Just as a heads up, this fic contains some very coarse language and violence. But then again... that's kind of a given, considering the fact this is both Black Lagoon and Hellsing? Hope you enjoy! Please feel free to review; I'm all ears, as always! :)

Chapter 1

"Fuckin' A," Revy snorted as she slapped the television guide off her face. The picture on the front depicted a man with a ghostly pale complexion, red eyes, and sleek black hair. "I must have misheard you, Dutch. How much did you say this guy was worth?"

"Four million; enough for each of us to split. He's in league with this secret government organization that holds up the import of drugs from England, some kind of field agent. Balalaika was not messing around when she said she wanted his ass in her office; we manage to get him there, life's going to get a lot easier."

Revy grinned savagely. "One million is going to buy me a lot of booze."

Rock wasn't convinced just yet. As he sat on the couch with his hands folded together, he considered the team's options. It was a lot of money, but why was this target worth so much if he was only an agent? "How dangerous is this guy, exactly?"

Dutch huffed and turned around, gesturing for them to follow him. "He's been on the news before; remember the case about that hotel in Rio that got shut down? Everything was very closed off to the public, but he was one of the suspected terrorists. That guy, along with some other chick, managed to take down over fifty military agents. Fifteen civilians died just from being in the crossfire."

"Ha! So someone like Roberta?" Revy leapt up, an excited grin creeping its way onto her face. "I saw that asshole's picture. Some creep with no fashion sense whatsoever. But his eyes- they're the eyes of a killer, all right. Where we going?"

"He's heading right into Roanapur," Dutch replied. "Introducing ourselves is going to be easy. I'm just not so sure how simple it's going to be after that."

/\/\/\

He wasn't surprised to find out that a place like Roanapur didn't take too kindly to outsiders. Everyone there was involved in some kind of criminal activity; prostitutes, murderers, thieves, mobsters, and drug dealers all dwelt there. Merely walking the streets had gotten him a lot of mean looks. To someone who looked like a threat, this city was not the place to be. To someone who was a threat, it was a perfect hideout. Alucard briefly imagined himself as a free vampire walking these streets and realized how perfect an environment it was. Hell, this is precisely the type of place he would have gone if he were a low-level varmint.

'Are you all right, Master?' A timid voice asked through his mental connection.

Alucard breathed a tired chuckle. Seras was following him down the opposite street, a few hundred yards back. She had been ordered to remain undercover too, but only to give periodically reports to Sir Integra. 'Of course, Police Girl. I am merely basking in the lovely night air of the city.' Sarcasm practically dripped from his tone.

'Yes… basking… right,' she sighed as his gaze fell on a nearby prostitute's large assets. To some distant extent, Alucard pitied his fledgling. She certainly was not meant for a place like this. 'Sir Integra wanted me to tell you to hurry up and get to their hangout. Not my words of course, Sir, but she seemed very antsy to get this mission underway.'

'I see,' Alucard purred. 'Very well. I assumed the later that I arrived, the higher the chances were that they would be waiting, but I suppose I can beat them there.'

'There' being a run-down hovel of a bar called The Yellow Flag. Apparently, it was Black Lagoon's favorite hangout. The fact he would have to consort with these miscreants without the satisfaction of the kill raised his figurative hackles. Alucard crossed the street and went down three more city blocks, gaining more stares from onlookers. Although he was dressed up in his more casual black suit and red tie, he still drew attention. That was his best attempt to blend in, or at least it was as far as he was willing to go. Discretion wasn't much his style.

The bar itself was as seedy as Integra's description of the place was. Pungent smoke and alcohol perfumed the air, and the dim lights along with the fog cast a dark haze around the place. Outlaws spoke loudly amongst themselves, some wrapped up in gambling, some grinding against one another, and some silently watching their surroundings. The barkeep, however, seemed to be a bit more jittery than anticipated. The place was reportedly shot down at least once every month or so. It was understandable that strangers were not too welcome there.

"Got any good wine here?" he asked, taking a seat at the stool.

The man snorted, distrust evident in the angry scowl upon his face. "Yeah- some huangjiu. That's it. We aren't some snobby wine-selling bar, buddy."

Alucard leered in disgust. The only wine he could stomach was red: the other stuff just didn't have it. He was about to ask about other drinks when someone snorted behind him. "Wow. I thought for someone as big as you, you wouldn't order such a pussy drink. But, I guess I was wrong."

The woman who had spoken caught him by surprise, and instantly Alucard recognized that this was one of the targets. Turning all the way behind him, his crimson eyes sought out the rest of the gang, and was immensely amused to see that indeed, the Lagoon Company had arrived. The newest member, nicknamed Rock, had come with her and looked incredibly nervous. "Revy," he said in warning, trying to draw her attention.

The girl ignored him, however, and turned to the barman. "Double-crown neat," she ordered, and the man poured the drink with a warning look.

He examined her from behind his orange glasses. She seemed to have the same abrasive personality that her case picture captured; full of youthful rage and vigor. Revy seemed like a formulaic troubled spitfire, the type of girl who could be seen running the streets with a gun in hand on a dark night. Her partner on the other hand… he was the one Integra had told him to keep an eye on. Rokuro Okajima, nicknamed 'Rock', was one of the weakest members of the Lagoon company. He was pacifistic by nature and easily spooked. However, he was also very brave, lucky, and intelligent; and in his experience, that was a deadly combination. He looked unassuming in his white dress shirt and business tie, but Alucard was not fooled. No one in Roanapur was innocent.

Alucard raised an eyebrow. "For one who hasn't been drinking for half the amount of time that I have, you are awfully boastful. Your little protégé over there seems to agree with me."

She gulped her drink down within seconds and gestured at the barkeep for another. "Him? He doesn't know his asshole from a hole in the floor."

"Revy!"

"I can tell a lot about a person from their liquor," Revy continued, ignoring Rock. "Real men don't come down to a place like this looking for a drink like that. So I can only assume from that and the suit that you're some high-class neutered government douchebag that came down here to sniff out the street rats, isn't that right?"

Alucard stared her down, a grin slowly sliding its way onto his lips. A dangerous sort of grin; the sort of grin he had when he found a loophole in something. "Barkeep… I think I'll have that drink you mentioned," he said, without looking away even for a second. The man slid the drink to his hand without a word, and Alucard picked it up. He took a slow sip, staring at Revy all the while, then set the glass down with a small clink. "White wine always did taste like shit."

Faster than anyone could react, he kicked Revy's legs out from under her and slammed her onto the bar, shattering the empty wine glass on her back. "FUCK!" she roared, ripping her two guns out from her sides. When she tried to aim at anywhere on Alucard, however, she was pinned down by limbs that seemed to be made of iron. Revy snarled and thrashed against him, arms shaking with effort. The two other members, Dutch and Benny, quickly pointed their guns at him. Rock took a quick step back, startled. Everyone in the bar had frozen, watching the scene with a mixture of wariness, amusement, and shock.

Alucard's glasses slid down his nose to reveal red eyes, causing Revy to pause in trying to escape his hold for a brief moment of alarm. "I'm not one who enjoys negotiation very much, so I'll make what I have to say brief. I was told that I would be in charge of organizing a little parley. My orders are to leave on your boat tonight, and find this Balalaika that has been causing my master so much trouble. But I know for a fact that it only takes one person to drive."

The girl bared her teeth like a wolf, nothing but perilous ferocity glimmering in her amber-brown eyes. Alucard smirked, appreciating the look. "You think I'm going to just take this from some pompous ass like you?" Revy leaned up to look him dead in the eye, inches away from his face. "Fuck that four million: as soon as I get up, your brains are wallpaper."

Alucard hmphed. "You were hired to capture me for a paltry four million? How deplorable; how utterly, utterly deplorable. I'm worth much more than that. But unfortunately for you, you aren't going to earn once cent." There was a faint metallic click as a large silver gun was positioned between her eyes. "Goodnight, Barfly."

"WAIT!" Rock cried, holding out both hands and gesturing for him to halt. "You don't want to do that!"

"Oh?" Alucard asked, gaze sliding to somewhere behind the barriers around his glasses as he looked at the man in the business suit. "Why not?"

"B-Because…" Rock was silent for a moment as he seemed to collect himself. Alucard allowed the time just to indulge him. And collect himself he did; suddenly, the boy seemed much more confident than he did moments earlier. "Because then you lose your chances with Balalaika. We're friends with her, you see. And since we're on good terms with Hotel Moscow, that means you'll incur the wrath of the Russian Mafia if you take out one of their best agents. That parley you were talking about would wind up being a bloodbath. And I assure you, that wouldn't make whoever sent you happy."

He had to hand it to the young man: that took some guts. However, he wouldn't put the gun away. Not just yet. "But you were sent to capture me, weren't you, boy? I don't get kidnapped." Although his words insinuated that he was in danger, truth be told Alucard just wanted to play around with them.

Rock straightened his back and relaxed his arms. "Actually, we just have to get you to Hotel Moscow. And we hadn't anticipated that you would actually be willing to go into the center of the Russian Mafia, so you can kind of see why we were a little… pushy." Alucard snorted at the word choice. "So… if you wouldn't mind… please let Revy up."

Alucard glanced back down to the girl still trapped under his arm, giving him the deadliest glare she could muster. How amusing- the boy seemed to have a little crush on Barfly. "I don't know if I should. She looks a little angry with me."

"Fucking right I'm angry with you!" she screamed. "I'm gonna take that gun and shove it straight up your-!"

"She'll be good," another voice asserted. A tall, dark-skinned man in military fatigues, sunglasses, and a flak-jacket walked around his table and moved to stand next to Rock. "Revy wouldn't do something as stupid as blow the job we were assigned to do just for a death match. Because if she did, I'd kick her ass. Right, Revy?"

The woman snarled at the black man's calm composure, but eventually seemed to yield to his logic. "Yeah, if you could, Dutchie-boy," she sighed in defeat.

A smile played on his lips. "Now, Mr. Triggerhappy, I don't know what kind of death wish you've got, wanting to go right into the mafia, but if that's what you want, we'll do this the easy way. We go on the boat tonight, and by morning, you're gone. Sound fair?"

Alucard chuckled. "Indeed. What an interesting turn of events, to have passed this milestone amiably. There are usually a lot more bodies by the end of my missions." And just like that, Revy did not die. As soon as the girl was let up, she violently brushed herself off, glaring at Alucard the whole time. The vampire, however, was entirely unfazed, and instead put his attention on all the other members. "Well? Lead the way."

"I don't think so, secret agent." The heavily-accented voice belonged to a tall Taiwanese woman in a cheongsam. She stood from where she was perched among her group of crooks and hovered her hand around her leg, likely where she had strapped a weapon of some sort. "Chang wants us to bring you. Apparently you a big trouble maker for Triad too."

Revy curled her lip in irritation. "Shut up, Chinglish. This one's ours, so back off unless you want me to shoot you an extra asshole."

"Actually, I think he's ours," another voice piped up, causing the already agitated gun wielder to freeze. Revy snarled.

Alucard turned around and saw another human, this one dressed in a very interesting costume. "A nun…?" he questioned, highly amused.

"Eda," Revy warned, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Hey, it's not my fault you announced this guy was worth cash. I figure we kidnap him, the right person calls, and we get lots of money. And after all, our church doesn't exactly get a lot from tithings."

"That's what your weapons route is for, you conniving bitch!"

The vampire laughed loudly. "And I thought the Iscariots were corrupt!"

"Shut up!" all three women yelled. Of course, Alucard laughed at this as well.

Rock decided that this would be a good time to intervene and stood protectively in front of the vampire to act as a human shield. "If things get rough, you have to duck down behind the bar counter," he warned. "How good are you with defense?"

The vampire stared down blankly at the young man's head. "If things do 'get rough' as you so judiciously put it, you will stay out of my way." Alucard simply walked around him uncaringly, reaching for something concealed in his suit. "And to answer your question: very. But I do offense." Rock inhaled sharply when he noticed the teeth in Alucard's grin. A creeping suspicion began to form in the pit of his stomach. 'Master, what are you doing?' Seras's nervous voice sounded in his head.

Alucard turned and faced the crowd, ignoring his fledgling. It seemed more people in the bar stood up to face the Lagoon Company. If he did not intervene, a large fight would ensue, a fight he knew that these four humans could not hope to win. However, he was not one to sit idly by. The shadows in the dimly lit bar seemed to come alive as he walked forth into the midst of the impending bloodbath, and his crimson eyes flashed dangerously behind his glasses. "So all of you will attempt to capture me, is that right?" His baritone voice was deceptively calm.

No one answered, and instead readied their weapons. 'Oh no,' Seras groaned. 'Sir, please don't kill anyone! And-And please don't reveal what you are! Integra wants this operation to go as smooth as possible- you might wind up making enemies!'

'Making enemies is a part of life, Police Girl,' Alucard chided. 'These pests made themselves my enemies. I simply cannot control what humans do- they have this annoying thing called free will.' From the glee in his tone, it didn't seem he was too disappointed about it. After those words, he chose to ignore the frightened squawking of his fledgling and focused entirely on the ensuing bloodbath. He quickly ripped off his glasses and exposed his bright, vicious eyes. "If you think you can, what are you fools waiting for? I'm practically a bag of money sitting right in front of you. Come on, cowards! Let's see what you can do!"

Many things happened after that.

At the exact moment three gunshots rang throughout the bar, Benny, and Rock both dove behind the counter, right next to the very angry bartender. Revy, meanwhile, shouted a coarse "DUMBASS!" while she drew her weapon. Alucard had drawn out his silver gun and released the safety with a wild grin on his face. Eda was one of the first shooters, narrowly missing the vampire's shoulder. The woman who Alucard recognized as "Chinglish" actually managed to strike him through the legs with a pair of kukri blades, which were soon retracted after impact. He fell to the ground, laughing. Dutch fired his gun at her right afterwards, and the two engaged in a fight.

"Fucking FUUUCK!" Revy screamed as Eda managed to get around her and wrestle her to the ground. "YOU'RE DEAD AFTER THIS, YOU CREEPY ASSHOLE! YOU HEAR ME?! DEAD!"

Alucard was still laughing, even as his blood stained the floorboards. Nobody paid any mind to the shadows, that somehow began to writhe of their own volition, almost of excitement. As the members of the bar continued to fight over who got the privilege to capture the "bag of money", Alucard theatrically rose from the ground, completely healed. Nobody noticed this until he pulled the trigger on his silver gun over the heads of the crowd, deafening boom silencing all other noise. A gaping hole opened up on the roof of the bar just above the vampire's head. His grin was the stuff of nightmares. "What a pitiful bunch of thugs you are, battling out my capture amongst yourselves. I'm not a piece of meat to be fought over, dogs. If you really want to capture me…" The shadows amassed about his feet and beneath his dark suit, and within their depths opened thousands of demonic red eyes. "You really should focus on defeating me, first."

Bullets honed in on Alucard almost immediately. But this time, he would not fall down. Instead, he stood and took every hit, all the while slowly walking towards the crowd. His silver firearm was drawn, and he began to take down the gunmen one by one in a quick succession. Eda, who had been distracted by the frightening scene, suddenly found a fist flying towards her face when she turned back to her opponent. As soon as the nun was knocked flat on her ass, Revy rolled over and shot to her feet. She watched as Alucard, while still shooting, used his other hand to smash a fat man's skull inside out. That was when she immediately abandoned any notion of finishing the mission.

Instead, she sought out Dutch.

The older man was lying on his side, completely immobile. By his grimace, she could tell he was in a great deal of pain as he clutched his stomach, where blood was slowly pouring from an open wound. Resolving to beat the Taiwanese woman into a bloody pulp later, she grabbed Dutch by the back of his jacket and dragged him towards the back of the bar. As she had expected, Rock and Benny were still hiding. "We need to leave, now!" she roared, grunting in effort as she dragged Dutch all the way behind the bar. "Help me carry him!"

"I couldn't agree more!" Benny yelled back, picking up Dutch's shoulder. As the two worked together to hoist their leader, Rock noticed something terrible.

As the criminals still worked towards fighting, the black and red silhouette he recognized as Alucard had a strange new addition. As the former businessman squinted to see what had happened, he gasped in horror. In Alucard's jagged maw lay a limp human being. One crimson eye from beneath a mass of ebony bangs flicked to him, and Rock froze on the spot. The evil eye- the gate to Hell- stared right at him. Rock felt his veins turn to ice as his stomach clenched to the size of a peach-pit. The eye curved into an amused sickle, the flames of Perdition swirling with glee.

Rock felt his limbs turn to stone. He could not move, no matter how he tried to run- flee from this godforsaken bar and never return. But he was trapped- trapped in the abyss, with nothing but the Devil's company.

'So you've finally figured me out, have you?' A baritone voice purred from the depths of his skull.

He was snapped back to reality when an unforgiving hand smacked him across the face. "ROCK!" Revy bellowed, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him to her face. "I don't have time to deal with you being a dipshit! So get your head out of your ass and grab Dutch- we need to get the FUCK out of here before we all get KILLED! So help me if you fuck this up, if that bastard over there doesn't kill you, I WILL!"

Leave it to Revy to provide a wakeup call. Rock quickly followed orders and got beneath Dutch's other shoulder, managing by some miracle to keep the man on his feet. The back door to the bar was kicked open by a very anxious Revy, whose Cutlasses were drawn with a twitching finger on both triggers.

Sirens began to wail somewhere off in the distance. The crew ran to where their run-down car was lying in wait, the possibility of escape fueling their drive to move.

Of course, nothing could be that easy.

Someone was already waiting for them when they got there. A short, buxom little blonde with a way-too-innocent glimmer in her baby blue eyes. She was standing in front of the car, stiff shouldered and, by the look of her, completely reluctant to be there in the first place. To Rock's amazement, she didn't flinch when Revy's handguns were pointed straight at her. "Ya gonna move, Barbie?" she growled.

Rock noticed the strange yellow uniform she was wearing. She couldn't possibly be a cop, though; no cop he'd ever seen had a uniform like that. The logo just above her left pocket read the word 'Hellsing' upon a shield. The woman flinched; not at the gun, but at the angry tone directed at her. "I'm sorry, but… I can't let you leave. My master has ordered me to make sure you don't get away. He says the deal is still on, whatever that means."

Oh no. She didn't seriously make the huge mistake of disobeying Revy, did she? The aforementioned woman stepped close enough to shove a gun between her eyes. "It means I'm going to shoot you through the skull, dumbass. Move, or you die!"

"Please, miss, you have to understand: Dutch needs medical attention. He's bleeding out right now, and we have to fix him!" Rock intervened, stepping forward in an attempt to remedy the situation.

The woman grimaced, conflict brewing in her eyes. Then, after one split moment of pause, she made her move. Faster than anyone could react, she knocked Revy's guns to the ground and had the other girl twisted completely around, hands captured behind her back awkwardly. Revy screamed out a string of words that would make the devil blush; it certainly made the woman blush. "I'm really sorry! I know you want to help your friend, but you're our mission!"

"And what a lovely job you've done so far, Police Girl," said a horribly familiar voice. Rock whirled around and gulped when he saw Alucard emerge- quite literally- from the shadows. "You can let the human go. We have to make a hasty retreat if we are to evade detection." Red eyes suddenly snapped towards Dutch, and an amused smirk curled his lips to display razor-sharp teeth. "And apparently, to lick our wounds."

The grip around Revy's arms was released, and the woman balled her hands into fists as she stomped towards the towering form that had just appeared. "Just who do you think you are, huh?!" she roared, yanking her gun off the floor and jerking it towards him violently. "How the fuck are you still standing?! You got your ass shot down, and you don't even have a fucking scrape! Meanwhile, Dutch almost got iced, and your happy ass is just loitering around? WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU?"

The hellfire blazed. "Don't you want to save your friend?"

"Dutch can wait. He's been in worse condition. You're answering me first, before we get in any car with you. So answer me now, tough-guy. What's it gonna be? You gonna give me my answer now, or will I beat it out of you?"

Dark laughter erupted from Alucard as he stared her down. He stepped forward, so close that they were nearly toe to toe. "I'll spill. Such a vicious, rabid thing you are; truly admirable. Your friend over there's already figured me out, but I suppose I can let you in on it since you obviously aren't the brains of your little group." Alucard leaned down so that he was inches away from her furious, glowing cheeks. "I'm a vampire."

Her response wasn't what anyone would have expected. Revy stared at him for several tense seconds before amusement warped her features. Slowly, she began to dryly chuckle. Her arm relaxed, no longer pointing her gun at him. "Well, why not? The world's a shit-hole anyways; why can't there be bloodsuckers?" At this, Alucard smiled, though it was one of agreement.

Benny winced when Dutch began shaking. He had so far gone unnoticed, but now, he chose to speak up. "Guys, we have to get going. He's unconscious."

Every head within the vicinity suddenly snapped towards them in realization. Revy stepped away from Alucard and picked up the other gun that had been knocked away, then set them in their holsters. "Well then, everyone in the car. I guess we're taking vampires to HQ."

I've finally done enough research to be able to do this crossover! So happy about being able to mix my two favorite bloody universes! Also no; I really don't have a potty-mouth. I'll maybe occasionally curse, but I don't throw in the F-bomb every other sentence. That's Revy for you, though. And I mean NO DISRESPECT by the "Chinglish" comment- that was a nickname Revy gave Shenhua.

Also, remember the magazine I mentioned at the beginning of this chapter? That same magazine that featured Dracula was on the front cover in a Black Lagoon episode, so I thought I'd incorporate it. Also, I know Revy's signature drink is Bacardi, but she's got to prove to someone she's a badass.

I felt that Revy wouldn't completely freak out if she suddenly discovered the existence of vampires, though you can expect more reaction from her later on. This is only the beginning, after all.

Another update on the way, so keep your eyes peeled!