know who the hell you are. Can you please leave now?". He could see disappointment in her eyes when clearly his answer didn't live up to her expectation,but it soon turned into mischief as her lips curled up into a smirk.

"You're lying, and I know that. Be honest if you want to finish this quickly. Don't buy more time since it won't help, and I won't leave either."

He didn't want to admit defeat, but she had pushed him to the edge ,leaving him no choice but to spill the beans.

"Mission 19, killing John Keith Willis", he hissed," And what do you want? Are you here to blame me on your father's death?". He still remembered everything he did in the past, willingly or not ,and her case was of no exception. Suddenly she laughed, such a disorted laugh, with a hint of bittersweet that it sent shivers down his spine.

"Are you kidding me ? I can't thank you enough for what you've done ya know? Besides, that old fart deserved it. And it's stepfather, not father."

Despite endless missions he had carried out, her case was the one that couldn't escape his mind, no matter how much they wiped she said to him that night struck him like lightning,and it still lingered to him up until this day. He loosened his grip, looking into her eyes. If being all nice and friendly didn't work, maybe a threat would do.

" You have guts to have come here. I can easily break you in half, or strangle you to death then dump your body somewhere no one could ever fine . Aren't you afraid of me ? Of what I could do right now ? ". he leaned in, voice as cold as ever,giving her goosebumps. But she didn't move an inch. With a determined look, she brought up her hand,slightly touched his cheek.

"No I'm not afraid. If you wanted to kill me, that pocket knife would have done its job the moment you pulled me in. It's the Winter soldier who I owned my life to, so I decided to give it a try ,and track him down. , the woman swallowed, then continued , "But it looks like only James Buchanan Barnes lives here."

Shuddered by her touch, Bucky flinched back, finally letting go of her coat. He stared at her, at her hands, then her eyes.

"I'm not the Winter soldier, nor James. I don't do that anymore I'm..,"Bucky was about to say something,but he stopped. "The one you want to meet is no longer here. Please leave."

She didn't listen. Her hand reached out again, steadily touching his arm. " I could help you."

He took a step back, avoiding her touch as well as her pity gaze. Turning his back to her, he slowly took off his gloves, revealing his metal arm. "Leave. Now. I don't need it."

"But I want to", she swallowed hard, mouth went dried at the scene before her. It wasn't the first time she saw it, yet the piece of metal still intimidated her as it had done so in the past. "You can't just live like this forever right? The landlady said you haven't paid for 2 months rent yet.I can help you help. At least with that."

"It's none of your business", Bucky grunted,turning around to face her. In a quick movement, he grabbed her neck ,punning her against the wall again. Startled by his sudden outburst, Vanessa shut her eyes tight , mumbling "please" under her breath.

"How did you find me? ", he threatened,tightening his grab.

"Technology. Stark's one . And friends. ", she gulped, shutting her eyes whenever the sound of his arm clicked," I don't tell anyone about this, even Steve. So please, trust me."

The familiar name rang a bell for him. Bucky stared at her for a while, then let go of her, making the woman fall to the ground gasping for air even though he hadn't done anything yet. "What's with you,and him?"

"We- we're friends. Met him when the Avengers was established. Cute guy. Always so brave, and a little bit too patriotic ,I guess?, the woman locked eyes with Bucky, coughing between her words," you still remember him?"

Frowned by what she said, he stood still. After a moment of silence,he spoke ,voice filled with anxiety and deceit that even a child could tell. "I read about him at the museum"

But of course, she played along with,for not having any intention of blowing it up for him. "That's something,I guess. Things take time. I'm sure you'll recover soon.", her lips curled upward,letting out a faint smile to assure the big,but somewhat vulnerable guy in front of her.

"I – I have something to ask,…uhm…", Bucky finally spoke after a long pause, unsure whether what to adress the troublesome woman before him, and she read it-his mind before he could even ask back.

"Vanessa. Vanessa Willis",there was a noticeably high pitch in her voice,probably surprised from how he wanted to know her name. " Yes,you can ask me anything. I'll definitely answer them, within my knownledge of course. May,may I sit?", she got up shakingly, walking to the green worn out sofa in the middle of the room and threw herself on it, which made dust flying out into the air. Bucky followed suit, standing across from her, eyes still on the woman when an amusingly questioning expression appeared on her features. Must be because of the dust, he guessed,then he moved on with their conversation. It turned out he wanted to know exactly what happened the night of their first encounter. Surprised at first, Vanessa let out a sigh, starting to tell him about the thing she had hidden from even the closest one to her. She was under no obligations to do so,but there was this urge to tell him that she was at lost to understand. Meanwhile,Bucky listened to every word carefully,gazing at her without moving an inch while she went on and on with her story. Feeling like he was hearing enough,Bucky finally raised he voice.

"I got it. And why are you telling me about – ," and just like that, Bucky said something about how miserable her story made him feel, but she didn't even listen to was too busy observing his whole apartment, and soon got drown in her own world. Vanessa took notice of everything, from the blanket falling out of his untidy bed to the dirty dishes in the sink. The smell of damp and moss was too much for her nostrils,and at that moment she knew exactly what she had to do. It was to help him catching up with modern life, which she felt like a responsibility she had to bear ,but it was on her own accords. He was just an out of time man that was completely lost in this big world, and she couldn't just stand there and watch him disappear. Afterall, she owned him her life.

"Hey , Bucky waved when he noticed that her eyes were fixed on the blank space besides him. " Are you listening?"

"Ah yes, I-I did. Thank you for…er..that.", Vanessa jumped a bit, then she rose up out of the blue, reaching out for his hand. " Please , just let me do it. I promise it won't interfere with your life. And nobody's gonna find out about this." ,said,giving it a tight squeeze.

Buky didn't reply, nor look at her. Instead, his gaze was on the ground. He could feel it. Her hand was warm. Warmer than anything he came into contact for the past 70 years.

"I mean, everything must be pretty new to you right ? Do you know how to use a microwave ? Washing machine ? Phone?" , with every item listed he just quietly nodded, which surprised her." I mean Iphones. The smart ones?", finally this time, he shook his head.

"Err.. those things are not important at all," Vanessa continued, voice filled with fierce and determination as if she was having a speech," what matters here is how you adapt to the new society where, to be frank, it's hard to tell what's right and wrong. And that's why, I'm here."

He moved his gaze to her with a questionable look on his face." And why would you go to this length just to help me , a wanted murderer ? "

Her face dropped when she heard it. She took a step closer to him,hovering her hand on his shoulder ,not knowing whether she should touch it or not, but she did it anyway." Listen James, it wasn't you. What happened in the past, it was the Winter soldier who did I , I just don't really know how to explain this.", she paused a bit , " But I feel like I have to do something. And that something, is telling me right here right now. Please James, why don't you give yourself a second chance? "

Bucky looked at her with frustration, then after a moment of silence, he withdrawed his hand, turning away from her. More argument would lead to nowhere ,and might even worsen his already rising headache. "Whatever."

Despite how cold he sounded, she knew that he finally opened up,though not much. Vanessa swung her body into his back,giving him a tight hug while he struggled to get out. " Just so you know, I hired the one right under yours. I'll be checking on you everyday, ok ? ".

It was warm. The heat, foreign to his body , made him shuddered a bit.

After a moment which felt like a century to him, she finally let go. Vanessa took her baggage and walked to the door, smilling to him before shuting it close. Bucky sighed, falling onto the bed. It was only 9 in the morning, yet the encounter with such unexpected guest had worn him out already. He looked up at the ceiling, bringing his metal arm up forward and exmining it. Even though there was a subtle hint of fear in her eyes when he threatened her, she still touched it. Despite him being one of the deadliest assassins in the world, she still approached him and offered him a hand as if she encountered some stray dogs on the street .Whereas Bucky only thought of himself as a monster,a menace to the society that should be eradicated , Vanessa saw him as a human being only. A physically normal one. Though he didn't want to admit it, he felt something special, and misery about her. Maybe she was an agent in disguise sent to his front door, gaining his trust to take him down anytime she was ordered. Or maybe, she was just a normal engineer like she said, but he got nothing to prove.

Taking in the faint smell of lavender from her perfume still lingering in the room, he closed his eyes. Thousand of questions were still in his head, yearning for answers but he just brushed them aside.

Afterall, we all lived lives of doubts.

The more i read about Bucky, the more i break my heart .Bucky doesn't deserve all of this horrible things Hydra did to him,so i decided to write something sweet and romantic to make up for him. Anyway, i've written a few chapters in advance . Please tell me what you think of this story :) I appreaciate all opinions.

Btw , there will be no happy ending ( to be honest, there will be both happy+ sad ending, but the happy one is still a long way to go) . And there will be lemon.