A/N: HOLY CRAP I FINALLY GOT MY INTERNET BACK! IT WAS DOWN FOR DAYS! T_T I was going into serious withdrawal...that aside, I think we all knew this story was coming. Especially after I teased it in "Not so Hungry". Add to the fact that I've been reading the manga like crazy-NOT TOUCHING THE ANIME AFTER THAT CRAP ENDING!-and I just had to write this. The continuation of the Not Going Home Series!

Now, before we start, I do ask you, my dear reader, to know this:

Remember, this is meant to make you smile. A pick-me-up, if you will. Its full of crack, silliness, and humor abounds. VERY LITTLE of it is serious at all. That being said...

...enjoy! We jump right into the thick of things, here! LET THERE BE WAR! And for those who have been clamoring for this, "Diny" from "Clever Girl" pops up here...

"Of course not. You're not my kill."

"Oh thank-

"But the doesn't mean I won't take an arm or two."

~Naruto.

Not my Kill

Akame ga Kill.

There has never been a more wretched hive of scum and villiany than this anime, right here. I mean, I've been to all manner of worlds, seen some of the worst the universes have to offer, and let me tell you, this ranks right up there with the most vile of them! Not only is there no shortage of depravity present here, but the people! Need I say more? Torture, rape, dismemberment sadism!

How twisted can you get, oi?!

Can you BLAME an organization like Night Raid for taking shots at 'em?

But the strangest part of this world is that it isn't entirely black and white as some would have you believe once you delve into it. Its rather...grey. I like grey. Grey is nice. Good and evil tend to lose their meaning from a distance, but when you witness it firsthand, you start to question things. What shaped this person? What made them who they are today? That's what interested me.

So, in lieu of outright stomping on the little shits...

...we decided to have some fun.

Did I say "we", just now?

I did indeed!

(...)

Prime Minister Honest was having a bad day.

A very bad day indeed.

All his plotting, all his plans, all his hard wrought schemes-all undone in an instant.

By this blond buffoon!

For he was looking at a thief, a churl, an impostor, oh yes of course, he knew that much already! But what he didn't understand was the whowhatwherewhenwhyandhow! Words blurred together as his mind struggled to comprehend just how he'd gotten himself into this situation. Of the guards there were none; unless one counted the grisly stains on the wall. That would've been bad enough were there not a sword at his throat, all of a mere blink from beheading him outright.

Mind adrift, the portly minister scrambled for a way out. His martial arts were all but useless to him now; any movement on his part would only result in an open throat. The Irei Stone even more so-whomever had him against the wall clearly wasn't wielding a Tiegu of any sort, which left his trump card little more than a shattered gemstone in the now-stolen crown that his attacker had liberated from him. Still...he was not without at least some

If he could just reach his pistol...!

"I wouldn't do that, if I were, minister-san." a man's rough voice drawled from across the hall. "Erza doesn't take kindly to being shot at. You know what she really hates? Old men who abuse their power and condemn the innocent. Isn't that right sweetheart?"

At that very moment, the blade drew blood.

Honest yelped.

"Urk!"

The one responsible for this looked like something out of child's nightmare; all bright eyes, whiskers, blond hair and long red horns wrapped in a sweeping cobalt-orange cloak. A strange headset lay slung over his neck-a Teigu of some sort?-which only furthered Honest's confusion, his anger, his sheer hate for the being who'd upended him. He hadn't even lifted so much as a finger against him, yet, in the last thirty seconds, he'd done more damage to his reputation than that infernal Night Raid ever could.

How on earth had it come to this?!

Mere moments ago, all had been well. He'd been enjoying a fine piece of meat, watching some fool get sentenced to death. It had all been under his control.

He had been in control.

Then this very man had beaten down the door and swept into the room with a guard on either arm; two women who looked as though they belonged in a battlefield, not in court. Said women had obliterated the guards in short order when they foolishly tried to bar their liege from approaching the emperor.

Needless to say, the conflict had been terribly short-lived.

The one about to execute him, this "Erza" was a fierce maiden with blood-red hair fair, eyes like grey amethyst burning out at any who dared to so much as gaze upon her. Her silver embossed armor told everyone who looked upon her that she was a warrior to be sure but it was the gleam in those eyes, a proud look that dared defiance and promised pain for any who thought to cross her. Judging by the way she was looking at him, it was going to be a long and agonizing pain that awaited him hence.

"Listen," he purred, "If you release me, I can promise you riches beyond your wildest-UGACH!"

"Silence!"

His second companion was only slightly more difficult to puzzle out, if only for the fact that she barely appeared human at all beneath that white dress. Grey skin aside, eyes like orange slits surveyed the room with a blank gaze shaded beneath that sinister curtain of ebon tresses, as though she were peering straight through everyone and everything at once. She also seemed wholly incapable of speaking in anything resembling a complete sentence.

Unbidden, those amber eyes snapped to the Emperor, still-quivering on his throne. Honest glimpsed sharp fangs behind full lips and shuddered.

"Mine?"

"Down, Diny." Naruto snapped. "He's not for eating. We need him...for now."

"W-W-W-What do you want?"

His Majesty-Young Makoto-looked all of an instant from soiling himself outright as Naruto climbed the stairs to the throne. And why shouldn't he? The boy was nothing without him. This kingdom was nothing without him either. Who did they have without him, hmmm?! A feeble boy who couldn't tell North from South, if someone showed them a map! Of course telling them as much was just as like to end with his head separated from his body all the sooner, so

"I want what I came here, for." the horned man drawled, clearing the last step. "I want you to read this." With that, he thrust a piece of parchment into the young boy's lap. Small fingers wrapped around the worn, but sturdy paper, dark eyes peering at the words within. When they looked up

"This is…?"

A declaration of war." came the reply. "On you. Your Minister. All the corrupt bastards here in the capital and throughout the kingdom. Oh, and seriously, Honest? That is the worst name for him. You might want to think about getting that changed before you step down."

"You have a country...?"

"Well, until recently, no." the horned blond confessed with a cheery shrug, "I sorta made one of my own. Funny how many tribes are willing to follow you once you offer them what they want."

The silence was telling.

"Your head, in case you were wondering." a finger stabbed at him. "On a platter. In thirty days. Of course, we can avoid all that. You can step down right now, order your minister executed, and see the rot in your puny empire for yourself. Personally, I prefer that option. I mean, yeah, its boring, but it'd spare the most lives, wouldn't you agree?"

For a fleeting moment, Honest actually thought he might do it. But in the end, Honest realized the boy was too loyal for his own good.

"My Empire will never bow to you!" Makoto cried! "You'll pay for what you've done here today!"

Pity flashed through those cerulean orbs, dashed in the next moment.

"Alright, then. With spirit like that, you won't be needing this."

CRUNCH.

The boy emperor cringed.

"What did you-

"By the way, you know that big ol' giant armor you guys've been keeping in the basement?" Naruto beamed maliciously. "I've had it with me this whole time. In the palm of my hand. At least...I did. You know, I might be biased, but for the life of me I never understood the people's fascination with these Teigu things." the blond murmured, watching the blackened shards crumble beneath his fingers. "You want to fight, you little brat? Do it with your own strength. Earn it. Don't just throw on a piece of armor or take a tool to do accomplish it. Shame on you."

Makoto shrank back at the look in those cold blue eyes.

"A-Are you going to kill me?"

The young man laughed.

"Kill you?" the deity scoffed, shaking his head. "No. That would be merciful. 'Sides, where's the fun in that" he said. "I was going to be a benevolent god this time and give you an out. But as you're clearly a stupid little shit, you've gone and chosen the path of most resistance, first. But I'm not opposed to marking my territory. Diny! Two or three more of the Minister's fingers, if you please."

"Two or three more?

Naruto nodded.

"Two or three more."

Honest blanched, trying in vain to wriggle away as he saw the hybrid girl approach, grinning.

"No, no, no, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." The shinobi's voice rose calmly over the unholy sound of his screams. "For the god of ramen is here! But before I start the pranks and games, I think a bit of orange is nee-OOOH, COMPANY!"

"...!"

The horned ninja spun just as the remaining door leaped from his hinges, flying free to lunge at his head with the speed of a shooting star. He didn't even bother to take a hand from his pocket; the massive slab of iron simply caromed harmlessly off his forehead as though he'd physically struck it. His right hand shot to his shoulder not a moment later, parrying the rapier's lunge that cut out at him from behind. Steel met steel, sparks skittering between crossed blades.

"Nice!" he crowed, leaning over their stalemate, "Almost didn't sense you, there!"

"I'll say." came the reply. "You've got good reflexes."

"I'm a ninja, comes with the territory!"

Honest nearly didn't recognize the assailant, not at first, his vision still tinged with the pain of losing most of his fingers. It was only when a curtain of blue hair entered his vision that he at last recognized what-who!-he was looking at.

General Esdeath.

Relief flooded him in an invigorating tide.

"KILL THEM!" he roared!

"She can try, 'ttebayo!"

"That won't work~!" Naruto sing-songed, flashing a roguish grin once more. "You say the strong prosper and the weak die? Allow me to break that illusion!"

One had to give the empire's greatest credit, she adapted most quickly. In the time that it took the blond to speak, she pivoted, feinted a strike at his legs and cut upwards driving her rapier home towards his throat. Rather, she would have, had not along digit put itself firmly in the blade's path, parrying the icy blade before it could find flesh. To her dismay, her weapon refused to budge. That lone digit wrapped around her sword and held fast, pinning her frigid blade in place as though she were naught but a little girl, swinging silly sticks.

"Hey, careful there." he grinned happily, watching her struggle. "You might hurt someone with that. Is it my turn now?"

Esdeath's only response was a frown. Something about that smile had made her heart do a backflip just now. Impossible. This was the middle of a battle. What did it matter if this stranger was holding his own against her...almost as if...he were enjoying himself...absurd! N-Now was not the time for such-

"I'll take your silence as a yes, blue!"

Cackling, he cut down!

Ice met his blade, ice that parted like slush against the hulking zanbato, slowing him for only a moment. There! A grin tugged at her lips as she sidestepped, saw the opening, and struck out at an exposed leg. Her blade met resistance almost instantly; reaping only the smallest of wounds before she was forced to twirl away. When she looked again the injury was nowhere to be seen. What...? Naruto struck out at her and she spun away from him, bounding back in retreat from the impenetrable wall of his cleaver.

"Ice, eh?!" Naruto boomed, freeing his blade from the floor. "Cool!"

"Your puns are terrible!"

"You're not!"

When he moved this time, Esdeath barely saw it at all. Only the faintest shadow foretold her doom. The blow came sweeping in from the right, a savage crosscut that stripped her guard and sliced out at her exposed flank. Her rapier rose, too slowly, she could already imagine the sting of steel against her hip-

Too fast!

No time!

'No!'

"Makahadoma!"

With nary a sound, the entire room bathed itself in eerie blue relief, time itself grinding to a halt as she played her trump card. Reality stopped moving all at once in a sudden stutter, the grey blur of death descending upon her nigh but frozen in time. Esdeath straightened slowly, stepping around the frozen blade and circling to his back with gentle, languid ease. Close. Too close. A moment more and he might well have cleaved her head from her shoulders. Such a pity. She would've rather prolonged the fight, but he'd given her no choice.

Ah, well...

"You really put me through my paces." she sighed, raising her blade for the finishing blow. "But now its all over now. The strong live and the weak die-

Naruto's head whipped around with such force she physically heard the bones snap.

"Gotcha, bitch."

Esdeath squeaked.

"How-

"RASENGAN!"

That was all she had time to utter before an spiraling sphere smashed into her unprotected chest, hurling her backwards. By some manner of luck she managed to conjure a wall of ice as she shot back, forcing her foe to parry as Esdeath desperately sought to negate her unwanted momentum. Heels ground against the marble floor, digging great gouges into the once-pristine surface. When she looked up to find her opponent, a soft breeze against the nape of her neck sent shivers shooting down her spine; a voice in her head screamed a warning.

Duck!

A wall of frozen water shot up nary in time-her cap went flying as the head cleaver bit through her icy defenses, sending her spinning away. Not quick enough. She'd only just found her footing again when that massive blade came roaring down on her, ripping through her block as though it were made of paper. Steel shattered, then met flesh, and flesh yielded in a blaze of white-hot agony. One that burned angry red daggers through Esdeath's brain, bringing with it a strange, tingling numbness in her sword arm.

"Ack!"

Esdeath stumbled back in shock, gasping, clutching at her mangled shoulder. Warm blood welled up between her fingers, her breath escaping in a misty plume. Hissing softly, she dropped her blade, frantically scooping it back up with her off hand. Her mind went white. Refusing to believe what had just happened. When she removed her palm, she could clearly see the glove, dripping red. Incredulous, her azure gaze swung back to the suddenly defensive blond, and a haze fell over her vision.

He'd wounded her.

Her.

HER!

"Wha, is that it? I've fought demigods with more power than this!"

"DAMN YOU!" Her frustration burst out of her in a shriek! "Why are you so much stronger than me?!"

Blue eyes narrowed.

"Because I used to be a weak!" A fist thundered forward into her cheek.

"Powerless!" This was punctuated by another rolling punch to her bruised visage, her nose bloodying as clenched knuckles ground against cartilege.

"IMBECILE!" The horned deity roared the word and delivered the final blow; a vicious, debilitating kick to her disbelieving visage, rocketing the bluenette across the palace site like a shooting star. Her back struck the far wall with a harsh crack, and she felt something give in her spine.

Naruto didn't leave her at that.

"You'll never amount to anything," his voice rose around her, "And you'll never measure up to anyone until you understand what it means to be weak. I scraped and clawed, cried and bled, and sacrificed to get where I am now. What do you know about that, eh?" Before she could react he reached down, seized her by the throat, and yanked her to feet. Then he took her head and slammed it into the floor with enough force to crush a normal woman's skull with more force than she could ever hope to match.

Somehow, Esdeath survived it.

Barely.

Pain.

That was her first and only thought as she lay there, concussed, limbs flopping bonelessly against the rubble, the salty tang of blood welling up in her mouth. Someone was speaking-she was screaming-spitting mindless gibberish as her back slammed down against the ruined floor, as a booted foot found her chest. She was trapped, pinned, made captive in an instant. Her trump card all but exhausted, much as the stranger had claimed she would. the same as he'd trapped Kakarot only a few moments before. It was galling, terrifying even, to see this angry god looming over her like the reaper.

Even so, a part of her was enthralled by it. She'd never been beaten like this before. Not since she'd claimed her Teigu. It was...humbling.

And now she was going to die.

Esdeath didn't want to die.

She wanted to get stronger. To fight him again. To experience this frightful joy, this battlelust once more. She wanted to beat him. Crush him into the ground. No. She wanted more than that. She wanted to make him hers. She wanted to prove that she was better, to dominate him, claim him, show that she was superior, that he should be listening to her...

"Are...you going to kill me, now?"

Thus, she waited for death.

And Naruto snickered.

"Heh. Hehehehehehe..." It started out soft and merry, the cackle of a mad jester. "...ehehehehehahahahahaHAHAHAHA!" Then, abruptly, it dropped three octaves, leaping into an insane crash of noise that left her hair standing on end, her skin rippling in gooseflesh. The clapping didn't certainly didn't help either, the painful sound of scarred palms smacking together with a harsh, contemptuous pop of sound. It was both the happiest Esdeath had ever seen this stranger, and the most frightening, terrifying sound she'd ever heard.

Doubling over, he finished with a throaty chuckle, wiping a mirthful tear from his eye.

"No."

"No...?"

Impossibly, he smiled.

"I think I'm going to keep you."

Then he struck down and she knew sweet slumber.

A/N: And there we go. I had to take a crack at the Minister's name. Esdeath you can at least sympathize with, but the MINISTER?! That fucker's anything but honest! And after reading the latest chapter I got really, really, REALLY pissed at what he did to a certain character. Not gonna spoil anything, but this is my way of getting back at that fat o'l bastard. Naruto's having a little war of his own for shits and giggles. Should he meet Night Raid? It'd be interesting to be sure, but I'm not sure that'll happen unless folks REALLy want it. Just imagine how he and Mine would clash!

So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review, Would Ye Kindly?

And of course...

...enjoy the preview! Care to guess at what happens? Methinks it ought to be obvious...*grins*

(Preview(S)!)

"That's what, your fifth attempt to seduce me, now?"

Esdeath bristled, eerily aware of blue eyes following her from the yard.

"What do you want, exactly?"

"I told you. I want you. "

"No shit, sherlock!"

Naruto grinned malevolently.

For a fleeting instant, all he saw was the dark of night. Then...

There. There he was.

"Good evening."

"Oh, hell."

R&R~! =D