Dark Place

Disclaimer: I do not own The Fosters.

Callie felt herself fall further down into her depression, every morning she found it harder and harder to get up and have the effort to do anything.

It was a Monday morning, this was the worst day of the week for Callie because it meant a full week of school up head and Callie was running out of motivation to do anything. Callie woke up to the sound of the alarm clock, groaning she rolled over and slammed her hand down on top of it. Knowing she couldn't stay in bed forever Callie slowly sat up, all she wanted to do was lie back down and disappear, but instead she pulled herself out of bed and got dressed. She didn't have to fight for the bathroom because she showered the night before. Once Callie was dressed she but on the fake smile she had been wearing for the last couple of months. The last thing Callie wanted was her mom's to find out how she was really feeling.

As Callie entered the kitchen she saw that Stef was the only other person in there.

"Morning sweets nice to see one of my kids up and ready," Stef said with a smile.

Callie smiled back brightly before sitting down at the table and serving herself some breakfast. All she wanted to do was run to Stef and cry in her arms and tell her how she was really feeling. But instead Callie went on eating her breakfast like nothing was wrong. Slowly Lena and the other kids began to filter in and the chaos before school began. Once breakfast was over the kids separated into the two cars, Brandon and the twins in one and Lena, Jude and Callie in the other. Jude and Lena chatted happily in the front of the car while Callie sat behind them staring out of the window watching the other cars go by.

During the school day Callie tried to focus on her lessons but soon gave up on that because no matter how hard she tried she couldn't focus for the life of her. Leaning back in her chair Callie stared out of the window blocking out what Timothy was saying.

"Callie did you hear what I just said?" Timothy asked,

Callie had tried saying yes and taking a guess at what the teacher had just asked her, but that had never worked before so Callie just decided to try the I don't really care technique.

"No," Callie said bluntly staring her teacher in the eyes.

"This isn't the first time Callie stay after class!"

Callie shrugged her shoulders, "okay," she replied, Timothy gave her a look before talking to the class again.

The bell rang and the kids gathered their things and quickly made their way out of the room until it was only Callie and Timothy left. Timothy stood in front of Callie,

"You have been acting differently the last few weeks, not focusing in class, attitude and I know it hasn't just been in my class you will have a detention after school and I shall meet with your moms I am sure they would be glad to be informed about your behaviour."

Callie gave a nod and left the class room she pretended like she didn't care but she did. Callie ran to the toilets and locked herself in a cubicle she let the tears fall heavy and fast, she cried until there was nothing left in her to cry. Callie then washed her face and waited and the tears marks had gone, before stepping out of the toilets she saw Timothy walk into her mom's office, Callie knew Lena would come and find her after woods so she needed to disappear until her next lesson came so Callie spent the rest of lunch hiding from Lena. When the bell rang Callie ran to her lesson at least she wouldn't get into trouble until tonight.

At the end of the last lesson Callie made her way to Timothy's classroom where her detention was. She sat down and waited until Timothy entered the classroom. When he came in he wasn't alone Callie saw Stef and Lena following behind him. Callie and that moment wanted to cry more than anything but she kept her straight face and gave of her I don't really care look. Callie noticed her mom's didn't look mad more disappointed that was the look Callie hated the most, the disappointment got to her more than anything.

"Me and your moms are going to talk in Lena's office you will alone but I trust you won't be moving," Timothy said.

"I won't," Callie replied without changing the look on her face,

But as soon as the adults had left the room Callie broke down the sobs came so fast Callie was gasping for air.

In Lena's office Stef, Lena and Timothy were talking,

"So why are we here exactly, what has Callie done?" Stef asked, this was not like Callie she always seemed to be good at school,

"Well over the last few weeks Callie has not been paying attention in class and a bit more recently I have been getting a bit of attitude from her, I know that this has been happening in every class she is in," Timothy said

"In every class?" Stef asked,

"Yes I don't know what has happened to her," Timothy said, "She was doing really well in my class I don't know why she suddenly stopped caring I hoping you guys might know why,"

"I have no idea she has been really smiley and happy at home, Lena?" Stef said,

"Know I don't know either I heard she had been a little distracted in her classes but I thought she was just tired," Lena said puzzled.

Callie's tears had stopped a little while ago and she tried her hardest not to let them start again so that when her mom's came back it wouldn't look like she had been crying.

After a while Callie heard footsteps coming down the hall, immediately Callie put on her straight face and sat up in her chair she stared and the wall hoping her mom's wouldn't guess she had been crying. Timothy came into the room first,

"You can go," he said,

Callie silently got her things and walked out of the classroom she saw her mom's standing in front of her. There was no use in pointing on the fake smile and she knew is she said anything she would start crying so Callie walked straight past her moms and kept walking towards the doors. Stef and Lena started running after Callie,

"Do you have anything to say?" Stef asked Callie,

"Who am I riding with?" Callie replied,

"What?" Stef said,

"Well I am guessing you came in a different car because Lena was already here so who am I riding with?" Callie said,

"You will come with me," Stef said,

"Okay fine" Callie said and with that Callie walked out of the school,

"We will talk to her tonight alright," Stef said,

"Okay," Lena said before the two separated to go to their cars.

Callie was standing by the car when Stef walked up, Stef unlocked the car and Callie went to get in the back,

"What do you think you're doing?" Stef asked,

"What?" Callie said confused,

"Why are you getting in the back of the car?" Stef asked,

"I presumed that you wanted want me to sit next to you," Callie said,

Stef's eyes visibly softened,

"Get in the front," Stef said softly,

Callie did what she was told, on the outside it looked like Callie didn't care that Stef had told her to sit next to her but inside Callie was happy at least she knew her mother didn't hate her.

The ride back was silent; you could cut the tension with a knife. When they finally pulled up at the house Callie asked,

"Can I shower before we talk,"

"What do you mean talk?" Stef asked,

"Obviously you and Lena are going to talk to me about all of this," Callie said,

"Okay you can shower when we go in and we will talk after dinner okay," Stef said,

Callie nodded, she had avoided talking for now.

As soon as Stef and Callie entered the house Callie ran straight upstairs and Stef heard the bathroom door shut and the shower start running. Sighing Stef walked into the kitchen were Lena was waiting for her,

"So?"

"So I told her she could shower and we would talk to her after dinner," Stef said,

"I wonder what's going on with are girl?" Lena said,

"I wish I knew," Stef replied

Up in the bathroom Callie was melting down in the shower, she couldn't tell her mom's what she was feeling she just couldn't. Something caught Callie eyes on the cabinet getting out of the shower Callie grabbed the disposable razors sitting on the cabinet, it wouldn't have been the first time she had cut. Debating it for a second Callie settled on doing it. She dried of and got dressed leaving the shower running in case someone got suspicious for her being in there for a while with the shower not running. Callie knew her arm was not the place to cut that is how she was caught before so rolling up her shorts she started dragging the razor over her skin letting herself bleed, Callie began to cry again the sobs came fast leaving her lungs begging for air when her tears stooped Callie washed her leg in the water coming from the shower and then she found the disinfectant cream the only medicine aloud in the bathroom the rest was were Steff and Lena could keep an eye on it. Callie rubbed some on and then rolled her shorts back down. Reaching over she turned off the shower. Callie splashed her face with cold water and then walked out of the bathroom like nothing happened, she was not ready to give into her emotions yet.

During dinner Callie didn't say much, instead she stayed focused on her food and only talked when she was asked a question. Callie never wanted the meal to end because she knew what she would have to face after dinner. Mariana and Jesus were on dishes tonight so when dinner was over Callie followed Brandon and Jude upstairs. But Callie could hear someone behind her, Callie kept walking and was about to go into her room when she felt someone touch her shoulder,

"Not so fast," Stef said,

Callie felt herself being guided into her mom's room,

"Sit down," Stef said,

Callie went and sat down on the edge of her mom's bed, Lena and Stef sat down on either side of her,

"What's going on?" Lena asked Callie,

"Lately I have been finding it really hard to focus," Callie said with a shrug,

"Do you know why," Stef asked,

"I think I am just tired, I have been waking up in the middle of the night and it takes me a while to go back to sleep," Callie said, she wasn't lying she had been waking up and struggling to fall back asleep but she knew that wasn't the real problem.

"Honey why didn't you tell us we would have been happy to keep you of school for a day or two if you were really that tired," Stef said and Lena nodded in agreement.

Callie gave her mom's weak smile,
"I really will try harder to focus in school," Callie said,

"Okay here is what I think we should do I will take the day of work tomorrow and you can stay home from school and just sleep but you will be grounded for a week okay?" Stef said,

"I agree with that," Lena said, Callie nodded in agreement,

"I think you should go and get an early night then love," Stef said,

"Okay," Callie said and with that she left the room.

"I still think there is more going on with her," Lena said,

"Me to love but I don't know what," Stef said.

Once Callie was in her room she got changed and climbed into bed, she had wanted to tell her mom's how she was feeling but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Lying face down on her bed Callie began to cry but silently this time a to not attract attention to herself. Finally, the tears stopped and Callie fell asleep.

The next morning Callie woke up at 9:00am she had only woken up once during the night but she still felt tired but she knew she couldn't stay in bed forever, so once again Callie found some strength in her and she pulled herself out of bed, she got dressed and brushed her hair before making her way downstairs, she headed into the kitchen were Stef was working on some paper work,

"Morning beautiful," Stef said,

"Morning," Callie replied

"Feeling better?" Stef asked,

"Much," Callie lied before putting on her fake smile,

"Good," Stef said, "How about breakfast?"

"Okay," Callie replied even though she wasn't that hungry,

"Have any cereal you want," Stef said

"Thanks," Callie said a hint of sarcasm evident in her voice,

Stef smiled and laughed and Callie's reaction before turning back to her paper work, Callie poured herself a small bowl of cereal and began to eat it. After breakfast Callie went back to bed and she let herself cry again, that is all Callie really did that day eat, sleep and cry. Though in the afternoon she showered and she cut herself again seeing Stef be so nice to her and knowing she was lying to her about her feelings made Callie feel awful and the cutting temporally relived that feeling, she knew it was an awful habit to get back into but she couldn't help it she was already in a dark place and without help it was hard to get out of that place.

During dinner that night Jude was talking about a camping trip that was in three weeks and Lena was supervising it, Stef and Lena had told him he could go and he was really excited he had never been camping before Callie couldn't help but smile at his happiness it was her first genuine smile in weeks she knew she probably wouldn't smile like that again in a long time.

Over the next three weeks Callie tried her hardest to focus in class she spent most of her time crying and every night she would cut when she was in the shower. The morning Jude and Lena Callie made herself get up early enough to see them off. No other kids would be up because they said goodbye the night before but as this was Jude's first trip Callie wanted to say goodbye she and Stef waved to two of before Callie headed into the kitchen it was a Friday so they did have school, Callie saw no use in going back to be considering the others would be up in half an hour so Callie just went into the bathroom and she let herself cry before the others could wake up and hear her. After 15 minutes Callie washed her face and went downstairs for breakfast. After a while the kids went around their usual routine and the day was in full swing.

After school Stef had something with one of her friends so she went out and Mariana was at a friends for the night so the only people in the house were Callie Jesus and Brandon. After the three had finished their homework Jesus went outside and Brandon went to practise on his keyboard. Callie opted to take a nap. Normally Callie didn't have clear dreams but this time she could see a dream clearly. She was at one of her old foster homes Callie had been cutting when Jude walked in on her,

"Callie, why are you doing that," Jude asked worried,

"I am sorry" Callie whispered,

"Please don't do that," He said,

"I won't I promise," Callie said.

Callie woke up crying she hadn't cut since then because she wanted to keep her promise to Jude, but she had broken that promise and it was then Callie knew no matter her own feelings she was going to have to tell someone because without help Callie wouldn't be able to stop. After a while Callie heard the door bang shut,

"I'm home," Stef called out to anyone who was listening but Jesus was outside and Brandon had his headphones on so the only person who heard her was Callie, knowing that this could be her only chance Callie ran down the stairs with tears streaming down her face, she ran right into Stef and clung onto the women for dear life,

"Callie baby what's wrong?" Stef asked worried,

"I'm sorry," Callie said.

Stef felt Callie shaking in her arms so Stef decided she should take Callie into her room just in case Brandon or Jesus saw her.

"Come on baby we are going up stairs," Stef said, she tried to pull apart from Callie but Callie refused to let go, so Stef went up the stairs and into her and Lena's room without letting go of Callie. She shut the door and lied down on the bed with Callie still attached her. Callie snuggled into Stef's shoulder hiding her face as the tears continued to fall. Finally, the tears stopped, Stef saw an opportunity and asked,

"What's wrong?"

Callie didn't know how to say what she wanted to so she picked up the razor blade she had taken out of the bathroom and handed over to Stef. Stef began wondering why Callie had given her a blade her mind started to race until she thought of why,

"Callie can you show me where?"

Callie nodded and rolled up her shorts to revile cuts on her leg some fresh and some older ones that had begun to scar over. Stef held in her gasp she wanted to go and wanted to get things to clean Callie's leg but seeing the girl crying again Stef pulled Callie in to another hug whispering to her that it was all going to be alright and that she was okay. After Callie's tears had stopped again Stef went to get up but Callie clung onto her tight,

"I am only going to get some stuff to help your leg okay," Stef said,

Callie nodded and realised her grip on Stef. Stef went into the bathroom and grabbed some things for Callie's leg before heading back into the bedroom. Carefully, Stef began cleaning Callie's leg and then wrapped a bandage over the portion of her leg that contained the scars and cuts.

"Honey why are you doing this?" Stef asked,

"I feel depressed," Callie replied,

"Why didn't you tell me or mama?" Stef asked,

Callie shrugged she didn't know why; she just couldn't tell them. Stef knew that Callie and said a lot for what had happened and she didn't pressure Callie into giving her an answer. Stef felt Callie begin to cry again she could tell from the amount she cried and how often she was doing it, it was more than likely Callie was depressed. Callie cried until she fell asleep; Stef just lay there holding Callie trying to bring as much comfort as possible to her daughter.

Callie woke up the next morning in Stef and Lena's bed rolling over she saw Stef come out of the bathroom. Callie felt the tears fall as the memories from the previous night came back, Stef got on the bed and pulled Callie into a hug. The tears stopped sooner than the previous night but Callie wanted to stay in the hug. Feeling Stef's strong arms around her made Callie feel safe, Stef felt the grip Callie had on her and Stef knew Callie didn't want her to let go so she kept hugging her daughter for a good ten minutes before pulling away,

"I made a call with the doctors they said they can take you on Monday so we have got the weekend I think you should take the week of school next week and stay at home with me," Stef said, Callie nodded, "That means though this weekend I want you to stay by me okay?" Stef said,

"Okay," Callie replied,

"Good let's go and get breakfast," Stef said and she left the room, Callie got up and followed behind her. When they reached the kitchen Stef started cooking pancakes and bacon for breakfast while Callie watched. As the smell of the food made its way through the house the boys woke up and made their way downstairs to breakfast,

"Morning," Stef said,

"Morning," the boys replied in unison.

"How's mama and Jude? Brandon asked,

"They are good mama says she loves you," Stef said, Brandon nodded.

Stef had called Lena earlier to tell her what happened with Callie she offered to come home but Stef told her it was fine and if it got worse she would call.

Over the next two days Mariana came home and everyone went into doing their weekend things, apart from Callie. She spent the weekend with Stef, not that she minded, Callie loved Stef and spending the weekend with her was better than spending the weekend alone crying. The one bad thing about it was Callie had to sleep in the same bed as Stef and when she showed Stef would sit on the toilet incise Callie got upset and Callie and to wait for Stef when she showed and Callie felt like she was invading Stef's piracy.

When Sunday night came around Callie got into the shower and Stef as per usual sat on the toilet seat. Callie began to shower then she began thinking about the next day when she would have to talk to the doctor. Suddenly Callie's anxiety shot straight up and she began to cry, Stef heard this and called out,

"Are you okay sweetheart?"

"Yes," Callie called back, she didn't want Stef to see her in the shower so long as she finished quickly Stef wouldn't come in.

In the next couple of minutes Callie finished washing she turned off the shower, Stef turned her back and Callie dried of and got dressed. Once Callie was done she hugged Stef and Stef hugged her back,

"What was wrong?" Stef asked,

"I am worried about tomorrow," Callie replied,

"Don't okay because I will be there the whole time," Stef said Callie nodded, "Now it's my turn to shower and then we can go to bed," Stef smiled before getting in.

Once Stef was done the two got into bed. Callie clung onto her mother until she fell asleep. Stef fell asleep shortly after Callie both wondering what tomorrow would bring.

The next morning Callie woke up early, the alarm clock was about to go off so Callie stayed hugging her mother till it did. Stef woke up to the alarm and quickly turned it off.

"Go and get dressed, I will wake the others for school and don't you dare go anywhere apart from your room okay" Stef warned Callie nodded and Stef went to wake the others.

Once Stef sent Brandon to school with the others, Stef took Callie's hand,

"Let's go," She said,

Callie gave her a pleading look,

"We have to sweets come on," Stef said and she gave Callie a little pull towards the car.

During the car ride nobody said anything. Stef could see that Callie was nervous and to be honest Stef was a little nervous herself she hoped Callie wasn't depressed but she knew that was almost impossible after the way Callie had acted over the last few days Stef knew Callie wasn't just upset she was depressed but she wanted to check with a professional to make sure.

Once they had arrived Stef walked up to the desk,

"Stef and Callie Foster to see Dr Kathrine Williamson," Stef said

"Yes she will see you shortly in the meantime can you and your daughter fill out these papers,"

Stef nodded before heading to where Callie was sitting,

"You need to fill out this love," Stef said,

Callie nodded and grabbed the pen Stef was holding when the two were done Stef gave the papers back to the lady at the counter. As soon as Stef sat back down next to Callie the doctor came out,

"Stef and Callie Foster,"

Callie and Stef stood up,

"Follow me please," the doctor said.

Callie and Stef followed the doctor into a room presumably her office, it was decorated with pictures and plants it was quite lovely.

"Hi, I'm doctor Kathrine Williamson,"

"I am Stef,"

"Callie,"

"Nice to meet you know let's talk," the doctor said.

For the next hour and a half Stef, Callie and the doctor talked about Callie and how she had been feeling for the last couple of months. At the end of it all the doctor looked through her notes and said,

"Well Callie I can guarantee you have depression, as you have a support group I would advise you to talk openly in that about how you are feeling and if you don't feel any better in a month then come back and we will reassess the situation."

"Thank you," Stef and Callie said before leaving the room. Stef put her arms around Callie,

"Now that wasn't so bad was it," Stef said,

"No it wasn't," Callie replied before the two got into the car.

That afternoon Callie and Stef played games and watched a movie until the others came home with homework for Callie.

"Well you'd better start doing that," Stef said

"Yep," Callie said with a sigh,

Stef couldn't help but smile at Callie's reaction to the homework, a typical teenager.

After Callie and Stef had showered that night the two got into Stef's bed,

"Goodnight love you," Stef said,

"Goodnight love you to," Callie replied before snuggling into her mother's side.

Soon enough Callie fell asleep clinging onto her mother.

We will help you get better Callie it may take some time but we will get there, Stef thought to herself as she watched Callie sleep.

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