Welcome to West City Public Library, the DBZ library AU that nobody asked for! For anyone who doesn't know, I'm a school librarian in real life, and I used to work at a public library. (I foisted my old job onto Raditz. Sorry, Raditz.) This was originally posted on AO3, and I'm slowly infecting this site with the madness as well. The whole thing is largely a series of short stories. Check out westcitypubliclibrary on tumblr for extras like art, status updates, and writing by OTHER PEOPLE!

This fic will have the ships Goku/Chi-Chi, Bulma/Vegeta, Krillin/18, Yamcha/Tien, Piccolo/Nail, Gohan/Videl/Dende, annnd probably Raditz/Jeice.

Thank you for reading; I hope you enjoy it! I'm always open to feedback if you have any!

Summary: Bulma and Jaco are gossipy old bats.

"You're late, Bulma."

Bulma flicked her blue hair out of her eyes and glowered at her assistant. "Good morning to you, too, Jaco," she muttered. "My vacation? Just fine, thanks for asking. I loved spending time with my parents for the first time in months."

"You're still late."

"Have you ever tried getting Vegeta to do something he doesn't want to do while you're three months pregnant? It's about as fun as it sounds."

He sniffed derisively. "I'm sure it would be no problem for an elite like me."

"Well, you can't get pregnant, so we'll never know," she shot back. She walked into her office with her head held high, Jaco trailing behind. "I swear, one of these days Vegeta's going to gripe so much I'm going to snap and get Goku to kick his ass."

Jaco shrugged. "Why wait?"

That startled a laugh out of her. "Oh my God, Jaco, you're horrible."

"No I'm not." He smirked. "I'm the best."

She sat behind her desk and looked at the short man in front of her. "Well, what's going on in library world today?"

He produced a notebook from somewhere in his white and purple outfit and flipped it open. "The Ox Cafe is catering that author visit next month." He flipped back a page. "The one for...Miss Launch?"

"Right, yeah, I forgot that was hers." Bulma nodded. "We've known each other forever; I'm so glad she was finally able to get that published. So Chi-Chi is definitely catering that?"

"Yes." Jaco went back to the other page. "Krillin confirmed that this morning at 8:53. Also, Raditz has filed six more complaints about Vegeta and Nappa in the last 24 hours, but that's nothing new." Bulma snorted. It really wasn't. "They all seem to be about how they pick on him by gluing his coffee mug to his desk and tying his shoes together."

"I'll talk to Vegeta," she sighed. "I swear, he's five years old. Not that the other two are any better."

"Nappa submitted a complaint as well; he claims his hair is falling out because of Vegeta and Raditz."

"Tell him to buy a toupee and shut up."

Jaco made a note. "We've received several complaints from parents of children in our after school readers program. They claim Piccolo is too loud and rude to them and their children. The kids say Piccolo is actually only loud and rude to their parents. Piccolo maintains that the parents are the problem, and continues to show favouritism to Son Gohan and Dende Namek. Program attendance is up 30% this month, though."

Bulma shook her head. "I'll talk with him."

Jaco made another note. "Yamcha and Tien are still making moony faces at each other across the library, but it doesn't look like either of them has made a move yet."

She threw her hands in the air in exasperation. "Jaco, I want to know about what's going on in my library professionally, not about my ex's love life."

"The staff have started a running betting pool on who's asking who out first." Jaco gave her a thumbs up. "I bet five dollars on Tien."

She hesitated, then dug out her purse. "Put me down for ten bucks on Yamcha."

Jaco grinned and made a note.