"Hello, Doc. What do you need?" Tom asked. He was in an unusually good mood. The fact that his wife was back safely on Voyager had a lot to do with it.

"Mr. Paris. I regret to have to inform you that you will be taking on added duties. Because of my recent actions, I have been confined to sick bay for the next two weeks. I'm afraid you will be responsible for any medical needs outside of here and on away missions. " The Doctor was pacing back and forth between the biobeds.

"I see," Tom said. "Two weeks. Well, that shouldn't be too much trouble. Seven tells us we are entering a quiet sector of space. My mind starts to wander when there's nothing going out on there when I'm at the helm."

The Doctor stopped in mid stride. "I must say that is a most magnanimous attitude considering how I endangered your wife," he said.

"You didn't endanger B'Elanna. You were trying to help the other holograms. It's not your fault their leader turned out to be a megalomaniac. Besides, B'Elanna told me everything that happened. She also told me she talked things over with you."

"Yes. Everyone is being more understanding than I deserve. I even had to talk the Captain into punishing me."

"Really? That's...interesting." Tom's head shot back slightly and he tilted his head.

"I know what you're thinking. That my punishment should be more severe. I should probably have some subroutines deleted, be demoted from Command EMH. I should spend a month in the brig, or the holographic equivalent of a brig, just like you did…."

"I am not thinking anything of the sort. Two weeks stuck in sick bay for you is enough."

"I was awfully callous and flippant to you during that time. Now I suppose you can repay the favor."

"Doc, don't worry about it. I understand why you did what you did."

The Doctor resumed his pacing.

"You couldn't stand back and do nothing," Tom continued. "That's not your nature. You had to help the other holograms. You did what you did...because you are who you are. Take it from me, sometimes being who you are can hurt."

"That's odd," The Doctor said. He turned around to stare at Tom. "The Captain said almost the exact same thing. She seemed a little sad when she said it."

"Said what?"

"She asked if we should we be punished for being who we are."

"That is odd," Tom said. He looked past the Doctor. A long forgotten memory tried to surface but was interrupted. His combadge chirped.

"Lieutenant Paris to my Ready Room."

"Yes Captain," he said. He smiled at the Doctor. "Gotta go."

He found her standing by the portals staring out at the stars. She was holding a padd.

"Captain,' He said. Turning to him she automatically smiled but there was no joy in her eyes. She did appear sad. He recalled the Doctor's words. 'I had to talk her into punishing me.' A sudden memory of two years ago flashed before his eyes but he pushed it away.

"Did you talk to the Doctor?" she asked. "I hate to take you away from the helm but…"

"It's not a problem," he said. She returned to staring at the stars. The ship and crew had been put through a strange ordeal and she had every right to be upset, especially with the Doctor. The thing was she usually went straight back into command mode right away. If she had doubts or second thoughts she usually saved them for Chakotay.

"Captain, is everything alright?"

"I was so angry at him. Ready to play judge and jury but Chakotay and Tuvok managed to reign me in." He took a moment to allow himself to be puzzled by her revelation. Why is she telling me this?

"Do you mind me asking exactly how they did that?" he asked.

"That's why I asked you to come here," she said. "I feel I owe you an explanation. Two years ago I made you suffer through an unnecessary stringent punishment. I am not going to be so harsh on the Doctor. You should know why."

Now the memory would not be pushed down. He was here in this room, Captain Janeway standing in front of him, angry instead of sad.

"You don't need to explain your decision to me, Captain," he said.

The sad smile returned. She handed the padd to him. Taking it from her he glanced down at it and was shocked to see his own words displayed there. He sucked in his breath at the shock of his little-remembered ramblings came back to him. No wonder the Doctor's words sounded so familiar.

"Captain. I'm sorry. I thought I had deleted this. I…"

"We should apologize to you Tom, although Tuvok and Chakotay had valid reasons for reading it at the time and for keeping it. I'll let them explain that for themselves. Suffice it to say they weren't deliberately prying into your personal business."

"Captain you have to realize I wasn't exactly myself when I wrote this. I hope…"

"Tom, I wasn't exactly myself when I issued that punishment either." She waved a hand indicating that he should take a seat. He did so and she sat down beside him.

"You were right Tom." she said." Everything you wondered about me. Absolutely right. I saw in you and your rash decision a reflection of myself. Was I trying to punish myself? I don't know. I'm not a counselor. All I know is I when the Doctor wanted to go to the aid of the holograms…"

"It came back."

"Yes. And I was prepared to do it all over again, that is until Tuvok and Chakotay brought me this. In answer to your questions, yes, I do think about the Ocampa, often. The times Q has popped in and out of our lives I have thought of asking him about them or even taking me there to see for myself but I couldn't bring myself to do it. If I found out something had happened to them I would never forgive myself. I would hate to find out our being here was all in vain. I know you think about the Moneans even though you have given the impression that you've moved on. I have never questioned your motivations for that Tom."

"Just my methods." He stared down at the padd wincing slightly at his disconnected thoughts. "I took my punishment but I never really apologized for everything Captain. I am sorry. My motivation was pure and I don't apologize for that...but everything else... It was wrong and I didn't think it through. I'm sorry I let you down."

"A commanding officer should never apologize but I'm going to break that rule. I'm sorry I was so harsh Tom. An experience like that should have broken you but you... you came back on duty and didn't say a word to me about it. No bad attitude, no complaints and if anyone else had just reason for doing so it would have been you. You could have easily spread discontent among the crew, persuaded B'Elanna and Harry to join you. They would have just taken on your anger and run with it. But you didn't. None of that happened because you were able to cut right through everything to see what was underneath it all. I'm grateful that you left this record, even though you didn't intend to."

"I really don't deserve any gratitude Captain. I was rough on you."

"You asked legitimate questions I couldn't answer then. I can now. Things are a lot clearer to me. "

"I'm glad my time alone could do someone else some good...and it's good to get answers... even if it is a few years too late."

"Better late than never. You saved the Doctor from spending a month in the holodeck...with the Kazon. Or the Tac Tac...or a colony of Talaxians. I hadn't made up my mind."

Tom laughed. "He would have loved that. He owes me big time. Just wait until I…"

"Tom." The Captain said gently shaking her head.

"Yes ma'am," He said sufficiently chastened. She smiled but this time, the sadness was gone.

"I suppose your letter was sent to your father when we made contact?" she asked.

"Yes. I can only imagine what his reaction was. He's never mentioned it. I hope the fact that you have since reinstated my rank might have canceled everything out."

"He was probably so happy to hear from you that he wouldn't have cared if you had been busted down to crewman. I've often wondered what he thought about my decision. What went through his mind when he first read about it in my reports." She shifted her position. " I can hardly bear to think about but in a way, it's given me a little insight into your life, Tom. I understand you a lot better."

The two sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts.

"I hope you don't mind if I keep this?" She asked.

"You're the Captain and it is addressed to you," Tom said handing it back to her.

"You should get back to sick bay. Keep the Doctor company."

"Yes Ma'am," He said smiling. He got up to go but she stopped him.

"Tom, thank you."

"Thank you, Captain. I'm glad you decided to take Chakotay and Tuvok's advice. They know what they're doing."

She smiled in answer as he turned and disappeared behind the sliding door. She looked down at the padd again and back to the stars.

Crossing the room to her desk she sat there for a long time contemplating her decisions over the last seven years. She didn't know when she would get an answer but she had to ask the question.

"Computer. Begin letter… Admiral Owen Paris, Starfleet Command…."