A/N - So, welcome to Book Three of my 'Growing up Jedi' series.

This story follows Sascha Whitestar an OC and his friends (also OCs) as he progresses as a young Padawan in the Jedi Order. You'll see familiar faces from the Star Wars pop up, but in general the story revolves around my OC characters.

For those who have read book one and book two, welcome back! For those of you that are interested in catching up - well you have a lot of reading to do! You can find Book 1 and Book 2 in my profile. If you'd like to know if you can jump in and start reading right now...well you could, but you'd likely end up very confused. If you want to know if this story is worth reading then I encourage you to look at the reviews of my previous works - I may not have a huge readership, but I do have loyal fans.

As always, I'll be updating this work every Wednesday and Sunday, like clockwork.

For now, please enjoy the first chapter of Book Three - as ever all feedback is very much appreciated.

Chapter 1: Friends Indeed

"Sascha, are you in there?"

Sascha Whitestar, sixteen year old Padawan, was indeed in his room. The person asking the question was his Master, the Jedi Knight Aurine Brynar. Theoretically, he should have quickly replied that he was indeed in his room and that he was at her command. Theoretically.

In reality he didn't want to get out of his bed, and he certainly didn't want to leave his room. The only question that remained was how to get rid of his Master. Sascha liked his Master, she was a good Jedi, and and was a good mentor, she was just wasting her time training him, while she could be training someone that could actually become a real Jedi.

"I'm here," he answered, eventually.

"Can I come in?" asked Aurine.

"If you want," he replied halfheartedly.

His door opened with mechanical efficiency and his Master stepped through. Blonde and slightly below average height, she had broad shoulders and a physique that suggested obvious athleticism. Reasonably attractive by any empirical stander it was his Master's green eyes that were probably her best physical feature, being capable of great warmth while being capable of displaying great displeasure as well. She was dressed in a simple beige Jedi robe, which probably meant that she wanted him to get up and do some sort of exercise with her. Which he had no intention of doing, of course.

"It's the middle of the afternoon, Sascha, I think it's time to get out of bed." Aurine tossed a ration pack in his general direction, "Here, I brought lunch."

"A ration pack?" Despite being from the Jedi Temple kitchens, the ration pack was essentially a flavourless bar of nutrients. It tasted about as good as it sounded. "Couldn't you bring me...anything else?"

"The refectory is open for you, any time of the day," said Aurine pointedly, "Though they do not provide room service."

He sighed and climbed out of his bedroll, "What do you want, Master?"

"I'd like to keep training my apprentice. But I'd settle for having a conversation with him."

He hugged his knees close to his chest, "I'm not really in the mood for either, Master."

Aurine sat down across from him, "I know that. I can see that. But you can't just isolate yourself from the galaxy, Sascha."

"I just need some time to myself."

"I've given you time, Sascha," his Master replied patiently. "You had the entire trip from Bothawui to be alone. But now we are back home and it's time to go back to the regular routine."

Sascha looked away, "I understand what you are trying to do, Master, but I'm not up for it. I just feel tired, lethargic."

"You're depressed," Aurine said gently.

Sascha nodded, "Yeah. I guess so." He had learned about depression in his classes at the Temple, but he'd never thought that he'd ever become depressed. Why would he have? He was in training to be a Jedi! He had a small, but close knit circle of friends. He was a well-respected young Jedi, one that was known for his sarcastic humour and general amiability.

That person seemed to be a stranger to him now.

It was becoming increasingly hard to remember that young and hopeful person he had been. To Sascha's mind, his younger self had been hopelessly naïve and stupid. His younger self had thought that he could go through his life as a Jedi, maintaining the close friendships he'd had when he was younger, that he would become a Padawan and that he'd go around helping people across the galaxy. Unfortunately, reality had set in.

It turned out, in the real world, Jedi went out and occasionally helped people but paid a very high price for doing so. He himself had been endured several trips to the hospital, and at one point he'd been very close to losing the use of his left arm. Over his months as a Padawan, he'd been beaten up and hurt more times than he could count. And it was wearing on him. The realist in him could see that someday soon he wouldn't be going to the hospital, he'd be going to the morgue.

And then there was Tyra.

Tyra Harker had been his best friend for as long as he could remember. They'd basically been inseparable from age four to fourteen. They'd looked out for each other, helped each other and had a very close friendship, one that he was sure could never break. And then it did.

The rules of the Jedi regarding attachment were very clear regarding romantic relationships. But despite that, he'd fallen for his best friend and she had fallen for him. They'd even shared their first kiss together. It had been a beautiful moment that had felt so right, so perfect, that he wondered if he'd have another moment like that in his entire life. But before they could really talk about the feelings they had for each other, Tyra had left. She'd left because she chose her life in the Jedi Order and its rules and ethoses, over her feelings for him, over the friendship that they'd had. For Tyra to suddenly pick up and leave him while he was lying unconscious in a hospital bed…it still seemed unconscionable. But despite all that, despite the gaping hole that Tyra's departure had left in his heart, he still had feelings for her.

How could he be considered a good Jedi if he had these feelings for his friend? How could he be a good Jedi if he kept getting beat up and knocked unconscious? The doubt that consumed him the most was whether he wanted to commit his life to the Jedi Order. He wasn't happy with the way his life was going, with the sacrifices he'd had to make. He'd always known that being a Jedi required a certain amount of servitude and sacrifice, but he was starting to realize how much he'd be giving up if he stayed in the Jedi Order.

Perhaps it was just too much to take.

Aurine moved closer to him, "Padawan, I'm trying to help you, I really am. I know that you want to push everyone away from you. You're hurting and it's natural that you are hurt. But you can't hold your hurt inside of you. You need to get up and carry on, as much as you don't want to."

"Easy for someone who doesn't have their heart ripped in half to say," he mumbled.

"You think I've never felt loss before?" asked Aurine. "You think that I've spent years as a Jedi and never felt like I was the scum of the galaxy? That I was utterly worthless? But I got up and got on with my life though."

Sascha stood, towering over his Master who continued to sit, "Well, newsflash, Master, I'm not you. I don't even know if I want to get on with my life. I'm still not sure what the point of being a Jedi is. I don't want to live my life as some sort of robot – I want to have goals, ambitions, lead a good life – the life of a Jedi doesn't seem so fulfilling to me anymore."

Aurine swiped a hand through her hair quickly, it was a gesture of frustration as he had learned from his months of working with his Master. "I don't know what you want me to do, Sascha. You want space? I've given you an appropriate distance. But at a certain point it becomes a choice. Do you really want to continue with your training, or do you want to sit in your room all day?"

"I just need more time," he said plaintively. "The most important person has just been removed from my life, and I need a little bit of time to figure out what that means to me."

"If that's what you want," said Aurine, softly, "But you must know that it is against my wishes."

Sascha almost replied that he didn't care, but a part of him still did, so he swallowed that remark before it could emerge. He was formulating an appropriate reply when the door chime rang, interrupting the conversation.

"May we come in?" asked a familiar voice, one belonging to Doro, one of his best friends growing up.

His Master rose from her seated position and answered for him, "Of course, I was just leaving."

Three young Jedi walked into his room. Doro Roa was the first through the door, the tallest of the three, he just about reached average height for a human his age. Doro's close cropped dark hair was somehow both appropriate for a Padawan and stylish at the same time. Doro, while presenting a carefree countenance to the world at large, was a strategic thinker with some of the best combat footwork Sascha had ever seen.

Trigg, Doro's usual counterpart followed behind him. Trigg was shorter and stockier than Doro, but possessed the same sort of easygoing, lighthearted personality as his fellow Corelian. Trigg was reasonably well known for his skill in combat as well as his reliability – Trigg was a master of few things, but was competent in doing nearly everything under the sun.

Sascha was surprised to see the third person into his (increasingly crowded room), was Nara Nalto, a female Togruta. She had light-purple skin along with montrals and lekku that were a darker purple, accented with deep red markings. She wore a basic beige Jedi robe, with the sleeves cut off above the elbow. Nara was a Padawan who he had some history with. They'd competed against each other at the Apprentice Tournament, and although Nara had won the day (and gone on to win the whole tournment), it had been the start of their friendship. It had been Nara, not any one of his other friends that had tied his Padawan braid for the first time, and he'd felt a little connection with her ever since.

His Master smiled genuinely at all three of the young Padawans, "It's nice to see you all. What's the occasion?"

A lopsided grin appeared on Doro's face, "Well, I drew kitchen duty tonight, and only the worst of friends would make someone do all the kitchen work on their own. That's why I need Sascha here. Believe it or not, he's a pretty good chef...also he tends to keep us in line when we goof off."

Sascha felt like he was being talked about, but no one was actually talking to him. He decided not to draw attention to himself and started scheming up ways to get out of the impending offer for his help. It's not that he didn't like kitchen duty, he actually found it strangely relaxing. It was that he certainly didn't want to be around Doro, Trigg and Nara. They were just too rambunctious for him, when all he wanted was to be left alone.

"So, I understand why Trigg is here, because you Corelians are basically joined at the hip," said Aurine.

"Hey!" interrupted Trigg.

Aurine continued, "But how did you get Nara to come along?"

Nara blushed slightly, her purple skin lightening for a moment, "I...uh, kind of owe Doro for the extra sessions we are doing together. He's trying to fix my combat footwork."

"I am fixing your combat footwork," said Doro puffing out his chest confidently. "You just need to put in the time to do the drills I gave you and you'll be gliding around opponents in no time."

Nara stomped her foot on the ground impatiently, "I told you, I hate your stupid drills, it feels like I'm dancing with myself! It's the stupidest feeling anyone could have! If we could just keep sparring…"

"…We can't keep sparring because I keep beating you when we do spar," retorted Doro.

Nara's eyes flashed for a moment, before she looked downward, chagrined, "Yeah I guess the last two times we sparred I didn't do very well, did I?"

"That's a…charitable way of describing it."

"Ha, ha," said Nara, putting her hands on her hips and pouting exaggeratedly.

Trigg coughed loudly, "Getting off topic here."

Aurine smiled, "As usual. But I give you permission to take my Padawan and use him as a sous chef. I look forward to tasting your creations at dinner tonight."

"Has anyone asked me about if I want to go help?" he said indignantly. "Or are you just going to talk about me as if I wasn't here."

Trigg looked at him oddly, "Since when do you need to be convinced to hang out with us?"

Sascha swallowed a biting retort, "I'm not really in the mood for it today, sorry."

Stunned silence seemed to echo throughout the room. Nara was the one who broke the silence, "Well, you heard him, lets leave him be. He's not interested in being our friend."

That stung him, even through the hurt he was feeling.

Aurine gave him a last stern look and walked out the door, "This is for you young ones to deal with," she said.

Nara turned haughtily and was about to follow his Master, when he said, "Wait."

The Togruta paused at the doorway, but it was Trigg who spoke, "Now you want come with us now? What convinced you?"

He stood, "Maybe I just wanted to get out of my room okay," he said indignantly.

Doro and Trigg shared a look, and shrugged. "Okay, lets go. We have to start preparing the food anyway. If we are late we'll never hear the end of it."

The four Padawans made their way to the kitchens of the Jedi Temple. Doro, Trigg and Nara all swapped barbs back and forth, laughing and joking with each other. He held himself back from the merriment. He was going along with his friends because he didn't want to seem like he was ignoring them, but he didn't feel like he was a part of them either. His friends seemed to matter less today than they had previous, but they still mattered somewhat.

Doro led the four Padawans into the food preparation area. As one might expect it was a sprawling area that contained everything from microwave units to automatic cutting devices to food preparation droids. Yet, Jedi often chose not to use food preparation droids, they chose to make their food by hand and simply have the food prep droids just there to observe and make sure that no one managed to make anything poisonous. To the Jedi, the process of making food was as important to the end result of the food – it taught everyone that everything, including the Jeammarian Sour Radish, was a part of the living Force.

Doro, because it was his kitchen duty, was in charge of setting the menu and managing his 'staff.' He, Trigg and Nara formed a loose semi-circle around him, "Whats the plan, boss?" said Trigg.

A smirk appeared on Doro's lips, "I think we'll go pretty standard with the dishes, no need to get fancy. Nara, since you are our resident predator, you'll handle all the meats."

"My only regret is that I didn't get to go hunting for meat myself," said Nara with a smile. Togruta, of course, were naturally predators, and while their stomachs were well adjusted enough to enjoy the occasional fruit or vegetable, there was no doubt what type of dish they preferred.

"Terrifying," drawled Doro. "Moving on, Trigg and I will handle preparing the main courses, which leaves Sascha doing the appetizers. We should all know what we are doing by now, but if you need assistance, the PREP-droid is over there," Doro said, jerking his thumb at a medium sized, platinum droid that was vaguely reminiscent of a protocol droid – except a protocol droid couldn't dice vegetables like a PREP-droid could.

Sascha went pulled up what Doro's chosen menu for the day was. As he expected, it was a pretty routine menu. Doro was many things, but he was not the most creative Jedi in the Temple by a long shot.

Sascha was consulting which vegetables he'd need from the freezer, when the banter started.

"Hey Togruta," called Trigg.

"What? I have a name you know..."

"Okay Nara," Trigg said indulgently. "This is a dragon clan tradition, and as you have been honorarily inducted into our clan, you will be required to participate."

"Uh, huh," said Nara as she put down her cooking utensils and stared at Trigg.

"To pass the time during our time in the kitchens, we tell stories about what we've done as Jedi Padawans. We'll each share a story or two. Our stories tend to be rather lighthearted or amusing, no one wants to hear about pain and suffering while cooking. Since you are the newbie here, you get to go first."

Nara returned her attention to her station, working on cutting some nerf steaks into fine slices which would later be placed into a salad. Sascha also returned his attention to his duties, in his case, peeling tubers. It wasn't exciting work, but you needed to be precise as the knife he was currently wielding was rather sharp. Yet, for someone trained to use a lightsaber, a mere knife seemed like a fairly paltry weapon.

There was a slightly awkward silence as everyone waited for Nara to start with her story. Finally the Togruta sighed, "I don't think you'll want to hear any of my stories. I've only been on like...three missions, with my Master, and I can't think of anything amusing that happened beyond my own incompetence."

Doro laughed softly, "So? Those are the best stories! The ones were you look like a complete and utter idiot." He looked around, "I guess I'll start, then." Doro started in his storytelling voice, "My Master and I were sent to Alderaan to protect some young noble lady during what was expected to be a tumultous time. Nice planet, Alderaan."

"You get all the good assignments, Doro," said Trigg, sullenly.

"Of course," smiled Doro. "Anyway, because I was close in age to this very young, very pretty teenaged noblewoman, I was assigned to personally protect her, while my Master observed from a distance. So, I figured that this is my chance to get in with a woman with some...financial means, so I better make an entrance. I bought a nice, long Alderaanian cloak, so that I would be able to fit in with the nobility. I looked great."

Nara snorted out loud, but Doro ignored her, "So I get directed to this lovely manse near a mountain range. By far the nicest place I've ever been to. And I'm just dreaming of the starfighter this fair maiden is going to by me once I save her life. I get introduced as 'Jedi Padawan Doro Roa' and I stride towards the noblewoman, looking straight out of a holodrama...when I trip on my cloak and manage to just about faceplant on the nice polished floor of this place. So, I basically figured that I botched my first impression about as hard as possible. So that called for plan 'B.'

Doro's smile got even wider, "I bow to the noblewoman and introduce myself. She gives me the once over and says, 'You must be the worst Jedi I've seen.' So I reply, 'well, you got what you paid for.'

Nara and Trigg laughed and even he cracked a smile. He was pretty sure that Doro was taking some liberties with the truth, but that quick-witted reply did seem to be within his chracter.

"Well that was amusing," drawled Trigg. "Nara you ready with a story yet?"

She shook her head, "Still thinking about it."

Trigg shrugged his broad shoulders, "Okay, then I believe it's Sascha's turn then."

He shook his head, "No, thanks."

"The ever amiable Sascha Whitestar doesn't want to participate?" Trigg turned to Doro, "Mark this date on your calendar. Today we found Sascha Whitestar in a bad mood. Possibly the first time in recorded history. What could possibly have gotten into Sascha that made him this way?"

"I don't want to talk about it," he said.

Doro frowned, "Come on Sascha, don't be a spoilsport. It can be the story you share."

"I said I don't want to talk about it." Sascha was indulging his friends by being here, he didn't exactly feel like going through story time. There certainly hadn't been anything on his missions that he could laugh about.

Trigg obviously was not good at reading his body language as he continued to pester him about it, "Aww, do we have to go and get Tyra to see what will get you to talk?"

Tyra...

"Tyra's not here," he said angrily, "and she's not my friend any longer."

"What the hell do you mean you aren't friends with Tyra anymore?" said Doro. "She's basically your sister. You two have always been inseparable."

"She's no longer my friend," he repeated. To try to quell the anger that he felt, he kept chopping his tubers, making his knife go through the green-purple vegetable with precision. The only way he was going to keep himself from exploding was by focusing on something else.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" said Nara softly.

"No."

"I think we deserve to know what happened," said Trigg. "Tyra is a fellow member of dragon clan and if you need us to mediate..."

"I want you to shut up," he snapped.

Trigg, Doro and Nara stared at him in shock. Was what he said really that shocking? It shouldn't have been. Trigg was being annoying. He told him to stop, end of story. Force, was everyone around here so sensitive?

However his simmering anger only distracted him from what he was supposed to be doing. While cutting more tubers, his blade slipped and only his quick reactions saved him from losing about a quarter of his left index finger to his own carelessness. Instead he punctured a small, but deep gash into his finger. Immediately, the cut started bleeding.

Despite his anger, he didn't want to ruin any of the foodstuffs so he dropped the knife and searched around for a towel or anything to make sure he didn't bleed over everything. Much to his consternation, there wasn't anything nearby for him to grab that would help him control the bleeding.

Nara, was the first to notice that something was wrong. She marched over from her station quickly, grabbing a spare towel on her way and handing it to him. "What happened?"

He pressed the towel into the wound, wincing in pain as he did it, "Cut myself." Another way that Tyra had managed to hurt him, this time from several parsecs away.

Nara hung around, trying to peer over his shoulder and get a look at his cut. One of her purple lekku actually collided with his shoulder, which was just her being careless of his personal space, "Let me take a look," she said.

Sascha tensed, "Get away from me."

"Let me at least help you to the Halls of Healing," Nara offered.

Sascha shouldered her away angrily, "What the hell is wrong with you people! Our lives aren't fun adventures with stories to be shared and swapped. They are nasty and brutish and very like to be short! I don't want any part of sharing stories with you. You don't know what I've been through!" He looked all three of his friends, each were looking at him, mouths agape. Nara looked like she might burst into tears. Still he plowed forward, "I don't even know what the point of having friends is anymore! Tyra abandoned me when I needed her. Which one of you will be next? Doro? Trigg? Because I know it will be one of you. Maybe I'll be the smart one and be the person that ends the friendship, be the person that causes the hurt instead of receives it."

Having rendered his friends completely silent, he walked out of the door and towards the Halls of Healing.

Alone.