Luke was rather...baffled.

Perhaps baffled wasn't the right word for it. Confused maybe?

It started with strange "gifts" appearing in his room, which turned out to be holocubes from the time of the old Republic. He had no idea who was leaving them there, and Leia thought he had an admirer. She thought it was 'cute', in her words.

However when Luke actually looked into the cubes, he wasn't too sure it was supposed to be taken that way, flirting aside.

Most were filled with the occasional training guide for padawans and younglings (he was quickly informed of what the terms meant)...but there were the occasional after-battle reports from the Clone Wars.

Reports that didn't exactly paint Jedi in the best light. Reports that also included how the former Council reacted to the crimes committed.

Slowly but surely, his image of the Jedi was being worn down with cold, hard reality.

Now if only he could find out who his 'admirer' was and why they were sending these to him.

"You're what?" said Vader in disbelief.

"Eh, I was bored and I want to see his reaction when he finds out his 'secret admirer' with the history fetish is actually a GUY," admitted Revan.

Vader pinched the scarred flesh of his face.

"And what happens after he finds out you're a male as well and happens to fall for you?" he asked.

"Eh, life's too short to care about something as trivial as gender. Besides, I think your daughter has a thing for that smuggler who got off light because I took out Jabba," said Revan off-hand.

"The one with the walking carpet?"

"Yup."

Vader groaned. So long as Leia was happy he could care less. But the fact Revan was flirting with Luke while subtly speeding his training up...ugh. He had nothing against the idea of men who liked men, but he did have an issue with his insane partner in crime flirting with his son!

Then something hit him.

"How are you getting those into his room anyway?"

Revan had a wicked grin.

"Force technique locked onto Luke's personal signature. It appears right before every time he practices with the Force about fifteen minutes after he leaves the room," said Revan.

It was actually a port key that was tied specifically to Luke, and several conditions had to be met. But Vader refused to believe in magic, and preferred to think of the tricks as something Revan had found in the old archives.

"Wait...how did you get into the secret Archives in the temple? Not even the Emperor was able to get in!"

The Masters were very thorough in protecting their secrets. Eventually they cordoned off the entire temple until they could find a way in.

"Eh, part grave desecration, part boredom. There's a reason I caught on to using the Force so quick."

Vader remembered what Revan had revealed about who he was and how he was able to so easily kill the Emperor.

"You were a Master before."

"Yeah, and as it turns out they don't actually delete the Masters from the register so long as they died a Jedi. Apparently it's an insurance policy until they confirm the death of the Master in question. And since my body was never actually recovered..."

"...And the grave desecration?"

"Eh, I cut off that old geezer's hand before we burnt it to see if I could fake my way in until I found out I hadn't been removed," said Revan. He eyed Vader a bit before he sighed. "Yes you can cackle evilly at the irony of Kenobi having his body desecrated before he was burned after what he did."

Vader's grin was vicious. Of course it wasn't nearly as terrifying as it had been originally, before Revan worked his 'magic'. His scars were definitely lighter, and his body was starting to feel more human with every treatment. He didn't know what the herbal remedies were, and frankly he felt better not asking.

Once he had his evil cackling done with, Vader looked at Revan seriously.

"Now that that's out of the way, how are we going to mess with the rebels today?"

"Well, from what I know, Han's group is heading in the direction of a small mining colony not under the thumb of the Emperor. I think it's due time that we give them a good scare, wouldn't you agree?"

Vader chuckled darkly.

"You can use it as the perfect chance to see if Leia really is falling for the smuggler, and to see what sort of man he is. If he's not good enough, then you can freeze him in carbonite or something," said Revan.

"And if Luke shows up?"

"You can traumatize him by telling him his 'secret admirer' is the Emperor himself. Then I can have some fun watching his face when I flirt with him in person, only to reveal my actual face to him."

"You are a devious, evil bastard. I like it."

Now it was Revan's turn for the evil cackling.

"So where are you going?"

"Degobah, to screw with that green gnome again. I'm running low on ingredients and some of them are ready to be harvested!" said Revan happily.

"Happy trolling," said Vader, putting his helmet back on. He had no idea it was this much fun to screw with people's heads.

Revan had to resist the urge to cackle evilly. Not only was Luke in on the same planet as he was, he was also training with the green gnome! This was the perfect opportunity to mess with his head!

As if summoned by his inward evil cackling, Luke started following him on his harvesting mission in place of Yoda. Except he wasn't content to just watch and observe.

"Who are you?"

"Harry. I'm just here getting some things for my herbal remedies. They're a big hit with some of the outer worlds," said Revan cheerfully. He faked peered at Luke. "So what brings you to this boring place? I mean the only thing that lives here is this creepy green gnome that has a bad habit of being a stalker."

Luke choked.

"I'm training," he replied finally.

"Training for what? The only ones that get their kicks out of places like this were those monks that like to pretend they were good and noble, but were nosy busybodies that shoved their emotions down so much it's a miracle that more of them didn't become Sith," said Revan.

"Monks?" repeated Luke.

"Jedi like to pretend they're peacekeepers, but in reality they're just monks that had an annoying habit of using their precious Force to get away with shit no one would tolerate in anyone else, like babynapping. They thought that burying all emotions, even love, was a good idea when it only made them ticking time bombs waiting to explode. And anyone who dared to love another was usually kicked out of the Order in disgrace if they refused to break up," said Revan flatly.

Luke looked properly horrified.

"What about friendship?"

"Discouraged. Hell they were barely allowed to become close to their Jedi masters or make connections within the Order. I'm surprised it lasted so long. They were always jumping at shadows too, seeing the dark side of the Force everywhere and generally acting like scared rabbits. In fact I've heard they were warned repeatedly that the Emperor was in control of the old Senate, and did nothing."

The sad thing was that Luke could believe it.

He had only been around Master Yoda for a few weeks, but the old Master kept emphasizing about letting go of his emotions. Sure it was good for meditating, but Yoda wanted him to be able to do that even in battle. And the few pointed questions he made towards the holocubes he had been given about the old Republic hadn't exactly made training him very easy.

He certainly hadn't expected Luke to ask the tough questions about things he shouldn't have any idea about. Tattoine wasn't exactly a hot spot for travelers. It was a place for smugglers to hide out.

And he lived far from town. So he shouldn't be this up to date on the universe at large.

Revan hid an evil grin when he realized Yoda wasn't expecting Luke to be this well educated on his history, much less the Jedi Order.

As the old saying went, "Those that do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

And Luke had been getting a lot of history lessons recently.

It had been over a week since Vader went to the mining colony, and Revan had created a nice friendship. Though he had to admit, watching Luke blush every time he caught on to the flirting had him laughing his ass off once he was out of earshot.

Still, Vader had already gotten an idea of what Han Solo was really like. And to be honest, tormenting him was getting boring.

So Revan made a fake distress call, made it seem like one of the people on the Millennium Falcon sent it to R2-D2.

He also sent a message to Vader on their secure channel that he was sending Luke his way.

Which meant Vader would get a chance to break the news to his son that the Emperor was the one sending him all those little love notes.

He didn't know how Revan attached those delightful cameras onto his helmet, but he planned to enjoy the look of shocked horror on Luke's face for a very long time.

Revan watched Luke panic when he got the message, then used what limited skills he had to try and lift the ship he had come to Degobah on.

Instead, Revan took pity on him, because as quickly as Luke had advanced, he was still a rank amateur and Yoda expected him to actually get concepts that were far beyond what he could do. To be fair, they did start the brainwashing early enough that the kids didn't learn "bad habits".

"You can use the Force?" said Luke in surprise.

"Well yeah, I mean all the basic crap is easy if you know the trick to it. If you can believe it can happen, it's possible to do. Like that whole levitation thing. Just don't over think it."

Luke looked at him, before he looked at the ship.

"How?"

"Assume you can lift the thing and don't let the actual object or the weight matter to you," said Revan.

Luke looked at the ship. Then he shrugged.

And, to the shock of Yoda, he lifted the thing on his own.

"...Why is it that I can learn from you a lot easier than I can from the Jedi Master?"

"Hide bound ghoul who got blinded by the Light," deadpanned Revan. "Now weren't you going to save your friends?"

"Oh, right. Thanks."

"I left my contact details with R2, if you want help," offered Revan.

Luke nodded, and within fifteen minutes he was gone.

Revan looked at Yoda, and had a rather disturbing grin.

"You do realize that Palpatine was offed a few years ago, right? And that Vader had been effectively running the entire galaxy while I did the paperwork."

"What."

"I cannot wait to see the rebellion's face when they find out we've been trolling them this whole time! Sidious was dead because he got cocky, just like the Jedi Order! Hell, you idiots didn't even bother to remove me from the Temple archives despite the fact I faked my death decades ago!"

Yoda blinked, before looking at Revan closely. Then he did something that had Revan cackling like an idiot.

He swore worse than any smuggler Vader had the misfortune to hear in Watto's shop.

"Grand Master Black."

Revan smirked.

"I have not yet begun to troll!" he cackled before vanishing.

Yoda just stood there swearing. It was a little known fact of the Jedi Order that Grand Master Black was insane, but not to the point where they could get rid of him. Instead he was a warning story to other Jedi Masters.

The moment his position was locked in, he let his real personality show. Needless to say the other Masters were properly horrified learning that the great man was in fact an unrepentant prankster... one who took great glee in corrupting the younglings whenever and wherever possible.

They had only just started getting rid of his bad habits among those old enough to remember him when Darth Maul first arrived, and things went to hell.

And now it looked like he was back for round two. The idea that he had killed Sidious wasn't as far fetched as Yoda might hope. The man was insane, but a stronger Master there was none. If anyone could catch that monster unawares, it would have been Black.

It looked like he had returned solely to clean up the mess they left of the Order.

Yoda thanked the Force that he was cut off from the rest of the galaxy enough that he didn't have to listen to the complaints once Black came forward and revealed the truth. With any luck he'd be dead and with the Force once that mess hit.

Luke found Harry's advice on how to treat the Force far more useful than any cube or half-assed teachings from Ben.

Don't think. Just imagine what you want the Force to do, then allow it to work with you.

It made facing Vader a lot more doable than he would have originally thought. In fact, Vader seemed very pleased with the fact that Luke was actually holding his own and not showing how little training he had.

And then he did a dick move by cutting his hand off. Jerk.

But that wasn't the worst of it...oh no. That came after Vader revealed that he was Luke's father, and they had the tests to prove it!

Vader looked at Luke, though he mostly guessed that considering he couldn't see his eyes. If he wasn't wearing the helmet, Luke would have seen his father's wicked smirk.

"And let's not forget the one who's been sending you the love notes along with the gifts..."

Luke looked at him, barely keeping awake despite the pain.

"The Emperor finds you very...fascinating."

Luke blinked, before that processed through his head.

"It's not true! That's not possible! The Emperor is an old man, what could he possibly want with me?" said Luke, looking decidedly ill from the mere mention of such a thing.

It was taking everything in Vader not to laugh evilly. Really, Luke's expression made all of Revan's flirting totally worth it.

"Every man has needs, Luke."

And there was that look that said Luke was very close to throwing up at the idea. Vader was reveling in the emotions Luke was giving off... and really, it was a bit of harmless fun, messing with Luke's head.

Vader watched his son give up on holding the one thing keeping him from falling. He could sense Revan was close by, and he insured that Luke wouldn't die this early.

Add to that the timing of the former smuggler and Leia, and Luke was whisked away to the rebellion's best doctors.

"Well, that was hilarious. This will make his expression finding out the truth even more fun."

"Agreed. He looked ready to hurl when I told him the Emperor had a thing for him," said Vader with absolute glee.

He had done his "fatherly duty" as Revan called it, and messed with his son's head. Now they go to enjoy the fun of Revan training Luke and ruining any hopes of the Jedi Masters infecting one more generation with their nonsense.

"Luke is with his sister. Though I imagine he'll have a bit of awkwardness when you two talk again thanks to the lost hand," said Revan...before a wicked grin came upon his face. "On the plus side, he'll never have to deal with a broken wrist from boredom!"

Vader blinked, worked that through his head, and would have face palmed had he not been a mean bastard with a reputation to keep.

"I swear, I don't know who's the bigger teenager...you or Luke! You're old enough to be my father, for the Force's sake!"

Revan cackled. He was about to comment with something lewd when he felt a sort of warning hit.

"Oh no. No, no, no, no! That purple haired bastard and his fucked up inner psyche is not intruding on my fun dammit!"

Vader blinked.

There was only ONE "purple haired bastard" that Revan would talk about so vehemently, and that was the strange, evil dimension hopping god-thing that had stolen a kill from Revan. Though from what Revan said of the story, it was more along the lines of someone called "Tyrant" having shown up, decided to kill his prey and then didn't have the decency to stick around so he could pummel her into the ground for it.

When he finally caught up with her, he found Black Wing...and got a long detailed explanation that made his head cringe at the mere thought of how messed up the teen's head was.

To sum up the story, Revan found it easier to blame the "Origin" than to even think about what Tyrant actually was or how Black Wing's mind worked.

"You head back to that secondary Death Star those idiots insisted on building. I'm going to divert him from ruining all my hard work just because I'm being a bigger troll than he normally is," said Revan.

"..."

Vader looked at the space Revan had previously occupied, before silently coming to the conclusion that if it didn't come back to bite him in the ass later, then it wasn't his problem.

With Revan and Black Wing...

"I am going to kill him. This is my prank dammit! I don't need you and your make-shift pantheon messing it up!"

Black Wing looked at him amused.

"I only came to watch the show."

"Oh. Well in that case keep quiet about what's really going on. And once the rebellion gets the word that the Emperor was discreetly replaced with an insane Jedi Master who loves pranks, feel free to kill those damn teddy bear things."

"...I think they're called Ewoks," said Black Wing.

"Don't care what they're called, they freak me the fuck out and they're a joke. Hell, turn them into experiments or something, wipe them out with that overpowered staff of yours...whatever floats your boat. Just get rid of them once this is over! And tell that damn Tyrant to stay the hell away from Vader! Do you have any idea how much work I've had to put into turning him from an evil Sith Lord into a massive troll that people can stand to be around?"

"...Would you like to work out a payment plan now to give him a fresh body, or after the 'Empire' is destroyed?"

"What do you want, and how long will it take? I've been healing him piece by piece for the past couple of years, but I don't think Yoda will quietly stand by while I finish what I can."

"Let's talk business."

To be concluded in Part Three...