In the last chapter of Ghost Fighter, these shoes were three hundred fucking dollars, but Dennis said "let's get them" and "let's party". Alfred wanted to borrow Eugene's top, but he was being a betch and wouldn't lend it to him, so Alfred threatened him with something hard and sandpapery. Vincent called them all shetbags and Jenny officially declared Eugene a deck for using text message break up and then trying to have a booty call with her. Jeremiah warned Charlene that boys just want in her tutu and that tattoos are from the deville, and Suzzie started her organic vegan girl-on-girl sandwich tour for her Greatest Tits album.

A/N: OMFG, "sandpapery" is actually a word! Now let's get some shoes!

Chapter 8: Throbbing Great Man Sausage

To avoid suspicion, Kuwabara spent the night in demon world, taking a tip from Hiei and sleeping in a tree. Unlike Hiei, Kuwabara did not sleep up in the branches, rather he found himself a hollow tree crawled into it and slept there – until he awoke to find a mouse chewing at something near the tree roots, at which point he got up, screamed and ran off to find another hollow tree, where he spent the rest of the night having nightmares about Biker Mice from Mars. The next morning when he awoke, he wasted no time going back to the living world and to commence his search for Botan, who was meant to be sitting a mid-term exam for him that morning. When she failed to turn up as the desks in the exam hall filled, Kuwabara panicked, lost the ability to think logically and sat himself down at a desk, in Hiei's unwashed body, tree-bark dirtied hair and clothes, and he proceeded to take the exam as he ought to have been doing.

Surprisingly, nobody seemed to notice or even to care that there was an unfamiliar face sat amongst them.

Kuwabara had a plan: he was going to incapacitate Botan and hide her in his dorm room, and then he was going to live his own life in Hiei's body. He was going to attend as many classes as he could without being found out, and he was going to tell Yukina the truth about the fate that had befallen him. He was confident that his plan would work: he had already proved that, in a large room with everyone focussed on something else, he could still attend most of his classes and exams, and he was sure that a sympathetic and understanding soul like Yukina's would understand what had become of him and she would forgive and accept his circumstances.

But mostly Kuwabara just wanted to let Yukina know that it had been Botan who had been behaving like such a slut around her lately and not him.

He did not know – nor did he really even care – where Botan was or what she was doing. She had probably either slept in or gone to cry somewhere, he concluded. As long as she was not crying in front of anyone he knew, he did not care, and if she was crying in front of someone he knew, he had already prepared an elaborate excuse he would later tell that person involving a medicine cabinet mix-up he had suffered when he had gone in search of some Alka-Seltzer.

To help avoid attracting any more unwanted attention towards himself, Kuwabara hurried through the exam and raised his hand to have his paper collected so that he could leave early, rather than amongst a rush of bodies, at least one of whom was likely to notice that he was not a regular student in that class. The invigilator diligently marched up to Kuwabara's desk to collect his papers and Kuwabara looked up at him with a smile. The invigilator – despite being a stern looking older man – yelped like a Chihuahua that had just been kicked in the genitals and flinched back fearfully. Kuwabara was not really sure which part of his face had startled the old man: his red eyes or his smile, which had a tendency to be more of a maniacal grin on Hiei's face, as though he lacked the ability to smile genuinely. The invigilator muttered out something incoherent and reached out a shaking hand towards Kuwabara's papers. Kuwabara gladly stood up and pushed his chair in, pausing long enough to screw up his face at the old man as a cocktail of sweat and urine wafted over him and to contemplate using his jagan eye to find out exactly what was going through the man's mind.

It was all really too much information, Kuwabara decided as he walked off. Being a demon was like being all-knowing, but it turned out that most things were better left unknown. There was indeed bliss in ignorance, and he intended to tell Hiei as much the next time he called him an ignoramus. Maybe, he thought, all those times Hiei had insulted his intelligence and cluelessness had in fact been just Hiei lashing out in a jealous rage because he wished that he was not quite as perceptive as he was.

Outside, Kuwabara quickly made his way to Genkai's temple, where he found Yukina knelt in the gardens, feeding wild birds from the palms of her hands – a tranquil and heart-warming sight that quickly turned sour as the birds spotted Kuwabara's approach and went into a frenzied panic. Feathers were shed and poop and seed were sprayed everywhere as the birds squawked and flapped about desperately trying to escape. Once they had gone, they left Yukina behind with her arms over her head and a mess on the ground all around her. She slowly slid her arms down again as Kuwabara gingerly approached her, grinning nervously: and when she saw the grin on his face she flinched and her eyes momentarily took on the same look the invigilator in the exam hall had taken on when Kuwabara had grinned at him.

"M-mister Hiei," she said carefully. "Good afternoon."

"Hey Yukina," Kuwabara replied, kneeling down in front of her.

She frowned slightly as she began dusting seed hulls from her hair.

"I have something really important to tell you," he said.

Her eyes narrowed slightly.

"It's about who I really am," he said.

Her face softened and she lowered her hands to her lap, clasping them together.

"This is kinda difficult for me to admit to, Yukina," he said.

She smiled.

"And I wanted to tell you before, I just didn't know how to without frightening you or confusing you or just plain upsetting you," he continued.

"I'm not frightened, confused, or upset," she said gently.

"Well you might be when you hear what I have to tell you," he said with a wry smile. "I've been hiding something from you, a secret, and I just feel awful, Yukina, because I adore you and I respect you so much and I've never lied to you about anything before now, so I want to be honest with you about everything, including this one thing."

"I already know what you're trying to tell me, and I want you to know that I adore and respect you too."

Yukina put her hand on Kuwabara's. He stared at it for a long time before slowly lifting his eyes to hers, finding her smiling and almost tearful. She nodded her head to confirm that she meant what she had just said, but still he could hardly believe it.

"I always have," she added.

"R-really?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Because I knew you were the one I was looking for the moment I first laid eyes on you, Yukina!"

"It was the same for me."

"Really? Oh wow! I guess Botan didn't mess things up as badly as I thought! Actually… Maybe she was right… Maybe she did make things better…"

"Botan never betrayed your secret to me, though I think she came close a few times. I could tell by the way she was acting that what was really going on. But please don't be mad at her, she had my best interests at heart every time she almost revealed the truth."

"Yeah, I guess Botan isn't so bad. So anyway, I was uh, just wondering it we could um, I dunno, maybe spend some time together today?"

Yukina smiled and gripped Kuwabara's hand.

"I would love that," she said.

"Really?" he echoed.

"Of course, brother!"

"Well that's just swell and I–wait, what?"

"I'm so pleased that you finally felt able to tell me that you're my brother, Hiei!"

"Uh…."

"I knew you were the brother I was looking for the first time I saw you – but at first I didn't think you knew. I thought, after the way you were so cruelly cast out of the ice village at birth, it was only proper to let you come to me if you ever wanted us to be a family."

"…Cast out of the ice village at birth? Well I guess that explains a few things…"

"Miss Rui told me all about how she was made to throw you over the edge of the cliff, and it broke my heart."

"Thrown from a cliff? I guess he must've landed head-first, which would explain the shape of his head and why he's so short…"

"I didn't want you to think that I would shun you like the other ice maidens did, but I also feared you might think that I pitied you."

"Hiei is kinda pitiable…"

"What made you change your mind about telling me? If you don't mind me asking, that is?"

Kuwabara drew in a breath and opened his mouth to answer Yukina, but the earnest look in her eyes stopped him short. He slowly sighed out the air again and let his shoulders slouch down.

"Yukina, I'm not your brother," he said quietly.

Her face twisted and her chest twitched as though he had just stabbed her in the heart.

"I mean, Hiei is your brother, but I'm not Hiei," he corrected himself.

She frowned and tilted her head to one side. He lifted her hand on his and reached over his other hand, enclosing her hand in both if his.

"I'm Kuwabara," he said softly. "There was an accident with Suzuka's soul-swapping magic box, and my soul was transferred into Hiei's body."

Yukina gasped, touching her free hand to her mouth. Kuwabara nodded sadly.

"Yeah," he said. "The last few days have been… Weird…"

"But…" she said faintly. "If your soul is in Mister Hiei's body, then Mister Hiei's soul must be in your body! And if that's so, was it Mister Hiei that kissed me and was so bold when we went on our date?"

"Actually no, it was–wait, our date? You admit that it was a date?"

Yukina looked too startled to even understand what Kuwabara was asking of her – but he had never heard her refer to one of their dates as a date before.

"It was Botan," he explained. "Botan's soul is in my body, my soul is in Hiei's body and Hiei's soul is in Botan's body."

"Oh my!" Yukina gasped. "How awful! But… I feel foolish for not noticing before. I should have realised that something was amiss after you behaved so strangely around me, Mister Hiei became so talkative and I twice caught Botan fondling her lady bits to the point of orgasmic release…"

"What?!"

"But what will you do? How will you get your own body back?"

Kuwabara tried to push aside Yukina's comment about Botan – or rather Hiei – masturbating openly and to think of a logical answer to her question. When he failed to rid himself of the image of Botan in such a position, he gave the only answer he could think of.

"Urameshi's fixing it for us."

"Yusuke?"

"Yeah."

"A-are you sure? He's been playing video games, training and sleeping at this temple for the last few days. I don't understand how any of those things could be helping you…?"

Kuwabara groaned.

"Damn Urameshi…" he grumbled.

He temporarily wallowed in his own anger at Yusuke – who apparently still thought his predicament was amusing – but he did not stay mad for long as he felt Yukina pull her hand from between his. He met her eyes questioningly but she looked away.

"It's a little strange for me," she said awkwardly. "You've been wooing me and now you're in my brother's body."

Kuwabara hurriedly shook his head.

"It doesn't matter though!" he quickly said. "It's what's on the inside that counts, right? And I may be Hiei on the outside, but I'm one hundred percent Kazuma Kuwabara on the inside!"

"It's just that… You asked me to spend time with you today: did you mean to spend time together as sweethearts?"

"Yes!"

"But you're in my brother's body! I couldn't possibly even think of…"

"Just don't think about it, my love!"

"Please don't call me a pet name in my brother's voice."

"I can't help the whole nasal monotone thing, it seems to come with the body."

"That's not what I meant."

Yukina stood up abruptly and Kuwabara hurriedly copied her, silently wondering whether or not being on eye level with her when stood up was a good thing.

"You have to get yourself sorted out," she said firmly.

"I know, I'm stuck like this for six weeks unless Urameshi can find a cure," he replied. "I've tried to live as Hiei, but I can't be him, and I can't stand watching Botan mess up being me, so I've decided to just live my own life in this body."

"…I don't understand…"

"I sat an exam this morning and I think I can still go to most of my classes without anyone noticing, and I still want to spend time with you, Yukina. And now that you know the truth and you know that it wasn't me who was kissing you and groping you like that, I was hoping we could go on a date this afternoon?"

Yukina suddenly started to look a little frightening, and Kuwabara became acutely aware of the fact that she was a demon.

"You're in my brother's body!" she said. "I couldn't possibly even think of dating you like that!"

"But you always said that true beauty came from within, and within this body, I'm still your man!"

"Please don't call yourself my man in my brother's voice!"

"I can't control the voice–"

"I don't want to hear and see my brother prostrating himself before me like that!"

"What about my prostate?"

Yukina yelped, spun on her heels and ran off.

"…Well that could have gone a lot better…" Kuwabara muttered miserably.

Botan placed down a lunch tray on the table and stepped over the bench to sit down, inadvertently kicking the legs of the table and then Kurama's shin as she tried to manoeuvre Kuwabara's large feet beneath the table.

"Kuwabara," Kurama greeted her, not so much as flinching when she kicked him. "To what do I owe the pleasure this time?"

He looked a little tense, but Botan was determined. After a disastrous day as Kuwabara, she was going to tell Kurama the truth about what had happened with Suzuka's invention – Kurama had a right to know, she had decided, since all the rest of the spirit detective team knew, and of them all, Kurama was the most sensible and trustworthy – and she needed to explain to him that she had not been the one to dress like a whore and then proceed to act like one on their date.

She did not care what Kuwabara or Hiei thought about what she was about to do – they had gotten her into this mess, now they could take the shame of Kurama finding out about it.

"I hope you do have a reason for sitting with me," Kurama said, awakening her from her thoughts with his oddly dark tone. "Because I've told you before that I don't appreciate you using me as an excuse to avoid your female fan-club."

"Wh-what?" Botan stuttered.

"I don't appreciate you sitting with me on the basis that those girls think I am either your girlfriend or your very effeminate boyfriend, and thus they stop pestering you," Kurama replied. "You are welcome to sit here as my friend, but please don't pretend that to be the case if you are only here to avoid your groupies."

Botan balked.

"Kuwabara really has groupies?" she asked. "Really? I thought that was just a story he made up!"

Kurama frowned slightly, and Botan then realised that what she had just said had probably sounded odd coming from Kuwabara's mouth.

"No, I need to tell you something," she said. "It's about Suzuka's invention."

"It's gone missing, I know," he replied.

"Golly, nothing gets by you, Kurama!"

Kurama frowned slightly again.

"You're so sensitive to your environment and so keen and attentive and intelligent and dreamy…"

Botan did not realise that she had been stroking Kurama's arm across the table until he slid it back out of her reach.

"I admit I wanted to study the weapon, and I intended to take it for myself," he said, his tone a little strained. "But I couldn't find it. All I did find was this."

Kurama played his fingers through his hair and produced a folded up note. Botan watched with interest as he opened it out and held it up for her to read.

"IOU one box," she read aloud.

"It's Yusuke's handwriting," Kurama said, folding the note up again. "I don't understand why he would take it; I can only think that he underestimated its powers."

"He didn't take it," Botan said. "I don't know why he wrote that note, but the box doesn't really exist any more. It was broken into three pieces, you see."

"It was activated?" Kurama asked, his back straightened and his eyes widening. "Where? When? And by who?"

"…It was all Hiei and Kuwabara's fault! They were fighting over the box because Hiei wanted to take it to demon world and Kuwabara wanted to keep it in the living world, but it was meant to go back to spirit world, so I tried to make them stop, I tried to take the box from them, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in Kuwabara's body!"

Kurama's eyes doubled in size, and for the first time ever, Botan saw him look flustered.

"I'm Botan!" she explained, mistakenly interpreting his twisted and uneasy expression as one of confusion.

"You… Swapped bodies with Kuwabara?" he asked in a low voice. "So on our date when you lay out on my bed and… That was Kuwabara?"

It was Botan's turn to screw up her face as Kurama suddenly turned very pale and convulsed slightly as though he might bring up his half-eaten lunch.

"No," she hurriedly explained. "We didn't swap bodies directly. We sort of swapped up to a more powerful body, except Hiei, who swapped down to the least powerful body."

Kurama regained a little of his colour, but began to look confused.

"My soul was transferred into Kuwabara's body," Botan explained. "Which has been like getting a power-promotion, because this body is surprisingly strong, you know. And Kuwabara's soul transferred into Hiei's body, which means he got a more powerful body too. And then Hiei… Hiei's soul transferred into my body. Hiei was the one who went on my date with you and behaved so… Coquettish."

"Hi…?" Kurama responded, the first syllable of Hiei's name leaving his lips through a strained, breathy, sigh.

"Yes, I'm afraid so," Botan replied, clasping her hands together on the table. "We didn't tell anyone that we had broken the box and activated its power because we hoped that we could fix our problem quickly, and so rather than worry everyone else unnecessarily, we agreed to live each others' lives and pretend nothing had happened. Unfortunately though, being Kuwabara is a lot harder than it looks, and I can't bear the thought of what Hiei's been doing with you, far less how he must be behaving in spirit world…"

"Hi…?"

"Yes."

"Hiei?"

"Yes."

"That was… Hiei?"

"Yes."

Kurama sat back slightly and his face paled again.

"Are you alright, sweetie?" Botan asked.

Frowning in concern, she leaned over the table and gently stroked the backs of her fingers down one side of his face. He turned paler still and his eyes moved to something at his side. Botan turned her head to see what had caught his attention and saw a group of four girls staring agape at them.

"What are they looking at?" she asked, turning back to Kurama.

"They're watching Kuwabara and me sharing an intimate moment!"

"Wha-ah!"

Botan stared at her hand, which Kurama and pushed down from his face. Kurama's hand was gripped almost painfully around her wrist holding her arm down against the table, and the sudden act of rejection left her feeling even more miserable about her predicament than ever, and her eyes began to blur with tears.

"I was just trying to do my duty and take the box to sprit world!" she wailed, moving her eyes to Kurama's. "Hiei and Kuwabara were fighting over it and I was just trying to stop them, and now look what's happened to me! I didn't ask for this! I don't deserve this! Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a throbbing great man sausage in your underpants that has a mind of its own and doubles in size and threatens to burst out anytime you even so much as think about something slightly erotic?"

Kurama paled further and turned his head to look over at the group of girls watching them.

"It's happening right now, even!" Botan sobbed, tears falling down her face. "Just being near you makes it all hard and pokey!"

She leaned back to look down at her lap.

"Oh goodness, it gets enormous when I'm around you, Kurama!"

She looked up at Kurama, and found him looking somewhat askew, as though he was having some kind of suppressed seizure.

"Oopsie!" she said, touching a hand to her mouth. "Here I am talking about man bits as if I'm an authority on the matter, but you already know way more about this than I do – you've had man bits all your life!"

Kurama's eyebrows jerked upwards, disappearing behind his hair.

"Oh my, how embarrassing!" Botan yelped, touching her hands to her cheeks as she began to blush violently. "Here I am talking to you about your man bits – I didn't mean to be so forward, Kurama!"

Kurama took one last look at the group of by now quite disturbed and confused girls watching them and then hurriedly got to his feet, grabbed a sleeve of Botan's shirt and dragged her from the cafeteria. Botan stumbled after him without complaint, feeling too awkward to argue: she really could not believe that she had just mentioned Kurama's genitals to his face! Surely that was the most embarrassing thing she had ever done!

"Listen carefully: I understand that the box was activated, and that you became a victim of its powers," Kurama said sternly as he jolted her to a halt on the lawn outside the cafeteria building. "But nobody else on this campus knows that, and nobody else on this campus can ever find out that you are a ferry girl trapped in the body of a powerful psychic because of a device manufactured by a demon. Do you understand?"

Botan frowned and Kurama sighed.

"What has happened to you is awful, I agree," he said. "But whilst you are here, surrounded by humans who recognise your body as Kuwabara, you can't act like yourself and talk about… We need to get out of here."

Botan nodded, wiping a tear from her eye.

"But first, will you give me a hug?" she asked.

"What?" he echoed, turning pale again.

"I haven't had a hug in days!" she moaned. "Usually I get lots of hugs – from my friends in spirit world and in the living world – but nobody ever hugs Kuwabara!"

"Please, keep your voice down–"

"I need a hug!"

"Alright!"

Botan gasped as Kurama grabbed his arms around her. It was a stiff, awkward, hips-apart, manly hug, but she did not care. She sighed and hugged him back, squeezing him as close to herself as she could and ignoring the way he fought to keep his hips back from hers – but she decided that was most likely because he was worried because she was still aroused, and he probably felt a little awkward about feeling Kuwabara's hardened penis pressed against his own manhood.

"Will you kiss me?"

"What?"

"I haven't kissed anyone in days! If you won't kiss me, at least let me kiss you!"

"I don't think that would be a good idea in such a public forum as this–"

"I need it!"

Botan leaned her head back to look Kurama in the eye and found him staring up at her with an uncharacteristically bewildered look on his face. He did not move, and so she decided to take a chance on just kissing him anyway, and leaning towards him. He made a small noise of alarm and leaned back, bending over backwards and turning his head to one side to avoid allowing their lips to come in contact.

"You have to try to understand this from my point of view, Botan!" he said.

"But it's me, Kurama!" she complained. "You should know better than anyone what my situation is!"

"I understand completely that the box was used and what it's done to you, but you still look, sound and smell like Kuwabara, and that's just a little… Awkward."

"I wasn't talking about the box."

"What?"

Kurama turned his head to look directly at Botan and she renewed her efforts to kiss him, at which he swiftly turned his head away again and put his hands on her chest, holding her back.

"Not the box," she said. "I meant that you too have your soul trapped in someone else's body, a body that is in no way a true reflection of who and what you really are, so you ought to be sympathetic to my situation!"

Kurama lessened the pressure on Botan's chest and slowly turned his head to look directly at her again.

"Yes, I do understand that," he said quietly. "And your sympathy and understanding of my situation in that respect was just one of the reasons I wanted you for my lover."

Botan gasped and became teary-eyed again.

"But we need to fix your situation," Kurama insisted. "I don't think Kuwabara would appreciate me kissing his body, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either. You're not in just any wrong body, you're in the body of a comrade of mine. Do you understand?"

"I kissed Yukina…" she muttered, pouting sulkily.

"You kiss girls all the time," he pointed out.

"You kissed Hiei," she said.

"Hiei wouldn't let me kiss him – you – him in your body. He allowed me to kiss him on the cheek, but no more."

"And the way he dressed on our date and the things he did… You must have been disgusted with me!"

Kurama's eyes wandered from Botan's for a moment, and she was sure she saw a hint of colour briefly grace his cheeks.

"You were disgusted, right?" she asked.

"Disgusted isn't the right word to describe how I felt," he diplomatically replied.

"Oh dear…"

Hiei flew through the corridors of Mukuro's lair, ignoring the way demons around him were staring. It was quite amusing that none of them had attempted to stop him, he thought, especially as he was in the body of a ferry girl in a baby pink kimono and with powder blue hair, both of which seemed especially pronounced against the dull browns, greys and blacks of his surrounding environment, making him all the more conspicuous. He could have been a spy from spirit world, but everyone else was apparently too shocked by his presence to make that deduction, and so he was allowed free passage.

Hiei had spent a day as a ferry girl, and he was not about to spend any longer in that guise. He had always despised spirit world, and in one day of living and working there, he had learned far more about the place than he had ever wanted to. So he had decided to return to demon world, tell Mukuro what that idiot human and that idiot ferry girl had done to him, send Kuwabara back to the living world and attempt to live his own life in the ferry girl's body until Yusuke found a way for him to get back to being himself again.

Hiei took himself to his own chambers, where he quickly shed the ferry girl clothing and tried to dress himself in some of his own clothes. His pants were uncomfortably tight across the hips and too short in the legs, his boots only fit after wrapping his feet in several layers of bandages to bulk them up a bit and his vest was too baggy at the shoulders and too short to fully cover his torso. He did not have a mirror in his room – he had never wanted or needed one – but he suddenly wished that he did. He eventually decided to pull up the elasticised end of his pants to just above his knees to allow him better movement, and he decided he would just have to ignore the fact that his mid-section was bare, caused by his vest stopping halfway down his torso and his pants – despite being high-waisted – stopping partway down his hips.

He probably looked like one of those wannabe fighters some women in demon world were, he thought.

With a grunt of disgust he summoned the oar and took off again. As the body he was in moved ridiculously slowly, flying was his preferred method of travel, and, he thought, he was getting better at handling the oar every time he used it. It was not nearly as easy to control as that woman had made it seem, but he was learning. He flew himself all the way to Mukuro's office, where he disembarked the oar with only a slight stumble, banished it and then barged his way into his boss's office without preamble.

"Hiei?" she said.

Hiei stopped short. She had her back to him and she looked as though she was frozen on the spot. How had she known that it was him? Obviously that orange-haired idiot had said something about the soul-swapping incident, Hiei concluded. Mukuro turned around to face him and for a brief moment looked stupid with surprise.

"Oh…" she said as she regained her composure. "I thought you were someone else. How did you get in here and who the hell are you?"

Hiei grinned.

"Hn, you were right the first time, Mukuro," he said. "Maybe I don't look the same, but I'm still the same on the inside."

"…Hiei?" she said faintly.

He nodded and then crossed the room towards her, ignoring the way she took a wary step back as he drew nearer.

"When I went to the living world, a pair of weak idiots used a weapon on me that took my soul from my body and put it into the body of this weak idiot, and my body is being inhabited by the soul of another weak idiot," he said. "I let that idiot come here and pretend to be me because I thought he could handle a few days here, but I see now that I was wrong, so I've come back, in this body, to continue my role here."

Mukuro opened and closed her mouth several times as though she intended to start answering him, but every time she tried, no sound came out.

"The last few days have been the worst of my existence, which is really saying something," Hiei said, edging closer to her. "But I think you could help me forget about that. What do you say?"

He slid his hands around her neck and pushed his fingers up into her hair, leaning closer to her. In the ferry girl's body he was actually taller than her, which was quite a surreal experience, but he had always subscribed to the idea that "everyone is the same size lying down", and that was the position he intended to get himself and Mukuro into as soon as possible, which would negate any height differences between them.

"You're a woman, Hiei," she said tightly.

"That's never bothered you before," he replied, touching the tip of his nose against hers.

"…It's never happened before," Mukuro pointed out. "You were always a man before."

"I maybe don't have all my usual equipment, but you know well enough that I don't need it to give you want you need."

Mukuro looked momentarily angry, but the look faded and she leaned back slightly, letting her eyes rove over Hiei's newly-acquired body.

"Who is she?" she asked as her eyes met Hiei's again.

"Does it matter?" he asked.

She paused, apparently giving his question some consideration before answering him.

"I suppose not," she eventually conceded. "And I suppose she does have a nice, pert rack."

"Yes she does," Hiei replied, grinning darkly. "And they feel even better than they look: care to try?"

Mukuro gave a small smile and then slid from Hiei's hold, moving over to the door and locking it shut. When she turned back to face Hiei however, her expression had changed and he felt confused because, for the first time ever, she looked a little wary.

"I've never been with a woman before," she said quietly.

"Your first time?" he asked, walking towards her. "Don't worry: I'll be very gentle."

Her face dropped.

"I hope not," she said flatly.

He grinned and pounced at her: though he did not knock her to the ground like he usually did when he launched himself at her, instead she effortlessly caught him in her arms. He started to think that maybe he had made a mistake, but when she started kissing him he gave up thinking and instead just wrapped his legs around her waist and kissed back as aggressively as he could manage.

In the next chapter of Ghost Fighter, Eugene decides that it's time to tell his friends the truth about his double life, and so he calls them all round, puts on the unflattering lighter-haired wig and excessive make-up and reveals that he is in fact Hannah Montana, but it's great because he gets the best of both worlds. Jeremiah asks if this makes him a closet slut with daddy issues, double standards and some frankly quite sick ideas about chastity, but he assures the gang that this is not the case: he may be Hannah Montana, but luckily his alter ego is Eugene and not that over-rated, buck-toothed, bushy-haired, raspy-voiced bitch Miley Cyrus. The gang enjoys a temporary reprieve, but doubt returns when Victoria and Eugene pen a terrible, transparent and trashy sitcom about their own lives as "normal" people living in a sprawling Malibu beach house, and they sell the script to Disney, where it earns a time-slot alongside other dubious programming such as "The Wankers of Waverly Place" and "The Suite Taste of Dick".