A/N: Thank you to Ann my beta who pointed out all my mistakes and who was patient with me while I wrote the majority of this story on my phone. Any mistakes at this point are mine and mine alone.
This story started out to be inspired by the song When You Sleep by Mary Lambert. However it didn't quite work out that way. The title does come from the song.
"You hide behind your fear but I know, I know you have feelings for me too Jane."
"What the hell are you so scared of?" Maura asked her, frustrated.
"We've been doing this little dance for far too long haven't we?" Maura asked her, "We flirt, we joke around or we share a bed sometimes but then things started to linger. A touch, a hug or a look that lingered a second or two too long and to most sure it's nothing but we both know that it's not just nothing. Not anymore."
"It means something to me and I need you to tell me that it means something to you too."
Jane stood silently trying not to look into Maura's pleading eyes.
When Jane didn't say anything Maura nodded her head like she understood then stepped up to Jane who finally looked her in the eyes, "You're a coward."
She turned on her heels and slammed the door when she left causing Jane to jump.
4 days ago…...
"Why is it I have to do this again?" Jane complained as she sat in the seat next to Maura.
They were on a flight to Chicago for a three day symposium where Maura and Jane would be speaking about the important working relationship between medical examiners, forensic scientists and detectives.
"Because the department wanted you to." Maura said as she casually flipped through a magazine.
"But I hate public speaking." Jane said to her, "They couldn't have picked someone else to do this?"
"They could have." Maura said to her, "But they didn't. So I hope you have your speeches ready."
"Speeches? As in plural? As in I have to do this more than once?" Jane asked her.
"Jane it's a 3 day symposium." Maura told her.
"Fuck." Jane grumbled.
The flight attendant didn't even get a chance to say anything because Jane was already ordering a whiskey.
"And for you?" The flight attendant asked Maura with a smile.
"Nothing for me thank you." Maura said and the flight attendant left to get Jane's drink.
They landed and managed to get to the hotel and check in.
"How can the department be so cheap that they only got one room?" Jane asked as she dropped her bag on the floor by the closet.
"At least there are two beds." Maura said to her, "Though sharing a bed with me hasn't been a problem before."
Jane ignored that last comment, "So you want to go check out the hotel or grab a drink?"
"I'm going to unpack then take a shower." Maura told her.
"I'm going to the hotel bar for a drink." Jane said, "Meet me down there when you're done?"
"Of course." Maura said then watched Jane slip out the door.
As Jane headed for the elevator she made a call. She pressed the down button multiply times thinking the more she pressed it the faster the elevator would arrive.
"What can I do for you Rizzoli?" Raphael Martinez said as he answered his phone.
There was silence on the phone.
"Hello?"
"I'm sorry I'm just surprised you actually answered your phone." Jane said to him as she stepped onto the elevator and pressed the lobby button.
"You want I should hang up so you can leave a lengthy voicemail?" He asked, "You know you've called me 3 times already since you left this morning."
"We're sharing a room." Jane said to him and there was a pause on his end of the line. "Don't smile. Don't be a typical guy okay, it's not like that."
"Then what's the problem?" He asked her.
"You know what the problem is." Jane said as she stepped off the elevator and into the lobby.
"You're the only one that sees it as a problem Jane." He said to her, "Look I gotta go I'm sorry but if you want to talk more call me later and I'll do my best to pick up."
"Thanks Raph." She said with a sigh then hung up her phone and slipped it into her pocket.
When Maura made her way down to the bar she not only had showered but had changed into a midnight blue knee length dress and high heels.
"Wow." Jane said when she saw her, "You didn't have to get dressed up just to have a drink with me."
Maura smiled at her, "There's a mandatory dinner tonight at 7pm."
"Mandatory means I have to go too right?" Jane asked then took a sip of her beer.
Maura nodded then asked the bartender for a Chardonnay.
"You should really look at the itinerary, Jane." Maura suggested as the bartender slid her glass of chardonnay to her.
"I have you to remind me where I have to go and what I have to do." Jane said with a smile then took a sip of her beer.
A man came over to the bar and stood in between Jane and Maura. He turned to Maura and smiled at her.
"Are you here alone?" He asked her.
"No, I'm here with my friend." Maura told her.
"Your friend?" He asked.
Jane tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around, "Yeah me you jackass."
The man gave Jane a look then retreated back to his table.
"That wasn't very nice." Maura said to Jane with a chuckle and Jane just shrugged her shoulders.
After their drink Jane went back upstairs, showered and changed for dinner.
"I thought you'd be wearing a dress." Maura said to Jane as she joined her downstairs in the lobby.
"Gee thanks Maura. You look nice too." Jane said to her.
"I'm sorry Jane. You do look very nice." Maura told her.
"Thank you." Jane said with a nod, "Now let's get to this dinner because I'm starving."
The dinner, to Jane's surprise wasn't as boring as she thought it was going to be. The meal however left her hungry and afterwards she convinced Maura to go to a burger joint nearby.
"I feel a little overdressed for fast food." Maura said as Jane held the door open for her.
"Nah, you look beautiful." Jane told her as she followed her into the restaurant.
Jane stared up at the order board, "What do you feel like having?"
"You." Maura said quietly.
Jane looked at her, "What?"
"You decide." Maura said quickly.
Jane went to the counter and ordered two double cheeseburgers, curly fries, and drinks.
"I'll call your number when it's ready Ma'am." The teenage girl behind the counter said as she slid Jane her receipt.
Jane turned and looked at Maura, "Ma'am?"
Maura laughed as they went to sit at a table.
"Tomorrow's going to be an exciting day." Maura said, "I look forward to seeing your presentation."
Jane smiled, "Well don't get your hopes up too high. It may not be all that great."
"I'm sure you'll do just fine." Maura said to her.
"Number 69." The teenage girl called out from behind the counter, "Number 69 your order is ready."
Jane got up and got their tray of food before coming back to the table and sitting down. She grabbed a napkin and unfolded it then reached across and stuffed a corner of it down the front of Maura's dress, covering her cleavage.
"Um, excuse me?" Maura said as Jane sat back.
"What?" Jane said, "Would you rather spill secret sauce down the front of your pretty dress?"
After their meal they decided to walk back to their hotel.
When they got into the lobby a woman squealed with delight upon seeing Maura then ran into her arms and hugged her tight.
The two women embraced then pulled apart.
The woman, who seemed to be Maura's age was tall with long dark brown hair and brown eyes. She looked like someone from Maura's social circle as she was dressed pretty fancy.
"I was so excited to hear you'd be speaking at this symposium." The woman said to Maura.
She looked Maura over, "It's been a long time and I see time has been nothing but good to you."
Jane cleared her throat and stepped closer to Maura, "Hi, I'm Jane." She said with her hand out.
"I'm sorry Jane, this is Madelyn Crawford." Maura said as she introduced her, "Madelyn, this is Jane Rizzoli."
Madelyn looked Jane up and down, "Nice to meet you." She shook Jane's hand then smiled at Maura.
"So Jane, do you mind if I steal Maura away from you?" Madelyn asked, "We have some catching up to do."
"Uh sure I guess." Jane said looking from Maura to Madelyn.
"Are you sure?" Maura asked Jane.
"Yeah go visit with your friend I'm just going to go upstairs and watch TV." Jane told her.
"Maybe practice your speech?" Maura asked with a little smile.
Jane returned the smile, "You two have fun."
She walked off to the elevators while Maura and Madelyn headed to the hotel bar.
The two women sat at a table in the bar and both ordered wine.
"So my dear Maura, tell me how you've been. The last time we spoke was …" Madelyn paused to think of how long it had actually been.
"2 years." Maura said helping her out.
They talked about their work and how it's kept them busy. Madelyn spoke about her husband and how her oldest daughter was just heading into to college.
They had ordered their 3rd glass of wine and when the waitress walked away Madelyn leaned a little across the table, smiled and asked, "The woman you're here with, is she really just a friend?"
"Yes." Maura told her then took a sip of wine.
"How long have we known each other Maura?" Madelyn asked her.
"12 years." Maura told her.
"And even though we haven't seen each other in a couple years I still think I know you a little
better than most." Madelyn said to her.
Maura sighed then said, "It's complicated."
"Maura, this isn't a Facebook relationship status." Madelyn said, "Tell me what's going on."
"She's my best friend and I love her." Maura said to her.
"You mean you're in love with her." Madelyn corrected.
Maura nodded.
"And she is clueless to this am I right?"
"I can't just tell her." Maura said.
"Why not?" Madelyn asked.
"She's my best friend." Maura said as if Madelyn was missing the point.
Madelyn put her wine glass down then placed her hand over Maura's, "It's okay to be in love with your best friend Maura."
"She was raised Catholic, she's a woman in a predominately male vocation and she's very private." Maura told her.
"Excuses, excuses, excuses." Madelyn said to her, "You're not asking her to announce her undying love for you in front of the Pope and her male colleagues. You're telling her how you feel and seeing if she feels the same for you."
Madelyn picked up her glass and took a small sip, "What do you think will happen if you tell her?"
"She'll hate me." Maura said.
"Or she'll love you." Madelyn told her, "You'll never truly know until you tell her Maura."
Maura took a long sip of her wine.
"It's okay to be scared, to feel like you might ruin the best thing you have with this person but life is about risks and love is one of the biggest risk people take." Madelyn told her.
The waitress brought them each another glass of wine.
"Do you think she feels the same way you do?" Madelyn asked.
"There are moments where I think she may but then I can't tell if it's just my hopes or if it's how she actually feels." Maura told her.
"She's very confusing." Maura said with a small chuckle.
"Here's my last piece of advice to you for the evening." Madelyn said then took the last sip of her wine, "You won't know how she feels about you unless you ask her. So find the courage I know is in you and ask her because I know it's harder living with the regrets of what might have been."
"That my dear friend is some very sound advice." Maura said to her as she raised her glass then took a drink of her wine.
The two women said good night to each other then made a promise to meet up with each other later tomorrow before they went their separate ways.
Maura did her best to be quiet as she went into her room. The TV was on and flickering enough light in the room for Maura to see that Jane was sleeping.
She smiled when she saw that Jane was sprawled on her stomach across the bed. The blanket had been kicked off and onto the floor leaving her with nothing but the white sheet covering her from the waist down.
Maura went over and picked up the blanket and covered Jane with it.
'Be brave.' She mentally told herself and leaned in to kiss Jane on the cheek. She pulled back at the last second and sat down on her own bed with a sigh. She watched Jane sleep while she mentally berated herself for being a chicken.
She finally got up and went to the bathroom to change into her pajamas before climbing into bed. She looked over at Jane one last time before turning off the TV and rolling onto her side and eventually falling asleep.