Hey folks! Sorry for updating my stories late. I've managed to get a full time job and it's d-e-m-a-n-d-i-n-g!

MDJD is so easy to write though so it took the opportunity when it arose.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit.

Chapter 9: Holy Moly

'To the one who holds us all grant these souls eternal rest... ahem... let the last light shine upon them... AHEM!... May their souls- Oh for great goodness would you step back!'

Jenny put a hand to her chest affronted at being yelled at from up so close.

'But you said I could observe you.'

It was amazing how the priest who had eyebrows so bushy and tangled you could hardly see his eyes somehow managed to glare quite effectively.

'Yes, however! You need not be on my robes to do so!'

Jenny crossed her arms petulantly and turned her gaze to the pyre set up for those who didn't survive the plague. She softened her stance with a sigh.

'Forgive me, I'm just a little wound up by these 'last rite 'things. They're spooky.'

'Last rites? Good gracious what temple were you from again? These are not last rites. These are prayers for the dead. Even the most inexperienced acolyte knows the last rites are only for the nearly dead not the fully dead... am I mistaken to think you were a priestess?'

'Oh no! I'm definitely a priestess,' Jenny lied panicked sensing she was going to be turned away, 'I'm talking about the last rites given when the men were still alive of course.'

She laughed nervously and straightened her stance to seem a little more... priestess-like. While confused to her new moniker she was more than willing to follow the farce if it got her what she wanted- which was answers.

The priestess thing was still fairly new to her though as only this morning when she had exited her room after a sleepless night and was greeted with a combination of 'milady's' and 'sister's'. It took a wide-eyed Kai to inform her that her experience with the dead riders and her performing the last rites... well death prayers ends up... had led to a misunderstanding with the soldiers standing guard thinking she was a priestess.

After than explanation she sought to find a little bit of guidance and so had tracked down the priest to get him to explain to her how not to accidentally summon the undead and instead got a terse look and the brush off. She did manage to wrangle an invite to the funeral pyres to observe the funeral but she was receiving none of the answers she wanted.

'So you say...' the priest said mumbling into his beard.

'Yes, I do say,' she replied snappily, 'wouldn't want to give last rites instead of death prayers and accidentally summon their ghosts.'

She paused and waited on bated breath to see what the response to that was.

'Summon?! What nonsense is that?! The faith isn't black magic. One does not summon the dead on a prayer? Of all the silly things I've heard,' the priest grumbled, 'Now if it's all the same to you I think you go back to the hold now while I give these good people the respect they deserve'

The priest turned his back on Jenny with utter dismissal and harrumphed and clicked his tongue angrily until she had gone some paces away.

Jenny sighed and respectfully bowed her head to the dead and left the pyre her head swimming with confusion.

'How does one summon the dead then?' she wondered, 'even accidentally.'

As she left on the cobbled path towards the keep the priest's low tones carried on the breeze.

...may the souls of all the departed, through mercy, rest in peace. Amen.'

'Thank you... but it's really not necessary,' Jenny demurred later that afternoon.

'Your humbleness is a credit to you however it is necessary. Even just to prevent confusion.'

Jenny sighed and resigned herself to dressing like Severus Snape at his finest.

'Black though? Isn't that a little morbid considering?' She protested.

'It is the only robes we have,' the maid seemed genuinely apologetic, 'We've had to alter them from the priests robes we had on hand.'

Jenny sighed again and went to take the robes from the maid but the maid clutched them confused.

'You don't want to be dressed?'

'...well yes?'

Why on earth wouldn't she want to be dressed?

The maid relaxed at the answer and entered the room a little more confidently and Jenny stepped aside mutely.

'Ok! Take off your travel wear and pop up on the stool and we'll have you dressed suitably enough soon.'

Jenny blinked a few times but was sick of arguing with people and didn't really have any sense of shame so she stripped nonchalantly and stepped up on the stool.

'Good gracious!' the maid tittered a little and quickly shut the door Jenny had forgotten to, 'that was close! Oh!... you are quite thin aren't you?'

Jenny looked down at her body and sighed. At first she had been thrilled that her time at the prison had nibbled away the fat she spent years in the gym trying to tame but had swiftly changed her mind as it had also stolen the fat in her boobs and made her look like a neglected child.

'Well... at least you don't have to worry about carrying with that frame being a priestess and all,' she maid chirruped and began draping heavy black fabric over Jenny's body.

'Carrying?...' Jenny began confused but was distracted by the maid pulling a string tight, which squeezed her diaphragm and made her wheeze.

'Whoops! A bit tight!' the maid said apologetically and gave the cord some slack.

'How will I get out of this thing?' Jenny asked genuinely concerned as another string got pulled. Was she going to be forever trapped in this black void of material?

'Oh, well... I suppose you don't have a maid with you... Did she stay at Tharbard?'

Jenny wracked her brains to find a suitable answer but let the pause drag on too long.

'...forgive me,' the maid said quietly, 'it was unkind of me to ask perhaps. We've all heard the dreadful news about Tharbard. An entire keep wiped out.'

Jenny just nodded and suffered through the rest of the dressing in silence.

Soon enough though the maid stepped back and visually assessed her work. By the slight cringe Jenny guessed she looked quite horrific.

'What if we removed the outer layer?' Jenny suggested, 'the weather is only going to get warmer and I'll be on the road soon enough.'

'But your modesty!' the maid protested.

'My modesty will come through unsullied,' Jenny soothed, 'I've been wearing travel leathers for months now and if they have not damaged my reputation beyond repair then not being in full priestess uniform wont.'

There was a pause at that as both Jenny and the maid mentally went through the list of unflattering rumours they had heard about her.

'...or that my reputation is already been effected enough that going around in just the inner robe is not going to effect it that much more...' Jenny amended breaking the silence.

The maid cringed again but nodded, 'it's unfortunate but in times like this we must make do.'

'Indeed.'

Soon enough the outer robe was removed and Jenny delighted in the increased freedom of movement.

The maid packed the heavy fabric into Jenny's travel bag while Jenny twirled in the robes.

'Good gracious! Milady don't do that! Your hem is lifting and showing your under dress!' the maid gasped scandalised.

Jenny halted her movements and lifted the inner robe to show the off-white 'under dress' that she had just assumed was part of the robe.

'Is it considered underwear?' she asked curiously.

'Well yes?' the maid confirmed a little confused, 'as in it is always worn under your outerwear.'

'Ah,' Jenny grunted and lowered the hem, 'Gosh there are so many unspoken things in this place. Things were so much more relaxed at Tharbard.'

'Well... it was a prison,' the maid suggested awkwardly still being a little sensitive about talking about it, 'I wouldn't think they held much value on sensibilities. You're very brave about having taken a posting there.'

'Yes, well... I didn't have much options at the time,' Jenny admitted.

The maid looked curious but Jenny didn't elaborate.

'Does Helms Deep have a ghost problem?' she asked suddenly.

The maid startled and looked around the room suspiciously, 'why is there one in here?'

'Umm... no.'

'Oh good! That gave me a bit of a fright. No I haven't heard that however... there is this door in the second tier that my friend Aleesya swears creaks open by itself. Personally I think the second tier is just drafty but perhaps its always good for someone to check it out...'

The maid suddenly looked at Jenny hopefully.

'We haven't had a priestess in a while and while the priest do a lot of good for the soldiers faith... well sometimes the home needs a woman's touch you know what I mean?'

Jenny did know what she meant. She sighed and patted down her new robes and toed into the velvet slippers she had also been given.

'Fine... lets see that drafty door on the second tier.'

By the time she was to leave, Jenny swore she had been trampled all over the keep by various superstitious inhabitants of Helms Deep to check for the presence of the unnatural. Of which there was nothing.

A plus of the experience was that Jenny by now had convinced herself that seeing the ghostly bodies of the dead riders was just a stress hallucination as she had not noticed anything vaguely supernatural since. Especially since she had been shown all the prime spots to see ghosts and everything.

'Safe travel's Sister,' the maid (whose name she had since found out was Maira) called out to her from the gates.

'I hope so. Thank you for your help!' Jenny called back to her from her mount.

'Milady, are you ready?' Kai asked from his horse, which was dancing in place as if impatient to be gone.

'Yeah I think I am,' Jenny look up at the walls of the keep and down the valley outside the walls where they had set up the funeral pyres that had burned for three days straight. They were out at the moment and had left a blackened patch on the sandy ground.

'Are you ready Kai?' Jenny asked concerned.

Kai's breath stuttered but evened out soon enough. He nodded but Jenny noticed he hadn't strayed his eyes anywhere near the direction of the pyres since arriving at the gate.

'I've sent word to my uncle to meet us at the Gondorian border,' Kai said, 'He'll complete my fathers mission and I'll protect you till then.'

Jenny smiled but when Kai turned to look at her she stifled it and nodded solemnly. The small ginger boy pridefully turned his enthusiastic horse and headed down the ramp near the main gate.

In all honesty the small group of soldiers that volunteered to accompany them to the border were the actual security but she wasn't going to tell the boy any differently.

'Milady,' one of said soldiers prompted and so Jenny prodded her horse to follow Kai and the soldiers brought up the rear.

They trekked down the valley and up over the ridge that helped protect the keep and soon enough they were out of sight of the keep.

Not necessarily keen on horseback at the best of times was made somewhat worse when covered in heavy fabric. Jenny rearranged her stiflingly hot black priestess robes and sighed at what seemed like the umpteenth time and despaired at them.

'I wonder when the best time to tell them I'm not a priestess is?' she wondered.

As it happens though, over the course of the journey, she just never found a right moment. So, one month later when the white city came into view... she was wearing the unflattering black robes of a priestess.

Damn.

xx