Month 1

"Shinichi, come on!" Shiho's running along the rolling asphalt hills like they're nothing. Shinichi wonders why he's the only one still exhausted from the six hour plane ride.

From one coast to the other, the smell of brine permeates the air like perfume. Transports them back to Japan, different sides of the same ocean.

She leans wholeheartedly against the rusting railing and stares into blue distance with wide eyes, her hands, hold tight to the edge.

Shinichi's breathing hard when he catches up, he settles next to her, close enough their shoulders brush. He lets the cool sea air dry the sweat from his skin.

"San Francisco, huh?" Shinichi smiles into the muted green of the ocean expanse.

"This makes me happy," Shiho says quietly, more to herself than Shinichi, but he still blushes in the meantime. Seeing her content, in turn makes him feel the same. He'd forgotten what that mutual triumph over the small things felt like. What it felt like when Ayumi or Mitsuhiko contributed a vital clue without even meaning to to crack the case wide open, what it felt like when Heiji was somehow able to pin the suspect only for Shinichi to have to provide the conclusive proof. What it felt like when Ran won a judo trophy. They were happy, proud and it made Shinichi so proud too.

Shinichi leans over and kisses her. Lightly, barely there. Shiho smiles, half curious as to the source of his newly emboldened attitude.

"What brought that on?" She says, eyes still on the early afternoon horizon.

"It felt right," He clenches his fists, hoping for all there is that that wasn't a misstep.

"Relax Kudo," Shiho turns towards him then, her eyes are teasing, playful. "There's no need to have a crisis after every step."

She reads him and it feels like comfort.

They spend the afternoon wandering the Fisherman's Wharf, it's bustling with people like usual. Blocks stacked with record shops and souvenir shops, boutiques and specialty stores. They wander the streets, Shinichi with their now full duffle slung over his shoulder while Shiho eats fries out of the fast food bag they has just purchased.

At one point while watching for sea lions, Shinichi's distracted by an older woman who appears to be calling out to someone. She sounds distressed.

Knowing he's probably itching to do something Shiho lets him go investigate.

It feels much quieter without Shinichi prompting her to fill the space. She watches the surface of the ocean churn, then the small sleek head of a sea lion pop up before it beaches itself on a nearby rock. Shiho watches a few people pull out cameras or their phones. A few children exclaim to their parents.

Being alone has always appealed to Shiho. It never really bothered her. Had this been just a few weeks before, the thought of being alone would have been terrifying. She doesn't feel as vulnerable as she would have back in Japan. It's right then Shiho chooses to believe Agasa's reports around Beika. Maybe the organization is destroyed and maybe no one is actually after her. She would have felt it. Those heavy stares that go right through her. Stop her in her tracks.

Sure Shiho wishes she were more of an idealist, it's simply more realistic to never completely dismiss the threat.

Shiho spends about twenty minutes there against the wooden railing, thick enough to balance the bag of food and their two water bottles up top it. Leaning against her feet is their duffle. She kind of wishes she had a cellphone. Perhaps to take a picture more than play some casual game.

To take a picture of the ocean. Of the countless tourists. Of the wind blowing through Shinichi's hair.

The sun is still bathing the coastline in a thin heat, halved by the cool air that rushes in from off coast. Shiho counts the sea lions, counts their bobbing heads beneath the sea water. Counts the different tints of blue and green that mix together like soap and bathwater. Utterly and completely and inseparable.

Shinichi's half of the food has gone cold, a half-eaten burger and the dregs of his fries soggy with ketchup.

She's contemplating asking directions to a decent hotel when Shinichi reappears. He's cradling an adult grey cat in his arms, the older woman from earlier at his side. Shiho picks up their bags, leaves the pier to meet them halfway.

Shinichi's grinning, there's a twig sticking out of his hair and some dirt on his nose when he says, "I think I've found us a place to stay."

...

"I rent this apartment to my children when they come around," the woman says, "but it's been quite a few years, they're busy you see, and this place could use some life,"

She looks to only recently be entering her 60s, there are still strands of black in her thin otherwise grey hair, braided and folded into a bun at her crown. The expression in her dark brown eyes is kind.

Shiho wasn't aware of the few blocks that covered an area titled Japan town. Simply seeing it from the outskirts was enough to give Shiho feelings of home. She doesn't think she'll do an actual visit anytime soon however. The woman, coincidentally Japanese as well, had caught Shinichi's attention. She was looking for her cat, Mochi, who had unfortunately been frightened away by a tourist's rowdy dog. Shinichi ever the observer deliberately slipped in a mention of Japan to see if she'd take the bait. Her English is quite smooth, save for a few pronunciations of her vowels, from which Shinichi was able to deduce.

"Thank you very much Toka san," Shinichi says, eyes scanning the mostly bare room. It's an open floor plan with the bedroom in the back of one carpeted corner, a small bathroom in the opposite corner separated by frosted glass and waterproof curtains. On the opposite wall near the front are a kitchen and eating area. It's cozy and self-contained. "This is too much," he smiles, turning back to her and bowing low.

"Nonsense," Toka waves her free hand, Mochi is cradled up against her in her other hand, eyes shut and tail swishing back and forth. "I still expect some rent," her tone is playful but Shiho knows better than think their stay will be free.

"Of course," Shinichi replies, "it's the least we could do for your immense hospitality."

"You two wait up, I have some left overs from the shop downstairs you can have," Toka leaves a moment later, Mochi following along at her heels.

Shiho watches the door close before she takes a seat at the table, its aged, a lightweight wood big enough to fit four with matching chairs.

"Aren't you charming?" Shiho says as she organizes the fruits in a glass bowl on the table by increasing size.

Shinichi shrugs, "After I figured out she was from Japan, she was about to ask me the same thing. I guess that's where it started. She told me that she'd been with that cat for twenty-five years now-come to think of it, she told me a lot in the span of what ten minutes?"

"Older people over share I hear," Shiho estimates the weight of an apple in one hand and a smaller more dense orange in the other.

"Nothing wrong with that, some people need someone to talk to,"

Toka comes back a minute later, holding a grid basket, probably from her shop, a few paper bags of various sizes inside. Shiho can see the grease stains that soak through and her stomach rumbles. She hadn't eaten since early afternoon.

Inside the bags, Toka pulls out sesame buchi, meat filled taiyaki and empanadas, a few pandasal sweet bread rolls and two cartons of mango flavored tea.

"Thank you for the food," Shiho says to Toka in English then again in Japanese in reference to the food itself.

"That will get old quickly, I'll let you two settle in. You'll find some extra futons in the closet should you go looking. Don't be alarmed if you hear anything right outside the door early in the morning, Mochi likes to explore up here in her spare time."

And with that they're alone again.

"Does she know?" Shiho asks after a sip of tea.

Shinichi looks confused for a moment before he understands, "Oh, uh I think she suspects."

"Ah," Shiho tears into a buchi to find yellow mung bean paste, she was hoping for sweet red bean. Alas she still bites into a half.

"What did you think she wouldn't rent to us had we been, I mean we are-"

"Some people are like that," Shiho says casually, "'leave behavior like that to the married couples' that sort of thing," she explains.

"Oh," Shinichi takes the seat across from her. He contemplates it further while he slowly chews on an empanada whose edges are a little over cooked. The inside, however is nicely tender and flavorful. It only takes him a full thirty seconds before he goes bright red.

Shiho leaves him with that before getting up to explore the room a little better, specifically the bathroom.

The room itself doesn't really lend itself to anyone's privacy. Well good thing they've bared everything to each other already. Behind the frosted glass of the door, the small room is made up of a creme tub and sink basin, the facets and the claw feet are a rusted gold. Above the light fixtures are faceted balls of glass in which the bulbs are screwed inside.

With the long plane ride and the subsequent street exploration, the hills did take a toll on her after a while, sleep sounds like a more preferable plan to bathing.

Shiho wanders back out with the intent to find her sleep clothes in the duffle to find Shinichi has already packed up the leftovers of the leftovers and placed them into the fridge. He'd already taken out the ziploc bag of flashcards and spread them across the table in their place.

The nightshirt is simply a larger t shirt she purchased two sizes too big on purpose, it's plain light blue and the collar of the shirt hangs a bit off her shoulder if she neglects to watch it.

Shiho sets to brushing the tangles out of her hair and making the bed. She's halfway through folding the comforter back when she notices Shinichi's pulling the futon from the closet. She stares long enough he finally notices once he stands up.

The questioning look is enough to prompt him.

"What?"

"...We can share," Shiho pats the bed beside her. She stiffens, "unless you don't want-"

"We can, I should've asked you first before-" he chuckles nervously before folding the futon once more.

Shinichi scratches at his nape before he sits down on the side Shiho's left empty.

How could that morning in New York have been so natural, and now it seems like a struggle? Perhaps the forbidden aspect of it was enough to temporarily vanquish the potential hiccups.

"Are you okay?" Shiho asks, smoothing the blanket over her legs.

"Yeah, really I am." Shinichi crosses his legs and faces her. "I guess I'm just not used to this," he breathes out a halfhearted laugh.

"We have time," Shiho blinks slowly, she revels in the opportunity to finally say something like that. Things used to be so tense, a pressure cooker that would more likely burst than stop with a pleasant sounding ding.

"We do," he agrees, placing a hand on her knee. His palm is warm on her skin.

They meet in the middle, a chaste little kiss that becomes deeper each time his hand moves farther up, when curls around her thigh, his fingers dipping in against the inside more tender skin.

"We should sleep," Shiho says when they pull away, her hand digs into the fabric of his shirt. She's doesn't want him to move away and it appears she'll have to be blatant about it.

"Alright."

...

It takes them both about three weeks to get completely adjusted to their new location. Shinichi continues to think over whether or not to look into the local police force for possible consulting jobs while Shiho's managed to land a place at Toka's shop. Her store mostly deals with Asian goods that won't be found often in normal American stores. Things like miso paste and dried fish.

Toka's apartment building is made up of five floors with two tenants per floor. They share the second floor with a man a few years older than they are and his male partner who holds a particular affinity for plants. When Shinichi does see him, he's usually in the company of an industrial dolly covered with potted succulents and cacti.

When he's not thinking about how to approach the police to inquire about consulting jobs, he's trying not to spiral out of his mind. Shinichi had walked in, the floors shiny and polished, although the mood in the room was considerably a bit moody. He took one look at a passing employee's holstered gun and felt his stomach drop. He immediately left and proceeded to spit up a little bile into the nearest trashcan.

The following two days, Shinichi moped around the apartment. He could tell Shiho know something was going on. Why couldn't she just bring it up like she usually does? Perhaps maybe even she sensed that it was the type of sensitive subject that Shinichi would be better off bringing up himself. It felt stifling in there so he left again. Just like Shiho used to back at that apartment.

He loiters around for about an hour. Sometimes her complete understanding of him is frustrating. Irrationally frustrating. He wants her to run after him like those movies that he never really cared for. He wants his pain to be romanticized simply so he doesn't have to think about them in any other context.

Shinichi visits a corner store, definitely not Toka's, and stares at the refrigerated beverages to calm himself. He buys an overly sweet tea and some condoms since he's there. Not because he plans to take anything out her, he'd never. But because he cares about what she has to say and protection is a must for her and he also fully understands the potential for error using other less reliable methods.

He comes back to find Shiho sitting at the table, his English flashcards spread out on the table in front of her. Like she isn't practically fluent. Shinichi drops the bag onto the counter without a second thought and heads towards the bed, scrubbing at his face with his hands harder than usual, mussing his hair on the way.

Shinichi breathes deep as he settles into the comforter, the sweat building on his collar cools and chills the heat he feels in his cheeks, beneath his skin.

"Shiho," Shinichi says quietly, "I want to discuss it. This is as ready as I'll ever be I think. If I don't, it will eat and eat at me," Shinichi rubs his temples harder than necessary. "The murders I committed I mean."

Shiho's heart begins to beat harder in her chest, speeding and speeding.

"I can listen," She stands and joins him on the bed. Sitting cross legged at his side where he lies on his back.

Shinichi takes a deep breath, "I did it to protect you. I did to protect me. I did it to protect us. We would have died if I hadn't chosen to react." He gives the impression that this circle of thought has been run in his mind to the dirt.

"They were bad people who would have done the same thing," he shakes his head, "I'm not the same as them...am I?" He opens his eyes, turns his stare, slightly empty to Shiho.

Shiho's brows draw together, her expression loving, "No," she pauses, "they do damage because they think it's fun. It's all a game to them." She draws her legs in and speaks into the space between her knees.

"I killed someone," he sounds intentionally detached like he's just tired of feeling like vomiting each time it passes his mind. His voice would have cracked had it been any earlier. He covers his mouth. A secret he'll have, one he'll store in his corroding chest cavity until he dies. "And no matter what I do. Or what I want, I can't change the outcome."

"That's true," Shiho says quietly. "And it's because you can't change the outcome, you can start to move on from it. Sure you'll never forget it. I'll never forget the smell of that laboratory as it burned to the ground." There were people trapped inside. "They were bad people," was she a bad person for aligning herself with them at one point?

"You're not bad." Shinichi murmurs, his fingers folded together right below his chest and it looks like Shiho's peering into an open casket, she blinks away his hollow expression and black of suit he'd probably be wearing. At least then he'd be free of the torture. "But me? I did the exact thing I prosecuted other people for. What makes me qualified to do that anymore? I'm nothing but a hypocrite-"

"No. Shinichi that's the last thing you are. You of all people should understand when self-defense is necessary." Shiho places a hand on top his. Feels the warmth of life, it surprises her that she expected him to be cold. She squeezes his hand. "I would have died if you hadn't." It's hard for Shiho to be truly heartbroken over a thought like that. Not when she's had those hopeless thoughts for as long as she could remember. Ever since Akemi died and she was left with nothing but the organization that held her leash. "However long it takes, I want you to understand that you did what you had to do. Both of us did." Her eyes glaze over their hands and up to his face. Shiho stares into his glassy blue eyes and knows that he'll get up from this.

"Yeah?"

"Yes." Shiho leans over and kisses his temple. "I know this is hard and the feeling probably won't go away completely, but it will lessen. I'll help you." She watches a little light spark in his eyes. "You're my partner are you not?" Her smile is teasing. Her partner in love? Crime maybe?

Shinichi thinks for a few moments, he can smell the faint shampoo from her hair, his mother's detergent in her clothes. He closes his eyes, shifts his hand so it can cover hers. With breaths so heavy his chest rattles, he lets her words spread through him, forces her words to assure him in every way.

"I'd hate to be replaced." Shinichi's smile is small. He brings up her hand and kisses her open palm. "I think it's important that I just don't forget how significant of an event doing something like that is." he murmurs against her hand.

Shiho nods, "It's something that changes you." she says with soft eyes. "regardless for better or worse, you won't be alone." Shinichi is one of her most important connections at this point in her life. It wouldn't matter what he did and does, losing this close companion could break her. She's sure Shinichi probably feels the same.

"That's comforting. It really is." Shinichi's sincerity is muted but genuine.

...

Month 2

Shiho rings up the last customer of her shift, an older woman who purchases a cantaloupe, a bunch of plantains and a head of bok choy, before pulling the apron over her head and passing it off to one of the other employees in the back.

The store is a small market, carrying essentials for recipes centralized in Asian countries. Even though it feels good to speak Japanese sometimes, Shiho defaults to English when the customer speaks a language she cannot immediately understand.

Working in Toka's shop keeps her busy when she would otherwise be sitting idly back at the apartment. When she has some free time, Shiho helps with upkeep of the apartment building. With both jobs she's able to effectively contribute to her portion of their already cheaper rent. Toka found no reason for them to sign a lease when they wouldn't be around that long.

Shiho collects her bag from one of the bins in the back room. The environment is lax and causal more often than not. The employees drift in and out between shifts and breaks.

"Oh Shiho!" Toka waves from her office. She holds up her hefty looking tupperware. "I made a little too much you see!"

Seeing no other option really and also considering she hadn't eaten since early that morning Shiho didn't mind joining her for a late lunch.

"So how are you doing sweetheart?" Toka says as she portions out the food evenly across two paper plates.

"Things are going well," Shiho puts on an obligatory smile. For the first time in about two weeks she's had more dreams than nightmares, but she also has more sense than to tell anyone about them. With things settling down, Shiho's been given more time to think about more frivolous things, things she was supposed to be worried about in her twenties.

"That expression tells me more than those words did." Toka gives Shiho a knowing look that makes Shiho's face heat up like she's been caught in a lie.

"It's really nothing you should worry about." Even though Shiho would actually value some outside opinion. The small box she's been living in consists solely of Shinichi and painkillers, both stuffed into its too small confines.

"Are you sure?

Shiho opens her mouth, and then closes it. It can't be too much trouble to mention something. Even hypothetically, presenting an issue that she'll probably see through anyway can't be that bad can it?

"Can I ask you something?" Shiho asks a level under her normal volume.

"I'm an open book." Toka even focuses more on her food, if only to release some of the pressure she may be putting on Shiho.

"So, uh." Shiho scratches her nose. "I'm seeing someone but this someone was previously in love with someone else and things on that end are still in the process of ending-I guess what I'm getting at is the fact that I feel guilt in the face of these circumstances. I don't-I don't want-" Shiho's cheeks go red and she clamps her mouth shut.

"Doesn't that sound familiar," Toka pats her lips with a napkin. "Let me tell you something about my life. My best friend, Wakato, married someone else. I've known him all my life and at one point we were so sure we'd always be together. But do you know the one mistake we both made was never doing anything about it. He left on a college trip one day and came back with the picture of his future wife. She's still the sweetest thing, one of my closest friends now."

Shiho sitting straight up in her seat. They'll be fine like that too won't they? They're adults that should be able to handle themselves.

"I'm still here." Toka says proudly. "If you want a secret Shiho," She leans forward, "Are men really worth all this? No, of course not. What we're chasing is a companion. Someone that understands and supports us. No one wants to be completely alone."

Shiho tries not to be completely enthralled by the idea that men are completely useless.

"I guess that's what it comes down too doesn't it?" Shiho says instead. "I don't want to regret pursuing something or someone that I believe and part of it is letting things fall where they may in the end."

Regardless of how things turn out, Shiho still finds Shinichi a value companion. At the very least, their candidacy shouldn't be affected.

"The lack of total control is what gets us. Things don't always happen as we think they will. Especially when we're young." Toka smiles and the wrinkles around her eyes convey such a raw knowing joy.

"Well it's miserable." Shiho rests her chin on her elbow.

Toka chuckles, "It sure is. But once it's all settled there's no reason to be miserable. Because if you're lucky the outcome is actually considerate of you."

"I hope things work out for all of us." Shiho replies even though deep down, she knows one of them will end up hurt even if only for a little while.

It's forty-five minutes later, Shinichi's still out and Shiho's willing to admit that she has insecurities. Toka has a way with words that Shiho would associate with a mother figure.

Sometimes Shiho likes to think about an alternate universe where she didn't exist or she died early enough she made no impact on Shinichi's or Ran's lives.

It's a life where Shinichi's miraculously able to take down the organization on his own only to return to a life where Ran is still waiting for him and he's ready to continue their relationship with some sickly renewed passion.

Shiho fills the tub with warm water and a floral noted soap before she ends up spending the next forty minutes soaking in it. She stares at the ceiling until the water goes cold.

Shinichi arrives at the forty minute mark of Shiho's soak, the water's long gone lukewarm maybe even room temperature and all the bubbles have dissolved away leaving the water a milky translucent white.

"Shiho? Are you here?" He calls out, toeing off his shoes before dropping his bag by the door and unzipping his jacket.

"Bath," Is all she says, only loud enough he catches it.

Shinichi rolls up his sleeves and takes a seat on the small footstool by the tub. He rests his cheek on one arm and skims the water with the other.

"The water is cold," He says looking up into her face, expression painfully naive.

Shiho sits up and leans closer to him, brushes her nose against his cheek. He smells like the ocean and bitter coffee. Shinichi turns his head to meet her in a kiss, warm and open and affectionate.

"What did you say you were again? A police informant?"

"An "unofficial" police informant." Shinichi corrects, eyes bright. "There wasn't really a consulting position open plus I don't actually have the credentials to qualify for it either. This way, I bypass that, if only for a little while and I still get compensation." He grins like he's hacked the system to his advantage.

"You actually have savings stupid," Shiho presses a finger to the middle of his forehead, "I'm working from the ground up over here." Sure Agasa has happily shared access to his savings should they need it and otherwise, Shiho doesn't want to burden him or rely on him either.

"And you're doing an admirable job," Shinichi adds seriously, only for Shiho to slap him playfully on the shoulder. The water spots the white of his button down.

"Cleaning bathrooms aren't fun and retail isn't much better," She says. Shiho isn't too upset about it, she could use the normalcy after enduring much worse.

"Alright," Shinichi gives in, he stands and grabs a towel from the wall side cabinet, light blue and freshly laundered, and holds it up for her, "you'll get a cold if you stay there too long. I figure you've soaked long enough." Shinichi gestures eagerly with the towel. Shiho chuckles at the little dance, a matador with the wrong equipment before pulling the drain then standing.

She allows him to wrap her in his arms and subsequently the towel, with a blush on his face nonetheless. Shinichi turns her in his arms so they're nose to nose. The red splattered across his cheeks intensifies before he leans down to kiss her. Shiho kisses back in fervor, hand coming up rest on his shoulder and his jaw.

It's then Shiho fully understands the weight of Shinichi's confession on that roof top. She wants to keep sharing her life like this. Just like this.

It's like he's pulling her back beneath the cloudy tub water, but the water is scalding, bends her body until it's fully pliant, in the depths, beneath his.

He smells orchids, faint on her damp skin, must be the soap. Shinichi lies her down on the bed, on top of worn blue roses on sheets that smell like laundry detergent. She kisses him back eagerly, slips her tongue into his mouth to deepen the kiss, her own jaw going slack so he can reciprocate. Her hands grasp at his hair while he pulls the towel away.

Shinichi runs his hands through the water droplets on her thighs, spreading them as he presses kisses against her throat.

He's not operating solely on adrenaline this time, exhausted from running, from surviving. Shinichi has all the time in the world to fully bask in the sounds she makes, no longer a contrast to the screams of terror that are only faint echoes he can barely recall now. He wants to take them both away from the horror of their past and into a future that seems so much closer and so much better.

He presses a kiss to her hipbone before giving her a questioning look. Shiho nods with red cheeks and a bitten lip.

Shiho's mouth falls open, her hips shift instinctively, his face nestled up against her. With supple glistening skin that smells of bath soaps and her own distinct scent, she becomes completely and utterly bare to him in every way. She's both sweet and bitter and bland against his tongue.

Shinichi laps at the peak of her clit, eliciting barely there hums and gasps. Shiho's fingers slip in against his scalp the same way his tongue slips between the folds, back and forth. Long enough her body begins to bow, tightening like a rising pulley, tighter and tighter as he in turn takes the slack and returns it.

His dark ruffle of hair clamped between her sun fair thighs is the height of erotica, the flash of dark blue eyes when he looks at her snaps the tension in two.

Her lungs fill and stagger empty with air like she's just been choked, breathy and thick. He rides her through it with his tongue, back and forth; fingers pressed against her entrance, his thumb rubbing her clit.

Only when Shiho begins to push his face away out of sensitivity does he pull away, lips and chin shiny and wet.

Shiho watches him wipe his mouth with the towel then unbutton his shirt and toss it to the side. Shinichi pulls at this belt buckle, his lips back on hers.

"You good?" he smiles against her mouth, it's hard to hide the smugness in his tone.

"Yes," Shiho stretches to reach the nightstand. She drops the contents of her hand into his.

A condom.

Shinichi's eyebrows rise. "Are you sure?"

"That is what I want." Shiho watches with dark eyes as Shinichi unbuttons his pants and pushes down his briefs to free his cock. He grunts, giving it a few strokes, tugging on the head briefly.

Shiho rubs her thumb against his hip bone, comforting and gentle as he rolls on the condom. She settles back as Shinichi's hand comes forward to grasp her hip.

He sinks in slowly, his eyes staring into her face for any reaction. Shiho's once against beneath the tub water, but he's breathing air into her starved lungs.

Her skin is stifled heat, boiling beneath, building in her belly. She'll be quick to catch fire with the next wild gust. It's no longer simply water droplets but a thin sheen of sweat that turns slick beneath the hard grip of his hands.

"Ah, ah," Shiho inhales sharply, chest heaving. Her gasps harden to groans that punctuate each thrust.

His eyelids flutter, his mouth parted as he gets lost in her. Her limbs the vines and hedges in the maze of their bodies.

"Shi-ho," Shinichi thrusts his hips forwards in a manner that is still obviously inexperienced. Still slightly jerky, but unlike last time, their first time, he sinks deeper, he isn't afraid to leave only the head inside her before thrusting back in.

Shiho feels pleasantly full, almost overwhelmingly so. The spark in her gut smoldering stronger, ready to burst into flame.

The second orgasm hits her like whiplash, her nails digging into his back, against the shifting of his shoulder blades. Shinichi inhales in broken pieces, presses in his body against hers as he comes.

It feels like the air has thickened around them, as has their resolve towards each other.

Shinichi places closed mouth kisses on her mouth and down her chest before he pulls out.

Shiho's eyes slide closed, she must have drifted off because she doesn't catch the moment he ties off the condom and throws it away because he's already lying back down next to her. Nuzzling his face right beneath her jaw.

"I think I like doing this with you," he admits, his hand curling around her waist.

"Pervert," Shiho murmurs, turning her head to breathe him in. To feel the warmth that emanates from his skin like steam, sweat on his skin like condensation. She grasps onto his arm.

...

Month 3

"I honestly thought I'd be married by now," Shinichi chuckles, in his eyes flashes distance and then it's gone. It comes from a place where expectations were presented to him and he never questioned it.

"If this is some offhand attempt at a proposal, then I'll have to decline for now." Shiho smiles in the low light. His responding laugh shakes her from her position on his chest.

"Damn, I'm gonna have to rethink my strategy." His lids fall, suddenly sleepy.

"But that's a long way away..." Shiho stares into his face, his expression is peaceful. "Shinichi?" She rubs away the exhaustion from her eyes with her fingers.

Shinichi's lids flutter open, revealing clear blue eyes.

"How long has it been since you had a nightmare?" She doesn't want to bring down the mood after all the room is still steeped in a rosy heat, the so called post coital glow.

Shinichi purses his lips, "Last week, I think," he yawns, "why, did something happen? What about you?"

Shiho rubs his bare skin beneath her resting hand, "Just the other night,"

"Tell me about it," he's come so far in communicating his thoughts with her, it feels more like concern than invasion.

"Just the usual," She rests her chin on her hands, "Smoke, fire, my sister..." Shiho drifts off, even avoids his eyes.

Shinichi lifts a hand and brushes away a piece of damp hair from her face. She looks at him then.

"That's not nothing." Shinichi says gently, "and that's okay." He still feels guilt over Akemi's death. Maybe he could have prevented it. He wishes he had. Shiho would be all the more better, all the more whole if her sister was there to help support her. Give her advice the way a sister would.

Shiho agrees with a quiet hum, she presses the side of her face against his chest. Her ear there above his heart, she can probably feel its steady thud.

"Shiho?"

She peeks an eye open, clearly expectant.

"Can I tell you something?" It's Shinichi's turn to avoid her eyes. That's enough to make her lift her head to look at him better.

"Well, it was sometime last week. One of the officers that I'm usually in touch with. Nice guy, you should meet him-but that's beside the point. He suggested that he take me to the gun range he visits on his days off. I agreed because I thought I was ready to handle it." Shinichi laughs in spite of it. "The moment I heard a gunshot, even muffled through the ear protection, I blacked out for a second, then I panicked. You should have seen him trying to apologize, I should have said something beforehand."

"It's fine challenge to yourself. Triggers are more common that you think. Many people have them. Some of us are just better at hiding it." Shiho replies. She reaches up with one of her hands and places it on his cheek. Shinichi leans into it. "and that's okay too,"

The amount of power the black organization has flexed to keep her within their ranks was enough to make her unbelievably sensitive to any of them. They were terrifying in the worst way. Shiho tries not to think about it too much. It's proven useful at the very least.

"That's good to hear," His tone can be interpreted as bitter, but he means it.

Shinichi holds her until she falls back asleep, until he too sleeps. They can have a late morning breakfast when the time comes.

"I should probably give mom an update," Shinichi says an hour and a half later over cereal. His hair is sticking up every which way, one of the legs on his sweatpants is bunched up at the knee. The long sleeve he wears is wrinkled. He may or may not have just picked it up off the floor.

"Agasa too, I said I would," Shiho spreads the strawberry preserves liberally across her butter toast. She looks marginally more put together with an ironed out t shirt and denim shorts. However, despite that her hair still looks like she only combed through it with her fingers. Which, coincidentally is exactly what she did.

Shiho can't believe she hadn't purchased any postcards yet. At least she'd sent the ones from New York before they left.

"Do you think we should move on soon?" Shinichi says abruptly.

Shiho's not really surprised, they'd been there for about two and a half months by now.

"Maybe," Shiho chews slowly. "We can by the end of the month."

They leave simply because they don't see themselves permanently settling down in any of these places any time soon. Because Shinichi wants to avoid attracting anyone he doesn't want to immediately see to take him back home. He doesn't speak about it much, but Shiho knows it's Ran he may be running from. Perhaps he's much more prepared to deal with it now that he's had time to properly process. Shiho wants him to wait until he's ready to do it right, but she also won't indulge him for too long if it seems like he's avoiding it like some bad grade he wants to keep hidden.

"I think that would be for the best," Shinichi says before drinking the leftover milk from the bowl.

...

He's tall and a bit wispy looking despite being a cop. Shiho wants to know how Shinichi spends so much time around authorities without letting anything slip so easily.

"Raphael, this is Shiho, uh she's my girlfriend." Shinichi's voice is a tad jumpy but Shiho elects to ignore it. "Shiho, this is Raphael, my unofficial partner at the station."

Shinichi's come a long way with his understanding of English, now able to have full conversations without speaking a word of Japanese.

Shiho takes note of Raphael's heavy lids and the glassy brown eyes beneath them, thick cuts of cheek bones and full lips; his skin is a warm brown in the ten o' clock morning light. Raphael extends a hand that Shiho gives a neat shake.

"Nice to meet you," his voice is lower than she expected, but pleasant regardless.

"It's a pleasure," Shiho replies, smiling.

Shiho has a feeling this is almost like a goodbye for Shinichi, but even she knows that he probably already has Raphael's contact information.

Brunch is cheery, Shinichi's relaxed as they chat over scrambled eggs and hot coffee with a side of fruit.

Raphael mentions how he'd always wanted to visit Japan at some point in his life. Shinichi's happy to give him a tour should he go. Shiho contributes little quips here and there, but she's not really the casual conversation type so she elects to eat mostly in silence on her side of the table.

Of course, like every conversation with what appears to be a stranger, Raphael asks how they met.

"Well, it definitely wasn't the best first meeting," Shinichi laughs it off while Shiho smiles into her plate. She missed watching him squirm in awkward social settings.

"She was in one of my classes during school a few years ago. She was the one that first talked to me. I just wanted to go home." Shinichi chuckles then proceeds to busy himself with a long gulp of his coffee.

Shiho's only slightly impressed with his ability to make the situation relatable while keeping it true.

Raphael in turn says he met his wife through mutual friends. With an adoration so pure Shiho has to look away, he explains how his wife has helped him through so many rough spots in his life he doesn't know if he could ever repay her.

At that point, Shiho's ghosting in and out of the conversation in such quick succession she's shut her eyes to steady herself.

Shiho's still present, but she's no longer aware of the line of conversation until Shinichi's hugging him before he leaves. It's one of those hefty friend hugs where there's the thump of their hands hitting each other's backs.

"Are you okay?" Shinichi's now up close, he's smiling.

Shiho squeezes her eyes shut tighter for a second before opening them, there's blotches of blue that pattern and pop over Shinichi's face, remnants from the abyss beneath her lids.

"Yeah," Shiho says, "just zoned out a little is all."

Shinichi chooses to believe her, "First impressions?" He says offhandedly taking back his seat and biting the tip off a strawberry.

"He seems reliable, nice." Shiho replies, leaning her head on her chin. "So he's the one that brought you to the gun range?"

"Yeah, but he's been really helpful. He even suggested a few therapy places for me if I want. His wife works in public health and she's got a pretty good list of good resources,"

"Do you want to?" Shiho pauses, "stay longer I mean."

Shinichi places a hand on her shoulder, he shakes his head, "No, even though I like it here, I don't think we should stay any longer."

"Are you avoiding something?" Shiho asks outright.

Shinichi flinches, "Not so much as it feels premature to just settle down and live here. More like it doesn't feel quite right to just stay here and leave things unfinished-"

"So you want to go back to Japan?"

"Not yet," Shinichi answers truthfully. "Indulge me this time."

Shiho will miss Toka, as a kind landlady, employer and almost mother figure. Even though Shinichi told Raphael to drop by whenever, when he would, he would only appear to find their apartment empty.

That night, Shiho slips the last rent payment beneath the door of Toka's suite. She should be working late at the shop and as a result it shouldn't be that hard to just leave with their belongings. It's easier this way, saying goodbye would just be sadder.

...

Month 1

The Mekong River is wide and deep, the other side is shrouded in deep jungle and scarcely traversed paths.

Shinichi's dragged Shiho down the riverside, a shuttle's ride away from their hotel villa. An open field, deemed too flooded for a steady harvest, neighbor to rice paddies where many young kids often play well into the afternoon.

The sky is cloudy, steadily thickening to the point of rainfall before nightfall.

Shiho watches Shinichi balance then bounce the soccer ball against his instep, his calf with effortless grace and focus. She's never seen him grin so widely, for a moment he's back in a child's body discovering his love for something for the first time.

Shiho takes her time to relearn him. Sure he's got a few more cracks and tears than before but he's still just as valuable, just as worth it.

Shinichi performs for the surrounding children with an impossibly wide grin on his face all the while. Shiho can tell he's rusty from the way the ball hits the crown of his head and flies at an angle he did not foresee, his arm jutting out to catch it on instinct. Many of the children laugh when he nearly slips in the damp grass.

Once the children have scattered, many of them attempting to imitate what Shinichi had shown them. Shiho runs down the embankment and across the dewy grass in Ran's old trainers and feels so free for once. There aren't nightmares edging across her vision behind her eyelids when she blinks. Instead Shinichi's there replacing the fire that strikes like lightening with a different fire, one that nurtures life.

Affection curls in her belly, which appears to happen more often these days. Shiho places a hand on his elbow to direct his attention to her before she kisses his cheek.

Shinichi's crooked smile is broken up by the splash of pink across his cheeks. Neither of them has noticed it has started raining. He continues playing, this time enamored with both her and the ball beneath his foot.

The rain is steady is now, Shinichi's shirt is soaked in spots. He knees the ball upwards once more, ready to counter with his other foot, his weight shifting when he slips in the grass. This time he's unable to catch himself and the fall is rather ungraceful as a result.

Shiho figures it's time to take the next available shuttle back to town before either of them get sick. Most of the kids have already gone home, with the exception of two of the older ones still chatting on the embankment.

Shinichi holds her hand between them on the way back, beneath his other arm is the ball he'd purchased at one of the market stalls that he bought for forty thousand Lao kips, about 500 yen.

The villa is tiled floors and thin white drapes. There's a wooden built veranda that gives a wide view of the Nam Khan River outside.

Shiho settles into her seat, begins to pick with her chopsticks at the glass noodle salad, yum woosen, chocked full of veggies, shrimp and chilies.

Shinichi, in turn has already wolfed down half the steamed fish and rice.

"Shiho," Shinichi takes a sip of tea, "I think it's time to go back soon."

Shiho's surprised, but also proud that he's getting better at processing his feelings.

"You can't run from something forever." Shiho says, god does she know that.

"I know and that's why I want to go back and face this."

"At least you've recognized that on your own."

"You wouldn't leave me in the dark for much longer would you?"

Shiho smiles, "Maybe if it meant this trip was without its strings." If it meant that neither of them would be hurting anyone by just disappearing off the map. If it looked like Shinichi was done with the life he was living for good, so everyone could move on. But with Ran still dangling by Shinichi's feeble threads, Shiho finds it hard to relax, sure the edges of her vision are no longer singed with a deep running paranoia, but that doesn't mean Ran's aren't. She's still left with that heartbreaking conversation so many months ago and hearing nothing after that has to do something to a person. Especially a person so close to him.

"I'm getting that feeling too." Shinichi looks down at his lap. "I feels irresponsible to just leave her in the dark this long."

Shiho nods, "I don't want to hurt her." she repeats even though at this point she knows it's unavoidable and that saying so only makes it hurt more when it actually happens.

"I don't either." Shinichi's hands dig into his knees. "Does the end of next month sound okay to you?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Month 2

They're out on the veranda, staring into the slow rivulets of water as it passes in a deep green blur and reflects in the early morning sun, when Shinichi calls Ran. With Japan only being two hours ahead, there's no need to wake up at some absurd time to catch her.

The rings on the other end are faint but Shiho can hear them. Only the sounds of the river and the slight wind to bother them.

"Hello?"

"Ran, is that you-"

"Shinichi." She pauses, "I'm glad you're okay. You sound much better."

"Yeah, a lot of things have happened-listen, I don't want to just spring this on you, but I'll be home soon...you of all people should know." Shinichi's bent over the wooden railing, resting on his elbows.

"That's great," her voice is gentle, affirming.

That's why they would have been compatible. That's why they would have worked so well. Ran holds in her hands, a sort of effortless graciousness about her. They don't fight unless they have to. Unless there's no other choice.

Even now, Shiho doesn't feel any sort of stabbing jealousy, Shinichi's her partner now, in every sense of the word.

"Yeah," he drifts off, wipes a clammy hand on his jeans. "uh, how have you been doing?"

Shiho's unable to really hear any specifics, but she doesn't mind. What Ran has to say to him-only he should hear it.

"I knew you'd kick ass at it." Shinichi's smiling. It's genuine and at the same time there's guilt in the stretch of his lip.

"What have you been up to Shinichi-I mean if it's confidential or anything-"

"No, no, no," Shinichi waves his hand, "Things, for the time being, have been settled and I have a lot to tell you when I get back. I want you know before I do that that I missed you and that I'm sorry for being away for so long. What has it been four, five years?"

"It's alright, we'll get there."

...

It may be a year later *insert but I'm here *

Thoughts on length? Thoughts on having a conanxai prequel fic documenting the case?

There is still one more part my friends *cries* idk why it turned over twice as long as the other one.

idk they were originally planned to go to london too, the whole ran x shiho parallel. But sure i'll give them that at least.

regardless i'd be very happy to hear from you all about this one. feedback is much appreciated.

see you this time next year, not really i'll try and write faster/ post it earlier