Prologue

"Someday you'll be a shitty old man like me and wish for success but hope to fail."

Heichou told me that one day and smiled. A sad smile. A bitter smile.

It sounded like an advice, but it really felt like a confession.

Those eyes usually said little, but that time I could sense anxiety when he looked me in the eye. And it touched me deep inside.

He said no more after that. His gaze facing the horizon, from up the walls. Towards the world we couldn't see.

I wanted to ask him what was it that he feared. What was it that he hoped for. What was the success he wanted to achieve, but his fears made him hope to fail?

I wanted to erase that fear. I wanted to help him achieve success.

He looked at me once again, as if he was reading my thoughts. He had gentle eyes.

And then he said "Don't think too much about it. I'm just saying."

He took a deep breath and prepared his gear to climb down the walls.

"I'll tell you one thing, Eren. If we both survive in the end, I won't be that shitty oldman anymore." He promised me.

I really wanted to know what he was talking about.

BROKEN PROMISE

I can't remember anymore when was it that Levi told me those strange things. A lot has happened since then. It doesn't feel like it had been just three months since I've been in his company.

I might have learned how to read him better, but I still don't know why he called himself a shitty oldman. He always seems to be in a bad mood recently, with our last strike starting tomorrow.

If we both survive, another battle may surprise us, but maybe his inner battle will be over.

I hear steps on the front of our dorm. But they are so light that only somebody who is not sleeping would be able to tell.

I get up from the bed and get to the door. When I open it, I'm surprised to find him resting against the wood column, gazing at the bonfire we lit in the courtyard.

"Levi heichou," I greet.

"You're still up. I thought I told everyone to go to bed." he says, drinking from a mug.

"You did, but I can't sleep."

He sighed "Me neither."

I stand behind him in silence, gazing at the fire. The warmth it spread made that cold night very pleasant.

"I couldn't convince that fool to stay behind. The way shit keeps on happening, it feels like everything will end with us, so he doesn't even need to stay behind."

I don't know what Levi is talking about, but like that time, he seems to be confessing his fears to me. That makes me feel special, and deep inside I wish to be special to him.

"Maybe I'll die as that shitty oldman, and you, Eren, might never become one after tomorrow."

"Heichou, I don't think you are a shitty oldman" I tell him.

He turns to face me for the first time, since I left the dorm. His eyes want me to say more.

"Also, maybe being afraid of something could mean that we are just not ready to do it, but that time will eventually come and that fear will be overcome."

"Of all people, I'm hearing this from you," He grumbles, wiping the drink from his lips on his sleeve.

He walks towards me. I smell alcohol while he looks at me in the eye. He's not drunk, but he is not completely in his right state of mind. There may be more than just alcohol messing with his head.

"Tell me Eren." He says, slowly. "If I decide today that I don't want to be a shitty oldman anymore, will I have broken my promise?"

"O-of course not. If you want to be happier with yourself, the sooner the better. You don't need to wait."

"I don't need to wait..." His eyes seem lost for a moment, but he quickly finds his way back to looking into mine.

"I don't really know what you meant with calling yourself that, heichou, but I'll never think of you as that."

"I wonder that." He brings his free hand to my cheek, and his touch is rough. His hand is calloused, but it is also very warm.

I feel the tip of his thumb tracing my lip, his hand lowering to my chin.

"This, Eren, is what I'm wishing to achieve, but hoping to fail. For my own good." He says in a whisper and drops his hand.

I lick my lip, unconsciously, and taste the faint vestige of alcohol that was on his thumb. It's hot and makes me salivate. I can hear my heart beat.

He smiles that bitter smile just like that time, and then I remember how I wished to erase his fears. Now I know that I'm the only one who can do that. Now I know that I'm special to you.

I take that hand back and hold tight into mine.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm doing it.

"How much did you drink?" I ask.

"Enough to regret what I'm doing tomorrow" He replies, his voice low, our fingers intertwining.

His hair tickling my face.

The bonfire cracks and a wave of pleasant warmth hits us. It's not warmer than his hand, and it's not warmer than how I'm feeling inside.

We don't need to wait for the end.

A/N: Hello everyone. This didn't turn out as I intended... it never does haha... but the new chapters of the manga are taking forever to come out, and then I get no material to write about. It's so frustrating. I had this prologue ready in my mind but I didn't know where to fit it exactly. I'd love to find a point in story I could insert it, but I ended up picking the Night Before the Recovery Operation chapter AGAIN xD Because I keep on wondering what happened from there, with Levi hearing their conversation silently with his mug. He looks so tired of everything.

This time I wanted Levi to show his feelings first, because he's so troubled by them, thinking he should just give up on his wish to be happy with Eren and putting obstacles to it. At the same time, he is thinking that they will all probably die, and so he will never even have the chance to try.

I hope I could imerse you readers into Levi's dilemma though Eren's perception. Please let me know what you think! :)