A CULLENITE'S GUIDE: HOW TO BE INQUISITOR

STEP TEN: FACE YOUR DESTINY

She liked him better this way. Okay, so there was no denying that the man could make anything look good, or that the way he wore a pair of jeans on his hips was practically a damned art form. But there was something about seeing Cullen in his armor, standing there in Dee's bedroom, that made the world make sense. He was almost regal, which was funny given how much the man detested nobility. But there it was; Cullen Rutherford carried himself like a man who was born into greatness. And when he wore that armor she doubted very much that there was a soul alive who couldn't see that.

Not even her. Not even when he turned that soft, heart-sick gaze on her; the vambrace forgotten in his grip as he stared at her like this was the last time they would be together like this. The saddest part of that for Cora was that, in her case, that was pretty much it.

Forcing herself out of her own head, Cora stepped into the room. "Don't stop on my account," she said, taking the armor from his hand and holding it open in front of him. Warm eyes watched her in silence before he at last placed his arm obediently in the lower cannon. Cora started to work on the buckles, twisting his arm this way or that for a better view as she went, until finally the seams between the two halves met cleanly. The other vambrace was resting on Dee's bed and Cora bent to grab it, only to find a gloved hand at her shoulder; keeping her in place before him.

"In spite of everything, I find myself worrying that this is somehow the end," his voice was soft and sad, "that when I return to Thedas, I will lose you."

Her heart knew that pain. Oh God did she know that. But she'd made the decision; her heart for his. She would protect him at all costs, and see him home safely where she knew he'd be alright in the end. He'd given up the lyrium, which was the biggest hurdle for him. He could go home and marry the Inquisitor. She would keep playing the game after he left so that could happen.

And this time, at the end of Trespasser, she would disband the Inquisition and allow the couple to retire to the country; closer to his siblings, if Cora Trevelyan/Dempkowski would have any say in the matter. Sure Solas was absolutely starting a colossal mess that undoubtedly threatened the world, but there was still Hawke and the Warden and a whole host of other people who could deal with that. Cullen had been in all three games and had gone through some serious shit. He deserved some peace.

So she'd give Cullen and his Inquisitor their happy ending in this play through, and then would never pick up the keyboard to play any Dragon Age game again. She couldn't risk disrupting their happiness, and wouldn't be able to bear through watching a romance with him through a computer program. Or of seeing a future where he wasn't completely happy.

So, Cora sucked down that ache that tried to overtake her. She'd spent years putting on a brave face; showing this step-troll or that that what those horrible women said didn't matter. That she was fine. That she was happy, no matter how hard they tried to tear her down. That losing her father to them over and over again didn't matter.

She could put on that face again, here. It didn't have to be for long.

So she flipped the conversation on its side, like Cullen's worry that they were about to lose each other wasn't the most pressing issue with their relationship.

"It won't be easy," she admitted, "but we're going to make it work. We've come too far to just give up now. I'll take care of what I have to on this side, and once I'm done I'll be back in Thedas with you, just like before." Before, when she had nothing to hold onto beyond her keyboard. "And you won't even know that I wasn't there for a while." She bent her head back down to work on fastening the rest of his armor to his arm. "Time works differently between here and Thedas. When you go back it'll be to that same time that you left, and I'll be right there, sealing the rift like nothing even happened."

"But something did happen," Cullen pressed, "I won't deny what we've experienced here."

"True," she mulled, "but there is a chance we won't remember what happened here. Like when you forget your dreams after waking up."

Cullen sighed. "I must admit that part of me finds solace in the possibility of that outcome," he admitted, "yet to forget all that we have shared together here..." his hand lifted to press to her cheek and she leaned into his touch. She'd come to love the feel of his palm against her face. It was comforting, the smell of him and his heat making it so easy to forget all of the insanity that was bubbling up around them. She appreciated these moments when there was nothing but her and Cullen in the world.

"We'll just have to wait and see what happens," she said at last. "But whatever does happen, we're in it together."

Warm lips pressed to her mouth and she sighed at the contact. This was it. Somehow she knew that this was their last kiss - that they wouldn't get the chance again after this. Her arms curled behind his neck and she drew herself closer against him, feeling his arms return the sentiment. Soft smacking sounds broke the silence as their lips parted and reconnected languidly. They didn't rush this; didn't press for more. For several moments Cora contented herself to pet his hair absently as they tasted each other over and over again.

Until the click of an opening door came from the hallway behind her, followed by Dee's voice calling out their names.

With another sigh Cora broke the kiss, but held her place for a heartbeat longer as Cullen pressed his brow to hers.

She would stay like that for the rest of her life is she could. But that wasn't possible, and so Cora pulled away, forcing that 'I'm-alright-if-you're-alright' smile on her face. "Come on," she muttered, taking hold of his hand and pulling him towards the door, "it's time to go home."

XXXX

Cora Dempkowski sat cross-legged on Dee's couch with her keyboard on her lap in a position she favored when gaming above all others; the light tapping sound of its keys filling the small living room as she logged onto the network. From the other room Dee sat at her own computer, programs open and the appropriate screens up and waiting for the signal to start the uploads.

They were going to have to do it just like before - only this time intentionally; wait for 9:41 to roll around and then have Dee load in the mods at the exact moment Cora closed the rift in her game. Then Cora would pause the game and walk away, leaving Cullen alone in the room, where he would hopefully be pulled back to his Cora Trevelyan, now modded to match Cora Dempkowski in every way that they could possibly influence. It was going to take some doing - the timer on her cell phone counted down the minutes to 9:41, synced to Dee's phone timer and the clocks on their computers, so both women could be certain she held up her side of the job.

Without an active roll in the process to speak of, Cullen was left with nothing to do but stand beside the couch where Cora sat, hovering anxiously as he watched her fingers dart over the keyboard while simultaneously craning his head around to peer into the hallway at Dee. The two women were calling back and forth to each other, confirming times, statuses as far as where they were in the process, and checking to make sure each knew their jobs and when to perform them. So far it was the most impressive display of active and continuous teamwork the pair had ever performed; neither had let off an insult or sarcastic quip yet.

When the first strands of the main theme to Dragon Age: Inquisition filled the room, Dee promptly turned in her seat and kicked her door shut as she was supposed to. They didn't know if having her in the room would impact their ability to open the rift again or not, but they decided it was best to not take any chances. She hadn't been there before, so she was to separate herself from the immediate area this time, too. A door and walls would be enough the blonde woman had supposed. Cora's neighbor had been home the moment Cullen had torn through her television, after all, and had only been separated from her apartment by the walls and doors between.

Loading the last save before the fight where Cullen had been pulled from the monitor for the first time since that momentous day, she instantly noticed the impact of the anomaly they were living through: where she had been traveling with three companions before, now only Sera and Dorian jogged along with her character. The space where Dee's constructed icon for Cullen had once been was now empty. She hadn't noticed that before, when demonstrating the game's controls to Cullen before quitting the game during those first few hours. Then again, she had been fairly distracted by her new houseguest.

"Shit," she muttered, realizing that there was going to be a problem. Cullen had been acting as her party's tank. Out of the three remaining party members, Dorian had the best physical defense, and he still fell more than his fair share without Cullen around to act as a human wall between the demons and his comrades. The Inquisitor's party was close to a rift, but Emprise du Lion was a bitch of an area to navigate, and the beasties prowling it made it even more so. There was no way she was getting to that same rift she had pulled Cullen through quickly.

"Cullen I need you to pick up my phone and watch the time for me," she said, rushing her party through the war-torn terrain and keeping an eye to the map for those little red blips between here and there that would only slow her up. "I need to be at the Fade rift by 9:38. I need a few minutes to clear the demons so I can seal it. Give me reminders of the time every two or three minutes - more frequently as we get closer to the deadline time."

"Very well," from the corner of her eye a mahogany mantle dipped low, as the man retrieved her cell. "Should I help to navigate for you as well?"

Cora shook her head. "I know where I'm going. I just need you to keep me on schedule."

"Understood. Do you anticipate problems?"

With her attention fixed almost completely on the game in front of her, Cora failed to hold back the derisive snort or the cynical smirk that broke loose at his question. "Well since you're here, and not there, I've got no warrior to back me up physically. It's just Sera, Dorian, and me. So yeah, I say there are going to be some problems."

Like that.

An obscenity broke free of her mouth at the same moment Cullen muttered an appellation to the Maker when a fist of red templars came into view, complete with one of those huge ugly bastards in their ranks. For a split second she realized that Cullen was focused as intently on the screen as she was, and was able to spare just enough of her attention to mutter "Cullen, the time," before losing herself to the game.

The fight went about as well as she had expected. Cora shifted tactics to put Dorian in the role of party wall, and encouraging Sera to hang back. The necromancer was on his back more often than he was firing spells, but it helped - sort of. With Cullen calling out the time at her ear as instructed, her nerves were stretched tight. She hadn't replenished her potions just prior to her last save, and had no time to run back to a camp to restock. She wasn't low - not yet - but without Cullen she could see herself using every single potion within her carrying capacity quickly and easily.

Easily! Of course!

Cora bumped into the options menu and dropped the game's difficulty down to easy. Why hadn't she thought of that before? Dumbass. But at least this way she was going to stand more of a chance.

Setting up that chance had cost her, though. Cullen called out 9:38 and she wasn't at the rift yet - though it was at least in sight by now.

Fuck. Fuck.

She booked it straight through a pack of wolves standing between her and her target without stopping to fight them. The rift was right there and she had to be at it - now. Oh she knew perfectly well that the little shits were going to follow her into the fight, and try to make battling the demons all the more difficult, but she couldn't worry about that. Right now her only concern was closing the rift.

A pride demon materialized and Cora laughed out loud. Right, because why the fuck not?

Without pausing to decide if she was jumping the gun or not, Cora unleashed Mark of the Rift before the majority of the demons could scatter. Thank god she had held off on using her big guns for this. The fearlings and those wolves that had followed her in fell off straight out of the gate. From there, Cora went after whatever nasty Sera and Dorian turned their attention to - knowing it would be faster if they tag-teamed the demons.

"9:39." Cullen's voice announced.

Thankfully her mark had done a boatload of damage to everything. The first wave of demons fell quickly enough and Cora stood impatiently, waiting for the next wave to come pouring through the green beams of light. It was the longest interval she'd ever waited through, she felt, and she did her best to not go nuts during the pause by throwing a potion Dorian's way.

More fearlings, horrors, and another pride demon exploded into the snow and Cora unleashed the largest spells at her and Dorian's disposal on them, rotating through party member to ensure that everyone was throwing everything they had into this fight. But bouncing around so much gave her Inquisitor brief moments where she didn't fight to her full potential, and each time Cora circled back around to the blonde mage she found the woman overrun by this demon or that.

"9:40."

"Goddamn mother fucking fucks! Get the fuck off of me!"

The floodgates of her mouth opened and that singular word was unleashed on her opponents in every variation she knew as her Inquisitor stood and jogged back a couple of steps so she could actually get a spell off, watching as Dorian's icon changed from dark and bloodied to something less alarming; telling her that Sera had revived the man once again. More spells followed and red dots fell off of the map one by one, though still far too slowly for her taste. A horror she had been rushing after dropped in an eruption of fire; Dorian having taken the creature on personally.

"9:41."

"Wait Dee!" Cora bellowed into the open air before her as she struggled to end the battle immediately.

And then, proving to Cora once again why she loved the crass she-elf so much, Hail of Arrows rained down around her characters as Cora and Dorian focused two final spells on the pride demon. The image of the rift shifted further off, and Cora was charging after it, smashing the close button as soon as it appeared.

"Dee now!"

The rift seemed to explode and Cora popped the tactical menu up, freezing the world on the television all at once.

Dropping the keyboard Cora gave Cullen's beautiful, longing eyes one last look as she sped off, brushing her fingers against his while racing for the bathroom in order to separate them.

The door had only just begun to swing shut behind her when the living room exploded into a maelstrom of noise and green light.

And then there was only silence, and dark.

XXXX

The doorknob was cool and unremarkable against her palm when she at last worked up the nerve to turn it; the hinges silent as she pushed the door open.

The rest of the apartment didn't look like a bomb had gone off or anything. In spite of the flash of green light that had blazed from the seams of the door just a few seconds ago, and had made Dee jump back with a yelp that had her thinking that the entire place had gone up in sickly flames, everything outside of her office was just fine. The rooms were as neat as her friend had left them; Cora's purse and keys were by the door, the television was on with the game paused-

-but the woman herself was noticeably absent, as was the ex-templar.

Holy shit! Had it actually worked?!

Dee crept through the apartment, finding a few minor differences. Cora's tricked-out, super-expensive keyboard was laying face down on the floor in front of the couch; an offense to her equipment the gamer girl would normally never tolerate. The woman's cell phone was also on the floor, beside the sofa, with the timer screen reading The time in large, white numbers.

Passing the electronics, Dee opened the front door to peek out into the foyer, and found it too, was empty.

Clicking the door shut quietly she return to her living room, where only one room of the apartment didn't have a clear line of sight leading to it, and when she returned to her tiny hallway she found that her bathroom door was shut; the light off judging by the lack of glow coming from beneath it. Dee sighed and backed off immediately. There had only been two rooms Cora could have escaped to when it came time to give Cullen the space he'd need to leave, and Dee now knew which one it had been. As for why the door was still closed, the dark woman pieced that one together immediately. Cora hated it when people saw her cry, so it was no surprise that she would have locked herself in the room to have a good bawl; and Dee was in no particular hurry to coax her out.

Instead, to kill the time, Dee went into the kitchen to fix up some food. Neither had eaten much these passed couple of days, she knew. She tossed a container of left-over pasta into the microwave and, while she waited for that, gathered up Cullen's prescription and modern clothes from their place next to the desk in her office, chucking them into a couple of grocery bags - not sure if she should toss them or not. Then the keyboard and cell phone were placed on the living room table, the blanket on the couch tossed back on her bed, and finally a fresh pot of coffee was started up; knowing the drink was the closest thing to comfort food Cora had.

Once she was sure that she had erased all traces of the Ferelden from every unoccupied room of her place, and the microwave had chimed that their food was ready, she decide that she'd given Cora enough time alone. Trying not to sound too rough, Dee padded up to her bathroom, knocking softly.

"Come on, girl," she sighed, hoping like hell she wouldn't hear a sob from the other side of the door. She didn't know how to deal with that. "I know it sucks, but you knew it had to happen. He didn't belong here. ... You did the right thing, you know? He wanted to go back. Like you said, Thedas is his home, right? ... And now you can move on..." She sighed again and finally worked up the nerve to open the door, slowly though, to give Cora time to wipe off her face or whatever. "Cora, seriously, you have t-"

Dee stopped dead in her tracks and gaped. Her mind started to spin as she flipped on the light switch - not that it changed anything.

What should she do? What should she do? What-

And then a weird calm came over her, and Cora's friend wondered if she had just snapped a little. Or a lot. Because what came to mind didn't - shouldn't - make sense. She should be flipping her shit right now, not thinking what she was.

Because she knew. Dee knew that she shouldn't do anything. Cora was the one with all of the crazy ideas and schemes. She was the dreamer who could imagine her way into or out of anything.

If anyone could puzzle this one out, it would have to be the blonde blogger.

For now, Dee could only wait, and hope that she would.

XXXX

She was having a nightmare - she was aware of it in that strange way her mind could sometimes recognize that something wasn't real. They were nonsensical and impossible to follow. There were people dead all around her; bodies thrown on the ground, burned and twisted like like gnarled trees. There was shouting, sometimes screaming.

The bodies would at times give way to less gruesome scenes, where she spat insults at women who sneered at and belittled her at every turn; glittering jewels dangling from their fingers like physical evidence of some personal betrayal. Once a woman with long blonde hair smiled sweetly at her as she cried - she loved that smile so, so much. It had been so long...

Then came the otherworldly visions where she could only cower away from monsters that gnashed inhuman mouths at her. She faded in and out of those varying nightmares forever. Maybe it was only hours, and maybe it was days. She couldn't tell. But through it all her body soon ached everywhere; cold agony making itself known in her hips and legs, even when her dreams took her into harsh fires or soft embraces.

When she finally came-to, she could hear water. It was a low, slow drip, like someone had left on the...

...left on the...

...how did that phrase go again?

She tried to press a hand to her forehead but something stopped her. She couldn't move.

Cora opened her eyes just as green light flashed within her clenched fingers and pain flared up her arm like lightening. She opened her grip to try to drop whatever it was that was hurting her, but the light grew only brighter; a jagged line across her palm that pulsed with sickly light that shone violently when the pain intensified. Try as she might, she couldn't get a clearer look; her arms had been chained to the stone floor beneath her. She was trapped with this green fire burning a hole through her hand and no way of escaping any of it.

Panic threatened to swallow her, but was stamped down when the door banged open in front of her as two very angry, very intimidating, women marched in; both looking at her like she was a matter of seconds from a death like the ones she had just dreamt of.

Strange... they seemed so familiar to her... had she met them before?

"Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now." The one without the hood demanded, leaning down to her ear.

Cora blinked. The accent... she could place that much at least. It was… Nevarran. Right? Another word tried to surface, another name for that dialect, but she dismissed it. No, definitely Nevarran.

Why could she remember that but not...

"The conclave is destroyed," the woman went on, "everyone who attended is dead. Except for you."

It hadn't been a nightmare, Cora realized with a dread that dropped her stomach low in her guts and made her blood run cold. Those horrible images from before had been memories… and they were filling her head slowly, coming through like people walking towards her through a fog. Some she couldn't make out yet, and only knew that they were there. Some were getting clearer by the second.

And others still were fading out completely; impressions of a dark-haired woman with a face she couldn't see, the face of the blonde woman with that smile she so adored, incredible places she thought she should know... all dimming rapidly and leaving her uncertain that they just hadn't been part of her nightmares. Still, a part of her mourned the loss of them. For reasons she didn't understand, she knew those dreams had been important to her.

The women in front of her were watching her suspiciously, waiting for her answer. And while that creeping fear was taking hold of her more firmly with every second, something deep within her told her that things would work out. She did not know how or why she held this belief, but something precious was out there, waiting for her. Something that would help to make everything make sense again. She only had to find it. If the rest of the world unwound around her, this small comfort would keep her steady. She only had to trust that this belief meant something.

It wouldn't be long now…

It was not much, but it was enough to strengthen her failing nerves so that she could speak. Hesitating for only a second, Cora opened her mouth and allowed her voice waiver up into existence; its tones bright and silvery, just as she knew it had always been.

It wouldn't be long now.

XXXX