A/N: I'm back everybody! I updated this awhile ago, but I think it got buried under the flood of new stories. Maybe it got missed! So if you didn't read the last chapter, go back and read it.
And… if you are MysticSong 1978, or if you know MysticSong 1978… please check out the pm I sent you regarding AFTR. I hope it helps.
Anyway,
Enjoy!
The wind ruffled his dark curls, the shining sun sparked across his brow. He looked exactly as he had the last time she saw him alive. Standing before her was a vision. The man who was her world, the man… who helped her become…
"Hi," he said.
He was here? She couldn't comprehend it. Wait… had she died now too? "Am I dead?"
"No," he said. He lifted his hand, fingers stretching and brushing back her hair. Her skin rippled, hairs standing on end.
"Is this real? Are you real?"
"I… can't really explain it. I just… I needed to see you, Meredith. One last time."
He touched her. A spark jolted up her arm. He squeezed her hand. Derek was warm, his skin soft…
Like he had been the last day she'd seen him.
She reached, wrapped her fingers behind his head and pulled him to her. Maybe she was dead, maybe she was hallucinating like Izzie had. Maybe this was some psychedelic trip, she didn't care.
Derek was here, alive. In her arms. She pressed her lips into his own, coaxing him open for her. His tongue stroking the inside corners of her mouth was like receiving life giving elixir. His palm on her cheek, his thumb grazing her earlobe a soothing balm on her grieved soul.
Finally, he pulled away, sliding his hands down her upper arms.
"Derek."
"I had a chance… but I didn't listen."
"What are you talking about? Listen? Listen to who? Derek?"
"Sorry," he shook his head, "It's hard to explain." He took her hand and pulled, signalling for her to sit. She sat beside him on the bridge, the rough wood scraping her jeans as she dangled her legs over the edge. She gripped the thick pole watching the stream tumble and swirl below her. Derek's hand rested on top of hers. "I didn't get it," he said. "It was right in front of me this whole time… and I missed it."
"Missed what?"
"Everything…" he looked down at her fingers peeking out from under his palm. "It was you."
Meredith bit her lip. She already knew that she was his everything. Already knew about the whole 'saving lives with his hands' speech… What could he say now that she hadn't heard before?
"This place… it's a part of me, you know. I never shared it with anyone. I was going to bring you here, after D.C…
"This is a real place?"
"Yeah." Derek nodded, cleared his throat. "You know, I came here, years ago. A few days before I met you."
"You did?"
"After everything that happened with Addison… I needed some… Quiet." His fingers curled gently around her hand. She found herself leaning on his shoulder. If he was a ghost, he certainly didn't feel like one.
"I came here," he pointed downward, indicating the bridge, the stream. "And I found hope. I found you."
"How?"
He smiled, that wonderful Mcdreamy expression only reserved for her. "I'm going to show you. Soon."
"But… you- you're-" Dead. Gone. Buried. Right?
Derek slipped his arm around her back. His palm rested on that small indent between her hip and waist. She felt the warm press of his lips against her temple. "I know," he chuffed. "But, I can still show you, if you listen."
Listen? How? And she was awful with directions anyway… it's a wonder she got around Seattle, some days a downright miracle.
"Shhh…" Derek said, like he read her mind.
Meredith felt a change in the air. Derek's form felt lighter against her. "Please don't go," she tightened her hold on him.
"You told me once, that we can be extraordinary together, rather than ordinary apart. I forgot that. I wanted to be extraordinary. I wanted you to be extraordinary… I forgot about the together part… I'm sorry. But Mere-" his breath warmed her ear as he whispered into it.
"Derek!" she gasped at his words. Meredith squeezed. It felt like she was squishing paper now, and not his warm solid body. Her hand no longer rested on his knee, her palm fell onto untreated wood. He was gone. The warm golden world surrounding her ebbed away, a slowing pulse that faded with each intake of breath.
xxx
Cassie looked up from the sizzling waffle maker. A pair of brown eyes watched curiously. "Hi," she greeted Zola.
"You makin' waffles?"
"Yes, I hope you like them."
"I'm hungry. My tummy is makin' growls! And mommy is sleepin'," she whispered, a finger to her lips.
"She must be tired." Cassie said.
"She's sad," the girl said, climbing onto the stool. She watched Cassie slice the strawberries, "Daddy died, and then Mommy cried in the baffroom lots, and then we went to the green place with the rocks and everybody was really sad… and then she drove and drove and drove and Me and Bails got sleepy, and then-" she looked around, raising her hands up. "We came here."
Cassie stopped, looking up from the sliced strawberries. Now she knew what this was. She was dealing with grief… at the rawest level. Little Zola traced the square indentation on the napkin with her little brown fingers, and Cassie frowned.
She'd been here before.
She's alone, and she's lost and she has nowhere to go.
This already happened, somehow.
I'm a doctor… I fix things… But now, I just screw everything up, all the time.
But, this was different. It was her.
Cassie quickly scooped the waffle from the waffle-maker. "Do you want strawberries and whipped cream on your waffle?" she asked, reaching for the bowl.
"Yes pwease!"
Cassie layered the treats on with a smile as Zola gleefully attacked her breakfast. "Stay here, I'm going to check on your mom."
She stepped into the living room. Grace lounged on the chaise, reading her schoolbooks. Cassie elected to let her stay home today, considering the circumstances. "How is she?"
Grace shrugged. "Still asleep. Should we try to wake her up again?"
Cassie eyed Meredith for a minute, and then her gaze drifted to Bailey, who'd given up the race car and was figuring out crayons. "I have an idea," she said.
xxx
She still felt his presence. Still saw him. His wavy dark hair, piercing blue eyes. "I don't know... I just feel like I got you back and now you're going again..."
The carousel spun and spun, and the little girl held on tight.
"We can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart."
"I love you Meredith Grey and I want to spend the rest of my life with you..."
"I can live without you, but I don't want to, I don't ever want to."
The girl was a woman now, and her smile faded.
The Carousel spun faster and faster. "Give me the papers!" .
"Where are we going mommy?" A dark skinned girl asked as she held onto her mother.
"Away sweetie."
It was empty... the Carousel spun, but no one was riding.
"Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me…"
Meredith floated, lost somehow, in herself…
Except… Derek's last words on the bridge vibrated within her.
She wasn't alone.
Warm wet skin stretched her cheek. A heavy weight squirmed on her stomach. Bailey, she knew from his baby boy smell and his choppy breaths against her neck.
"Mommy, wake up," he said. Instinctively she wrapped her arms around him. She wanted to, but it was hard, like leaving a warm cocoon. Vestiges of memories and dreams peeled away, "hmm," she hummed. Derek. She saw Derek… but-
"Mommy… Mommy, I hun-gy." Bailey said, squeezing her breasts, like babies do.
"Mommy, there's waffles!" Zola's voice exploded against her eardrums.
Meredith winced and opened one eye.
"She's awake!" Zola announced. Loudly.
"Shh, Zola." Meredith muttered.
Bailey's fingers poked everywhere and he grinned at her gleefully. "I hun-gy," he said again.
"Mommy, Bailey, there's waffles!"
Waffles? Meredith sat up, allowing Bailey to slide off of her. Waffles how? Where was she? Rubbing her eyes, she skipped back in memory…
"Morning, sunshine." The sunlight reflected sharply into her eyes as she crested over the top of a small rise in the road. She blinked and raised a hand to block the glare.
It was too late.
"Oh!" she cried as something appeared directly in front of her.
Screech-smack-crunch!
Meredith nearly jumped. "Oh my God!"
"Hey, it's all right," an unfamiliar voice soothed.
"I hit someone," Meredith said as the strange, tall woman approached.
"No, you didn't."
"But, I… The sun-"
The woman touched her arm. "No one's hurt. It's okay. You're okay."
"But-" Meredith protested, confused. What happened? How did she get here?
"It's all right. Everything is all right."
"Mommy," Zola patted her knee. "It's okay. The nice lady made yummy waffles. Aren't you hungry?"
Her stomach rumbled and she patted it. "Yeah… okay."
xxx
Meredith picked at her plain waffle. She'd been hungry before, but now felt nauseous. "So… I fell asleep?" Meredith asked.
"I guess so," said the woman, Cassie, her name was. "When I got there, Grace was trying to wake you up, but…" she shrugged.
Meredith shook her head. It sounded so strange. The last thing she remembered was the sun in her eyes and-
Meredith.
Derek!
Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me.
"Weird," she said. Did she have a seizure? Maybe she should get checked out. Get a scan or something.
"Mommy, when are we goin' home? I wanna see Amy and Maggie and Sof." Zola asked.
Meredith put her fork down before even taking a bite of her waffle, feeling a little sick. What had she done, taking her kids away from the only home they knew? All she knew was she couldn't breathe. He was everywhere… and she couldn't breathe. "I... I don't know Zola."
"Why mommy?"
She wouldn't understand. And Meredith couldn't find the strength to even try to explain, so she deflected instead. "Zola... eat your waffle. And later we'll find something to do, maybe go to a park or something. Would you like that?"
"Okay." The little girl resigned.
"Momma, where daddy?" Bailey asked.
Meredith sighed and touched the top of Bailey's head. He'd been asking almost everyday. It hadn't sunk in yet. "Well, daddy was hurt very very badly, and... his body didn't work anymore. So he... died. He's not here anymore."
"He not here?"
"No, and he's not coming back sweetie, I'm sorry," she repeated. Like she had the last few days.
"But where?"
It was like Bailey repeatedly sticking his finger in an open wound. Ow. Ow, ow, ow. "He's dead. Bailey. You're not going to see him anymore."
"I wanna see him," he insisted. Because daddy would leave often, but he always came back. And when he wasn't coming home soon, she always had the option of facetiming him to say hi.
But not anymore.
"I know," she sighed. "Later I can show you some pictures okay? Would you like to see some pictures?
"No." Bailey said, stabbing the waffle with his fork.
Meredith took over his plate and started to cut the waffle into small pieces. She had nothing left. "Here, finish your waffle," she said
"Mommy," Zola piped up. "Can I draw a pwicture of daddy later?"
"Sure, we can do that." Meredith picked at her waffle, all appetite gone. Her stomach squeezed. Dammit, stupid stress. "Cassie, the bathroom?"
"Down the hall, first door on the right."
"Can you-" she nodded to the kids.
"Of course."
She leapt out of her chair, practically running as she felt her innards churn.
Meredith made it just in time. After she finished puking up the fresh remnants of her waffle, she sat down on the floor. Her head spun from all the questions. She'd forgotten about the questions, and now… "What am I doing?" She muttered. "What did I do?"
Now she'd lost. Not all... but enough. She'd lost enough, but when she looked into her kids eyes, she just saw questions, questions with difficult answers that didn't always make sense to a two and four year old.
Her mother left Thatcher. And now she understood Ellis like she never wished to.
She wasn't her mother, though.
She was just… lost.
Wasn't she?
I came here. And I found hope. I found you.
"Derek," she said, wiping her eyes. "I need you." Her voice echoed into nothingness, kept company only by her snuffles and sobs. She closed her eyes.
xxx
Cassie knocked on the bathroom door, clutching the hot mug. "Meredith? Meredith, are you all right?" After a few minutes of silence, she tested the doorknob. It was unlocked. "Meredith?" she cracked the door open a couple inches. "I made you some ginger root tea, it's good for morning sickness," she said, poking her head in.
Bewildered green eyes glimmered up at her. "How? How do you know I'm pregnant?" she asked, a hand resting on her belly.
"How do you know?" Cassie asked.
"My husband… I dreamed- I think he told me."
A/N: Well... wanna see where this goes? Leave a review! Fav! Follow! Lost and Found and Save Me have also been updated!