Genre: Humour / Friendship

Summary:

The Straw Hats are having a party when the freshly appointed Pirate King gets cold feet for the first time in his life. Trafalgar Law doesn't quite understand what this has to do with him. Future fic, One-shot

Characters:

Luffy: … is terrified.

Law: … doesn't give a shit about that.

the Straw Hats: … are left in the dark.

and Zoro: … has five seconds of screen-time.

Disclaimer: One Piece is not mine, of course not. Nobody would read it if it was.

The Two

Trafalgar Law sat on the beach beneath the already rising sun, the severed nose gripped tightly in his hand and didn't quite know what to do with himself. On normal days his mental strength lasted well out to tell the idiot at his side what exactly he made of him, but in this moment he feared that his mouth would attempt a scream if he opened it. So he kept it firmly shut and wordlessly watched his ship sink beneath the waves.

Monkey D. Luffy, freshly appointed Pirate King and longtime thorn in his side, didn't seem at all impressed by the spectacular display. He just lay on his stomach, cheek pressed against the sand and fouled around with his beached sawfish.

For itself, that was odd enough. After all Luffy had just managed to cause as much devastation single-handedly as Law's crew weren't capable off in an entire year. He should be bouncing with joy. But strangely there was no trace of his usual childish glee at all. He didn't so much as glance at his masterpiece of destruction. If Law hadn't known better he would have said Luffy was anxious.

"Put that back, will you", Luffy instructed and thereby broke the silence between them. Law begrudgingly turned his head and saw Luffy holding the sawfish out to him.

Where the hell did it come from anyway?

Law raised his eyebrows so high, it felt as if they wanted to crawl into his hair. He thought that order rather brazen if you considered that Luffy was to be blamed for this whole disaster.

Fine, Luffy probably wasn't exactly sober anymore. Scratch that, Law thought, the guy was most definitely legless. The question was why.

The fact that the Straw Hat pirates liked to party was nothing new to him. They did so often and with reckless abandon. Whoever got in their way would be kidnapped and forced to participate in binge drinking and ridiculous dances. Like that a feast for ten could easily turn into one for ten thousand. It was nothing unusual for them to snaffle an entire island in order to let it all hang out. This was an anniversary after all. Long live the king, one month in office – congratulations. Who would miss out on such an opportunity to put a few drinks away? Certainly not the Straw Hats with their Grand Fleet and allies.

Law didn't even oppose the booze-up. If anything he had actively participated. He had eaten with them, drunk with them and at one point even danced with them – not that he was particularly proud of that one.

So he could understand the wanton mood. However what he didn't understand was what Luffy was doing here so far away from his own party, when normally you couldn't get him to move even with a threat of violence. But above all Law didn't understand what he had to do with all of this.

Whatever it was he had done wrong, his poor submarine had apparently payed the price for it. Why the hell did Luffy have to sink it?

Most likely it had been an accident. Or sheer stupidity. Law wouldn't put it past Luffy to simply try with the fish what its name implied, especially since the King was wasted.

The funny part about all of this was that Monkey D. Luffy didn't like alcohol. You scarcely saw him drunk, only if someone forgot to mention that a drink contained alcohol or he had been challenged to a drinking contest – god forbid.

But here he lay, as far away from the noisy party as you could possibly get on this small island, cheek pressed to the sand and waggled about with a sawfish in front of Law's nose. With a reproachful expression.

Law stayed put. By now the fish looked positively knackered, but he didn't feel sorry for it. After all it had been accessary to the act. He had no other explanation for the jagged gap in his ship's side. But then again how could the poor animal have known that it would be manhandled by Monkey D. Luffy?

Okay, maybe he did feel a little bit of sympathy for the fish, Law thought as it swayed pathetically back and forth in front of his face. After all he repeatedly found himself in similar situations regarding the Pirate King. Oh well, sometimes you just didn't have much of a choice.

"Torao?", asked the wreck at his side and Law realized that the other was still waiting for an answer.

"No", he said and crossed his arms firmly in front of his chest. Wouldn't that take the cake?!

"Pleas-"

"No."

Luffy screwed up his nose but thankfully ceased his efforts to get Law to do his work for him and got to his feet. Or at least he tried to. Law watched as the other attempted to force his legs beneath his body. They seemed to have a different idea though and refused to carry their owner anywhere. Luffy really had to be exceptionally drunk. Eventually he gave up on walking and crawled on his stomach towards the surf – which Law found immensely satisfying – where he released the fish into freedom. It hastily made an escape but not without shooting a glare at his needler. It didn't look any less sour then Luffy.

By now only the nose of Law's submarine still poked out of the ocean.

He decided to associate himself with the fish and threw an equally nasty look in Luffy's direction. The other didn't seem bothered and made his way back by crawling out of the surf, only to stop short with his feet still in the water to look Law up and down.

"You look like shit", Luffy spoke what he had on the tip of his tongue.

Whatever next!

"Really?", Law asked with a voice so bone-dry it could have parched the bay.

"Yeah", Luffy propped up his chin on a small mound in the sand and stared at him with round eyes. "Did you do that on purpose?"

Law didn't know if Luffy was really genuinely interested or just trying to be funny. He trusted him to do both.

"Naturally", Law stated and regretted that Luffy was not yet within kicking distance. "I always bath in vanilla sauce at sunrise."

The broad hint went completely over Luffy's head. "Really?"

"No", Law groused and wiped a trail of vanilla sauce from his brow. Luffy's eyes followed his movement and for a moment Law feared that the other would try to lick the sticky stuff off his face. On any other day Luffy would probably have done so. Today however seemed to be a bad day. He only reached out a hand towards Law, who after a few moments of hesitation took it and pulled him up the rest of the beach so he could lie on dry land.

"So", Law decided to clear up the mess before he lost his temper, "mind telling me what this is all about?"

Luffy's eyes swam towards his face in their drunken haze and blankly stared at him. Law stared back. He would let himself be thrown off track.

"What do you mean 'why did I do it?", Luffy mumbled his words and let his face fall forward into the sand. "H wuuhm aaaf dyyyd."

Law grabbed a fist full of black hair and pulled Luffy's head from the ground. "Come again?"

"I said", Luffy chewed on a mouthful of sand, "he would have died if I didn't do it."

Now Law was confused. "Pardon?"

"Weeeeell … " The lecturing tone didn't sit right with Law at all. "Fish can't breath out of water so if I had kept it on land … "

That insolent little - !

"Why did you sink my ship?", Law asked in an icy voice and pulled Luffy's head further back by his hair. If this guy hadn't been fortunate enough to be rubber, he would have broken all his bones a long time ago.

"Ohhh." Apparently only now Luffy understood what the issue was. "I was searching for you", he said with the usual grin on his face – which somehow didn't want to fit him tonight.

"I was at the party", Law answered. He hadn't even wanted to go in the first place. Of course he would come to regret that now.

Luffy looked genuinely surprised. "You are never at the parties. You're a killjoy."

Law clenched his jaw. One day, he swore himself, one day he would punch all of Luffy's teeth out, Pirate King or not!

Thankfully, Law had started taking precautions. He didn't act it but one of his crew members, Penguin, was a master of meditation and Law had been taking lessons. Under the threat that Penguin would find himself tied to the mast the moment he breathed a word of it, of course. Build up inner peace, take it to heart, works great. In practice that lasted for 5 minutes at most.

Law took a deep breath and carried on with angelic patience. "And why were you searching for me?"

"Cause I need to talk to you."

"About what?" Why did he have to worm every single piece of information out of him?

"You see, I - " Luffy moved to sit up, which turned out to be a bad decision. "Wait, remember what I wanted to say."

"What?", Law asked a little startled. "How - " His question was downed out by the sound of Luffy's retching as he bent over to his side – thankfully not the one Law was sitting on – and threw up into the sand. Fantastic.

"Bottoms up", Law stated dryly.

"Urgh", it came from the picture of misery. Luffy wiped his sleeve across his mouth. "I'm not ever gonna touch beer again."

Law nodded. "That would be better for all of us." He didn't hold out too much hope though.

"Just … urgh."

"What did you want to say just now?"

"I was going to say something?"

"Yes."

"Ah right … That was … eh", Luffy scratched his head. " I forgot. Shishishishi!"

Okay, now Law was mad.

"Fuck off."

Luffy seemed unimpressed.

"No."

That was really - !

"I mean it! Fuck. Off. Before I wring your neck!"

"Sorry, but – can't."

"Can't? What do you mean, can't?!" In his mind he contemplated every possibility. Dizziness, knotted limbs, nausea, lumbago … He had seen Luffy crawling just now, hadn't he?

"Straw Hat-ya, are you - ?"

"Cause Nami might still be angry."

That made sense. No, really. He should have known. Back at the party she had already looked furious. He had taken that for her normal behaviour, she looked furious most of the time. Maybe she was more furious then normally. Then the vanilla sauce had been an accident after all. Usopp could have been on the run when he had stumbled over him …

Now he almost felt bad for cutting the guy up. He blinked away a drop of liquid from his eyelashes. Stress almost. Or maybe not at all.

Law eyed the nose in his hand. They were all going to hell one day, he thought. Usopp for emptying whole buckets of vanilla sauce over unsuspecting folk, Nami for being a she-devil, the rest of the crazy crew for joining in it the first place and thus endangering countless of lives, Law himself for mutilating people and Luffy – well Luffy anyway.

His musing was interrupted when Luffy lunged at him without warning and ripped his coat off his body. Law reflectively took a swing at him, but he had already hid beneath the coat and curled up into a ball next to Law's knee.

What the hell!

The snapping of twigs in the forest behind them answered Law's unspoken question. A moment later Roronoa Zoro came stumbling out of the woods, with leaves sticking out off his hair. For once he seemed to be exactly where he had wanted to go in the first place. He looked up and down the beach until his eyes found Law.

"Trafalgar, is that you?"

"Yes", Law said resignedly.

"What are you doing here?"

Law turned his head to look out over the bay. His ship was gone and the sea was smooth as glass.

"Nothing", he said truthfully and let his hand skim along the hilt of his sword. His fingers were itching. If Zoro noticed the suddenly tense atmosphere he didn't show it. He seemed to be more interested in Law's other hand, the one gripping the severed body part.

"Ah, you found Usopp's nose", Zoro said casually as if it were nothing special at all. "We've been searching for it everywhere."

Law merely shrugged. In his experience loosing your own nose was by far not the worst that could happen to you on one of those nights – an experience he could have lived without. He thought of his ship and coat and sighed. Yes, it was definitely one of those nights.

He wasn't exactly a material guy. At best his personal belongings could be counted on the fingers of one hand, even without Luffy snuffling one of them and destroying another.

"Have you seen Luffy around?"; Zoro asked and jolted him out of his thoughts.

"No", he answered reflexively and almost immediately regretted it. That was the perfect opportunity to get rid off the pest. Just when had he started talking before thinking? Zoro however didn't seem in the least disappointed about his answer.

"Good", he said decisively and took the nose from Law's hand. "Make sure it stays that way until I have dealt with Nami. I'll take that for now."

Law only nodded silently as he watched Zoro turn on his heals and disappear back into the forest. That could take a while, even if Zoro were to find his way back to the party …

Meanwhile Luffy peeked out from underneath the feathery collar and was obviously moved to tears.

"Good man", he sniffled and wiped his teary eyes on Law's coat. "I can always rely on Zoro! I'll get him promoted."

Law rubbed the bridge of his nose and ripped his coat from Luffy's shoulders. Damn, that was his favourite. Now he had to wash it. Did that idiot even know how difficult it was to clean feathers properly so they stayed fluffy?

"Promoted, to what exactly?", Law tried to chase away nasty thoughts. Not that he really cared for the answer.

"First mate", Luffy said while thoughtfully rubbing his chin.

"Ah." There wasn't really more to say about it. This guy, unbelievable!

"Straw Hat-ya", Law began and carefully put his coat out of Luffy's reach. "Now that you've ruined my ship, my coat and the better part of my life, tell me, what have you done to Nami-ya?"

Luffy took a moment to think about it. "Ah well", he said then and fell backwards into the sand. "We had a drinking contest."

Aha. One mystery of the night solved. To be fair he should have thought about something like that.

"What was the wager?"

Luffy smiled to himself. "All the treasure from our vault and a month of doing whatever the winner says."

He really didn't do things by halves, did he? "So you lost a drinking contest."

"No, I won it."

"Ah." … That made surprisingly much sense.

"You won?", Law pressed on.

"Hm."

"... If I were you, I'd go hide." Another gem from his treasure of experience he could have done without.

"What did you think I was doing here?", Luffy pouted with a glare.

Being a royal pain in the ass, maybe? Law shrugged. For a moment it was silent and Law listened to the lapping of the waves. It always managed to calm him.

By now he had given up on finding out why his ship had ended up like this. He just wanted to be left in peace. Luffy however suddenly seemed just too eager to breach the subject.

"Nami was really mad", he said with a small chuckle. "I got away and then I hid on your ship. You know, just to sit it out. So I sat there and I got bored and I started thinking." Oh. God.

"And then I needed to talk to you but I couldn't find you. So … "

"So?" Did Law really want to know?

"So I thought if I'd sink it a bit you would have to come out." No he didn't. He really didn't.

"How do you sink a ship 'a bit'?", Law asked through clenched teeth.

"Well, that part didn't work out", Luffy mused and scratched his head.

No wonder the sawfish had looked so familiar to Law. It was the one from the fish bowl in his quarters. The one he used for … scientific research. Law couldn't resist anymore and buried his face in his hands. Leave it to Luffy to sink a pirate's ship with his own test subjects. Silently Law agreed with himself that no word of this would ever get out.

"Just how drunk are you that you would think sinking a pirate's ship is a good idea?", he muttered quietly to himself. Luffy heard him anyway.

"Don't worry", he grinned and patted Law on the shoulder. "I saved your flag." With that he reached down the front of his pants and pulled out the Heart Pirate's Jolly Rogger. Luffy pushed the flag into his hands and smiled as if he expected a reward.

"No need to thank me", he pouted when all he got was a disbelieving stare.

That just couldn't be happening.

"Straw Hat-ya, you are going to get up now and leave."

"Uh? But I wanna talk to you."

"Go talk to Zoro."

"I need to talk to you. It's got nothing to do with Zoro."

But it had something to do with him? … Luffy wasn't dying, was he?

Law voiced out his thoughts. "You aren't dying are you?"

Luffy blinked owlishly. "No, where did you get that idea?"

Law starred coldly at him. Luffy stared back. Then something seemed to click in his brain and a devious grin spread across his face. "You totally need a girl, you know that, Torao?"

Breath slowly. In. And Out.

" … This is not about my love life." Well what did you know, that thing with the self-control was working for him after all.

"Nah. Not yours", Luffy nodded firmly. "I wanna talk about mine."

Okay, Law thought. He was so out of here. Wordlessly he stood up, grabbed his coat, flag and sword and turned to leave – only to stumble when Luffy made a lunge for his feet.

"Wait! Torao, wait! This is important!"

"Let go!", Law raged and tried to pry the hands off his legs. But Luffy did his name credit and clung to him like a spider monkey.

"Torao please!", came the shout from somewhere near his kneecap. "I'm having a child!"

With these words Law lost his balance and fell flat on his face. For a while he lay there with Luffy's arms still tightly wound around his legs.

Whatever he had expected – which was a stupid thing to do because with Luffy you never knew what to expect – that wasn't it.

He pushed his body onto his forearms and looked Luffy up and down. His eyes then rested on his midriff.

"You don't look it."

Okay, just where did that come from? He might be a pirate but he was still a surgeon. He knew how reproduction worked. Did Luffy even have a sexuality? Maybe his stupidity was contagious after all – Law had had that theory ever since he saw Franky showing off his beam and caught himself thinking that it was kind of cool. He shook his head. Back to the topic at hand.

Thankfully Luffy hadn't noticed his slip-up. "Torao, I'm gonna be a father."

"Congratulations", Law replied because wasn't that what you normally said? Luffy remained silent but tightened his grip until it was almost painful.

Law crooked his head. "You don't look excited", he declared. That was an understatement. Luffy looked just about ready to burst into tears.

"No no, I am! I am excited! But I am just … ", he didn't seem to know what else he was and left the sentence hanging.

Law didn't really know what to say either. Because what did you say? He looked at the father-to-be, really looked at him. That powerful man with rumbled hair, dirty clothes and sand on his cheek. He looked like a child returning home after a long day of playing.

Father, by the seas! How old was he anyway? Twenty? That was a bit early to even think about children. To be fair in Law's opinion one was always too young to think about children. Why couldn't you go from single straight to grandfather? Then at least you could drop off the kids with their parents once they got on your nerves.

So young and about to become a father. Couldn't he have taken his time? But then again Boa Hancock wasn't getting any younger either …

In and of itself, it was astonishing enough that these two children roughly knew where the sex organs were located. To think of contraception as well was probably too much to ask for.

Maybe Luffy would have been better off getting involved with his navigator, Law thought. Then at least something like that wouldn't just have happened.

Cancel that thought. It would still be a recipe for disaster. Romance between shipmates always went tits-up.

There was a reason why Law himself had hardly any women on board. Men and women by themselves were no problem but put them together – bang, the fat's in the fire. So he had to make a choice and men were simply the more facile gender. In his humble opinion. Every self respecting female pirate on the seas would probably knock out his teeth for that – which only confirmed his theory.

"Say something", Luffy whined and pulled on Law's legs as if he could shake the words out off him.

"And what do you want me to say?", Law inquired and couldn't decide whether to feel annoyed or helpless. "If you don't want children you should have controlled your urges."

He hadn't planned on having a heart-to-heart with Monkey D. Luffy of all people. He was definitely not cut out for this shit. Had it been like this between Whitebeard and the first Pirate King?

"I like kids", Luffy grumbled with a pout.

"Then what's your problem?"

No answer.

"Why are you even telling me this? Talk to Nico-ya or something."

Still no answer.

An unsettling thought flashed through Law's mind. " … You told them, didn't you? Your crew, I mean."

"No", came Luffy's short answer.

"No?"

"No, why would I?"

Law looked surprised. He always thought that there were no secrets on board the Thousand Sunny. "Why wouldn't you?

"I don't have to shout it from the rooftops."

He didn't have to, that was true. But also beside the point. Law came to a decision. "Straw Hat-ya if you aren't going to tell them, then I will."

Luffy glared at him. Law crossed his arms in front of his chest and glared back. Well, though luck! He wasn't going to relent. One of them had to be responsible, after all.

Apart from that, he still couldn't see where Luffy's problem was. "Aren't you even a little bit proud?", he asked somewhat uncertain. To him Luffy always gave the impression of a guy who would be happy as pig in s … sugar, not someone who would have a life crisis over this.

As it would appear, that was exactly what Luffy was having. He kept biting his lips as if he wanted to make sure that whatever hid behind them would stay there. Law could tell by his flushed face that the pressure inside his head increased mercilessly with every passing second. Under different circumstances Law might have laughed. Then suddenly Luffy couldn't bear it any longer and the words burst out.

"Torao, what if he doesn't like me?!"

Law looked down at his clasped hands and remained silent. He knew that Luffy expected an answer but frankly he didn't give a shit. He was a surgeon, not a psychiatrist and if he had any say in this he would never -

Wait a minute, did Luffy just say he?

"It's going to be a boy?"

Luffy nodded. "Doctor said so."

A boy. Male. But for all Law knew about Amazon Lily … Leave it to Luffy to even screw with the laws of biology.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. It was way too late at night to deal with stuff like this. Or way too early in the morning. Whatever.

"That's all well and good, but what the hell has that got to do with me?"

Luffy's face told him that he was of the opinion that Law was an idiot. What cheek! "Just thought you wanted to know", Luffy told him in a just-sayin' voice. "The kid's gonna join you one day, after all."

Law looked as if he had been presented with a snail phone, elaborately illuminated and with music. "Where by the seas did you get that idea?"

Luffy threw an arm over his face and grumbled something into his sleeve. Law couldn't catch the exact words but he thought he could make out the name Ace. So that was the crux of the matter. Portgas D. Ace. The son of the late Pirate King, Luffy's sworn brother, a man he had adored over anyone else. And a man who had despised his own father down to his cells.

Damn, Luffy had idolised him! From there it was only logical to think …

At least now Law knew why Luffy was so worried about his kid not liking him. He didn't seem to understand that history only rarely repeated itself.

"The last thing I need is a monkey in my crew to screw up even the last of my plans", Law stated dryly.

Luffy rubbed his chin. "Maybe he'll take after his mother", he said thoughtfully.

Law avoided telling him that if that was the case he would probably take the first chance to drown the kid. Painfully.

Laws gaze came to rest on Luffy as he lay on his back in the sand. For a guy who had never in his life wasted a second on thinking about the future he really seemed to fret over this. Law reached out to stroke Luffy's hair but quickly thought better. He let his hand fall back into his lap.

"What Gol D. did with Fire Fist has nothing to do with you or your son."

"But - "

Law raised his hand to shut him up and amazingly Luffy complied.

"I know what you think, Luffy-ya. Ever since you set sail for the Grand Line you always had people telling you how alike you and the old King were. Red Hair and Silvers and I don't know who else. Now that you are the King of Pirates it must only have gotten worse."

Luffy didn't confirm it but Law knew that he had hit the nail on the head. Luffy's dark expression said it all.

"I don't know what Gol D. Roger was like", Law continued and looked out over the calm waters of the bay. "I never met the guy. However I am absolutely certain that there isn't, was never and will never be a man in this entire world who is anything like you."

" … You sure?"

"Positive." If there was another one he didn't know what he would do. Double homicide sounded like a fair solution.

Luffy's bottom lip started to tremble and he curled up into a ball. Then Law found himself with two arms wound around his stomach and a face buried in his shirt. He was tempted to throw Luffy off him but he felt the small frame shake pathetically. For now he would let Luffy do what he had to. Just for tonight.

The two sat there in silence was the sun slowly rose above the sea.

It didn't take long for Luffy to get a grip on himself again.

The sun had only just left the horizon and he sat next to Law with a big smile on his face. Law listened to the rambling and almost wished the depressed Monkey D. Luffy back. At least he had been quiet.

"I can't wait Torao! I'll be the coolest dad in the whole world! We'll go hunting, I'll teach him how to fight and we'll play and - !"

Luffy chattered excitedly. Law felt a headache coming. That was the Pirate King as he knew him. Everything remained the same. Law wanted him to shut up. He explained the situation to Luffy like this. "Straw Hat-ya, shut up."

Luffy stuck out his tongue. "So stingy, Torao." Yep, definitely still a child.

"I could take him with me", Luffy said with a smile.

"You could."

"I don't think I'm going to, though."

"You shouldn't."

" … What should I do then?"

"Not my problem."

"You are no help at all!"

Law hit Luffy over the head with the side of his hand. "You wanted my advice, you ass!"

"Well it's not helping."

"Whatever", Law grumbled and got to his feet. He had enough drama for one night. Luffy was a grown man, the rest he could work out by himself.

"Just tell your crew about it, okay", he said as he turned to leave. "You'll do just fine. You may be different from Gol D. Roger but your shadow is still a big one, Straw Hat-ya. Just remember to let your kid breathe and - "

He was cut off by a loud snore. Law turned his head to look at his interlocutor. Luffy had fallen backwards, his eyes were closed and his even snores brushed over the sand creating miniature dunes. That bastard!

Law clenched his fists. "Just see if I'm ever going to give you advice again."

Luffy's face relaxed in his sleep. The frown he had been wearing until now had disappeared. Law shook his head slowly. All the thinking must have tiered the guy out. He was still an idiot.

Law felt a small tug on his lips.

Whatever would happen, would happen. And if worst came to worst … well, at least he knew where he would stand.

He turned around and walked towards the boisterous party to search for someone to help him pull his ship out of the bay. If he heard muffled sawing noises on his way past the Thousand Sunny, he didn't loose a word about it.

End.

I like the idea of those two getting all brotherly. I think Trafalgar Law wouldn't really have any hard feelings giving the title of Pirate King up to Luffy. But maybe he turned out to be a bit too nice …

Law looked as if he had been presented with a snail phone, elaborately illuminated and with music ~ I know it's stupid, but I still like it :)

So why Hancock? Well for one thing I'd say it's one of the more realistic One Piece pairings and I also don't really think that Luffy and Nami fit together. Let's face it, if Luffy would choose another girl, Hancock would simply drop dead. Hm, whatever.

I don't expect many reviews for this – just a short story that has been on my mind forever and I thought it would be sad not to write it down. Still, please leave a small review or story favourite on your way out if you liked it.