A/N: Hello and welcome to this story! The more of this that I've written, the less and less I've wanted to post it. I've been writing versions of this fic since before I myself ended up in a group home (three years or more). It's a very personal story to me. Normally I welcome constructive criticism in my comments, but I ask you to please refrain from any of that with this story.

That being said, please heed the warnings, in some of the later chapters, the abuse becomes more than a passing mention, and so may the self-harm. Also, note that the story is currently unfinished, it's only about 20K words, and is planned to be much longer. Updates may be slow, at times, so bare with me. I'm going to try and update between every two weeks and every month. I may forget, though, so I apologize for that.

Cross posted from A03

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or Final Fantasy 7. If I did, I would probably be rich.

Warnings: general

Life had gotten hard. Things had happened that I never wanted to happen, I had gone places I never want to go. Things had changed. Not the good kind of changed, where people grew and became better than they were before. I was worse off if anything, not that I was too well off before.

Life had left me spinning quite a bit when it had finally decided to give me a break. Kind of like those old time cartoons where something fast would run by the character, and the character would be left in the dust spinning. Yeah, that was me. Left in the dust spinning.

Going to a group home was weird, better than a hospital, but still weird. Like, your an adult, but you're treated like a child. You can only go out with staff members. You had to take your medication when they told you too. Dinner was at set times. You had chores. Worse was how your freedom was a privilege. You had to earn the freedom you had had for a while like it was taken away from you.

Sure they couldn't do anything bad to punish you if you broke the rules, but you still tried not to.

The circumstances under how I ended up at a group home weren't very pleasant. I didn't like thinking about them at all, and I know that's avoidance, but I don't care. I'm not ready yet.

Getting out of a group home is difficult. Sure you can sign yourself out whenever, but that's not to say you won't get put back in a hospital, or shoved into another home. It's best to leave on good terms and try and go to a family members.

I didn't have much family. One side of it I would never talk to, the abusive assholes. The other side was mostly dead, or too distant for it to ever work. That left one person, who thankfully was persistent in trying to build a relationship after our mom died.

Reno.

Reno was my brother, and at one point we had been very close to one another. Back when I was a child, and he was there to keep our father from beating the shit out of me. He left, though, the second he turned 18 he was gone. Out of my life living his without so much as a letter to see how we were.

I hated him for it. I hated every second of my life, and he tried to make it not so bad. Tried to make my life worth living so I wasn't the youngest suicide victim. He just left me. Left me to die, and I was so mad at him for it.

Now he was back, he had helped pay for and plan mom's funeral, helped me get out of the hospital long enough to go to it. Then when I ended up at the group home, he had tried to grow a connection with me. I was still angry at him, but it was more of a slow burn now. My life had been so crazy the last few years that the anger had died down to the point where I didn't care.

Over a year's worth of weekly therapy sessions with him meant that I was finally able to leave and join him in his perfect life. Away from the violence. Away from the commotion. Just a nice simple development on the edge of a lake, with him and his boyfriend Rude.

The car was rocketing up the highway, Rude at the wheel. I sat staring out the window, watching as the trees passed. My music was turned up to the point where it drowned out even my thoughts. I was starting to have second thoughts, that grew and grew with every passing mile marker. This wasn't going to work, and I was so fucking scared.

My phone buzzed in my hand and I unlocked it to see a message from Demyx.

Demy: Heeey bubby, how are you doing?

I sighed and Rude's eyes flashed to me in the rear view mirror. Rude was a silent kind of guy, which I liked. He didn't seem fazed by my anger in the therapy sessions. He didn't stare at my scars the day I mistakenly decided to wear a tee-shirt around Reno. He didn't talk all the time.

I started to type my reply on my phone, but I was getting car sick since I hadn't eaten anything yet today. I wasn't going to say anything, though, I would just wait to eat until one of them got hungry. Thinking I may have had a snack in my backpack I pulled it over to me. Luckily enough there was a sleeve of saltine crackers. I tried to discretely eat them, but Rude noticed. He was damn observant.

"Anyone hungry?" He said stirring my brother from his dozing. I took out an earbud and he repeated himself. "Anyone hungry, we're passing an exit in about two miles."

Reno nodded, "I'm a little hungry." I quickly hid my crackers since I knew what was coming next. It wasn't like I had a problem eating in front of people, but I didn't want to get bitched at for eating crackers in what seemed like a predestine SUV. Reno turned in his seat and smiled at me. "How about you Axel? You up for some food?"

"Sure," I muttered.

Reno's smile brightened and he turned around again, "Yeah Rude, let's stop and see what there is."

Rude nodded, and when the exit came up he pulled off. The only thing there was a McDonalds which was fine. That meant we could eat in the car and it would all around be quicker.

Reno bought my food, or well Rude bought it, but I figured they shared expenses or something. They'd know each other long enough to be at that point. Reno had told me they had been together for close to five years. At least they seemed past the honeymoon stage of their relationship.

I asked them how much longer the drive was going to be. I was getting tired, mostly emotionally tired. For some reason, I hadn't gotten actually tired for years. I was always too afraid to sleep.

"Only about an hour left," Reno said as Rude pulled the car onto the highway. I was grateful for that. I didn't know how much longer I could stand being in a car so close to my brother.

He's so much like my mom that it's almost sickening. So sweet and kind of dumb. Goofy. Doesn't realize how shit the world is even when it's staring him in the face.

He makes me sick.

Reno and Rude live in a happening college town. It's a popular spot for tourists, so it has lots of stuff to do. Though some parts are scummy, Reno and Rude live in a fairly nice part of town. It's a newer development, with ranch houses. All of the streets have a different color, but the houses themselves are all a different shade with different colored trimmings. Reno's street is green, and his house is forest green with dark wood colored trim.

He luckily doesn't live too far from the lake access, which the development has their own private beach of.

Their next door neighbor was mowing the lawn and waved to us as we got out of the car. He's blonde and kind of short. He looks like he works with his hands and lifts heavy stuff. There's a motorcycle parked in the neighbors driveway. It looks expensive and well taken care of.

The neighbor looked like he would of come over and talked if I hadn't been there. I was thankful he had the tact to leave us alone.

When I go to grab some of my bags to help Rude carry them in, he brushes me off. "Reno wants to show you the house." He mutters opening the back hatch. I give him a weird look but walk in after my brother anyway.

The kitchen is the first room you walk into, it's large and looks state of the art. There is a living room across from the front door and a hallway off to the side. Reno gives me a moment to take it all in before he decides to speak, "So your room is down the hall, next to the downstairs bathroom. Upstairs is Rude and I's bedroom and my study. If you need anything at any time feel free to come up and give us a knock."

I nod at him, "Okay."

He starts to walk down the hall, "We got you all new bedroom furniture." I follow him and stand behind him as he opens my door.

There's new dark stained wooden furniture scattered about the room. The bed, that has soft blue bed covers, is over in the right side corner. There's a dresser opposite of that. On the wall where the door is there's also a desk with room to store books on it.

"Did you, uh, buy all of this for me?" I question Reno, who is fixing the shade on one of the lamps.

He turns to me and nods, "Yeah! It's well-made stuff, it should last you a lifetime if you want it to."

I nod and sit down on my bed. I'm perplexed at the situation at hand. No one has ever bought me or my mom anything, let alone nice bedroom furniture. I eye Reno has he dusts off the top of my dresser. Was he doing this to make up for leaving? Probably. But if it made him feel better I'd let him do whatever he needed. It wasn't going to be fixed that easily.

Rude comes in a minute later carrying my bags. I don't have a ton of stuff, most of it I sold when I went into the group home. He sets them down gently on the floor and stands up straight. He checked his watch and coughed, "We'll have dinner at around 8." He looks at me, "We grabbed some of the snacks you said you liked if you need help finding them just ask. They're drinks in the fridge. I'll leave you two alone now." He then turns and leaves, leaving me alone again with my brother.

Reno stands there awkwardly, he starts to bite his thumbnail which was a nervous habit I remembered him having since he was a kid. "You all set to unpack? Or would you like some help?" He asks offering me a strange smile.

I shake my head, "I'm fine."

He nods and starts moving towards the door. "If you need anything I'll be in the living room."

I wasn't in the mood to unpack anything right now, so I grabbed my phone and laid down on my new bed. This was such an awkward day, all I wanted to do was sleep at this point. I was worn out. Leaving the group home was starting to not seem like such a good idea. I glared at the ceiling, my therapist has said I was ready to leave. Why was everything so hard now? I used to be so strong.

My phone buzzes, and I move it in front of my face.

Demy: I take it you're still driving?

Me: No just got to their place.

Demy: Ah! Hey bubby, how is it so far? Is their house clean at least?

Me: yeah they also bought me a bunch of new bedroom furniture, which is nice I guess.

Me: what are you up to Dem?

Demy: just hanging with Xiggy (alone omg[change maybe?])

Me: stop texting me then dweeb

Demy: :) kay

I moved until my head was resting against the cool wall. Demyx had been the only steady normal thing throughout this whole ordeal. He had been my friend for years now, and I was damn lucky he didn't ditch me like my others had.

We had met when we were kids, around 11. He was the new kid, and he was getting bullied. I had no tolerance for kids getting bullied, even if I was usually the only one who was. I walked over and punched the bully right in his fat face and he ran off crying. Demyx had stayed by my side mostly for protection reasons that year, but the next year he was still my friend, and we had been friends ever since.

I must have fallen asleep thinking about Dem, since the next thing I knew, a weight was lowering itself to my bed and a hand was resting on my shoulder. "Axel?"

Stirring, I roll onto my back, it's Reno. "Yeah?" I squinted my eyes since my overhead light was on. I moved to sit up and stared at him. "What time is it?"

"8:15, supper's ready."

I nod, "I'll be out in a second." Reno gave a curt nod and stood up. As he was leaving he turned and we stared at each other for a moment, before he sighed and left.

I groaned and flopped back on my bed. This is horrible. Awkward and horrible. I just wanted it to be over with already. I wanted to be put out of my misery.

I sat for a second thinking. I didn't have anywhere to go, so that wasn't an option. I didn't even know how to drive, so stealing a car wouldn't work anyway. My pills were locked up in Reno's bedroom, so there was no chance of just offing myself. I groaned loudly and banged my head against my pillow. I couldn't stay in my room forever, and I was getting fairly hungry now that I thought about it. The food smelled good at least, so that was a plus.

Groaning again I rolled off my bed and into the standing position. I do it too quickly, and my vision starts to get spotty. My stupid medication lowers my blood pressure, but if I don't take it I have nightmares and that's no fun. After that stopped I readied myself for an awkward family dinner.

There's a plate waiting for me at the table in the kitchen. Rude and Reno are sitting next to each other leaving me to sit next to Rude and the empty chair.

The food was spread out on the table, there was rolls, ham with raisin sauce, alongside a bowl of green beans, and some mashed potatoes. It looks delicious, and I can't help but wonder who cooked it. I don't remember Reno being a good cook. I sit down and they both look at me, Reno with a smile and Rude with a blank look.

I chew on my lip for a second unsure whether I was allowed to just take something. I noticed neither of them had anything on their plates, so I just gave Reno a confused look. "Uh, do we just dig in or something?" I ask.

Reno nods, "We were just waiting for you."

"Oh." That's uncomfortable.

Rude is the first to break the awkward tension by reaching out and grabbing a slab of ham. "Dig in whenever guys." He mutters after filling his plate. He has a small smile on his face has he looks between the two of us and our Mexican standoff.

I moved next grabbing some food and filling my plate. It was good food, I had to give whoever cooked it that. I ate everything that I put on my plate. I wanted to grab seconds but I was too afraid to. No one talked throughout the entire dinner, though every so often Rude would give Reno a look and Reno would smile softly.

They seemed so in love with each other. It was both nice and sickening at the same time. How did he get so lucky? The last relationship I was in the man forced me to have sex with him every time his main girlfriend didn't put out. Not to mention I was the high school slut. I never liked sex. It was always so rough and dirty, but maybe that was because I was always forced into it.

I had never gotten the chance to make love with someone, and frankly that concept felt like a crock of shit.

I waited until Rude was finished eating to take my last few bites. I didn't know the rules of the house and wanted someone's lead to follow. I follow him up and set my dish in the sink. I start to walk down the hall to my room when Reno calls out to me. "Hey Axel, wait." I stopped and turned on my heel slowly. Before making my way back into the kitchen.

Reno was standing at the sink next to Rude, who was rinsing the dishes. He came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. "Are you just going back to sleep or would you like to come out and watch TV with us?"

I shrug, watching TV with them sounded like the last thing I wanted to do, plus I still had to unpack. "I was just going to watch a movie on my laptop." Lie.

"Do you want the wifi password?" He asks.

"Sure I guess," I mumble, I haven't had the internet in years, I probably wouldn't know what to do with it. I knew YouTube was still a thing, though.

He pulls out a pen and piece of paper from a drawer and writes something on it. He hugs me as he hands it to me. I hug him back awkwardly and start to walk to my room. Hugs had been something my therapist wanted me to try with him, and since then he had taken full advantage of it. I think that was his way of showing love since he has yet to say it to me.

I figured I would play some music as I unpacked, then shower and watch some YouTube videos.

Luckily enough I don't have much to unpack, mostly clothes and some books. I unpacked my books first, I wanted to make sure none of them were damaged. Most of my books were non-fiction books about horses, or World War Two. Since those were my two main interests.

My clothes are all pretty plain. Thrift store shirts and pants mostly. Nothing to write home about. I set the few pieces of my mom's jewelry in one of my desk cubbies. I don't bother to open it and look today.

Once I was done and had taken a shower, I lay down on my bed. I was so done with today it wasn't funny. I don't even bother setting up my laptop, I just curl into a ball and rest my head against the cool wall. I tried hard to think of good things, but my mind kept cycling back to bad things.