chapter nine

x

Zuko took another breath once he finished the story about Mai.

Azula stared at him for some time.

"No," she said. His lip curled into a snarl. "I don't care what happens to her."

"I—you—you need to stop acting like you have any power. I have the power now and if you aren't going to try to become a better person—"

"I am an excellent person how I already am. You needn't try to change me. It must exhaust you and I will never bend to your will."

"Then maybe you'd be better off in prison."

"Maybe," she said. Zuko made a small growling sound in the back of his throat. "See, you're definitely still in love with Mai, sad as it may be. Perhaps these people snatched her up to try to cloud your judgment. Who knows? Isn't the Fire Nation more important than her? She betrayed both of us."

"She didn't betray me, and she was only stopping you from killing me."

"A crying shame. Now I can only coerce assassins into doing it." Azula's lips twitched, a small smile that sent her brother's head reeling in rage.

Zuko lunged forward and grabbed her by the throat, pinning his little sister to the wall. She reached up and he prepared to be attacked, but she only swept her bangs out of her face so she could look him dead in the eye.

"If I find out you had anything to do with any of this…"

"You'll what? Command me to make flower chains until I have a poignant mental breakthr—"

He slammed her back against the wall. "I will lock you up in the worst place I can find. I'm not punishing a daughter for the sins of her father, but if you break the law, if you've been trying to hurt me or anyone else, I think the only thing I can do is imprison you until the day you die. I don't pity you anymore."

"No. You just pity yourself, as always."

He released her and turned his back.

But she was not afraid of him. She could never fear dear ZuZu.

"You will help me save Mai. You will help me every step of the way. You will prove to me that I can trust you and that I should still make efforts to rehabilitate you, instead of locking you up as a lost cause," Zuko growled and Azula felt a chill wash over her.

"You remind me so much of father. I am proud." Azula thought perhaps he would punch her in the face for the comment, but he merely shrugged.

"I have things to do."

He was gone.

Azula was left standing alone, thinking, thinking, thinking.

x

Azula sat perched in her favorite part of the courtyard. She sat atop one of the stone tables and Ty Lee sat below her. They both let both sun and shadows kiss their skin, opposing forces creating opposite sensations. The air smelled strongly of hydrangeas; they were on the cool, comfortable air this time of year. Azula touched Ty Lee's face, and then rescinded the gesture. It felt so soft.

"How many days before the kidnappers just kill her?" asked Azula, picking up Ty Lee's trembling hand. People still feared her, and that was uncomfortably encouraging. "One?" And she touched one finger to her lips. "Two?" And another. "Three?" And another before Ty Lee slowly and cautiously set her hand back on her lap.

"I hope we find her. I love you, but I hope we find her." Ty Lee felt uneasy about voicing the truth, but she loved Mai, so she had to.

"You cannot love me and hope we find her at the same time." Azula let Ty Lee sweat for a moment before continuing, "But I will help Zuko find her. It serves me well to do so."

"It—it does?" Ty Lee could not fathom why.

"It does." Azula kissed Ty Lee on the cheek and strode away.

The acrobat gazed after the princess, goosebumps rising on her fawn skin.

x

Ozai stood in his glamorous incense-scented cell and stared at a trembling, profusely sweating teenager who seemed to be the person the resistance deemed competent enough to deliver this report. He breathed in the stale air and let it make him look even bigger, more threatening to the boy. And Ozai hears about this Mai kidnapping and it fills him with a remarkably confusing rage. He clenches his fist, hard, painful skin against hard painful skin.

Yes, from a tactical standpoint there are far better and more important targets. It seemed like more than that, but Ozai shoved it aside.

Lighting up the outstretched silence with his strong voice, Ozai lectured brutally, "That was stupid. That was a stupid move. I'm tired of the idiots trying to play wise soldier. It. Exhausts. Me." Ozai stood and as he looked at the quivering mess pretending to be important, a surge of rage filled him and his useless, useless, useless fist collided with the wall.

He hated these people. He hated himself. He hated his son.

The ridiculous little boy asked nervously, "Sh-should we rescind the act, your eminence?"

"No. She is somehow the closest person to him, despite his array of... friends. Yet, I think she would be a remarkable ally. I saw in her eyes and in her words that she would switch sides. That would have been far more useful to our cause, would you agree?"

"Yes—I mea—yes, your eminence." Now the man began to sweat profusely. Briefly, it entertained Ozai, but it also reminded him that he lost the ability to act on a threat, to strike fear through violence. Now he had to play a different game. His parents taught it to him, he supposed. He knew how. He found it tedious once he was in power.

Manipulate their belief in you. Make promises. Be intimidating.

For the weak, in Ozai's eyes, but perhaps, as he sometimes thought in the dead of the livid hot summer night, he was weak.

"Just do something about it," spat Ozai.

The boy did not know what that meant. He was terrified. He did not know what this man wanted and it was making him feel faint.

Therefore, he gladly took any excuse to politely leave.

x

The Former Fire Lord Ozai's next visitor was a woman, but not the kind he would like to see.

It was his daughter, handcuffed, escorted by soldiers, dressed like a civilian and holding herself like a poised princess, not a prisoner or a madwoman.

"Could I be alone with my father?" Azula demanded. "Feel free to eavesdrop, but you all know that I told Zuko I would be saying the right words to get what he wanted. You won't discover anything particularly interesting by making this reunion awkward."

After a few moments, the soldiers made their choice and stepped out of the room.

Azula strode towards the cell, but did not move as close as most did.

"You look well, ember," said Ozai. She did not reply, did not know how to feel about a common Fire Nation pet name instead of a title. He was her father, and so she let him call her 'ember' all he wanted. "And apparently under the impression that she is too good to have a civil conversation."

"I am thinking," Azula said, harsher than she intended. "I have considered how to gradually introduce the idea of why I am forced to come here, but I realized how little I care and therefore I will be up front with you. I know nothing about this kidnapping. It was not my work. I can think of only one reason why Zuko seems so proud to have denied your help and therefore I assume you have something to do with this. I want it undone."

"And I honestly thought you were here to sob about your childhood."

"I don't have any complaints about it," she said. "I lie in bed and miss it deeply every day, but I'm not in the mood to reminisce. I am playing a long game and this has screwed up my entire strategy. I need Mai back, I need this erased, and I need to keep focusing on my own plans."

Ozai laughed sharply, coldly, bitterly, mirthlessly and Azula watched. "You always cared more about yourself than the Fire Nation."

Pacing, Azula said, "If I may speak bluntly, I think I got that from you." Her teeth—in a sweet but wicked smile—briefly flashed white and he watched them bared like a brutal predator.

He suppressed his own smile because he did not want to play with her.

He supposed he wanted Mai rescued as well.

Ozai said in fully honesty, "Your game must be leading somewhere very good if you want to save the girl you recently stabbed in the neck."

"That was a mental break," said Azula, making her pretty lie as obvious as possible. "I cannot be held accountable, and I regret it. She was once a dear friend and I value old friends."

He wondered if that may be a hint as to what her goal was, what her aforementioned steps would be. Maybe it was merely a throwaway comment. He pushed it to the back of his mind to examine later when it was of more importance.

So long as her game did not interfere with his, he wished her the best.

She deserved to be happy. Happier than Zuko, at least. She did not betray him and she always loved him as a daughter should; Ozai still valued her even after she ceased to be useful.

Azula's eyes trailed away from him and he did not know why until she lit the room with a brief flash of bright blue and a scorched moth plummeted, dead, to the stone floor.

"Your needless display of power does make me think," said Ozai, sitting down, observing her closely, waiting for her to show any indication that she had the same thought. "We might have the same ends in mind, and if we worked together it would make acquiring means far easier."

"I am afraid I trust no one at the moment. You see, I only recently recovered from having lost my fucking mind, and I'm not taking any risks. The job of pretending to be on my side and then screwing with me has already been taken by my own mind," Azula purred and he felt a small surge of pride. She had such a way with words, better than he did but honed by him. The perfect scenario for a parent to admire.

"If you change your mind, you know where I am," said Ozai, not bothering to look interested anymore.

"I suppose I do," said Azula. "But we have lost our way in this conversation. I want you to pull strings with your little buddies the terrorists and get her unkidnapped. We could even play you up as the unlikely hero."

"And why would I want that?" Ozai growled, half-sick of this already.

"Because you want her, and that could be so easily arranged at the small price of a few well-told lies," said Azula, and, without even bidding the man she once loved above all else goodbye, she left the room.

Ozai cracked a quill in his fist as he watched her walk away.

He did want Mai.

For the first time, he admitted to himself that he wanted her.

x

That night, after Azula gave her carefully worded report to Zuko, "Ty Lee," whispered Azula as they went through the motions of a bedtime routine, "I want… I want to tell you something, but you must promise me you will say nothing to Zuko."

Horrified but unsurprised, Ty Lee asked in a hushed tone, "You did have Mai kidnapped?"

"Of course not. I am no fool," Azula snapped before remembering herself and regaining her composure, or invaluable lack thereof. "I… but I… but I am starting to fall apart. I can feel it gradually tightening around my neck like a pythanaconda, crushing my chest like weights, forcing the breath from my lungs, squeezing tighter and tighter on my neck." She set her fingertips near her clavicle for effect, and it worked. Ty Lee's eyes bulged and she scurried to her true love. She wrapped Azula in her arms and did not see the one smirk that Azula accidentally let slip out.

"What's wrong? Please, princess, I want to help you," begged Ty Lee, taking both of Azula's trembling hands into hers and holding them tightly.

"I'm falling apart. I can't have anyone know. People are beginning to respect me again. I won't be looked at in pity by my brother or anyone else!" Azula went all out with her shuddering gasp. Perfect. She needed pity, of course; she needed it for her plans to play out properly. But she had to look like she resented it.

Azula forced herself to sob. It became easy quickly. Too quickly. She was truly crying at this point, but she did not know about what. All she could do was shove the emotions into the back of her mind and continue with tonight's outburst as planned.

Ty Lee tenderly knelt beside her atop the mattress and cupped Azula's face in her calloused hands. She wiped away Azula's tears as they fell, not allowing a single one to fully roll down her face. Ty Lee kissed her twice and pulled her close and Azula could not tell if it was sickening or pleasant.

"He already thinks I did something to Mai," said Azula breathlessly, letting herself weep and weep as she spoke. "He'll lock me up if I break. I'm dangerous, arne't i? I'm dangerous if I lose it again, and I'm losing it again and I don't know how to stop myself. I fell from a cliff and there's no one to grab my hand and keep me from falling."

"I am," said Ty Lee with a conviction that pleased Azula. So Ty Lee could be counted on. "I'm here. I'm not going to let anybody hurt you or anything. I'll help you. I love you. I don't want you to be hurting."

Ty Lee embraced her. Azula forced herself to sink into Ty Lee's arms.

"I don't think I can save myself from my broken mind," Azula whispered.

"You don't have to. I'm here and you don't have to."

Azula let Ty Lee hold her for as long as she liked. She let her be the first to break away, revealing a disheveled, ruddy, tearstained mess of a woman.

Ty Lee's heart fluttered.

She must have rushed Azula, and now she was going to lose her.

x

That morning, Azula lay there in silence.

She stared at the ceiling.

She did not say a word and she watched Ty Lee panic and sob and worry.

She let herself look as pitiful a creature as could exist.

She watched them panic while remaining utterly nonresponsive.

It was fun when she had control like this; it was not fun in the past when falling into catatonia was all real and agonizing.

x

Zuko and Ty Lee stood on a palace balcony where they would not be overheard. They spent an odd amount of time finding shapes animals in the clouds above. After a few patient minutes, Zuko pounced and launched into why he asked Ty Lee to meet him here.

"She'll be okay. It's a setback," said Zuko, hating himself for hoping it was one. Then again, the alternative was worse. If she was using them, if she was lying…

No. She was like this before because of her illness.

But Azula is the type of person who would try to make an illness into an advantage.

He tried to find reason and more understanding in Ty Lee. She had been closest to Azula in these past fateful days.

"She's smarter than me," said Ty Lee. She paused, thinking for a few moments. "She's smarter than you. I think she's playing… playing a couple steps ahead of where we are."

Zuko's hair stood on its ends. Maybe his worst fear was true; maybe Azula learned how to use her illness as a weapon, just like she could make anything handed to her deadly. "Playing what?"

"I don't know. It's—it's just the best word I could come up with." Ty Lee wiped away a few stray tears. Zuko did not think he had ever seen her cry as much as she had upon coming to the Fire Nation to help care for Princess Azula.

"Do you think this is fun for her?" Zuko asked, although he knew the answer.

Ty Lee stared thoughtfully at the puffy passing clouds in the bright blue sky. "Yeah, but I don't know if that's what I meant by playing."

"So stop her."

"I love her, Zuko. I love her so much."

"Do you?"

"I think I do." Ty Lee meant it. She looked deeply into his eyes and he knew it was real love. At least, he knew Ty Lee thought it was and that was the same thing.

"Then you do."

Ty Lee shook her head. "It's probably better if I just say I think I do."

"It's never better to lie," vehemently insisted Zuko, locking eyes with Ty Lee.

"I don't know if I'm lying or not. I think I love her, okay?"

"But that's all love is. Love is just thoughts."

Ty Lee rubbed her lip and studied the boy she was pretty sure she knew. He confused her more often than Azula did and that was quite the statement.

"Yeah. Maybe you're as smart as her."

"No. Somebody told me that once. It isn't my own, uh, wisdom. I guess it's wisdom of a sort."

Inspired by Zuko's words of choice, "I guess it's love of a sort," admitted Ty Lee. "With Azula. Me and Azula."

"I would never ask you to choose between your feelings for my sister and anything else. I know you, Ty Lee, I know you and I know you wouldn't ever conspire against me. She would… you wouldn't. I… I don't even remember where I was going with this."

Zuko could remember being at the Western Air Temple. He and Katara were far from warming up—far, far from it—but they did hold one real conversation amongst all of the fair and deserved hatred. She questioned him about leaving Mai behind after hearing him talking about it to Aang.

"Do you love her?" Katara asked, sitting in front of him.

He felt wildly uncomfortable being subjected to her bright blue gaze.

"I think I love her," he said, throwing an arm up.

"Then you love her," stated Katara.

Zuko snarled, "I just said that I don't know! I just—I just think I love her!"

"That's what love is," said Katara firmly, her resolve as thick as ever. "Thoughts."

He hated that she was right.

"Should we be playing too? Just to keep safe?" Ty Lee asked, stepping closer to Zuko.

"No. Their schemes will destroy them."

"I hope you're right," murmured Ty Lee, running her hand across the uneven stone railing.

"I hope so too," Zuko admitted.

She laughed; he laughed. It was not the time for laughter.

They did not care.