Hello everyone! First off, let me say that I do not own the rights to Vampire Academy, that honor was earned by Richelle Mead. This is my second VA fanfic; check out Princess of the Dhampirs if you haven't already (it's still in progress!). I'm planning on this particular story being complete in three parts, but I will let you know if that changes. Please be patient with me, as I'm writing two stories at the same time, and I will be starting my first semester of college within two weeks. I hope you enjoy :)

I don't know how we ended up here.

Everything was moving two times faster than it should have been but my mind was seeing it all in slow motion. Sonya thrust her body up to buck Robert off of her, but he continued to flail at her with the stake poised in his hand. She couldn't do too much damage under her restraints, so I stood off to the side with my own stake at the ready just in case. Rose was keeping an eye on Victor so that he wouldn't try to cause any trouble; we could just never know with him. Sydney was taking up a corner of the room, as rigid as a statue.

There was a faint glow of sunlight spilling in from the kitchen one room over, due to the gaping hole we created in the sliding door. I could tell from my long shadow casted on the hardwood floor that we were nearing sundown. If Robert could stake Sonya soon, we could head out and find shelter somewhere else. The task seemed simple enough, and there was no need for me to intervene with Sonya chained up, but my lack of action was disconcerting in the presence of a Strigoi.

With Sonya screaming at the top of her lungs, it's a wonder Rose could tell that we weren't alone. Then I remembered Rose once telling me about her early warning system, the nausea that hits her when the undead are near. It must have intensified, or somehow told her that there was more than one Strigoi nearby, because Rose turned to the staircase rapidly, looking up into the darkness. She crouched defensively, "There's someone coming down the st- umph!" A tall, lean figure knocked into her, cutting off her words.

The male attacker had just enough surprise on his side that Rose couldn't properly defend herself. I abandoned my post near Sonya to deal with the more immediate threat. The attacker was on top of Rose, pinning her down with his weight. Her stake went flying when she fell, clattering to the ground across the room. Rose's size was always her greatest disadvantage in a fight, especially against a male attacker. All I could see of him was short blonde hair. Rose had her hands on his face, trying to push him away as he attempted to bite into her neck.

It didn't take a genius to realize he was a Strigoi, even without seeing his eyes. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him up. Or, at least I tried to. His hands were gripping Rose's arms, so when I pulled on him he pulled her too. He was sitting up and Rose was almost in his lap. She didn't waste a second, taking advantage of the new position she was in. She punched the Strigoi in the throat and he released his grip on her. She leapt out of his lap, and I moved in. Since Rose didn't have her weapon, I would finish the job.

"Sydney, go outside!" Rose screamed. Less than two seconds later I saw a blonde figure bolt into the kitchen.

The Strigoi was standing fully now, facing me with his teeth bared; I almost stopped breathing right then and there. Even after everything that's happened to me, though nothing should shock me anymore, even after I tried pounding it into Rose's head that she could never hesitate, I still did just that.

I was looking at Ivan Zeklos. Ivan was alive. No, not alive. Ivan was a Strigoi.

I could never forget those pale blue eyes, the face I was jealous of growing up. He still had a scar on his jaw on the left side of his face from when we tried to learn how to drive motorcycles together. Girls loved that scar; he never went home alone when he dragged me to clubs with him. He still had a five o'clock shadow on his face from the last time I saw him. The only difference was now he had red rings around his pupils.

He paused too, the surprise of seeing a familiar face coming over him. But, just like me, he didn't let the surprise slow him down too much. He lunged forward with his fist going for my face. I dodged it easily, but couldn't even process throwing a punch back. I was the one who taught him how to punch, so long ago. He kept coming at me, and I kept dodging him, not trying to attack him at all. "It's so good to see you again, Dimka. I heard you'd been awakened, what happened?" He sneered at me. His voice was so damn familiar, yet morphed by his cruel intent.

I wanted to believe Ivan was in there. All I could see in front of me was my best friend, yet deep down I knew Ivan was gone. I would have to kill him, it was my duty as a guardian. I tried to shut down my emotions and operate only in assailant mode, but my mind was determined to let me know who I was fighting. Ivan saw the uncertainty in my eyes and laughed; he knew I wouldn't hurt him. His response enraged me, but it didn't change the fact that I refused to go on the offense with him.

I didn't waste my breath on responding to his question, I just focused on deflecting him. I didn't think I could stake him, Rose would have to do it for me.

As if thinking of her summoned her, she was suddenly by my side, dodging Ivan's throws at both of us. "What the hell happened!" She yelled at me. She had her stake now, and moved in on Ivan, changing the game and going on the offensive. I rushed in to help her; I couldn't let her fall just because it was Ivan in front of me.

Beautifully, gracefully, she used moves I had taught her on fighting an opponent taller than her. It didn't look like she needed my help, but when she landed a kick on Ivan's shin, I grabbed his shoulders anyway and helped her bring him to the ground. She jumped on top of him, straddling his lap and raised her stake. I didn't know why I was doing this, why I would risk it, but seeing her about to end him made me snap.

I couldn't let her stake him. I shoved her side, the same way she shoved Eddie off me at the hotel in Las Vegas, making her topple onto the ground beside Ivan. Ivan was standing in an instant, almost as tall as me. Rose got up before Ivan could do anything, and we were back to dodging his throws again.

"What the fuck was that!" she yelled as she tried getting back to the offensive. We would both get tired soon, but Ivan could keep coming at us. "I had him!" Rose was verbally attacking me at the same time she was defending her life against a Strigoi. She never ceased to amaze me.

Ivan must have learned some moves after he'd been turned because he was able to deflect Rose fairly well, but most of it was just his height and speed against her. He wasn't hurting her, so I saw no need to intervene for now. Stupidly, I found myself staring at their fight. My lost best friend and my ex lover, neither of them knew who the other was.

"Help me!" she grunted as she swiped her stake across his chest, ripping the fabric and leaving a line of red slowly oozing down his shirt. He roared at her and reached for her ponytail. He pulled on the hair, making her yell out. Now her neck was exposed, it would only take Ivan a second to get his teeth into her. "NO!" I screamed as I lunged for Ivan, making him lose his grip on Rose. I was able to get Ivan from behind, my stake poised at his throat and my arms locking around his shoulders, coming up from under his armpits. Rose didn't miss a beat, her stake aimed for his exposed chest.

I panicked and twisted Ivan in my grip to get his heart out of her stake's view. "No, Rose! It's Ivan," I cried out, panting as I struggled to keep him still. "It's Ivan…" I repeated. Rose paused, confusion and comprehension overcoming her features at the same time. She glanced back at him, looking at the best friend she had only ever heard about, the man we both thought was dead. The pause was enough for Ivan to make a move, he broke free and reached for Rose, only she wasn't there anymore.

We all went flying to the wall as a white light filled the room and blinded us. I could feel a murmur of magic, a fraction of what I had felt when Lissa transformed me. Though this time I wasn't in pain, and I could concentrate on the feeling of the magic coursing through the air. It was brilliant, full of life and energy, two of the things I thought I would never embody again. Here was the proof I needed; I could feel exactly what Rose and Lissa had been trying to tell me all along. I was truly alive again, just as Sonya would be once the magic took over. I could almost sense a part of my soul falling back into place.

I heard her cries as soon as the white light vanished. Ivan looked at Sonya, more perplexed than concerned. Rose had landed beside me, and she turned to face me, a determined glint in her eyes. "Stun him." Her voice left no room for doubt.

I leaned over toward Ivan, who was still staring at the scene in confused wonder. Before he could react I jammed my stake in the right side of his chest and he went still. I was nowhere near his heart, but this would buy us enough time for whatever Rose had planned. She stood up and stalked over to Robert, who was staring off into space with his eyes glazed over. I watched as Rose grabbed Robert's arm and drag him over to where I sat with the frozen Strigoi. Rose dropped Robert on the floor next to Ivan, then she dropped the spirit-infused stake. "Transform him too," she ordered, pointing to Ivan.

I could have kissed Rose then, for thinking of the obvious solution that somehow escaped me. Robert glared at Rose, he could hardly sit upright. "I'm not strong enough. That took enough out of me," he gave a pointed look to Sonya, still chained up and crying. Rose rolled her eyes, "Jesus Christ. Here," she crouched down next to Robert and tilted her head so that her neck was exposed. Robert stared at her, dumbfounded. Rose, always impatient, groaned. "C'mon, drink my blood. You need the strength? Here it is." She shifted closer to Robert, bringing her neck almost to his mouth.

As preposterous as the idea seemed, Rose didn't need to think twice about giving her blood in a time of need. As far as I knew, she had only willingly given her blood to Lissa and Adrian; offering it to Robert must have been uncomfortable for her, but she was determined.

Robert hesitated, but ultimately couldn't resist the offer of her blood. He sank his teeth into her neck, making her moan. The scene before me felt familiar in more than one way. A shiver ran through me as my memory attacked me with the taste of Rose's blood and the shape of her body as I would let my hands roam, making her moan loudly and sensually, all of it exciting and against her conscious will. I remember the pleasure of drinking her blood, but the thought of doing it now only repulsed me. I felt a surge of jealousy and disgust as I watched someone else drinking from her. "How charming," Victor commented sarcastically. After several long moments torturing myself to the view of Rose being used as a blood bag, I gripped Robert's shoulder and pushed him back, "That's enough," I growled.

Victor chuckled, "Still so protective of your precious Rose, I see." I pointedly ignored him. Rose squinted her eyes shut as if in pain, hopefully she was too high to process what Victor had just said. "Okay," she whispered. "Do it, Robert. Now." Rose crawled slowly over to where Sydney was and sat with her to watch from a safe distance. Robert was able to sit up now, and leaned over the unconscious Strigoi. My heart pounded with excitement as I watched Robert angle for the blow. I gripped my own stake and nodded at Robert. I pulled my stake out at the same time he plunged his into Ivan's chest.

Another blast of white light ensued, knocking me to the group. I felt the same encouraging magic fill the air, making the message truly stick. This is your second chance, Dimitri, don't mess it up more than you already have. When it disappeared, there wasn't any crying. Sonya had stopped, and Ivan wasn't crying at all. I moved over to him, afraid that the stake had killed him, like a normal stake would. It hadn't, thankfully. Ivan lay on the floor, his clear blue eyes blinking rapidly, taking in the scene before him. "Is he okay?" Rose asked skeptically. I reached out a hand and rested it on his shoulder. His whole body twitched from the touch, and I jerked my hand away for fear that I hurt him. He looked at me, still stunned, studying my face with wide eyes. Then he scoffed in amazement, "Dimka?"

I couldn't help the grin that broke out on my face, "Ivan! You're alive!"

That was when the crying began.

I pulled him into a bear hug, both to comfort him and because I missed him. For three years I carried his loss with me, every single day. I never thought I would see him again, yet here he was, crying the same way I did when I had been transformed. Ivan wrapped his arms around me, gripping my shirt and crying into my shoulder. "Dimka, what have I done?" he asked helplessly, speaking in Russian . "I know," I replied in my common language, "It's going to be okay. Trust me."

I held him for a long time, ignoring the prying eyes around us. When Lissa had transformed me, I thought I had lost everything. I was constantly engulfed in cruel thoughts about myself. I was a monster, Hans would never redeem my guardian status, and I knew I couldn't allow myself to get close to Rose. She deserved better than what I had been to her. I lost Ivan, and I couldn't make another friend like him. Yet, somehow, I got him back. Maybe things would work out after all for me. I could prove my worth and regain my humanity by helping Ivan.

I released him from the hug and sat next to him, patting his back as he cried. The rest of the room started to come to life after that; Rose quietly ushered everyone out of the living room, helping Sonya up the stairs. Ivan calmed down slightly after we were left alone. He studied his hands as if he'd never seen them before. "Wh-what just happened to me?" he asked tentatively once his sobs died down into the occasional hiccup.

"Uhm," I blinked, trying to decide how best to explain it. He had missed everything that had happened to me in the past two and a half years, and so much had changed in that short amount of time. I didn't quite know how to explain Spirit magic to someone totally out of the loop, but I could try. "Robert, one of the Moroi here, used healing magic to transform you and Sonya. You're both Moroi again."

Ivan gave me a panicked look, "So I… I really was a… I really killed people?" He looked back down at his hands, as if he couldn't believe what he had done with them.

I nodded somberly, seeing the faces of my own victims in my head. "Yes. You really were a Strigoi." Ivan had almost two years on me in terms of killing innocents, I could only imagine his guilt right now. "You weren't yourself," I added as an afterthought. He shook his head, "It was all me, Dimka. I killed countless people. I enjoyed it." Tears threatened to break through as he silently started to sob again. I pursed my lips, "I know." He gave me a strange look, a realization coming over him. "You were… you were a Strigoi too. I had heard you were awakened. When did you, uhm, become a dhampir again? You, uh, seem to be doing okay?" His tone implied it was a question; Ivan was one of the few people who knew my attitude on the outside rarely reflected my inner turmoil.

I scoffed at him, "I'm hardly okay. I was transformed just under a month ago, but I still… well it's just hard." Ivan nodded, "It's my fault they're dead. I should have died the day I was attacked. Instead I killed hundreds."

Hearing the exact words I had been thinking for the last month coming out of Ivan's mouth made me realize how ridiculous it all was, and how I had been torturing myself. "No, Ivan. You didn't ask to be a Strigoi. You were forced into that, and you had no control over what you did in that form. That Strigoi is a completely different person than you are. You just have to live with the memories. But it wasn't you!"

Ivan groaned, "Look who's talking! How do you feel with all that blood on your hands?" I flinched at his harsh tone; Ivan was always one of the only people who could give it to me straight. I covered my face in my hands, "I know," I mumbled, "I know, I'm the last person to be talking about redemption or forgiveness… But we've been given a second chance, a chance to protect the ones we love. You have to believe in this second chance, Ivan."

There was a commotion upstairs, distracting us both from the topic at hand. Sydney came down the stairs, staying on the last step and regarding Ivan uncertainly. "Rose wanted me to check on you two, and give you an update. She's with Sonya right now, and the brothers are both asleep in the guest bedroom."

"Rose is the dhampir with you?" Ivan asked in English. Both Sydney and I nodded, "Thank you Sydney. How's Rose after the bite?"

Ivan gasped, "I bit her?" Ivan of course didn't remember biting her, but he showed guilt for it anyway. I hesitated in answering, "Uh no. She let Robert, the Moroi who transformed you, feed off her so he had enough energy to use his magic." Anyone who didn't already know Rose would have been shocked that she would offer her blood like that, and Ivan's reaction just proved my point. "Why would she do that for me?"

Sydney coughed, "Rose is fine, by the way" she interjected, "I'm going back upstairs to be with her." Sydney trompled up the stairs, letting her frustration be known. I sighed, giving my attention back to Ivan, "Rose didn't want to stake you, neither did I. We had a… healer with us so she made sure you were transformed instead. That's just the kind of person Rose is." I didn't mention that I also thought Rose did it just because she knew how much Ivan meant to me, and she still cared about me.

"Woah," Ivan said. "I guess I owe her for that," he muttered, switching back to Russian. I chuckled, "She'll just say you can pay her back by forgiving yourself." Ivan regarded me with an amused expression, "Is that what she told you? So she helped transform you too?" I knew that telling him about Rose's involvement in my transformation would mean that I have to tell him everything about our past relationship, so I kept it at a vague "Something like that."

Ivan seemed to be in a slightly less gloomy mood after that. The room was still clouded in grief and pain, but Ivan looked a lot more happy to be alive than I had when I transformed. We sat leaned up against the wall, sharing our experiences as a Strigoi. I even told him about the victim that haunted me the most; a little girl no older than five years old. She was at a park near dusk. I killed her mother too. Ivan understood it all, and shared his own stories. I didn't even realize it when tears started streaming down my face as I recounted the faces that kept me up at night.

It was a relief to tell another living person about my time as a Strigoi. Ivan didn't judge me, or cower in fear. I was able to express how energetic and ravenous a person's blood made me, but he also understood how all of those feelings no longer existed. I felt the shadow of my Strigoi thirst, companioned by my repulsion of that life.

I'm not sure how much time passed between us, it must have been hours, and by the time Rose came downstairs to ask about dinner the sun had already gone down. We agreed to pizza, since it was the easiest option at the time. The whole time Ivan didn't take his eyes off her, but she only spared him a few glances. I handed Rose the burner phone to order for us and she walked over to the kitchen as she dialed, holding a pamphlet for the pizzeria in her other hand. Once she was out of earshot Ivan gave me a mirthful look, "So when did you two meet?" he asked suggestively. It was already obvious from one look at him that he lusted for her.

I couldn't tell him the whole story about her when she was standing just one room away, so I just shook my head. "It's not like that. And she has a boyfriend," I added extra emphasis on the last part; not sure if that was for his benefit or my own. I didn't want Ivan to pursue Rose for many reasons; she has a boyfriend, we're on a mission and she can't be distracted, it would be awkward for me to see them together, Ivan wouldn't treat Rose with the respect she deserved, and finally, I would be extremely jealous.

"Lots of the girls I've dated have boyfriends," Ivan chuckled. He always had a way with the ladies. His reputation almost matched Adrian's at times. I let out an angry puff of air, "Just drop it, Ivan. Rose isn't interested." I could feel the jealous tendencies already. Fuck's Sake, I thought, you're turning into a possessive ex. In all honesty, I was always somewhat possessive of Roza. I always mentally criticized the men that walked into her life, and none of them were ever good enough in my eyes. Before I was turned, I wanted to spend my life proving that I was the man she deserved, but now I just hoped she found happiness with someone who hadn't hurt her like I did. And I knew with 100% certainty that I did not want a lovable playboy like Ivan to even touch Rose.

I may have lost my love for Rose, but the memories of us together gripped me tight, and I knew I would always protect her, always risk my life for her.

Ivan smirked at me, "Wipe that look off your face, Dimka. You want to replace that boyfriend of hers?" I narrowed my eyes at him, but let the rest of my face fall into my blank guardian demeanor. "Of course not," I said in a tone of finality, hoping he would drop the subject.

The Dashkov brothers, Sydney, Sonya and Rose joined us in the living room. We all ate pizza sitting in a circle on the floor. Sydney sat close to Rose, as did Sonya on her other side. The dinner was silent for the most part; not one person tried to make a joke to lighten the mood. I kept my eyes on the recently ex-Strigoi, gaging their moods. Sonya seemed to be taking her transformation fairly well, and kept a pensive but almost serene look on her face as she ate.

Ivan was also pensive, but he also seemed distracted by the brown haired beauty sitting across from him. Rose always had a way of grabbing the attention in the room, for good and bad reasons alike. Ivan wasn't the only one watching her. Victor studied her with the same keen eyes that plotted Lissa's kidnapping. My annoyance with Ivan was hardly enough to distract me from Victor's prying eyes. Rose, thankfully, wasn't bothered by all the looks she was getting. She tried several times to coax Sonya into a conversation, which resulted in a lot of one word answers and non-committed shrugs.

The relative silence was broken by Ivan, he cleared his throat to grab everyone's attention. "I don't believe we have all been introduced. I," he stated grandly, holding a hand to his heart, "am Ivan Zeklos. I know Dimka here, and Sonya. But I don't know the rest of you. Let's start with the alchemist in the room. What is your name?" he asked pointing to Sydney. Sydney shrunk into herself slightly, "I'm Sydney." Ivan nodded encouragingly but Sydney didn't say anything else.

"Okay…" he drawled. "And you're Rose, correct?" she nodded, "And how did you end up with this big lug?" Ivan jabbed a thumb in my direction. Rose coughed to stifle a laugh at Ivan's comment, "Dimitri?" the humor in her voice was quickly replaced by a hopelessness, "He, uh, used to be…" she gave me an awkward glance before directing her eyes to the ground, "my mentor. He helped me train to become a guardian," she said softly. There was a lump in my throat which I tried to swallow but dammit the woman still got a reaction out of me, even after just a few words.

Ivan lifted an eyebrow at Rose's strange tone. Before Ivan could ask another question, Victor inserted himself into the conversation. "A mentor, huh?" he asked, feigning ignorance, "is that what that call it these days?" He chuckled at his own joke. I locked my jaw, preventing myself from giving in to Victor's games. If I defended myself, I would only make myself seem more guilty of a relationship I'm not involved in anymore. Rose didn't look up from the ground for the rest of dinner.

After Sonya declared she was full and wanted to get sleep, Rose was quick to follow her up to the bedroom, and Sydney followed Rose. I heard a door close from upstairs, and suspected the three women would be barricading themselves from the men here all night. Victor and his brother went back to the guest bedroom, leaving Ivan and myself in the living room. I didn't mind, the sliding door in the kitchen was still shattered thanks to our grand entrance, so I would have to stay awake and alert while Rose got rest.

Ivan sprawled himself on the couch, leaving me to curl up on the recliner Sonya had been chained to earlier. A small movement in the corner of my eye caught my attention, and I looked over to see Ivan wagging his feet at me, laying back on the couch with his arms behind his head. "So how've you been, Dimka? I mean, I've been a Strigoi this whole time, but you have almost two and a half years to tell me about!"

I grinned involuntarily. I wanted to be happy for Ivan's seemingly quick recovery, but his jovial attitude unsettled me. Still, I wasn't going to miss out on a conversation with him. "After you… died, I spent two months back home with my mamma and sisters. I probably would have stayed there longer, but Babushka said I had to do something useful with my life," I chuckled at the memory of my grandmother calling me lazy and demanding I get over my 'crush' on Ivan. "After that I applied with the Court for a new charge. They didn't get back to me right away, but then Alberta Petrov contacted me and offered to make me Princess Vasilisa Dragomir's charge."

Ivan sat up in shock, "No way! I heard about her running away… the last of the Dragomirs out in the wild… the Strigoi were going crazy looking for her. You're her guardian now?" the question made me flinch; his ignorance of the past year's events made me realize how crazy and ridiculous it all was. When had things gotten so out of control? "No, I'm not her guardian at the moment. It's really complicated. You need to let me explain in chronological order, or it won't make sense." Ivan stayed silent, so I took that as a sign to continue with my story.

I went into all the details I could remember that seemed important. I told him how I led a team to track down the princess and her unruly friend, and our capture of them in Portland. I told him how I vouched for Rose before she could get expelled from the academy, and I became her mentor. I explained Spirit, even going as far to tell him about Sonya and how she chose to become a Strigoi because of the madness. I didn't tell him about the bond between Lissa and Rose, though. Ivan nodded along, listening intently as I recounted Victor's kidnapping of Lissa, and how five students were kidnapped by Strigoi last New Year's, but there were only four alive when we found them.

I did my best to tell him everything without going into detail about Rose or my feelings for her. As it was, even taking a walk down memory lane forced me to think of how much Rose had always meant to me. I recalled perfectly my dread and panic when Rose was announced missing, and my secondhand grief when I found her huddled over her dead friend.

I told Ivan vaugly about Rose's struggles at the academy after that, completely leaving out the night we shared in the cabin. Images I tried to forget which were forever plastered in my mind of Rose, naked beneath me, offering me her body and all the love she had to give. I had gladly taken her offer then, and thinking about it now only made me more upset when I remembered my refusal to speak to her in my jail cell. The way I turned her away in the church…

I was silent for a while, my head caught up in the twist of events that made me lose the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. My fist was clenched, my knuckles white when I cleared my throat. "Then the academy was attacked. I'm sure you've heard about it," the attack at St Vladimirs was hot news in the Strigoi world. "We staged a rescue mission the next day after receiving intel that Strigoi were holding captives in the caves nearby. It was in the cave that… that I faltered. A Strigoi named Nathan got me by surprise and that was the end for me. Of course, until I was transformed." I finished my story with my teeth clenched; Ivan probably assumed I was upset about being turned, but I was still thinking about Rose.

Ivan shook his head in quiet amazement, "Sounds like a pretty exciting couple of years. But no special friends? No one to share a bed with?" Ivan rose his eyebrows in true concern for my sex life, or lack thereof. My shoulders sagged, "Uh, yeah, actually." I spared a to the staircase. He practically bounced in his seat in anticipation. "Tell me!" he begged.

I shook my head, "That's an even longer story, and not one for tonight."

Ivan appeared put out by my coolness on the topic and layed back down, but didn't press it anymore. I leaned back in the chair and stretched out my aching muscles. "Dimka?" Ivan asked. I was skeptical of what question he might ask, but after a couple seconds I finally offered a reluctant, "Yeah?"

"I'm really glad we're both alive. Good night, brother."

"Good night, brother," I half whispered, a small smile pulling at the corners of my mouth.

After a couple minutes I could hear Ivan softly snoring. Usually, I welcomed lonely guard shifts where I could be alone with my thoughts, but I knew tonight would be difficult. There was so much to think about now. I still couldn't even wrap my head around having my best friend back in my life. But now all of his innocent questioning has led me down a path I try to stay away from… Roza.

I couldn't prevent the thoughts from coming now, it was like a dam had been broken, and now my mind was flooding. Mostly I thought about the day in church, when my words had made her run away from me on the verge of tears. I wanted to protect her from myself, by keeping her at a safe distance. She deserved better than me even before I was awakened. Even after I kidnapped her and played with her like a cat with a mouse, she stayed true, when she should have tossed me out like year old cheese. I never thought I would approve of someone like Adrian Ivaskov for Rose, but my initial thought in the jail cell was that at least he wasn't a monster like me. Now, looking at Ivan, I knew that I could never think of him as a monster, and my comforting words to him were perfectly logical. So why couldn't I say the same for myself?

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration, mostly at myself. I lost my Roza. I had to let her go, the same way she needed to give up on me.

It wasn't long before my thoughts manifested and the real Rose came downstairs and stood before me. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes with the heel of her palm and used her other hand to toss me a blanket. "Time for my shift," she mumbled softly and settled into the other recliner in the room. I kicked off my boots and pulled the blanket around me, it was still warm from when Rose had been curled up in it. Seeing Rose wear exhaustion like a designer brand made me feel empathetic and grateful for her strength. I knew all of this must be hard on her, but she wasn't complaining.

"Rose?" I asked tentatively. She stopped pulling at a loose thread on her shirt and looked up, "Yeah?" I gave her a grateful smile, "Thank you, for bringing Ivan back to me." Her face contorted with angry bafflement, but she quickly controlled her features into the famous guardian mask. "I didn't do anything, Dimitri." She looked like she wanted to say more, but she sent her gaze to the window still covered in a blackout curtain.

Her reaction confused me, but I didn't want to make her even more upset, so I dropped it. I pulled the blanket tighter around me and closed my eyes, hoping that I didn't have dreams when I fell asleep.

Please let me know what you think! REVIEW MY LOVES REVIEW