New Edit in Effect.

Somewhere in the Badlands

It was late at night in the arid expanse of desert known as the Badlands. This was a lonely place with seemingly nothing but cactus and rocky outcroppings everywhere. The perfect place for a secret war. As a matter of fact, there was a secret war fought here. Two, actually. One as a Mann Co. civil war between two idiot brothers, and another against unimaginably massive hordes of robots. Smaller conflicts not included.

The wars and battles here had ended a couple days ago when the Team Fortress Classic mercenaries were defeated by RED team in an epic showdown here, and Saxton Hale regained control of Mann Co. from Olivia Mann. RED team was joyous of their victory, and for the first time since they formed in 1968, they legitimately had feelings of being one big family of friends. Granted a family that constantly insult, beat, kill, and assault each other, but a family nonetheless. RED team were hanging around the front of the Mann Co. headquarters, enjoying their victory. Their laughter and cheers rang throughout the night.

"FREEDOM!" *Burp* "HAHA!" Demo placed a bunch of custom made "fireworks" in a huge cluster and threw a stick of lit dynamite into it. The resulting explosion was extremely unsafe, but really pretty if you ignore the fire and smoke. Nobody wanted to curse at Demo though as they were too overjoyed by their victory. If anything, they actually appreciated the explosion. Pyro appeared wearing a fireman's jacket and hat over its usual suit, and got to work, pouring gasoline on the fires.

The whole of RED team was dancing around the fire, Mannrobics, Kozotsky Kick, Conga, you name it. Everyone was drinking Demoman levels of alcohol, and they were loving it. It's all well deserved of course after that Hell of a final battle.

Spy stopped dancing and jumped up a rock, taking out a glass of wine and calling for the other mercs attention.

"Gentlemen! Today will go down as the finest day in our history as a team! We've faced evil wizards, giant eyeballs shooting exploding eyeballs, the Headless Horseless Horsemann, even each other in the past…"

The mercs nodded as they remembered the days when they fought and killed each other before the robot menace forced them all to join RED team to avoid confusion with the robots. That was less than a year ago.

"…but the gravest of them all, the robot war! We the few, the rag tag team of horribly mismatched individuals, the scum of the Badlands, defeated not only millions of robots, but our predecessors as well! Indeed, it was a battle hard fought. But in the end we were victorious!" They cheered as he finished. Spy looked down and chuckled. "… For the past four years we've done nothing but get into mindless acts of violence and sheer stupidity. It was the worst experience of my life." He raised his glass. "It was an honor, my friends." All mercs present cheered.

They all resumed their partying, congratulating each other and such. Spy looked at his team, his family, and smiled. But at the back of his mind he knew they would not stay together for long. Now that all three Mann brothers and the Classic mercenaries were dead, he saw no reason for Saxton Hale to keep them around. He waved the thoughts away and decided to just enjoy the moment. Then Saxton Hale himself walked to the men. All the mercenaries turned to face him.

"Hey! Look who it is! Care to join our little party here, Mistah Hale?" Scout said joyfully.

"You're all fired. Now get off my property! I'm going to build a hunting reserve right in this spot, and you're in the way!"

…

…

Well… This didn't come off as that much of a surprise. They all saw this coming, just not so soon. The mercs stared at Saxton for a bit, and did as he asked, not wanting to fight the strongest man in the world so soon after the fight of their lives. After going into the locker room to collect their backpacks, they walked out of the hidden entrance together, mumbling about their celebration being cut so short.

"Welp, look at the bright side fellas', we're still billionaires from all the money Mann Co. payed us." The Texan said.

"Da. Heavy have enough money to support family for long time."

"What'cha gonna do with it all, Mikhael?" Scout said.

Heavy looked at Scout upon hearing his real name and gave him a smile. Scout may have been a complete, annoying prick to the whole team, but overtime he just felt like the little brother of the team. "Heavy will move entire family to America. Away from bad men."

"Ha! Good choice fellow patriot! The Commie scum won't find them here in the good ole' U, S of A!" Soldier high fived Heavy.

Sniper groaned. "How can you blokes be so happy at a time like this?"

Medic looked at him. "Come now Sniper! Ve beat Grey Mann und the old mercenaries!" He then pulled out some German beer and drinks it. "Oooh! You should be happy!"

"Yeah doc, but did you forget we got fired?"

"Ja, I know zat! Like Engineer said we are still filthy rich!"

"It's just that I don't know where to go from here now we that ain't got a job anymore."

"We'll speak of this later." Spy said. "For now let's get into our vehicles and leave."

The mercs loaded into Sniper's camper van and the Bread truck Mann Co. let them keep. Pyro tied his (it? Her?) favorite shopping cart to the bread truck and hopped into it. They sped off in a little convoy out into the dark night of the lonely desert. There was nothing but the moon lighting the desert. There was no noise except for the trucks, the occasional howl of a coyote in the distance, and the noise of Pyro's cart being pulled from behind the bread truck. After a couple of hours of driving they decided to rest for the night and made camp along the road. Especially since now they were REALLY feeling the effects of all the alcohol, swerving all over the road n' shit.

"Ok, G-gentleman, I dink weeeee shold just rest hea for de night…" Spy passed out.

All the other mercs attempted to lay down something to sleep on or passed out like Spy did. Engie lost most of his common sense and thought the toolbox containing the teleporter was a comfy bed. As he was walking (or dragging himself) while carrying the toolbox, he noticed a strange white crystal on the ground. Not really able to see clearly, he thought it was a dollar bill or something in the light of the moon so he put it in his hard metal "bed". He threw the toolbox down, placed his hardhat on the floor, and flopped onto the toolbox.

It knocked him out, sending him to a world full of equations and theories. Unbeknownst to him though, the crystal was having some kind of weird reaction with the teleporter's inner workings. Soon, powerful bursts of energy caused the teleporter to expand to its built form, blowing up the toolbox and Engineer off of it. An extremely bright white glow came from the teleporter. It was similar to the regular teleporter glow but way brighter, and with greater range. The team was way too hammered to notice it though or even move away from it if they did, and the teleporter ended up consuming them into the void.

The Void

Everyone woke up floating in mid-air, wondering where the desert went, and then noticed some strange things were going on in this realm. First of all, some kind of force like an invisible river was pulling them along this plain of existence. They saw an obese man sitting on a throne made of video games and money flying all over him. The men could have sworn they heard "Gaben, gaben, gaben…" or something like that coming from him. And they saw an Asian man at a computer desk furiously working on something with "anime" or whatever the Asians called it all over his station. Bright lights and images of things the men did not understand were all over this realm of insanity. Whatever was pulling the mercs around took them into a big cut in reality that was almost like a portal. An intensely bright light engulfed them, and then it went black again.

Suddenly, the mercs were spat out from a ceiling and onto a hard tiled floor.

"Oh merde…" Spy said. The mercenaries were all groaning from their acid trip of an adventure. Heavy stood himself against a wooden crate with his hand on his head, and took in his new surroundings. There were some startled people in the room they were in, all wearing uniform and had… animal features? The closest one to Heavy was a woman with goat horns on her head, and had her jaw hanging. As did the rest of these weird people...

"You, tell Heavy where is this place!" The woman pulled out a SMG of some kind and aimed it at Heavy. The other 12 or so animal people in the room did the same with weapons ranging from swords to guns.

"H-hands on your head, or we will shoot!" She yelled in a shaky tone which was perfectly understandable since it's not every day when nine dudes fall out of a portal in the room you are in. All the mercs jumped up and raised their hands. The hostile people moved forward to check for weapons, weapons still anxiously on the mercenaries.

"Soldier! Now!" Spy yelled. At that moment, the ultimate patriot pulled the pins off of every single grenade on him and threw them in every direction.

"AMMEEEEERRRRRRIIIICAAAAA!" *BOOM*

The force of the explosion utterly obliterated the hostiles and collapsed one of the walls. RED team was fine because medic activated an all-encompassing force field around them, the Medi-shield. Smoke covered everything, so logically RED team blindly charged through the broken wall, bumping into each other to the point where Heavy, who was first, tripped, making everyone else fall to.

"Argh! Dammit, lard fat! Watch ya step!" Scout chided him. Heavy bitch-slapped Scout with his massive hands.

"Quiet baby!" The whole team was just a disorganized mess at the moment, yelling at each other with the usual insults. That was until the Demoman bothered to look around.

"Bloody hell…Oy lads! Stop ya ninnies! Look!" He got his team to stop bitching at each other long enough for them to understand the gravity of the situation. They were surrounded (at least from the front) with a lot more of the animal people from earlier, all angry and shocked at their sudden appearance. A man in a fabulous white coat and bitchin' fine bowler hat that made some of the mercs jealous, called out to his army.

"GET THEM!"

The Faunus surged forward with all sorts of weapons again to massacre the RED team. Oh how they were wrong... Over half of the Fang in the room were taken out within 30 seconds of fighting. Some dead, some wounded. Heavy mowed down droves of them with his minigun, Scout ran circles around them with his scattergun, Soldier and Demoman blew them up with bombs and cut them down in melee, Medic healed whoever needed it, Engineer camped on top his sentry, Sniper engaged in close combat with his smg and kukri, and Spy followed Sniper's lead with his knives and revolvers.

Roman got frustrated at how worthless the Fang grunts were, but he was even more shocked at the efficiency and brutality with how the strangers fought. He got so fed up, he joined the fight himself, opening up with a few explosive shots from Melodic Cudgel. Soldier got hit by one, but took it like a champ. He turned to see where the shots were coming from when he noticed it came from Roman. Enraged, Soldier rocket jumped towards Roman at ludicrous speed with his ham shank in hand. Now it wasn't that Roman couldn't dodge the Soldier, no, it was more of a case of Roman being so stupefied at the prospect of a man denying the laws of physics and using a ROCKET LAUNCHER to FLY at him! He heard of people using the recoil of their guns, but nothing like this! Roman was knocked out cold in one critical hit. Soldier was going to continue bashing Roman's skull in when something suddenly kicked him off of Roman from the side.

Soldier tanked the hit, and looked up to see his attacker was a little, itty bitty, petite girl who looked like she was in her teens and had hair colored like Neapolitan ice cream and with an umbrella and outfit that matched her color scheme. He raged at the sight of a little girl here in a battlefield.

"RAGH! WOMEN DO NOT BELONG IN A MAN'S WORLD! ESPECIALLY, NOT LITTLE GIRLS!" Soldier screamed as he charged toward Neo. He gave up his ham for the Disciplinary Action, ready to discipline her in the art of not being here.

"I'LL TEACH YOU WHERE YOU BELONG!" He swung at her, only to hit nothing as Neo spun around behind soldier to deliver a punishing kick to his back. To her surprise, Soldier caught her kick and smashed her into a crate. He had way too much experience with Spy and fighting in general to let something as simple as that happen to him. Grinning, he pulled her out of the crate and stood her up.

"If you want to be in a man's world, little girl, then you got to fight like a man!" He screamed before sending a blow to her face.

He was shocked to see that the girl shattered like a mirror when his fist connected with where her face was, only to see that she teleported a couple of feet away and kicked the Disciplinary Action out of his hand before continuing her assault on him. She ducked a right hook from Soldier and kneed him in the gut, but failed to parry his other fist when he uppercut her. Neo stumbled back and attempted to kick at Soldier's neck, but Soldier slipped the kick, caught her leg, and pulled her in. Right before she got in punching range, she kicked him in the face with her free leg and backflipped away from him. She landed with a smile and was rewarded with a totally unexpected rocket to the face. The girl tumbled backwards, trying to gain her footing after gaining such a hit. Smoke covered the area around her as she looked around for her opponent only to hear something whistle from above.

"SCREAMING EAGLES!"

Soldier landed right on top of her, knocking her right down to the floor. He was going to stomp her head in right before she rolled away and back to her feet. Soldier growled and pulled out TWO rocket launchers, the Direct Hit and the regular Rocket Launcher. Neo panicked and immediately tried to evade the incoming rockets as Soldier was rapid firing rockets at her. Unfortunately for her, the explosive radius of the rockets were too much and she ended up bouncing all over the place whenever she was hit with an explosion, especially if it was from the Direct Hit. Neo thudded on the ground when Soldier ran out of rockets. He was too lazy to reload and moved in to beat her senseless with his shovel. Feeling her aura drop, Neo stood up to face the shovel wielding maniac. Shovel and umbrella locked together as Soldier was forcing Neo into the ground with his superior strength.

"Ha! How's it feel to fight a real man, girly?" She said nothing as she tried to kick Soldier in the balls. Soldier dodged right in time as he felt the tip of her shoes scratch his crotch, but was forced to break away from her. Neo took this chance to unleash a volley of kicks, punches, and umbrella bashes onto him. The old war veteran was able to parry most of it with his shovel, easily keeping pace with the much younger fighter. He stopped Neo's attack by surprising her with a Shotgun blast to the belly and grabbing the umbrella, pulling her in, and headbutting her.

"Tough luck, Sally!" Soldier said as Neo stumbled back, feeling his headbutt now that her aura was low.

"This old soldier has fought in over 4 confirmed wars! In each of which, I have won over 5000 sword fights, 8000 fistfights, 40000 gunfights, and can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I have personally killed tens of thousands of men in combat!" He said proudly with his shotgun pointed at her. "You can't beat me! Not with what you've shown me!" Neo trembled at his words even if they were questionable.

Nevertheless, she tried to continue the fight, but Soldier knocked her umbrella out of her hand and near Roman with a kick. Neo panicked, and tried to teleport away, but before she could do so, Soldier had latched onto her, riding on her shoulders Jockey style from Left 4 Dead 2. Soldier began laying into her poor head with all sorts of punches and elbows as Neo teleported all over the place in a panic. She got so desperate that she literally ran off a second floor balcony overlooking the main room, back first, in hopes that the fall would get him off of her. Fortunately, it did get him off as Soldier slipped off of her, clutching his back in pain. Neo got up and picked up a sword from a fallen Fang grunt in hopes of finishing him off. When suddenly...

*SHINK*

A huge needle was stuck into his eye! Neo was shocked, but sort of relieved, thinking that he was dead. After all, no one can survive that right? WRONG. To her utter horror Soldier laughed and pulled the needle out of eye, all his wounds seemed to have disappeared too! At this point Neo was scared of this man with ludicrous stamina and durability. She teleported back to Roman as Soldier was giving the Medic a thanks, and left the scene. The other mercs had finished up the last of the Fang in the room including some of the more veteran ones, and ran outside to pursue the girl. Demo, wanting to give an F you to the Fang shot some grenades at some dust crates labled EXPLOSIVE. The explosion shook the City of Vale, but most of the complex was still standing. Upon exiting the building, they ran into even more White Fang who came out from the surrounding area to face the men attacking their main base. Just business as usual…

The fighting ended in about three minutes, and police sirens can be heard in the distance. The mercs were meeting at the entrance of the building they were in before, and took in the urban environment they found themselves in.

"Hell, that was easy." Engie said. "Now where the hell are we?"

"I have no clue mate." The Sniper responded "But wherever we are it sure ain't on Earth anymore."

"Why ya say that?" Scout asked.

"Look up."

Everyone looked up, and all their jaws dropped. The moon was shattered.

"Guess that explains how that girl could take all Soldier's hits." Engie said.

No one responded, and they could only look at the moon in disbelief. A little while later, they got themselves sorted out and settled on staying at this place they just destroyed. The police had just arrived, but they were making no move to come and confront the mercs. In an unfamiliar world with strange people, the mercs stared out the various openings of the ruined building, observing the city around them.