Fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly.

Jimmy and I hadn't spoken for days. Four days to be precise. Jimmy had shown his real colours and I guess I had shown mine. I guess bein apart of a circus act who are shunned by society, you don't really have any morals left. So maybe he was used to gettin it and givin it whenever he damn well pleased. Probably went and got it off Dot as soon as I left. And Dot would have been more than happy to fill his tank. I hate thinkin like this. Jimmy seemed so perfect, I knew he'd be exciting and I wasn't ready to let go of him yet. As much as I had admittin it, Jimmy Darling was the best part of my short life.

I picked at my breakfast that had been so perfectly made on a shiny china plate, I looked up and caught Ruth staring at me from across the table. A worrisome expression across her porcelain doll face. I sighed and got up from the table roughly. My mother stopped eating and looked up at me.

"Bonnie, you haven't touched your meal. Sit back down please" She told me bluntly.
"I'm not hungry, I think I'm gonna go take a walk. Go see all the halloween decorations"
"I'll come with you" Ruth announced, getting up. I rolled my eyes and walked towards the front door.
"Girls, put something warm on, it's freezing out"

Ruth and I were walking in silence, I was pretending to look at all the costumes, But really I was wallowing in self pity. Why hasn't Jimmy been around? Was Dot taking up all his time now that I was out of the picture. I bet she'd lie next to him whenever and wherever he asked her to. And he would, ask her.

"Bonnie?" I snapped out of my thoughts and turned my head to look at ruth. I didn't say anythin, just waited for her to continue.
"Are you gonna tell me whats troublin you? I hate seein you like this"
"Like what?" I mumbled, stopping in my tracks.
"Heartbroken, I can tell. Hell, I haven't seen ya like this since Bobby Foreman told everybody you smelled like socks in the second grade" She mused. I felt a little smile crack on my face. Kids are mean.
"I can't tell you Ruth, it's messy"
"You can tell me anything, you know that" She said, nudging her elbow against mine. I drew in a deep breath, turned my whole body in her direction and stuck out my pinky finger.
"You have to swear you won't breathe a word of this to anybody, not to mama, not to your little tea party friends, nobody!" She stuck out her pinky finger and linked it with mine.
"I swear it, now tell me!" She exclaimed grinning.
"I met a man" I whispered. Her eyes lighting up with excitement. "At the freakshow" Her grin dropped and her eyes widened in shock.
"Like, he was another customer?"
"No, he was an act"
"Bonnie! Has mother really caused your self esteem to go so low, you gotta find a man who aint right?!" I rolled my eyes and scoffed, stepping away from her.
"I'll have you know Jimmy is a perfectly handsome man who has a voice like caramel and makes me trip over my tongue more than any boy in this town, more than little Bobby Foreman, I can tell you that right now" A smile started building on her face, and she stepped one step closer to me.
"Well what are we waitin for, let's go find this Jimmy boy" She laughed, grabbing my hand and pulling me back home.
"No Ruth, I didn't even tell you the whole story!" I protested, ripping my arm from her tight grasp. She turned around and rolled her eyes.
"Honey, whatever this man did wrong, You'll have face him one way or another. You said so yourself, He has you more hooked than a fish on a fishing rod, more than any greasy boy in town" She ranted getting the keys from her purse and unlocking the car. She rested her arms on the top of our car and looked at me.
"Are you gonna get in or be a chicken?" She teased. I closed my eyes, let out a deep breath and shook my head.
"Why do I let you talk me into these things"

Ruth pulled up on the same dirt road we drove on so many nights ago. I felt my palms start to dampen, and my breathing quicken.
"I can't do this Ruth"
"Sure ya can" She giggled getting out of the car. "And look, somebody's comin" She said pointing towards the tent. I looked up, and sure enough. It was Jimmy Darling.

"Hey ladies, Our show isn't playing right now" He said, shooting a smile. Ruth gave me a knowing look and then turned back towards Jimmy.
"I'm not here for the show, I'm here to meet one of your acts"
"Well who are you lookin for, I can help ya find them" Ruth smiled and turned towards the car, smirking right at me.
"What did you say his name was again Bonnie, Jimmy right?" I looked up at Jimmy wide eyed. Now I was real nervous.
"Bonnie?" He called out, walking towards the car, He leaned over and stared through my passenger side window. No smile. No glare. Nothin.
"Hey Jimmy" I whispered. He opened the car door and grabbed my arm to pull me out roughly.
"Where the hell you been, I haven't seen ya in days and you show up with that?" He yelled.
"Hang on there Mister, my dear sister here has been moping around our house for days, so whatever reason for her not bein here, that rests on you" She snapped, still smiling.
"Ruth" I warned, feeling heat rush to my cheeks. Jimmy stared down at me with guilt etching over his handsome features.
"I'm guessin you two have quite a bit to talk about, I'll leave you two lovers to discuss that" Ruth winked and slid back into her car. "And Jimmy, I trust you'll take her home?"
"Sure will"

Ruth drove off and the awkwardness hung in the air between Jimmy and I. Neither of us spoke a word. I kept biting my bottom lift and Jimmy was kicking pebbles.
"I guess this was a mistake, me comin back here" I whispered, breaking the silence. I gave Jimmy one last hopeful glance and turned away.
"Bon, don't go" He said, wrapping his hand around my arm. I glanced back at him.
"Why not, you obviously don't wanna see me? I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted, I'm sure you found somebody else to fill your needs anyho-" Jimmy cut me off with a searing kiss. I was so shocked I lost my footing and started falling backwards. Jimmy tried grabbing my hand to pull me towards him but pulled too hard and caused me to fall the other way, sending us both flying backwards. I landed right on top of him. We both landed with a groan on the rocky path.
I pushed on the ground to lift myself off Jimmy's chest and stared down at him.
"Do you always kiss girls unexpectedly like that" I huffed, dusting off my dress. He laughed and shook his head.
"Only the pretty ones who won't shut up"