Jessica sat in the back of her SVU, hatch open, with her laptop open, trying to focus on the numbers. The happy screams and shouts of Jacks practice provided background to her clacking keys. She was thankful that her job allowed her to work from anywhere. This is not how she imagined her life; taking care of a son that would never be hers.

She smiled in spite of the pain. How naïve was she to believe that she could take care of Jack not get hurt in the process? She had jumped at the chance to take care of Jack after her sister died. Being close to Jack was a way to keep part of her alive. When the marriage was falling apart, Jessica thought Haley was exaggerating and just tired from having a toddler all day. It couldn't be that bad to have him travel for work. Jessica tried to stay as neutral as possible during the divorce, she had always gotten along with him. She understood it was frustrating, a particular birthday coming to mind, but it was something he loved. What she thought be babysitting was becoming a full time caregiver to an adorable little boy.

At the beginning all her friends thought it was a noble thing to take in the orphan boy; little strange that she spent so many nights at her ex-brother in laws place but noble none the less. She grew tired of dealing with their not so subtle hints about Aaron being attractive and how she should go after him. She had to explain that she knew him since she was twelve; he really was like a big brother to her. She wouldn't tell them that back then she had a crush on him. One that was only made worse when, home on break from college, Haley and him walked in on her boyfriend yelling at her. Aaron was quick to defend her, getting in Greg's face and forcing him out of the house.

Her friends grew tired of her unpredictable schedule. She could have Jack at any moment if Aaron got called away. Even her friends that had kids couldn't understand how she would drop everything for Jack. Not that she minded too much. She loved getting to spend time with him. Before she knew it, even when she was on thin ice at work for calling out last minute, she couldn't say no to either of them.

If friends were hard to keep around, boyfriends were impossible. Again, no one understood her relationship with Aaron, how many nights she stayed there. Most of which it was only her and Jack, but they still thought it was strange. She couldn't really plan dates in advance, often trying to sneak in lunch of coffee dates during the day. Add having a kid to take care of with a man you haven't been married to on top of the fact that she couldn't have any of her own and it was hard to find man. She had always wanted kids; she had many memories of talking about their future families with Haley, coming up with names. She learned in her twenties that kids were a long shot, now that she's in her mid forties there was no chance.

She would just add those to her list of sacrifices: moving closer to Quantico and farther from work so she could be close to Jacks school, owning two of everything so she can keep half in each apartment, staying at a job she didn't love just because it was flexible, having a separate "Jack account" with Aaron.

The latter came into effect about 3 months into their arrangement. At first he would leave money for pizza or outings but as things at work changed and he took on more it was easier to open a joint account. Just like a nanny or stay at home mom, it held enough for all of Jacks needs; soccer cleats, field trip dues, grocery money.

The sacrifices are worth it most days. She gets to see the best moments between father and son. The kinds that make her stomach somersault ad threaten to bring up ancient feelings. The sweet goodnight calls, the goofy voices, the indulgences just because they are finally together.

Some days it hurts more than others. Like when Jack brought home is mother's day craft he made for her. It was thoughtful but it was also a punch to the gut. She was a mother when her sister should be. The worst was one morning, after he arrived home in the middle of the night, he stumble into the kitchen after the smell of coffee and toast. Her greeting of "Good morning Aaron" was met with a sleepy "Haley you are too good to me." As he rubbed his eyes she could see his face drop and his heart break as he realized it was her instead. From that day on she avoided calling him by his first name. She would trying to make it seem playful when she called "hey you" as he came in the door or ask questions through Jack instead, "I wonder what your dad would think of that?"

Sometimes the feelings for Aaron welled up without warning. They would be having a family night, the three of them, and it would feel all too real. Just her and her boys on the couch. Sometimes when returning home in the wee hours of the morning, he would make them breakfast or pick up her favorite coffee. Just little thoughtful things. He always made sure Jack said thank you for all she did for them. She would sometimes find herself hugging his pillow at night, trying to breathe him in. it left her both frustrated and comforted. The feelings were intense when Aaron started dating. She was happy he was happy. But she was overcome with jealousy and guilt. As Beth started spending more time with Jack, Jessica got less. It was hard not to feel like her family, the two most important men in her life, were being taken away. Then she would remind herself that this was her sister's husband, her sister's family, not hers.

The worst was the Christmas she was gifted a locket. Usually her presents from Jack came at Christmas with her family. A Christmas that her dad forcefully excluded Aaron from. They were generic presents: gift cards, books or movies she mentioned with him, bath stuff. About 4 years into this strange arrangement Aaron was adamant about giving gifts together just the three of them. After he had opened his usual hall of ties, travel gear and Jack made crafts, he gave her a thin box. It held a breath taking gold locket. Inside was a picture of him and Jack. It took everything she had not to start sobbing.

She knew she was lucky her and Aaron got along so well. They were a great co-parent team; leaving reminders on the fridge.

Dentist on Friday at 4. For you, not Jack

Want to chaperone the zoo on the 23rd?

I told Jack he could go to Billys on Saturday.

Don't forget to tip the cleaning lady.

Jack needs cupcakes for class.

Will you fix the sink? Or should I call the super?

They rarely had an argument. The first being when Aaron took an assignment in Pakistan. He didn't know how long he would be gone. He promised both of them that he wouldn't be directly in danger and the nature of his job would ensure good communication. But Jessica wasn't sure if she could handle this by herself for that long. And what If he never came back? Haley had only died a year and a half before. Jack couldn't lose both of them because of his job.

The second was shortly after he returned. When he did it was because of an agent, a rather dark and beautiful one at that. Jessica had her suspicions before he left for the Middle East that Aaron might be sleeping with someone. He would stay at the office a little later than usual, the smell of perfume clung to his suits. When he came back that started again and was he more than happy to let Jack spend weekends with Jessica or his friends even though he was home. There was also something about the apartment that was different after those weekends without Jack. It was like the apartment was too clean as if he was trying to hide the evidence. One night she finally had enough. She knew he would eventually move on but she wasn't going to let him pawn of his kid so he could sleep around. He should at least have the decency to be more discreet or keep it in his pants until he was ready to get serious.

"You must be Mrs Hotchner."The sound started Jessica. "Hi I'm Megan, Lee's mom. Thank you for offering to drive the boys to soccer today. It's been a little crazy getting things ready for the move." The woman smiled brightly ad patted her round belly. Jessica let her eyes linger for a moment longer than comfortable; she was trying to blink back the hurt in her eyes. "Can you believe that at my age we are having another? Have you ever considered giving Jack a sibling?"

"No, can't say that I have." She didn't bother to explain that she was just his aunt. Just the one who made sure he got to school on time, had a good dinner, got to see his friends, scared the monsters away at night. She took care of him, but she was just his aunt. She got tired of explaining it.

"Hey Jack! Good practice. Guess who called?" she tried to change the topic as the boys approached signaling the end of practice.

"Dad?"

"Yeah, he'll be home later tonight. He also said that he had the next three days off."

"Did you ask about the sleep over with Lee and Jimmy?" He looked from Jessica to Lee's mom, his eyes wide.

"Mmhmmm" Jessica nodded at his excited face. "He's excited for a boy's weekend."

"Can we make cookies tonight for him?"

"What kind?" She asked with a wink. It was easy to forget her discomfort when Jack was smiling at her.

"You're the best Aunt Jessica!" He quickly hugged her "I'm going to tell Jimmy." As he ran away she tried not look at Megan's face. She knew what she would find there: pity. Jessica turned to pack up her laptop and papers.

"I'll have Aaron call tomorrow to arrange getting Lee for the sleepover. Nice to meet you." She quickly made her way to the driver's side before Megan could say anything. A few deep breaths and a tissue later the emotions had passed. She heard the back door close and Jack's buckle click. "Ready to go home to your Dad Jack?" she said with a smile.

Jack would never know she was crying and she would go back to taking care of the best little boy. It was just another thing on her list.