The first and only time it took for him to realize that something wasn't right—he remembered being petrified.

He didn't know what was happening. He was finally beginning to make sense of things.. At least half, or maybe even less than half.. It wasn't significant enough to matter, but he had still naively thought that life was turning in the right direction.

Suigetsu didn't care about everything left to learn. He almost wanted to be done as soon as possible. There was so much he was looking forward to.. he desperately wanted to have a certain way. There was so much he was missing out on.

He thought he had understood a small part of his role in the universe.

Little did he know, a curveball was about to leave a gaping hole in his supposedly-prized future.

Mangetsu's paralyzation during the midst of their training was unexpected, to say the least—the edge of Suigetsu's sword barely falls short, grazing his shoulder.

A nice, clean slit.

And that was when he realized.. something was off.

Suigetsu hovered his blade over his sibling's body, pulling back immediately.

One of the most gifted shinobi in the Land of Mist, one feared by reputation alone, one who had never even allowed a common cold to stop him before.. suddenly collapsing under buckled knees. It was the most godawful hacking sound, startling both of them back to real-time. Harsh coughs continued rocking him back and forth.

What was he supposed to do?

It was like he couldn't breathe, and Suigetsu doesn't know how to react. Unless, maybe—he could've tried a little harder to mask a very obvious grimace.

He stays incredibly dazed aside from the disapproving look, reeling noticeably because of their session—he would have struck him down if it weren't for initial hesitation. It was an alarming change that just couldn't be accepted.

There was nothing but tension in the air as the sound of coughs slowly died out; Suigetsu didn't want to make it obvious, however—that he suddenly didn't know how he was feeling.

"Man, what was that?"

Hiramekarei toppled over him once it became too overwhelming to hold, almost crushing the two as it hits the ground.

There was something telling him that he was overreacting. That there was no possible way he would ever let a nasty cough interrupt their training. He had to be putting on an act or some shit.

Panic-stricken, he flew to his brother's side. This kind of vulnerability.. he had never seen before. Having no idea that Mangetsu couldn't block or even evade, he was lucky to have stopped himself in time. He didn't believe Mangetsu looked ill, at first glance.

His swings were weaker than usual, but they were far from transparent moves. Naturally, Suigetsu wouldn't perceive under a very empathetic lens. His pride weighed more than that, by a long shot. Anyways—this wasn't some random, disposable colleague.. by any means necessary. His brother was one of his biggest inspirations. He wasn't just part of his dream.. he made him want to be a better swordsman, just by sharing their conjoined dream. He learned almost everything from watching Mangetsu. He felt the drive to push himself, to test limits, to go after what he wanted.. because he watched the best leading example.

Realizing his current state was extremely difficult on Suigetsu—it was like being frozen in the moment—his conscience urging him to pull back.. He felt suffocated by irrational thoughts. 'Surely, he would've been able to block me just then, and fairly easily... He's faster than that.' He hadn't felt his brother's chakra waver before, and he wanted to believe this was a fluke.. because it had never happened before. His mind had never been so scattered.

"You sick or something?"

"I'm—" Mangetsu was gasping for air whether he would acknowledge it or not. He leaned into the ground, knowing he should have refused Suigetsu's offer to train that day. He hated being seen like this. "I'm fine.. now. Just.. very light-headed."

Suigetsu supported his back with one arm instinctively, "I nearly got you there. And you're the one who's always lecturing me to be more careful? Sounds like you could use a break."

"You're—right. I must have.. let my game down."

"Mangetsu, what the hell's going on with you? I mean, this never used to happen before. I know I'm not getting that much better, right?" He asked like he wanted to own the bragging rights.

The pale look on his brother's face actually scared him, and he didn't know if he wanted the truth. Not until he stepped back and stared—there it was. There was the slightest change in him.. it was too subtle, barely noticeable in between lagged movements. His eyes looked more exhausted, half-lidded—a weariness so evident—that it completely shadowed the bags underneath them. How could he have not noticed before?

He seemed to need a long while to regain any sort of composure. Suigetsu squinted, trying to stop his worries from surfacing. There wasn't something wrong with him. No way. There was no believing it.

Mental and physical drainage was nothing out of the ordinary for Mangetsu. He was one of the healthiest shinobi in the Mist..

He trained so long and hard with the Seven these days.. it was amazing the strain had never worn him down before. Maybe it was finally catching up with him.. nothing new.

Both brothers had wanted to be part of an elite so badly—they were willing to risk their health for it and more. It was not something to be questioned. They were groomed to withstand and well-equipped to handle unfavorable conditions.. and it was absolutely clear, now—in the end, they must have been paying a huge price.

Suigetsu didn't know what had caused him to break down like that.. but he had a feeling that it was serious, in the back of his mind. Because Mangetsu was fucking tough.. and if something took him down, it was the real deal.

He was never lucky enough to surpass his brother. The pure skill within the older Hōzuki could not be ignored; raw talent and unmatched ability—those two traits alone practically made up everything that was Mangetsu. Or, at least.. that was how he saw it.

Mangetsu stripped off the metal headband across his forehead, palming the sweat that lined his features. "I should be honest with you, Suigetsu. I'll admit—you would've had me just now, for sure.. I don't think I even have enough strength left to use the hydrafication technique. I'm not sure how to say it, but I can't go on keeping this from you.. as my brother—you deserve to know, more than anyone."

He left his side then, going to retrieve their blades hastily. Young Suigetsu didn't want to hear what he was about to say. But his curiosity was certainly piqued.

"You're just talking, aren't you," After returning his sword, he kneeled back down uneasily. "what exactly do I need to know?"

Mangetsu accepted Hiramekarei, but he didn't move from the ground. He couldn't even make eye-contact. He seemed at a loss for the right words. "Suigetsu, please.. take this seriously. You should know—I'm not well."

"What do you mean by that?" He seemed outraged over the idea that this was just some weird joke being played on him. "you were fine the other day."

"I've tried to hide my symptoms from you," The eldest Hōzuki confessed, "for the most part. I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this."

"Come down to what!?" Suigetsu was beyond confused, and he could only grow more anxious about whatever this was.. had karma and reality conspired to take him out all at once? It couldn't be that bad, right?

Truth be told, it didn't even look like Mangetsu had the energy to explain it to him.

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

Mangetsu absolutely had to be honest with him, no matter how badly it hurt. He was going to admit it; he would tell him the truth. Mangetsu just had no idea how to explain it.. when he had yet to grasp the concept himself.

Suigetsu watched him take a deep breath, building up to a moment that could've made them both want to crash and burn. He felt like he was always in the dark—never being trusted enough, never given a fair turn—he was nothing to behold, in the eyes of others. Especially when they compared him to his brother.

"I've been diagnosed with a chronic illness."

"What? What the hell did you just say?"

"It means—it progresses so long over time, and my condition is worsening.." Mangetsu laid Hiramekarei down beside him, holding out his arms. His limbs shook visibly as he flexed. "Suigetsu, I can feel this eating away at me. I don't know what this is, but it feels pretty real. And I bet you feel it, too—my chakra is exhausted. This isn't something I can fight.. I'm getting weaker every day. I know I should've told you sooner, but—"

"Wait a second. You'll get like, better, right? This'll go away on its own?" He didn't understand why or what was happening, but he was feeling increasingly more angry. For whatever reason, he just didn't get how this could happen to Mangetsu. It should have been anyone else. He was almost the best out of all of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen.. and to just become deathly ill one day with no explanation whatsoever?

"I don't think the Mist will be able to help out much," Mangetsu dropped his arms, staring down at his hands. "they say it's incurable. I don't know what to do here, anymore. It's fucking pitiful, man. They can't do anything for me, so I guess it's like.. I finally achieve my dream and this shit happens."

"Your dream!?" Suigetsu stumbled backward, snatching up his sword and aiming for straight flesh and blood. "What about my dream?! At least you got your shot at being part of the Seven. This is unbelievable! What the fuck are you saying!? You're just going to drop dead, is that it?"

He didn't move a muscle.

"You better be lying to me, Mangetsu."

"Hey, don't take it so hard. You'll be alright," He finally stared him dead in the eyes for a brief moment, casting his chin back down solemnly. "Honestly—I've been worrying half to death already about how you were going to take this. Don't get mad at me; it's not like I want to die, Suigetsu."

Even though he knew better, he couldn't help but feel guilty. That he was at least partially to blame—for always wanting to steal the spotlight from Mangetsu. His wish was never to lose his brother completely. It made him second-guess everything.. the cruelty of his actions, his childhood dream, the upholding his clan, every fucking thing. Everything Mangetsu had done for him.. This was his reward? This is what they got in return?

He didn't know who to hate except himself.

"This is just a joke, right?" Suigetsu was trembling so noticeably that he couldn't even get a good hold on his sword. His previously understood 'universe' was utterly destroyed. "I can't—I can't do this without you.."

"Don't say that. I have hopes that you can.. for both of us," Mangetsu could feel his insides burning, and it was paining him even more—having to deliver such tragic news to his sibling. He knew that it was crushing him. He was the one who felt truly guilt-ridden; he saw Suigetsu as so young and innocent—he didn't deserve this burden to carry. He had to remind himself to put on a brave face. "or you can just forget about it. Do whatever you want. I guess it doesn't really matter for me, any more.."

"Shut up!" He thrashed his sword into the water angrily, "I'm gonna find a way to help you, dammit. We're both going to be part of the Seven together, one day.. you can't just forget about all that.. can you? Answer me, dammit!"

"No, you're right. I'll never forget," Mangetsu remained calm despite their circumstances, hating himself for succumbing to disease—and so early in life. Too early. He couldn't believe the legacy he was leaving Kirigakure. And to think.. Suigetsu was taking the news worse than him. "do something that you wanna do. Make good choices. Even if that doesn't mean.. being a swordsman. It's not the end of the world, yet. Denial isn't gonna do us any favors, 'ya know?"

"I know there has to be something we can do," He refused to listen to some mystery bullshit diagnosis from some amateur medic. There was no way this could randomly happen to somebody..

Until he remembered Ameyuri's untimely death and what was rumored to be the cause.

The most infamous group had thinned out terribly over the years, with a string of them fleeing the village, dying in combat, or recently.. due to unexpected illness.

It truly could not be explained. With all the craziness he heard circulating—Suigetsu was sure nothing like that existed.

"You can still do a lot for me, man. Let this serve as a warning for you to be more aware—listen," Mangetsu broke off mid-sentence, "I never want you to have to go through this. If our bloodline carries this gene, there's a possibility that you will, too. So, be careful, Suigetsu. For your future sake."

"This can't be happening," Suigetsu persuaded further, wishing this could all just be a dream. "Mangetsu.. You don't mean you're going to—"

"I always wondered what our lives' could have been like if it wasn't for the Mist. You know.. I've always wondered why we were chosen to live in such damnation—in a land that never sees peace. Why we've had to endure one sick mission after the other.. it's strange.. saying these sorts of things aloud.. when it never used to bother me, before. I had a lot of fun with it, in the beginning. But now.. I've had time to think about it. I've questioned it and over and over—and I always come to the same conclusion. We've never gotten the chance to rise out of this hellhole. They don't want us to have that chance."

As if his life couldn't get any more unfair. Mangetsu talked like he hated their dream and regretted all the time they had invested. Literal blood, sweat, and tears had went into their training. It hurt to hear his brother criticize what they had fought for, what they had nearly died for, what they had always strived for..

This was not supposed to happen. His whole world was in a spiral, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Suigetsu would be so pissed if Mangetsu died before he got the chance to actually beat him.. One day. He never imagined being robbed of the opportunity. And he knew there was no hope for it, any more. His closest relative and best friend—flawed, but ultimately, his tightest bond—slowly deteriorating before his very eyes. He has no choice but to accept it.

He needed Mangetsu to stick around. He was the only person.. who actually wanted to help him.

And now—what was he expected to do? It was their future.. crumbling to pieces right in front of them.

"I want it to be different for you, Suigetsu. There has to be something out there with more to offer. Youth is as good as wasted in this power-hungry village. We slaughter our own kind, pitted against one another from the start.. they bring shinobi like us up to carry out their own selfishness and greed. Nobody cares what happens to us. We're simple pawns, forced to be killing machines from the day we're born.. ignorance will play against you just like it did with me.. don't let yourself be a victim. I care about you more than that, and I want you to live a good life. Definitely one more meaningful.. than this fucking trash."

"I wish I would've gotten the chance to see what's out there. But you—you'll get that chance. I'm so glad one of us will." Mangetsu smiled through unfamiliar pain, lightly punching his arm. "If you want to do something for me.. always do your best. Go all out. Show people how wild you are. Don't ever give up."

"But don't ever forget who made you good. I'll always have your back, man. Even if I'm not around any more.. just promise me you won't do anything stupid."

Suigetsu felt a part of him break that day, and a newfound void filled the place of his brother. A void that he never imagined dealing with, but it came with the pain of understanding grief.

He stopped wanting answers after that.

He regretted not being able to help him out in any way, he regretted taking him for granted, and most of all..

He missed Mangetsu like hell, but he never talked to anyone about it. Nobody was as close as them. He knew it wouldn't make him feel better.

His fate was much more lonely than before—however, he had decided to make alternative changes to his dream.

Suigetsu served the Seven, Mizukage, everybody—with half as much dedication as before. He would live and fight for himself only, and that was it. He didn't need to be part of a group, even if they came begging.

He had to hate Kirigakure just a little—he has to blame someone other than himself for Mangetsu's death. They may as well have driven him into a grave.

Every day was a battle toward recovery as he learned to handle premature death.

He got used to being alone. He got used to fending for himself. He even came to enjoy a fraction of his newfound solitude; Mangetu's absence was the most difficult change to accept.

Suigetsu would find himself mourning quietly, or not at all. He no longer had anyone to confide in. He avoided Mangetsu's burial site like the plague, at first—until he realized that no amount of pretending would bring him back.

The Seven Ninja Swordsmen were disbanded indefinitely, half of the blades missing anyway and the other half dead.

"I'll be back soon," He spoke to a white headstone, brushing off debris with his fingertips. This was the only way he could speak to his brother. "it's for the better.. if I take some time away from the village."

'I have to get out of here..'

In a way, Mangetsu's death was like the final nail in the coffin. He would do what he promised. He would leave Kirigakure in search of a greater understanding.. and his independence.

Unfortunately, he couldn't have found a closer pit to hell if he had tried.

A/N;; I just wanted to remind you guys I love you for all the support/feedback~! =3