Chapter 1

"Well, we have the whole afternoon off," Maura said brightly. "Is there anything you want to do?"

"The Sox are playing this afternoon," Jane said immediately. "Can we go home and watch the first few innings?"

Maura smiled. "Of course we can."

They were leaving work early that day because Maura was getting another embryo transfer done that afternoon, their third since starting the IVF process a few months earlier. They still had a couple hours to kill, and Jane would have been happy to work right up until the time of the appointment so she could keep her mind off the procedure, but Maura thought it made more sense to just take the entire afternoon off. At least she was letting Jane choose what to do with their extra time.

After they got home, Maura snuggled up to Jane on the couch while their wedding venue lit up the plasma television. Jane tried to push her nervousness about the embryo transfer aside and just enjoy the short time she had to rest. This is just about as good as it gets, she thought as the game started and she put her arms around her wife. She was just watching the first batter from Minnesota strike out when Maura began softly kissing her face and neck. Another batter stepped up, and Maura's hands began creeping up Jane's shirt.

"Okay, I get it," Jane laughed. "You want me to pay attention to you instead of the game."

"No I don't," Maura promised. "Just keep watching." She pulled Jane's shirt off over her head and swiftly unhooked her bra, sliding it off.

Batter number two got his first strike. "It's a little distracting," Jane said as Maura's fingers danced over her breasts, tracing a spiral that ended at her nipples.

The batter got his second strike. "Just relax and watch the game," Maura murmured. She pressed a series of reverent kisses to each breast.

The batter struck out. Two outs. Maura took Jane's right nipple in her mouth and began alternately sucking it, swirling it with her tongue, and ever so lightly rolling it between her teeth. The third batter struck out, and the teams switched sides. Maura switched nipples. Jane cried out involuntarily as Maura sucked hard on her more sensitive left nipple. Actually, this might be pretty close to Heaven, she thought, watching the Sox get their first hit of the game while Maura went to town on her boobs. The Sox had just scored their first run when Maura unfastened Jane's pants and pulled them off, Jane lifting her hips to make it easier for her. Jane readily spread her legs for her wife, who knelt on the floor between them and began lightly kissing the inside of Jane's thigh. Jane sank a bit lower on the couch, sliding her hips towards Maura, watching the teams switch sides again.

The next Minnesota batter got a hit, but was tagged out on his way to second base. Maura pressed her lips to Jane's pussy, kissing several different spots. She moved slowly, savoring it, her hands resting on Jane's thighs. Her tongue came out and moved around Jane's cunt in a figure eight.

"Fuck," Jane gasped as Maura's tongue finally made contact with her clit. Maura licked. She swirled. She sucked. She tapped rhythms with her tongue. Jane moaned. Okay, this is Heaven, she thought, threading her fingers into Maura's soft hair. The game went into the third inning, the score still 1-0 in favor of the Sox. The Twins were batting again. Maura brought Jane close to the edge and then withdrew temporarily. She entered Jane with her tongue and Jane watched the Twins get their first run, tying the score as that soft tongue flicked in and out, in and out. Then she lost all track of the game when Maura moved back to her clit, quickly bringing her to orgasm.

"Damn, woman," Jane breathed as she lay diagonally across the couch, panting, no longer caring who was at bat. "I think I might be pregnant after that."

Maura smiled and began removing her clothing. Jane was vaguely aware that the Sox were batting again, but it was hard to care about that when Naked Maura was appearing before her eyes.

"It shouldn't take long," Maura said apologetically, apparently still thinking Jane was interested in the game. "I'm already close."

Jane put her hands on Maura's hips and pulled her onto her lap. She could feel the wetness of Maura's pussy against her thigh as Maura settled herself into position, straddling Jane.

"Am I blocking your view?" Maura asked worriedly.

"Honey, this is the only view I need to see right now," Jane promised, dipping her head down to her wife's beautiful breasts. She ran her tongue all over them before working each nipple with tongue, lips and teeth, but Maura cut her short.

"Jane," she panted, her voice urgent. "I need you inside of me." She reached for Jane's left hand and pulled it towards her heat. "Pretend this is how you're getting me pregnant."

"You want me to pretend to do something scientifically impossible?"

Maura nodded, rubbing her wetness against Jane's fingers. Jane went in.

Maura was unusually quiet while Jane was fucking her, apparently trying to let Jane at least hear the commentary on the game. Jane gathered that the Sox had scored a second run, but she didn't care right now. She was already home. Within minutes, Maura was closing up around Jane's fingers, throwing her head back and crying out Jane's name. Jane loved to hear her name like that.

"Do you think we made a baby?" Jane asked afterwards, pulling her pants back on in preparation for their appointment.

"I hope so." Maura fastened her bra.

Jane gave Maura a kiss. "I have to admit, I'll miss the spontaneous couch sex when we're parents."

Maura smiled. "That's why we have to enjoy it while we still can."

XXX

Maura sat on the examining table, wearing the gown they'd given her, calmly reading an article on her phone. Jane paced around next to the table, checking the clock. Two months ago she had been the one in the gown, getting her eggs harvested after several days of letting Maura inject her with a follicle-stimulating hormone. Since then, the staff at the fertility clinic had fertilized the eggs with donor sperm and watched to see if they would grow. Out of ten eggs, only four had grown into viable embryos (or zygotes, or whatever the hell they were called). So far, two of these had been transferred to Maura's womb, but neither had successfully implanted. Today they were going to do the other two, both at the same time. It wasn't likely they would both survive, but it would double their chances of having one. And if they did have two? Well, that was what Grandma Rizzoli was for.

Maura had been given Valium to relax her uterus for the procedure. That was what they were waiting for now; she couldn't take it until after she'd signed the necessary consent forms, so they had to give it time to kick in. Being here, in this setting, made Jane nervous. She had multiple reasons for feeling this way. The biggest was the fear that this time would be another failure, because she wasn't sure how many times Maura would bounce back after yet another month went by without her dream of motherhood being realized. It was also hard not to feel anxious about the fact that a stranger was going to come in and insert a foreign object into her wife's vagina. And aside from all that, it was hard to keep her mind from wandering to the unpleasant memory of the first time she had accompanied Maura to a gynecological appointment.

That had been two years ago, about a week after Maura had been released from the hospital following her abduction. Maura had multiple vaginal tears, one of which was bad enough to require stitches, and they'd told her to see a gynecologist in a week to make sure everything was healing correctly. Her usual doctor was booked up, so they had to see someone she wasn't familiar with. Jane knew Maura had to be dreading this exam, so she talked and joked with her while they waited for the doctor, trying to get her mind off the situation just a little. Then the doctor came in, introducing herself as Dr. Peterson, and Maura began to tremble. Dr. Peterson's insistence that Maura explain what had happened only made matters worse. That shit has to be in the notes, Jane remembered thinking.

"Scoot down and put your feet in the stirrups," Dr. Peterson had instructed once they'd gotten the preliminaries out of the way. Maura did as she was told, her fingers tightening around Jane's hand. She was shaking harder, and Jane wondered if it would be possible to do the exam without hurting her even worse.

Dr. Peterson picked up the speculum. "Okay, I'm just going to touch you."

"No." Maura suddenly recoiled, pulling her feet back out of the stirrups and reaching for Jane. "Please don't."

"Hey. It's okay, baby." Jane wrapped her arms around Maura, holding her trembling body close. She knew Maura's instinctive need to protect herself outweighed her logic right now, and it was hard seeing her like this.

Dr. Peterson did not look pleased. "Dr. Isles, I know this is uncomfortable, but I need to make sure you're healing properly and that there's no sign of infection."

"I'm…I'm still very sore," Maura told her, trying to sound reasonable.

"She's already on antibiotics," Jane pointed out. "So it's not very likely she'd get an infection, is it?"

"I need to check to be sure, and to make sure everything's healing okay and that nothing is wrong with the stitches."

"I can't," Maura said, shaking her head. "It hurts too much."

"Can't this wait until she's in a little less pain?" Jane asked. She hated coming out here for nothing, but she couldn't stand to make Maura go through this when she was so frightened. And she didn't even like to think about how much it might hurt. Poor Maura couldn't even sit right now without a cushion. Sticking something in there was not going to feel good.

"It would be best if we could do it now." Dr. Peterson looked at Maura. "Dr. Isles, you understand why I need to examine you, right?"

Maura nodded, clearly struggling with herself. She wanted to be reasonable. She wanted to do what was medically necessary. But lately she had been reduced to this, this almost animalistic need to protect herself from pain at all costs.

Reason seemed to win, and Maura slowly scooted back down on the table, putting her feet in the stirrups. Dr. Peterson approached with the speculum again.

"No!" Maura screamed at the last second, pulling her feet from the stirrups and pressing her knees together. "I can't do it. I can't." She looked up at Jane, tears running down her face.

Dr. Peterson gave Jane an exasperated look. What the fuck did she expect her to do, hold Maura down so she could do the exam? That sure as hell wasn't happening.

"You can't make her do this if she doesn't want to," said Jane quietly, gathering Maura in her arms.

"I am aware of that, but it really is in her best interest to go ahead. If you could perhaps encourage her—"

"I want her to have the medical treatment she needs. I really do. But I have to take her emotional well-being into account as well, and this—" Jane motioned to the exam table, to the speculum in the doctor's hands— "clearly isn't good for her right now."

Dr. Peterson sighed in resignation. "I can write her a prescription for Valium. When you leave, go to the front desk and make another appointment, preferably within the next few days. About a half hour before that appointment, she should take the Valium. Hopefully it will relax her enough for her to be able to get through the exam."

Jane nodded. She didn't like the thought of drugging Maura for this, but if it was the only way to get her through it, then it was what they would have to do. "Is that what you want to do?" she asked Maura, tenderly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Maura shook her head. "I don't want to come back. I can do this." She slowly let go of Jane and got into position for the third time. Dr. Peterson cautiously approached, but Maura didn't react. In fact, her muscles were no longer tensed, and her eyes had lost their focus. She was dissociating, Jane realized. She wasn't even here.

Dr. Peterson didn't seem to notice. She completed the exam, said everything was healing as it should, and left them alone. Jane had to say Maura's name repeatedly to get her back to planet Earth so she could help her get dressed.

That night in bed, Maura had asked Jane what happened at the appointment, because she couldn't remember much about it.

"Jane!"

Hearing her wife's voice brought her back to the present moment. Jane smiled at Maura. "Sorry. My mind wandered a little."

Maura reached for Jane's hands. "The doctor should be in soon. I think the Valium is kicking in."

Jane chuckled. "You feel a little stoned?"

"Not really."

"You feel extra relaxed?"

"Not that relaxed. But I do feel like I could take a nap."

Jane smiled fondly at her wife. Although she'd changed out of her clothes, she was still wearing the necklace Jane had given her for their first wedding anniversary two weeks ago. The pendant was a gold heart edged with diamonds, with a little map engraved in the heart that showed the location of Jane's old apartment. Jane chose that particular location because it was the spot where their romantic relationship officially began. It was in that apartment that Jane had first told Maura she loved her, had kissed her and made love to her for the first time. Maura positively adored the necklace. She'd worn it every day since their anniversary.

Jane planted a kiss on Maura's temple. "You're going to make such a beautiful mother."

Maura smiled, her eyes sparkling. "You will too. Hopefully soon!"

Jane touched Maura's hair lightly. "Yeah. But you know you're all I really need to be happy, right? You are my dream come true. Anything else is just icing on the cake."

The doctor and embryologist came in then, and Jane held Maura's hand while the doctor used a catheter to transfer the embryos into Maura's uterus, using an ultrasound to make sure they were in the right spot. Maura looked much calmer than Jane felt. She wanted so badly for this to work, for both of them. Jane had never really felt that desire most women seemed to feel to actually carry a child in her womb, but she knew Maura felt it, and she was afraid Maura would be devastated if she found she couldn't do it. She'd been taking prenatal vitamins for months already to prepare her body for this. Although Jane had already volunteered her own uterus in the event that Maura couldn't carry a child to term, it still broke her heart to think there was a possibility that it would come to that. Maura deserved this.

At the same time, the thought of Maura's pregnancy also made Jane nervous. It would certainly make her more vulnerable. What if it she got sick? What if something went wrong with the delivery? What if bringing new life into the world actually shortened Maura's? She tried not to think about it too much. Maura was healthy, and she knew how to take care of herself. Jane had to make herself trust that it would be okay.

"You're all set," the doctor said cheerfully when the procedure was finished. "Continue taking the progesterone, and we'll do a pregnancy test in two weeks. Make sure you take it easy for the next 24 hours." She left the room, and Maura changed back into her clothes.

Jane always felt weird just going home and resuming her normal activities after doing the embryo transfer. This could be the day that would change the rest of their lives, and there was nothing to do but just try to catch the end of the Sox game? One of those embryos (or zygotes, according to Maura) could be implanting itself in the lining of Maura's uterus right now. Their future child could be with them already, starting to grow. Then again, they could be set for another disappointment. Maybe it would just mean another negative pregnancy test, another unwelcome period, another egg-harvesting cycle for Jane. In that case, it would be better to act like today was just another ordinary day. Anything else would make the disappointment hurt that much more.

They didn't say anything else about the procedure that afternoon. Jane stretched out on the couch and turned the game back on. Maura joined her, made herself comfortable in Jane's arms, and soon drifted off to sleep. Jane held her close and watched the rest of the game.

The Sox won, 6-3.