Author's Note: No, it's not about "Frozen". The title for this comes from that old saying "If you love something, set it free (or let it go)..."

I wanted to take some of Lorelai's behavior - behavior that I strongly relate to - a bit further than they did on the show, but to do that I needed her to be a lot more self-aware than she was on the show. So in this story, Lorelai does some soul-searching that's OoC for her. Still, I don't think I stretch the characters too far, or at least I hope not.

Warnings:

It takes place following S3, going AU from there. I borrow a lot of dialogue and events from S4 & S5 of the show, but alter them, put them in different contexts, and mix up the timeline a LOT.

It is always third person, but the POV isn't an objective narrator. Mostly. I wanted to tell the story from Lorelai's POV, but found I really couldn't tell the whole story that way. Still, I wanted what I wanted, so I just wrote it the way the story told me to. So it's Lorelai's POV until 60-70% into the story, then it isn't. Then it's someone else's, then it's Luke's. Then it's Lorelai's again. Then it's Luke's again. Sorry about that.

Thinking

That's strange, she thought when she opened the door to the diner and didn't hear the bells ring, but she quickly forgot about the bells as she heard every voice in the place shout "Lorelai!", then go back to their meals. "What's going on, Lorelai?" Luke asked as she proceeded to her regular stool at the counter and watched Luke pour a cup of coffee and place it in front of her. Lane was rushing around, taking and serving orders. Since when does Lane work in the diner? she thought. Kirk sat on the stool next to her, pontificating about the risks and benefits of using reclaimed water to grow tomatoes. She could hear the faint sounds of a game of pool going on in the back room and it didn't even cross her mind that Luke's had no pool table or a back room - well, it had a storage room, but no back room where patrons were welcome.

"Make that 'What's going in Lorelai', and the answer is 'coffee'," she replied. That sounded familiar…

Luke smiled at her joke, then stared into her eyes so intensely that she thought she might melt under the heat. She looked from left to right and discovered that the diner was now empty. How much time had gone by?

"Luke? Is something wrong?" she asked nervously.

"Nope," he replied in a quiet voice. "Everything is right."

Her eyes and body tracked him as he walked slowly around the counter, without taking his eyes off of hers, until he was standing in front of her. She watched him raise his hand and slowly place it on her cheek. His touch was soft and warm, inviting. "Luke?" she whispered, unable to shift her gaze from his beautiful blue eyes until his own gaze dipped to her lips as he leaned down to kiss her. Their lips brushed, then softly pressed together. Her hands found his chest, then slid upward until they were around his neck, pulling her body up off the stool as they went. She wasn't quite standing, however, because she had no strength in her knees. Instead, she relied on Luke's strong arms, which were now firmly around her waist, one hand on the small of her back, pressing her into him, to hold her up.

The warmth and security she felt was amazing. She wondered how she could ever describe it without using that word, because 'amazing' was all she could think of at the moment. Amazing. Amazing.

She didn't ask what had come over him, what had prompted him to take their relationship beyond the deep friendship they shared. She just rolled with it and appreciated it and lived for the moment. She parted her lips and deepened the kiss even more, licking his tongue and inviting it to dance with hers. She moaned when he responded in kind, setting every nerve ending in her body on fire. They kissed passionately, then pulled back softly, then dove in again. One of her hands played with the curls on the back of his neck while the other roamed his shoulders, pushing him as if she could somehow move him closer. One of his hands plunged into her hair while the other held her body tightly to his.

So this is what it feels like, she thought.

When they pulled their lips away from each other to breathe, Lorelai opened her mouth to make an emotional confession and declaration, but no sound came out. No! she thought, struggling to get the words out. Not now! But all she could do was look at him sadly while he waited for her to say something, his face growing concerned, then dejected.

Then the image faded away as the sounds of two different snorers grew louder. Her mind slowly recognized reality and cursed it. Not that her reality was all that bad right now. It wasn't. Despite the unpleasantness of sleeping in a room with a bunch of strangers every night, it had been a wonderful trip and it wasn't over yet. But the dream was calling her back to it. The warmth, the comfort, the affection...

She dreamt about Luke often these days, probably because she thought about him so much. Last night she had lain in her bunk with her eyes closed, thinking about him, for nearly an hour before she drifted off to sleep. They were six weeks into their trip and this was the way nearly every evening had ended. During the day, she had no time for private thoughts about Luke or anything else, but as soon as her head hit the pillow at night, the gears in her mind went into overdrive. She could no longer suppress the thoughts that had percolated during the day.

While walking, sightseeing, eating, and shopping Rory and Lorelai talked almost constantly, often about Stars Hollow and its quirky, loveable residents. They also talked a lot about the way their lives were about to be upended. They were both at crossroads of sorts, but Rory had little appreciation for how much her mother's life was changing and Lorelai did her best to keep it that way. She wanted her daughter to think of her home as stable and secure, a safety net that she could return to if needed. Not that it wasn't a stable home, but there were so many unknowns in Lorelai's life that she couldn't help feeling like a leaf blowing in the wind. That sounded like a pleasant metaphor and it created a pretty visual, but 'pretty' did nothing to settle the butterflies that seem to have taken up permanent residence in her stomach, letting their presence be known whenever a thought of Stars Hollow, its resident diner owner, or her own future crossed her mind.

In her professional life, Lorelai knew which way to turn. The road ahead was dark and scary, full of the unknown, but she knew she had to go that way. The path she had been on for the last 17 years hit a dead end when the Independence Inn caught fire a few months ago, but serendipity stepped in as the property she and Sookie wanted for their own inn suddenly became available thanks to the timely death of its owner. Lorelai hated to think of the death of her neighbor, Fran, (or anyone, for that matter) as 'timely', but it really was. It was also eerily timely that she had recently received a windfall (in the form of the payout of an investment her father had made in her name at her birth) which would make the purchase of said property possible. Between that, her generous severance, Sookie's investment, and a mortgage/construction loan, they had enough money to both purchase and renovate the place. But she wanted to do more than just renovate. She wanted it to be perfect. She just had to trust that fate would once again step in if and when she found herself unable to pay for those little details (like the addition of horses, maybe) that would make her inn what she had been imagining. Then, once it was open, there was no guarantee of success. Most small inns close before their second birthday. Lorelai was both terrified and excited.

Then there was the matter of how to pay her own mortgage and other living expenses for the year that it would take to get the Dragonfly Inn up and running. Rory's tuition and board were taken care of, so at least she didn't need to worry about her, but Lorelai wasn't sure the party planning and catering business that she and Sookie were about to launch would provide enough income. There were so many things that could go wrong. Her business life was indeed a mess, but at least her direction and goals were clear.

In her home life she also had no choice but to take a different path. The daughter who had been most of her world for the last 18 ½ years was leaving. Sure, she'd be back for visits. Summers, weekends, anytime the laundry piled up, but the simple fact that Rory wouldn't be there each day, hogging the remote, sitting at a table with her at Luke's, spectating with her at the town meetings, was difficult to comprehend. Since the day that Lorelai left home, when her daughter wasn't much more than a year old, raising Rory consumed most of her thoughts and activities. When she wasn't actively taking care of the child, she was working to make the money she needed to support them, worrying about money, or worrying about Rory's well-being. To say that this adjustment wouldn't be easy was like describing a prison sentence as a 'little break from the daily grind'. Lorelai felt like she was about to have a leg amputated.

And then there was Luke.

Unlike in her professional and home lives, no rug was being pulled out from under her love life. Nothing had burned down, nobody had left her at the altar or anything. Still, Lorelai almost felt as if she was being forced to change course. She felt so compelled to at least consider a new path that she was overwhelmed with thoughts of him. It wasn't the dead ends she was met with in recent years that made her move in a different direction. It was the persistent, growing, feeling that she was missing something specific, and that something was Luke Danes.

Lorelai didn't even know how or when these thoughts started. There was a time, years ago, when she was attracted to him. Very attracted, actually. But things had happened. Rachel came home. Max proposed. Jess arrived. Time went by and their friendship deepened until she was terrified of the possibility of losing it. She needed Luke and some part of her knew this. So she had gone on with life, turning to Luke for friendship and offering the same in return. But when Nicole came along, something changed. Maybe it was because she and Luke had become closer in the last year or so. Sookie got married, Jess and Rory started dating, and Luke and Lorelai turned to each other for all of the things that friends turn to each other for - help, support, companionship.

Whatever the reason, when he started dating Nicole, the pangs of jealousy that she had felt when he was with Rachel returned, but they were accompanied by a bitterness that was new. She tried to dismiss it as simply a dislike of the skinny lawyer. After all, she had liked Rachel. But she knew she had nothing on which to base a dislike of Nicole. She hadn't spent any time with her at all, hadn't gotten to know her. She didn't want to.

Then that bitterness grew. It had children and grandchildren. By the time Luke had asked her opinion about his summer plans at Rory's graduation, the taste in Lorelai's mouth made her want to vomit. But she sucked it up and told him what she thought he wanted to hear, what she thought would make him happy: that he should go for it. And with that, she broke her own heart. The second the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to take them back. Inside she wanted to scream No! Don't go anywhere with her! Don't commit to her!, but instead she doubled down, reassuring him that hesitating was silly.

Normally, Lorelai would just deny the feelings - to everyone around her and to herself. She would tell the well-meaning throng of meddlers over and over that she and Luke were just friends, that he didn't have 'a thing for her'. Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. She would plunge herself into her work or, even more likely, find a man whose affections were safer, whose attention didn't bring such strong emotions to the surface where they could be exposed and rubbed raw. But she didn't want to do that anymore. This level of self-awareness was new to her, but it was a long time coming.

Lorelai was forced to grow up quickly when, as she had phrased it, "the stick turned pink". She was far beyond her years in many ways such as her work ethic and her judgment in matters pertaining to her daughter. But in protecting her daughter, she had sacrificed many of the personal experiences that most people learn and grow from. She had dated, but, as Sookie reminded her occasionally, her relationships rarely lasted more than two months. It wasn't until Max that anyone felt 'right' enough to take the risk - the risk that Rory would become attached and get hurt when it didn't work out, the risk that Lorelai would fall in love and get hurt.

When it came to romance and her feelings about men, Lorelai was immature and she knew it. Her relationship with Max wasn't healthy. In many ways he treated her like a child and in many ways she acted like one. She became wrapped up in the idea of having someone to grow old with, someone who would take care of her. She neglected her gut, which told her that she wouldn't be happy with being coddled and doted on, especially by someone she didn't really love. She needed a partner who saw and treated her as an equal, not a trophy. She needed someone who would protect her, but appreciate her independence. Someone who would take care of her, but knew she didn't really need someone to take care of her.

She needed to stop allowing that part of her life to just happen to her and instead take more control over it. She needed to examine her feelings and figure out what she wanted the way she did in her professional life and the way she parented Rory. She was 36 years old. It was time to grow up and do some serious soul searching.

So the night before she and Rory left for Europe, Lorelai made a decision to take advantage of being away from Stars Hollow, away from Sookie and Miss Patty and anyone else (except Rory) whose voices muddied the waters, and invest some serious vacation time in thinking about Luke. She decided to think about the jealousy and longing that was overshadowing everything else in her life, even the very serious and scary professional cliff off of which she had just jumped.

But she couldn't talk to Rory about Luke, either. Not only was this something that she needed to work out for herself, but she didn't want Rory's relationship with Luke to be affected, especially when she had no idea what the outcome would be. There were too many unknowns. No, this was something she had to think through on her own.

So, for six weeks their days had been filled with walking and exploring, with ruins and art and history and food and drink, with pep talks and motherly advice-giving. Rory shared her fears about being on her own and her worries that she might not be up for the challenges of an Ivy League university, but Lorelai kept the discussion of her own challenges positive. She talked about floor plans, curtains, and Michel. She talked about the weddings and birthday parties she and Sookie would do. She talked about the baby Sookie would have in November. She kept the rest to herself and tried not to think about it until night fell.

And now, six weeks later, she wasn't much closer to an action plan than she had been at the start of their trip. Her thoughts tended to go in circles. Her first concerns were that she was having these feelings for Luke because of the other stresses in her life. It made sense that she would latch on to someone like Luke to keep from being alone when Rory left. This thought freaked her out for a good week, but she searched her past for any indication of a pattern of this kind of behavior and found none. In fact, it seemed a very out-of-character response for Lorelai, the fiercely independent woman who did everything on her own. While she had sought relationships with men like Max and Christopher, she realized that she hadn't done so because she was afraid to be alone. She had sought them out because they were 'safe' alternatives to Luke. 'Safe' because those relationships didn't involve the intense, scary emotions that even her friendship with Luke always evoked. 'Alternatives' because, she came to realize, she always seemed to turn to them whenever Luke was occupied (with Rachel or Nicole) or not speaking to her.

Eventually she decided that no, these feelings for Luke probably weren't about filling a void that Rory might leave. Then a week later she once again felt anxious and worried that they were and if that's what it was about she couldn't risk their friendship to find out. Then she dismissed that fear once again.

Or maybe it was her fear of failure that led her to cling to Luke. After all, he was the one person she would confide in about those fears. She couldn't share them with Rory and she couldn't share them with Sookie, either. Her business partner needed to have faith in the venture. Luke was the perfect sounding board. He always managed to say the right thing. He made sure that she knew that he believed in her and he somehow managed to do that without making it feel like pandering. She needed that.

But why would a fear of failure make her long for Luke? He was a supportive friend; she didn't need a romantic involvement with him to have that support. In fact, moving beyond friendship would be a risk in that area, too.

No, these feelings were not about her fear of failure. Normally, the stress of work would make her put on blinders and steer clear of men altogether. No, this wasn't about needing a man or being alone. This was about Luke.

Eventually she landed on another thought: maybe these feelings for Luke were not new at all. Maybe she had been holding him at arm's length (if a deep friendship could be considered 'arm's length') until Rory left home. Maybe it wasn't about being alone, but about the fact that she would no longer have to worry about Rory's role in the relationship. She didn't have to think about that time, almost three years ago, when Rory freaked out about the possibility of Lorelai dating Luke. She wouldn't have to worry that Rory's only real father figure besides her grandfather would suddenly be off-limits if she and Luke broke up. Of course, she never really had to worry about that. Luke had developed his own relationship long ago with Rory, who went to the diner often with Lane or just by herself.

The thought that her 'new' feelings for Luke were just buried desires that recently came bubbling to the surface seemed right, made the most sense. It felt right. And that made those desires a lot less scary.

So now she had to decide what if anything she was going to do about it all, and she needed to do it soon.

~ OOOOO ~

"You really don't want to go?" Rory asked, a look of surprise on her face.

"We can go… if you really want to," Lorelai said cautiously, trying to gage if Rory was disappointed and just going along with what she wanted.

"I could take it or leave it; I'm just shocked that you don't want to," she replied honestly, "I mean, it's Bono, for cryin' out loud!"

"I know, and I would like to see Ireland, but I'm ready to go home. Aren't you ready to go home?"

"Absolutely. I could really go for a pizza," Rory said, her mouth watering.

"We had pizza in Italy just a week ago."

"Yeah, but that had real cheese and vegetables and hardly any meat. I want a greasy, New York-style American pizza."

"I want a cheeseburger." Lorelai said, trying not to show how much she missed Luke.

"Mmmm… from Luke's…" Rory nodded, eyes closed. "But not unless Luke is back to cook it. Caesar's just aren't as good." It seemed the matter of whether to to extend their trip was settled and the answer was 'no'. They had been invited by a group of girls they'd met to accompany them to Ireland. The girls were planning to hang out at a hotel that U2 owned, hoping to catch a glimpse of the band. Since Lorelai had a thing for Bono, Rory was sure that she'd want to go, but she thanked them and said 'no'.

"He's back," Lorelai said. "When I talked to Sookie yesterday, she said that she and Jackson saw him at the diner."

"Oh, great. Did he have a good time on his cruise? That man needed a vacation."

"Yeah, he works hard, that one," Lorelai said. She was trying hard to keep a poker face. "I don't know if he had a good time. Sookie said he was acting weird. When she tried to ask him about his trip he dodged the questions and practically ran away."

"Hmmm… wonder what that's all about."

"Well, I guess we'll find out soon. Let's say goodbye to London and get a cab."

~ OOOOO ~

Rory slept on the flight home, giving Lorelai another opportunity to think. She was really tired of thinking. Not so much tired of thinking about Luke as tired of being so cerebral about it all. So she eased up a little, letting her mind wander for a bit, and suddenly it all seemed clear. Crystal clear.

Lorelai Gilmore was in love with Luke Danes.

There was no other conclusion that made sense and once she finally settled on it, she knew it to be truth. It was like one of those Gestalt puzzles or an optical illusion. Once you see it, you can't unsee it; once you know the answer, it seems obvious. What she still didn't know is what she was going to do about it.

What she wanted to do was 1) tell everyone she knew how she felt, starting with Rory and 2) greet Luke after two months apart with a passionate kiss. Four very big things kept her from doing either of those.

First, as certain as she was that she was in love with him, she needed to prove to herself that she would be okay after Rory left for Yale. She felt that she needed to adjust to her new world order before she introduced another big change to it. Second, she wasn't sure how Luke felt about her. Sookie, Miss Patty, Rory, and others had been telling her for years that Luke had 'a thing' for her, but Lorelai had never taken those rumors too seriously. They had a great friendship, but Luke was a kind and generous man (despite the gruff exterior) and she didn't think he treated her all that differently from his other friends. After all, he had asked Nicole out, not her. It's possible that he just didn't think of Lorelai that way, that he didn't want to think of her that way. She didn't much feel like being the object of pity if she was to announce to everyone that she loved the man only to be rejected. She couldn't stand the thought of Sookie looking at her with those big, round, sad eyes and Rory didn't need to be burdened with concern for her mother's love life, either. And then there was the fact that Lorelai's dating track record wasn't great. She was rarely dumped; she was usually the dumper. It was the reason that Rory didn't want her to date Luke three years ago. She didn't want to end up hurting Luke, so she needed to be sure she was ready to be with him.

But the most important obstacle was Nicole. Luke had been dating Nicole for six months and he had just taken a vacation with her. He was with Nicole. Lorelai didn't think Nicole was right for him, but that didn't change the fact that he was with her.

Although she had been very, very jealous of Nicole, she had never thought of her as much of a threat until now. Somewhere in the back her mind Lorelai thought that Luke would have dropped Nicole like bad habit if she had ever tried to get his attention. Until now, that is. Vacationing together is pretty serious, especially taking a cruise. That blows a weekend getaway off the map as a sign that a relationship is going somewhere. And if Nicole really did make Luke happy, Lorelai didn't want to change that. She loved him. She wanted him to be happy. She just wanted him to be happy with her.

And even if he and Nicole broke up, Luke would need time. The last thing Lorelai wanted was to be in a rebound relationship.

So the bottom line was that no matter what, she was in a bit of a holding pattern when it came to Luke. The only plan that she could reasonably follow would be to maintain and cultivate her friendship with Luke while focusing on work, adjusting to a more solitary home life,7 and waiting for Luke and Nicole's relationship to play out.

As she realized that she had settled on a decision, she suddenly felt somewhat grown up. She usually acted on impulse, despite the pro-con list making behavior that she had sometimes laid claim to. In reality, Rory was the careful decision-maker, the one who weighed options and formulated plans. Lorelai sometimes delayed decisions, creating the appearance of careful consideration, and she liked to believe that she put thought into anything important, but the truth was that she usually went with her gut. And her gut was batting at close to zero lately, so she felt proud of the two months she had put into this thought process. She also felt some pride that she did not try to run away or deny her feelings. Maybe there was hope for her love life afterall.

~ OOOOO ~

"Don't give him the jam," Rory said as they walked toward the diner from Sookie's house. "He's gonna know."

"No, he's not," Lorelai answered, smiling. "I've got a whole backstory prepared." She couldn't allow their reunion to be any kind of normal. It had to start with a good round of some sort of prank or teasing and this, she thought, was perfect.

"Well, as much as I'd like to be there when you give Luke your heartfelt gift, I'm going to go give Lane her gift."

Lorelai didn't like that idea one bit. She needed an audience, but even more she needed a buffer. She wasn't sure how she would feel when she saw him, or how she might behave. Having Rory there would keep her in check.

"Well, I'd like to see Lane, too," she replied. "Why don't we stop there first, then head to Luke's for lunch?"

So, after a short visit to catch up with Lane, they headed to the diner together.

As soon as she saw him through the glass, her face broke out in a grin that she couldn't stop. Her heart seemed to lift her entire body so that she floated through the door behind Rory. When the bells rang, she saw Luke look up from his default task of wiping the counter, his own face lighting up when he saw them. He glided around the counter with his arms out, one arm catching Rory in an awkward hug (Rory didn't seem capable of any kind of hug that wasn't awkward) and the other went around Lorelai so that they ended up in a kind of group hug.

For her part, Lorelai wrapped her arms around his middle and squeezed. It was new for them, but so was a two-month absence (well, not counting the summer before, when she avoided the diner).

"There's the weary travelers!" Luke exclaimed. "How was your trip?" He moved back to behind the counter and put a mug in front of each of them and started to pour.

"Thank you!" Lorelai and Rory both exclaimed, then Lorelai added, "You remembered!"

"Some things about you stick," Luke replied.

"Mmmm," Rory hummed, sipping her coffee. "I missed this so much!"

"I told them about you over there, Señor Swankypants," Lorelai said.

"Can't tell you how grateful I am to have you as my press agent," Luke replied, skeptical. "But you can't expect me to believe that you found NO good coffee in Europe."

"Oh, there was some good stuff," Lorelai assured him. "We had some amazing cappuccino in Rome. And then there was…" She turned to Rory. "Where did we get that fantastic biscotti?"

"Um, that was in Venice," Rory answered.

"No, Venice is where the fabulous tiramisu was."

"And the biscotti."

"Oh, yeah, we had the tiramisu in that little place on the canal and we got the biscotti from that place by the hostel… Or was it the other way around?"

"So you're saying there was good coffee in Italy?" Luke said, trying to follow the conversation.

"Yeah, Rome, Venice… and Paris had some good stuff, too. But I don't know if any of them were as good as yours, Luke." She said, teasing just a little.

"She's not even kidding, Luke" Rory added. "We had some great coffee, but I sure missed this." She paused, then her eyes flew wide as she realized something. "Oh my god! What am I going to do for coffee when I go to Yale?"

"You'll just have to come home often," Lorelai said.

"So how was your trip? What did you see?" Luke asked, clearly trying to keep the conversation away from the depressing reality that Rory would be leaving in just over a week.

"What didn't we see?" Lorelai replied. "Honestly, Luke, we'll be regaling you with our stories for weeks! But first, we brought you something."

"You did?" Luke said in surprise. "You didn't have to do that."

"What are you talking about? We do not go to Europe and come back without bringing something for Luke." She brought the jar of jam out and set it in his hands with a flourish.

"Jam?" Luke said, looking at her sideways.

"Fancy French jam."

"Fruits de la terre," Luke read the label. "Very impressive," he added, looking back up at her through his lashes. Rory just sipped her coffee and tried to remain expressionless.

"It's handmade by this woman in Paris who has the most amazing story."

"Really?" Luke clearly wasn't buying it, but Lorelai kept going.

"Orphaned."

"Uh huh."

"And illiterate."

"Okay."

"Just had nothing in her life except the burning desire to be the world's greatest... jamstress."

"Really?" He opened the jar and grabbed a spoon to taste it as she continued.

"Grew up with nuns... She's famous now and, uh, she only makes three bottles of that stuff a year and that's one of 'em."

Putting the spoon down, Luke said, "Tastes remarkably like Jackson's boysenberry jam."

Rory burst out laughing. "I told you he'd know!" Lorelai just shook her head.

"Luke," Rory continued, "you are so hard to shop for! Mom wanted to buy you a bullfighter's uniform, but I talked her out of it. We looked all over Europe and nothing was good enough."

"Until we got to Italy," Lorelai interjected, smiling. She pulled the real gift out of her backpack and handed it to him. "I know how much you treasure the watch your dad gave you, but that band has got to go."

He opened the box to find a beautiful Italian leather watchband. "This is great," he said, grinning.

"It's inscribed," Lorelai told him. He picked it up and looked at the underside. A message was embossed there, it read:

For Luke

From his Gilmore girls

Luke suddenly looked shy as he smiled warmly, demonstrating that the wording wasn't lost on him. Lorelai was concerned about it at first, wondering if it was too personal, but Rory had agreed to it enthusiastically, even though it suggested that she and Lorelai sort of belonged Luke. Now she was glad that she had gone with it.

He actually looked a little choked up.

"I love it," he said quietly without looking up as he reached under the counter and brought out two small rectangular boxes, "and I got something for you, too."

Lorelai was stunned. Not so much that Luke would be thoughtful enough to bring them gifts - he was a very generous man - but that he would do that while on a vacation with his girlfriend, a woman who so clearly disliked Lorelai. She imagined the argument that ensued as a consequence. She watched Rory open hers first. It was a pretty sterling silver chain and pendant. The pendant looked like a little man made out of rocks.

"It's called an Inukshuk," Luke explained. "The indigenous people used the shape as a trail marker. It means 'You're on the right path'."

"I love it, Luke," Rory replied, smiling. "Thank you!" She leaned over the counter for another awkward hug."

Lorelai opened her own box to find another necklace, it was also sterling silver. The pendant looked like bird, but it was an interesting design that looked native American. She gasped. "Luke, I love it. It's a bird, right?"

He nodded and smiled. "A raven."

"And I assume this one means something, too?"

"Well, yes, but it's a bit more complicated. You'll have to look it up," he replied.

"So, you'll tell Rory, but you're going to make me look it up?"

"Face it, Mom," Rory said. "I'm the favorite."

Lorelai pouted, then saw Luke's reserve start to crack in response, but she backed off. Pranks, teasing, and flirting were fine, but she wasn't going to manipulate him. If he wanted her to look it up for herself, she would look it up for herself.

"I just thought you'd like it." He said, a little shyly. "It was made by a Tlingit artist."

"I do like it, and I will look it up," she said, putting the necklace on with a huge grin. Then she got to the question she'd been dying to ask since they walked in the door. She tried to sound casual. "So how was the cruise?"

"Yeah, how was it?" Rory joined in.

"Oh, it was, you know," he said, then walked around the counter to busy himself cleaning a table.

"Uh, no, we don't know," Lorelai said. "We've never been on a cruise." When he didn't answer, she pushed a little. "So?"

"It was fine." His attention was all over the place now, as if he was looking for things that needed to be done so that he could excuse himself.

"You had fun?" Rory asked, looking at Lorelai with wide eyes and shrugging, as if to say 'I don't know why he's acting so weird.'

"You and Nicole had fun then?" Lorelai added.

"Yeah yeah yeah, you want more coffee?" he asked, but didn't wait for an answer from either of them.

"So what did you do?" Rory asked.

"Where?"

"On the boat," Lorelai said. "What did you and Nicole do on the boat?"

"Oh, you know," Luke replied just a little too casually and slowly for Lorelai's comfort. "We floated around and ate and there was a magic show and a singer and, uh, pillow mints and… you know, that was it."

This wasn't exactly the kind of information Lorelai was looking for. "But you and Nicole had a good time? You got along and -"

"Yeah, I'm gonna go check on your food," Luke said as he walked off into the kitchen.

"But we didn't order anything yet," Rory yelled after him. Lorelai and Rory just looked at each other and shrugged. "I guess he doesn't want to talk about it."

"I guess not," Lorelai said, her voice trailing off while her eyes stayed glued to the kitchen. This was not a great start.

Luke was a fairly private person and the diner was half full of patrons, so she chose to back off. Eventually, she and Rory ordered and ate the cheeseburgers that they had been craving for weeks, handed out a couple of presents to friends who had popped into the diner for lunch, and went on their way. Lorelai promised Luke that she would come back close to closing for a last cup of coffee and one of their long, personal chats. Maybe then he'll feel more like sharing, she thought.

Jetlag took its toll as they trudged through the rest of the day. Rory became extra crabby when she discovered that Taylor had named her "Ice Cream Queen" and expected her to participate in the opening of his new soda shoppe, then tried to make her feel guilty when she told him that she didn't have time. She was feeling the pressure of getting everything packed to move by Saturday morning and the building anxiety about leaving home to start college.

Lorelai was just anxious. She was desperate to know the status and depth of Luke's relationship with Nicole.

By dinnertime they were both fighting sleep. Pizza helped a little, but eventually Rory couldn't keep her eyes open and went to bed. That was Lorelai's cue to head to the diner. It was 9:00 at night, but she freshened her makeup anyway. She even touched up her curls. She thought about changing her clothes into something more flattering than the jeans and blouse she had worn that day, but she couldn't think of a good enough excuse if he happened to notice and ask why she had changed. So she just put on some sneakers, grabbed her purse, and headed out the door.

There was a nice late summer breeze that helped wake her up a little as she walked through town to the diner, thankful that the mosquitoes seemed to be letting her be and sorry that she and Rory had missed the fireflies this year. As the diner came into view and Lorelai could see Luke moving around inside, butterflies took flight in her stomach. God, she had it bad when the idea of spending time with a man she had known for more than seven years - a man she considered a close friend, maybe her best friend - could make her so nervous.

"Hey," she said as she walked through the door. She was greeted with a genuine Luke Danes smile.

"Hey," he said as he reached under the counter with one hand and behind him with the other. He poured and asked, "You look chipper. Is your sleep cycle screwed up?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I'm exhausted, but I don't think I can sleep right now." She lied. She thanked him for the coffee, then they chatted about mundane things. She told him about their day visiting with everybody and all of the errands they had to do to get Rory ready for school.

"Already? But it's still summer."

"It's almost the end of August, Luke. Orientation for Freshman is Saturday and classes start next week." Lorelai informed him. She sighed "We've got so much to do still. The first thing I need to do is buy luggage. The Europe thing was the first long trip we've taken in years and we only took backpacks. We can pack up her books and stuff in boxes, but I want to treat her clothes right."

"I've got luggage," Luke said. "You can borrow mine."

"You have luggage?"

"Yes, I have luggage. Why wouldn't I have luggage?"

"You never go anywhere." Casting out a line...

"I just went on a three-week vacation that included a cruise to Alaska!" ...and reeling him in.

"Oh, yeah, that's right! The mystery cruise that you won't talk about!"

"I told you I brought luggage," he said, exasperated that he had allowed himself to be ambushed. "What more info do you need?"

"Why won't you tell me what happened? I would tell you."

"Yes, but I wouldn't want to know."

She watched him as he rung up the last customers, then cleaned up their table.

"Did something happen with you and Nicole?"

"Yes."

"What, did you propose?" She asked, teasing, as she stood up. She didn't expect what happened next.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her, stone-faced. "Yes."

The air seemed to leave her lungs. "Oh my god, you proposed?"

He sighed. "Yes, I proposed."

Her mouth hung open in shock while her brain tried to catch up. "Th-this is... big! This is huge!"

"There's more," he said, remaining stoic.

"There's more?" She dreaded what he would say next. "Well, okay, what? Did she say yes?"

"Yes." He finally showed some emotion. He almost looked hurt. Lorelai worried that he could read her mind, that he knew that she was devastated and that what she saw on his face was pity. She couldn't have that, but getting her emotions under control enough to put on a smile and be happy for him was asking a lot, maybe more than she could do.

"She said yes," she repeated, almost as if she didn't believe it. "You proposed and she said yes. Wow." She really couldn't breathe now.

"There's more."

"There's more?" She was almost shouting now. "There's more after you proposed and she said yes? What -"

"We got married."

She felt tears welling up inside her head and fought with everything she had to keep them from coming to the surface. "Y-you got married? So, you're married? You're legally married?" She tried to calm down and get herself under control. "How did… how did you get married?"

"We asked the captain and he married us," he said, as if it was obvious.

"And that's legal?"

"Apparently."

Lorelai felt simultaneously like she was about to explode and collapse. She didn't know what to do with this information. Her brain tried to readjust its expectations of her future while recalibrating its view of her relationship with Luke. She wanted to be a supportive friend. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted to hug him and congratulate him and be happy for him, but she couldn't wrap her brain around this new reality. She knew she had to say something, but all that came out was, "This is just…"

"Actually, there's a little more," he interrupted, using his fingers to say 'just a little bit, a tiny thing'.

She sucked in a breath. "She's pregnant. Ohmygod you finally reproduced." The last sentence was supposed to be a joke, but she didn't feel much like laughing.

"We're getting divorced."

Everything stopped. Lorelai's brain tried once again to catch up. The relief she felt was palpable, but it wasn't complete. Still, she held onto it and tried to dig herself out of the emotional nightmare of the last few minutes. "I have to sit down now."

"Good thing there's a stool behind you," He replied as he took the stool next to her. Then he took a deep breath and told her how it happened. He explained how the cruise had put him in a weird state with all of the movement, the food, the drink, and lovey dovey couples all around them. "Of course we both woke up the next morning and realized we'd lost our minds. We tried to ignore it for a while, you know… went dog sledding… but by the time we hit land we were separated and now we're getting divorced."

"Okay, well," Lorelai said, trying to sound casual, "My jetlag and your love life are making me dizzy. Is there more?"

"No, that's it."

"I'm sorry," she said honestly, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Nah, it's okay." His dismissal of his own pain was so… Luke.

"Well, I'm suddenly really tired," she said slowly, dropping a dollar on the counter and grabbing her purse to leave. She stood up and walked to the door. "Um, if you want to talk you know where to find me, okay?"

"Thanks. I'll bring that luggage by for Rory tomorrow," he said as she reached the door.

She had her hand on the knob, but turned and said, "Thanks a bunch, Luke. And… I really am sorry."

"Meh, I'll be fine."

She walked out the door and headed for home, eyes on the road in front of her. She wasn't lying about being tired. The jetlag seemed to muddy everything, but she wondered if she would have been just as confused if she was fully rested. Her brain told her to relax, he's getting divorced. That means his relationship with Nicole is over and he's single again. She just needed to be patient and give him some time to get over her. But her heart screamed, He married her!

He married her.

He had to love her, or at least think that he loved her long enough to get married. Patty and Sookie and Rory and the town… they were all wrong. Luke didn't have a thing for Lorelai. He wasn't pining for her. He married someone else. A skinny, jealous… lawyer. Luke had married a lawyer. It's a wonder the universe didn't fold in on itself.

And what, exactly had she hoped would happen? The guilt of wanting a man who belonged to someone else should have subsided, since Luke clearly wasn't Nicole's anymore, but it hadn't. She knew that she had done nothing wrong, but she couldn't shake the feeling that her desire to see them split up somehow caused it to happen. But she couldn't feel victorious, either, because he married her!

Ugh. A part of her wanted to cry, but about half way home the laughter started. It began as a giggle that bubbled to the surface, then slowly built until it reached maniacal, hysterical laughter. I always do this to myself, she thought. It's like my life is a sitcom. I should be studied. The laughter faded and exhaustion took its place. She trudged up the steps and into her house without looking up. She went through her nightly routine mechanically, totally preoccupied. When her head hit the pillow, she was grateful for its softness. She closed her eyes and was out in a matter of seconds.