-There's No Point in Breaking the Habit Now-

Part Two

'Lord make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow low.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

Oh, divine master grant that I may,

Not so much seek to be consoled as to console.

To be understood, as to understand.

To be loved as to love.

For it's in giving that we receive,

And it's in pardoning that we are pardoned.

And it's in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen.'

- Sarah McLachlan

Prayer of St Francis

Edward

2034

It was a mistake, absolutely unintentional on my part at least. I had no idea Emmett would be in that part of the house and it didn't even hit me until I was in the same room as he was. I'd been concentrating too hard, mind miles away and in search of… other things.

When I clapped eyes on him, slouched in the corner of the room, head resting on his arm, bridged across his knees, I realised the severity of my mistake.

He was crying.

Emmett looked up at me a split second before I could turn and exit, pretending I'd seen nothing. His glare caught me, held me in place like a deer in headlights. I'd seen Emmett cry before, a few times in fact. Mostly when we'd been much younger, but the last time had been about fifteen years ago when he and Rosalie had gone through a rough few months.

This was very different.

I knew, in my core, that I shouldn't have seen him like this. The situation screamed wrongness and every instinct I had told me to turn tail and run.

He got to his feet, almost scrambled to stand, wiping his eyes. 'What?' he asked, quietly, dangerously. 'the fuck are you doing?'

Don't stammer, don't stammer! I thought to myself for some insane reason. 'I didn't know you were in here,' I managed to get out all at once, my voice unsteady. 'I'm sorry, I'll j-just go.'

Oh God, I could see how angry he was; I could practically feel it. He moved quicker than I'd ever seen him and before I could retreat, he wrenched my arm back and yanked me to face him.

'Do you feel bad now? Because you walked in and I was crying?' he asked, still quiet but with a growing tremor of instability that sent my survival instincts into a frenzy of warning. His defences had been down. He hadn't been ready to see me and certainly not in this state of emotional undress.

'I'm sorry,' I repeated uselessly. His grip on my arm was painful and unrelenting, hard enough to break. I tried looking anywhere but his face though it was impossible to do so. 'I didn't… I'm sorry.'

He laughed, more of a broken sob than anything, and the grip tightened, my bones screaming in protest. 'Say that again, I dare you.'

I hadn't seen him this angry since the actual incident. Emmett and I had circled and avoided one another ever since then. He despised me, which was made evident, but his hatred had (previous to this moment) reached a cold, distant state of revulsion in which he didn't want to even look at me, such was his disgust.

This was different. I had wandered beyond the boundaries he'd established, accidentally infringed upon an unacceptable territory.

'Do you think I wouldn't kill you?' he whispered conspiratorially, like we were sharing secrets. 'You think because Carlisle loves you and Esme and Nessie and pretty much everyone still loves you, that I wouldn't do it? You think you don't deserve to die?'

'I don't think that,' I managed, voice breaking.

He was actually going to kill me. I felt the truth in his words. Not only did he have the physical capability but the newfound mental resolve as well. It was chilling, this damning evidence of what I had done to him and I knew whatever came next, I would deserve.

'Why do you stay here?' he demanded changing the subject so fast I had whiplash. 'Why are you still here, huh? She's gone!' he spat. 'So why won't you leave as well?' I swallowed, trying to think of an answer but he cut me off again. 'Do you know how hard it is for me because you stay here? The fact that I have to look at you every day… it cuts me up in pieces anew each time I clap eyes on you!'

I can't leave Nessie, I wanted to say.

Instead, I just shook my head stupidly. My silence infuriated him. He pressed both hands to my shoulder and shoved hard. I was slammed backwards into a wall, cracking the plaster and loosening the nearby door frame. Before I had a chance to regain my stance, he was right there again and his intent was obvious.

He wanted to hurt me. I saw it, felt it, heard it. He wanted to hurt me and it made him hate himself. Emmett was a good man, had always been innately good. Violence to prey came naturally to him, but to those he cared for it was anathema.

'You get to destroy… everything and then just stick around afterwards?'

'I'll leave,' I gasped, feeling for the wall behind me as my knees threatened to give out. 'I'll leave now, if that's what you want.'

For some reason, that made him even angrier. He had to look away from me so he wouldn't actually physically lash out. I felt the agony of that restraint, how much it took to hold himself back. His hands itched to carve his own pain onto me; to share and to show, to make it clear what I'd done.

Still looking away from me, he breathed, 'I'd give anything not to feel this. Anything. I've never hated anything so much in my life and it's... eating me alive from the inside out.'

Of course it was. Emmett was not like Rosalie and me who had come into this immortal life with a tainted view of everything, ourselves included. Hatred had never been part of his life. He wasn't used to the acidic burn of what came part and parcel with such a destructive emotion. This was new to him and that, like everything else, was my doing.

Our doing, a stubborn part of me insisted, sounding ever so like Rosalie.

'Hurt me then,' I begged, trying to shut the voice out. 'If it helps, do what you need to.'

'You think it's that simple?' he said through clenched teeth, eyes dark and locked onto me. 'You think it's a matter of getting it out of my system?'

'No,' I told him because I knew it was true. 'But I just want to help!' I was breathless suddenly, caught in a strange moment that felt like we were finally talking, finally looking at each other and if I could just harness it properly, I could make him see how sorry I was. Make him see how much I loved him. 'I'd do anything to help you.' It was a broken sob, punctuated by the emotion behind it. 'I don't care if you kill me, break me in half… I deserve it and worse.'

He turned away, leaving me slouched against the wall. 'I can't hurt you! It's still in here!' he cried, smacking his hand to his chest above his heart. 'Still here, no matter what I've seen! No matter how much I hate you, fucking despise you… the instinct is still there!'

To protect me. To protect me from harm. Because I was his brother, because he loved me, he'd always loved me, since we first met when I was an arrogant, angsty pain in the ass. He'd always thought of me as his friend, family, loved one. To be protected.

Emmett had always been a protector.

I looked away, closing my eyes against the gut-wrenching agony of the truth.

'Ignore it,' I pleaded. 'Ignore the instinct and hurt me.'

His head inclined towards me fractionally and I tried not to read him. My words had stirred something in him, some dark monstrous part of him engorged by anger and hate. 'I can't,' he told me. 'I can't hurt you.'

I stepped forward. 'Of course you can!' I insisted wildly, lurching forward despite every instinct I had. 'You can hurt me because I-I hurt you. I can feel how much you want to, so do it!'

But he just shook his head, unwilling or more accurately unable to play the twisted game Rosalie and I became masters of for so long.

You hurt me, I hurt you. Hurt me more, I'll break you. While you're broken on the floor, I'll scoop you up and make you feel better. Make you happy again.

'Don't you understand?' he rasped, desperation and despair draining his voice of all tonality. 'Don't you understand anything? It won't help, it won't change anything. I could kill you and nothing would change.'

'Please,' I begged uselessly and I was close to him now, so dangerous when he was this unstable. He was an unknown element to me like this, how strange. 'I deserve it, you know that. You should have torn me apart when you first found out about this whole thing!'

Emmett looked up at the ceiling. 'I'm not stupid! I know what you're trying to do.'

Against every instinct in my body, I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder, turning him to me. Amazingly, he allowed it. He turned and looked at me and what I saw in his beautiful brown eyes threatened to wreck me.

'I hate you,' he whispered. 'I hate you so much, because I…,' his breath caught on a sob and I saw the tell-tale crinkle around those eyes. 'because I love you so much.'

I felt like I was suspended mid-air, watching this happen to someone else. What was I doing? Why was I pushing him like this? But I couldn't stop, couldn't leave – compelled, as always, by the worst in me. That worst part of me bound by law to seek out the worst in others and expose it, so I wasn't left alone in the darkness of my deeds.

'So hurt me, then.'

His eyes met mine. 'If I hurt you,' he breathed. 'I'll never be able to stop.'

'I don't care,' I told him and it was the truth. 'Do it.' I wanted him to hurt me, to manifest that pain I heard and felt in his mind. Personify his torment and destroy me with it.

He stared at me for the longest moment and I thought maybe – just maybe - I saw him resolve to do it. Felt and heard his decision that I did deserve to be hurt, but the moment passed and his eyes moved from mine.

'No,' he said, voice weak. 'I'm not her.'

'I know that,' I told him in a mad rush of assurance and desperation. 'I know who you are. I can feel what this is doing to you. Let me help.'

'You can't help!' he snarled, blinking tears down his face. 'What do you think you could even do? You think hurting you could ever make this better? Oh God, of course you do! That's what you think, isn't it? Love can be mended with violence. Jesus!'

'Are you telling me I don't deserve it?'

He levelled me with a glare. 'You know what you deserve!'

'Then why are you holding back?'

'I won't lose myself for some… temporary feeling of relief that'll be replaced by something worse when it's over.'

Saying that out loud made him realise he had to leave and he started towards the door, but this time it was me who stopped him.

'No,' I said and grabbed him by the hand.

He snatched his hand back, stunned by my obvious and intensifying insanity. 'Get off of me!'

'Don't leave like this,' I begged. 'I can't go forever without knowing you had closure, or something like it! Please, stay and I'll help—'

'YOU CAN'T HELP ME!' he shouted. 'YOU CAN'T MAKE IT STOP HURTING!'

'SO HURT ME, THEN!'

He punched me so hard and I was genuinely so unprepared for it that it dropped me, landing me on my side, head swimming. A moment of dazed silence filled the room and neither of us moved.

I felt his instinct to apologise. Long ingrained reflexes insisting that he help me up. I felt how much he hated it, wished those instincts gone. It was only with effort that he swallowed the apology down.

'Stop it, stop making me do this. I can't hurt you,' he said, voice oddly detached. 'I just can't.'

I tasted blood in my mouth. 'Why not?'

'Because… you remind me of her.'

I was floored for a moment, his mind oddly closed off and so his confession came as a surprise.

'I can see her in you, in everything about you now. You just…you're her. It makes me sick, makes me die inside. I can't separate the two of you, no matter that she's gone.' He looked me right in the eye. 'I can't hurt you because you're her. And… .and I loved you both so much.'

Rosalie and I had been the cornerstone of his life. His wife, his brother – love and friendship. Family and sex. Marriage and brotherhood. Laughter and sadness. We had been each other's worlds for so long and for Emmett… we two had been the epicentre of it all.

His face screwed up and he put his hands to his hair, frustrated and devastated. 'No one realises; they weren't there to see it! They didn't see you both. They all think I just need to come to terms with it, to learn more and understand. I understand it too well.'

'Emmett…' I had no idea what would follow it.

'I look at you, Edward and all I see is her looking back. Please, please… just stop.'

All my life was made of mistakes. One mistake after the other followed by more mistakes to compensate for the others. This mistake, coming upon Emmett at such a time, was just the latest in a never-ending string of my inability to be anything less than the monster I was. I'd pushed and pushed him until he'd told me the truth and it was devastating.

'You need to move further away,' he said, voice weak and brimming with devastation from his confession. 'I can't bear it anymore.'

'Emmett,' I croaked. 'I love you… I'm so sorry.'

He didn't look back, but I saw how much his hand was trembling as it rubbed his eyes. Rosalie's hands had always betrayed her and now Emmett's were too.

'We shouldn't speak anymore,' he told me. 'This is too much. I don't know why I ever thought talking to you would yield anything except more pain. That's all you do, anymore. You hurt me and I can't hurt you back. That's what you've done to me, both of you. Set me up, made me fall in love with you both and broke my fucking heart to pieces. The least you can do now is leave me alone.'

He left me in the room with the cracked wall and broken door frame, the taste of his words sour in my mouth and when I closed my eyes all I saw was her. She was the negative space between what had once been brothers. The ghost of her existence was always there, always tangible, never touchable.

I realised I was in the same corner Emmett had been when I'd mistakenly entered. I hung my head and cried.

-Rosalie-

'Emmett,' I said, ahead of his approach. 'Hey.'

He did what he always did in my presence now; tastefully hid the effort it took to display a civil, relaxed expression. Though he may not have been harbouring genuine dislike and bad feelings towards me anymore, the way Bella still did, it required exertion on his part to remain calm and pleasant when he was around me. It was easier when we weren't alone. Being alone with him, for both Edward and myself, was painful for all involved.

He appeared confident as always, smiling and comfortable. I appreciated that so much. I certainly didn't deserve it.

We were all extraordinary in various ways; living for so many years had crafted and strengthened us in unnatural ways, leaving us all exceptional in at least one area. Emmett had always been this level of extraordinary, though. He hadn't required immortality for that. His capacity for kindness, the effort he put into making others happy, despite his own feelings. It was why I'd fallen in love with him and why I loved him still.

'I wanted to talk to you about something,' he said without preamble and I couldn't help the way my chest tightened anxiously. He didn't seem upset, or at least more upset than usual but I could tell this was going to be a different conversation than the one he'd had with Edward earlier.

He caught my apprehension and shook his head. 'No, nothing like that. It's about Roman.'

'Oh?' I hadn't been expecting that. 'What about him?'

He stopped a few feet away from me, maintaining a respectful distance before he took a breath. 'What's going on?'

As always, I wanted to debate between the truth and a lie, but I tried to repress that instinct because I remembered how Emmett hated it when Edward and I did that. Instead, I forced myself to go with the truth right away. I nodded, accepting that he had picked up on something and knew vaguely, if without any concrete specifics, that something was happening.

'We were going to tell everyone a little later,' I conceded.

'Story of your life, huh?' he said, perhaps unable to help himself.

I tucked my hair behind my ear and looked down. 'If you'd hold off telling the others for an hour, I'd appreciate it.'

He nodded, waiting for me to explain.

'Roman has been working on something for a long time. Years ago, it was only theoretical, but recently he's had a breakthrough. Several, really. He thinks, and I believe him, that he's found a compound to reverse our immortality.'

I chanced looking at him and the surprise was evident. He hadn't been expecting that. 'OK,' he said slowly. 'How certain is it?'

'He says its 93 percent certain that there will be no negative side effects, beyond the obvious, but he is 100 percent certain it will work.'

'Has he tested it?'

'On one of our kind? No. That's the final stage. He wants to test it soon, but he can't test it on himself, despite how much he insists.'

'Who would he test it on, instead?'

'We're not sure,' I hedged.

Emmett stared unblinkingly. 'You and Edward.'

'No,' I replied, shaking my head. 'Not us.'

'But you want to.'

'I don't know. Edward… he's considering it. I don't know how I feel yet.'

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. 'Jesus Christ. This is monumental.'

'I know, that's why we were debating when to tell everyone.'

'You should tell them now. Soon, at the very least.'

I hesitated, wondering if it was too personal a question to ask, but chanced it anyway. 'What do you think about it?'

'I have no idea. I guess, it sounds vaguely like a good choice but… I don't know, I feel like we shouldn't be messing with things like this.' His expression softened a touch. 'Thanks for telling me.'

'Of course, it's fine.'

'I don't know Roman very well, but I could tell he's got something on his mind.'

'It's nothing less than revolutionary,' I went on, voicing my own feelings cautiously. 'It could mean the end of our species, that's how the Volturi would see it. But it could also give hope and real life to so many. Imagine sleeping, eating, getting sick.'

He was watching me very carefully. 'Having children.'

I tried not to react. 'Roman's not certain if that will be completely viable, but it's a possibility, yes.'

Emmett looked out at the ocean. 'And then dying. If only we'd had this to offer Jasper.'

I flinched a little, always unprepared for the sharp sense of loss recalling my beautiful twin. 'He'd still have gone the same way,' I said quietly.

'This will change all of our lives, Rose,' he said seriously. 'It's a turning point.'

'I agree.'

'You're going to tell everyone tonight?'

'In the next hour or so.'

'OK, I won't say anything. I'll wait till then.'

'I appreciate it.' I took a deep breath. 'I appreciate everything, Emmett. I know how difficult this is for you and I'm sorry.'

He just nodded and left with that same polite smile. There might have been a conversation between us then, but it didn't happen. Maybe I was reaching too far, expecting too much.

Once he was a fair distance away, I let my mind go in search of my golden threaded counterpart.

'You did great,' Edward told me. 'He could have reacted a lot worse.'

'I don't think he'll go for it, though. Do you?'

'No. But Jemima might.'

'You're too far away,' I told him. 'I can't bear for you to be so far.'

'Baby, I'm literally over the next sand dune. Come join us.'

But he was with Bella and Nessie, so that wasn't going to happen. Their family time was their business and my presence, while welcomed by Nessie, wouldn't be appreciated by Bella.

'I need to talk to Roman,' I told him. 'Then we'll gather and tell them.'

'Sure,' he agreed, not commenting on my reasons for not joining him.

'We're doing the right thing.'

'We are,' he reaffirmed. 'For once there's no doubt. They deserve to know and we're telling them.'

He refocused his attention on Nessie and Bella, who were all sitting around a little fire not far away. I left them to it, ignoring the selfish pang of jealousy at their undeniable bond, born of blood and DNA. They would always be family, always be connected by that beautiful young woman who had once been a baby in my arms.

I put it from my mind and tried to focus.

Some things would never change.

The instinct to withdraw and pull away from the potential backlash remained a part of me, no matter how much time and distance made me brave. In the end, Edward and I told them between the two of us. We took turns fielding the explanation, handing over to Roman for some of the more technical aspects which we found ourselves woefully inadequate to explain.

But some things had to change and if we were to survive as we had done for so long, change had to be embraced, not shunned.

'Are you…?' Simon cleared his throat, glancing at Bella and then away again quickly. I felt Edward mentally gear up to take this question. 'Are you telling us this because you're offering it to us?'

'No,' Edward said. 'It's not ready, it won't be ready for years.'

'There are strategic and exhaustive tests that need to be performed,' Roman chimed in. 'Until I'm certain of all side effects, it won't be available to anyone.'

Bella asked, 'Do you have a time frame in mind?'

'As Edward said, years.'

'How many?' she pressed. 'One, five, fifty?'

Roman looked off to the side with a small frown, mentally calculating. He didn't like to be pushed to estimate when he was uncertain. 'Between two and four years, at my best guess.'

Edward looked at Carlisle, silently entreating him to ask whatever questions he wanted.

'Assuming this works,' Carlisle said, his hand woven through Esme's as they sat side by side around the large bonfire, the waves crashing nearby. 'What are the outlooks regarding health?'

Roman answered confidently. 'I estimate that the health of the subject will be perfect, at first anyway. The transition, barring any side effects, will simply remove the genetic trait causing the loop.'

Jemima raised her hand. 'The loop?'

'Yes,' Roman said. 'Think of a human's life as a line. A straight line.' He raised both hands, index fingers extended. 'Born here. Dies here, right? Only we never die. Left to our own devices, we would loop. It's not a line, like a human because our cells regenerate, they don't extend.'

Emmett glanced at me. 'In English, or…?'

'Roman's research into our cells has been ground-breaking,' I said. 'He's discovered the reasons behind why we regenerate, why we can heal so quickly and not age.'

'It's a loop,' Roman repeated, looking at everyone wide eyed, uncertain as to why they weren't getting it. 'Our cells don't ever expire. Each cell in our body loops perpetually. So, say you were in a fight and you were injured. Those cells are attacked, they falter and then they instantly regenerate. We don't grow new cells like humans do. We all have the same cells we died with; they're just looping for all eternity. It's why we don't age. We're not capable of producing new cells.'

'And why we can't have children,' Edward said quietly.

'So, if we apply the cure, per se,' Roman said, addressing Carlisle again. 'The cells no longer loop. They slow and match the rhythm of time once more. The subject would be in perfect health at first because that is the state we've been blessed with while our cells loop, but over time, a matter of weeks really, we would be human once more and susceptible to illness, age, injury and death.'

'Well, that sounds lovely,' Alice joked, eliciting a smile from Esme and Emmett.

'So, if someone was sick when they died, would that sickness return?' Carlisle asked.

'No. The sickness or cause of death, no matter how grim, was eradicated by the transformation. It's like a fresh start.'

'Could it be used more than once?' Esme asked curiously. 'Say someone was changed then cured, could they then be changed and cured once more?'

'Based on my theories, no that wouldn't be possible. The cure is a molecular component and the method of reversing the vampiric element or whatever you prefer to call it, is very harsh on the body. It will be a painful, long transformation, much like the way we begin, and afterwards the subject's body will have developed a kind of stress immunity to the venom.'

Emmett sighed. 'Meaning?'

'Meaning your body will refuse to go through it again. The cells will not adapt, they will not loop. They will fail. The venom becomes just that. Venom. Deadly.'

'So, it's irreversible.'

'Yes.'

'Roman,' Carlisle said, shaking his head. 'This is incredible. How long have you been working on this?'

My friend barely glanced at me before responding. 'A few years.'

'You two knew about it,' Jake said, nodding to himself. 'Does it… would it work on me? Or Nessie?'

'In theory, Nessie's state will likely be reversible,' Roman said hesitantly. 'But I have no solid data about your kind, Jacob. If you'd like me to look into it, I'm happy to do so. We don't know any of your kind to request samples from, but if you want to lend your DNA, we'll see what the cells say.'

Jacob looked oddly young. 'I… I'd like that,' he said.

I watched Nessie carefully, catalogued her small frown and the way she wrapped her arms about herself, almost mirroring my posture.

Edward stood up, sensing what I was feeling. 'This isn't a decision-making process,' he told everyone. 'We're not here to take names for who might be interested. This is the first time we realised it might actually be doable and we wanted to tell you all. That's all.'

Bella looked at me flatly. 'But you're going to do it, right? You two will do it, of course you will.'

'Like I said,' Edward repeated calmly. 'This isn't about making a decision. This is notification that in a few years, there might be—'

'I mean, of course you two will do it,' Bella insisted, ignoring Simon as he stroked her arm, whispering something. 'Get that happy ever after that's been eluding you for so long, yeah why not? Become human, retire to one of the islands you own and make babies.'

'Bella—'

'Make lots of perfect little blond babies and get to see them grow properly this time, right? Every moment cherished and perfect. Of course, you'll do it. You two always get what you want in the end, don't you?'

A heavyset silence had fallen over the group or that might have just been the ringing in my ears. I swallowed thickly. Edward performed the mental equivalent of holding my hand.

'We just wanted to tell you,' I said, somewhat uselessly.

'And we appreciate it,' Esme said, giving me somewhere else to look. Her small smile meant the world to me. 'It will give us a lot to think about over the next few years.'

'Yeah,' Alice agreed. 'This is huge. Everything is going to change even if we don't change. The Volturi are not going to like it.'

'The Volturi are outdated and weak,' Edward said, expression cold and flat. 'They're a remnant of time long passed and if they don't like it, they can come for us. We would never dream of weaponizing the cure, but they'll make their own assumptions. If they even consider a war, they'll lose.'

Edward and I did not mention the things we spoke of together, in telepathic silence and privacy. Of how the Volturi needed to be taken down one day soon, of how Roman's inventions would inevitably make him a target. Of how we were capable of bringing them down.

Carlisle was staring at Edward as though he could read every thought between us and my husband bore the scrutiny well. He and Carlisle would discuss it later. Carlisle knew Edward too well.

Roman looked around. 'Does anyone have questions?'

Everyone put their hand up.

'Don't leave it so long next time,' Esme made me promise. The sun glistened across her skin, free of the makeup Edward, Roman and I wore. She gleamed like a diamond, all the more beautiful for who she was. 'I mean it, Rose. I miss you all so much, Roman too. We can come to you, meet halfway, whatever you want.'

'I know, I promise,' I assured her, kissing her cheek in return and melting into the goodbye hug. It would likely be years between touching her, feeling her arms around me as she made me safe for those brief moments. Esme had always been able to do that; make me feel safe, the way my own mother had never bothered to learn. 'Thank you for organising this.'

She brushed my hair back fondly, eyes bright. 'Thank you for agreeing to come. I know it was difficult. You were always so brave, my beautiful girl.'

She spoke very quietly now, though there was no need to. Bella and Simon had left first, taken their boat and headed off into the barely risen sun to the mainland. Emmett, Jemima and Alice had gone next. Alice insisted that she was visiting us in a few months, but one never knew with Alice and her inherent unpredictability. Gaspard and Roman were loading up our boat now while Nessie and Jake helped, laughing loudly at some story Gaspard was telling.

A little way away, Carlisle and Edward were walking together, speaking intently. I tried to give Edward as much privacy as possible.

'Thanks, Mom,' I said, unconsciously leaning into the touch. How easy it would be to fall back into the routine of having parents, of being safe like this.

'Whatever you decide,' Esme told me, taking my hand in both of hers. 'I want you to know that I have always been so very proud of you, no matter what.'

'Mom,' I said, laughing a little around a lump in my throat. 'You can't—'

'No, Rose. I know what you're going to say and maybe there should be a qualifying element to how much I love you and Edward, but there simply isn't.' She shrugged. 'Maybe that makes me a bad person.'

'But the best Mom,' I whispered, tears in my eyes.

We hugged again and when we parted, I swallowed down the emotion as best I could.

'We'll always be here for you, Rosalie,' she said, moving back, wiping her eyes a little. 'Always.'

I heard the subtext, felt the answer. She and Carlisle would not be seeking Roman's cure any time soon and it came as no surprise.

She drifted over to Carlisle and Edward, who both look up at her with almost identical smiles. I went to the others, seeking to gift Edward additional time alone with those who had raised us.

'Need help?' I asked.

'It's done,' Jake panted. 'How many suitcases were really necessary for a single weekend, babe?'

Nessie shrugged. 'You can never be too careful.'

'Well,' Jake said, glancing at each of us. 'I guess we're going.'

'Ah, I will miss your lack of shirt!' Gaspard declared, pulling Jake into a hug which Roman immediately got in on, trapping Jake for a good five seconds while Nessie and I giggled. Her delicate hand rested on my shoulder.

'Whatever you decide,' she said softly. 'Everything will be OK.'

I closed my eyes and basked in the brief sensation, allowing her to send me calming images and feelings. Nothing in particular, just love and happiness where she and others had been able to carve it out.

'It will,' I promised her.

Carlisle waited until Edward, Gaspard and Roman were already on the boat until he said goodbye to me. It was the thing I was most dreading. Every time I said goodbye to him, something awful wrenched inside of me, protesting in the phantom pain of that other time we'd said goodbye.

'So,' he said, giving me that smile he reserved only for me. 'It looks like we might have some more dates for our game.'

I laughed, my nose stinging slightly in anticipation of tears. 'Looks like.'

'I suppose we won't see you for a while.'

'Not so long, maybe a few years.'

'I know what decision you're going to make,' he told me and I looked up sharply.

'You do?'

He nodded, the same smile in place. 'The exact right decision.'

I couldn't help myself; I laughed and rolled my eyes. 'What a non-answer!'

'I'm just teasing, Rose. Whatever you do will be the right thing.'

'Thanks.'

He looked behind me at the ocean, eyes glassy as he exhaled slowly. 'It's so lovely, this world. Most people never get the time to see it and if they do, they rarely stop and truly see how incredible it is. It would take lifetimes to see it all, to find things that matter to them and take in all the beauty this planet has to offer. Every day is a gift.'

The urge to hug him was overwhelming and dangerous because if I did, I knew how hard it would be to let go again. Esme had been difficult enough.

'We'll, uh,' I said, wiping my eyes. 'We'll see you soon.'

He made an aborted movement, like he wanted to reach out and hold me, but thankfully he stopped himself. 'Of course we will, Rose. Stay in touch.'

I got all the way onto the boat and into Edward's arms before I started to cry, which I counted as a victory.

Love you, my darling Rosalie, my husband whispered in the recesses of my mind. He held me close, arms wrapped around each other as we left behind those painfully wonderful familial obligations, completed for the time being.

The ocean and the world entire stretched out before us, the future beautifully uncertain.

2055

Dearest Nessie,

I can't believe it's been two years since we last saw you, darling. We both miss you so much, Jake too. I'm so glad you're enjoying France and we look forward to meeting you there in a month. You're going to love Montbelliard. It's a small town but one of my favourite places on this earth.

How is your Mom? Edward says he hasn't heard from her for a while, though Alice assures us she's fine. I hope she's happy, I wish it for her every day.

In answer to your question, we will obviously go through everything with you in enormous detail when we return to France to stay with you and Jake, but, briefly, I'll explain here.

The tests have proven Roman correct in everything he posited. The four volunteers, vampires who were desperate, miserable and verging on suicide, have all been made successfully human with almost no side effects. The only issue we've had is with scarring. Their existing scars became a little more pronounced when human, probably all the blood rushing around there for the first time in years! It's unfortunate for those who have severe scars, but of course, Roman is looking into that even as we speak.

Your guess was pretty much dead on. We have decided to remain as we are. We talked about it for a while but ultimately the decision was easy once I visualised it the way you suggested. If presented with a snap choice, I would choose this life. To be with Edward this way, to keep our bond and go through the world, removed from the constraints of time, together. It may not be the smart or healthy choice, but it's the one that feels right.

All my life, I've cursed this immortality. I've despised time for moving slow, for making a mockery of my pain and regrets, but it is a gift and for the first time, I think I see how to use it. Not everyone feels this way, I realise. Jasper was tormented by it but he often told me that if anyone had the stamina to endure, it was me and Edward. I smile just thinking about that, about his certainty in everything. It's nice to be able to think of him and smile now. His absence will always be a chasm, but as time goes in, it fills with light.

The cure remains viable and it might be an option for us one day, but for now, we want to be here. We want to be this way, the way we were when we found each other. Retain this gift that gave us enough time to realise, despite how stupid we both were, that we were meant to be.

Time is a gift, even if it weighs heavy.

I sound so silly.

We can't wait to see you, my love.

Rose.

2061

Dear Rosalie and Edward,

This is very weird. I don't understand why I just can't call, but Nessie insisted I try writing you a letter and yeah here we are in this world of awkwardness and using damned pens. Who uses pens anymore? Jemima had loads, to be fair but still I can't remember the last time I wrote anything by hand.

Maybe that's what Nessie was going on about, I'm not sure, that girl talks really fast. Anyway - let's do this, awkward letter and all!

How are you both? How is Roman? See, this is so weird because I could have just called and you could have told me there and then that everyone was fine and now, I'll be waiting weeks to find out if you're even alive. I'll probably call right after this.

Tell Roman I'm sorry about Gaspard. I would offer to hunt the guy down and kick his ass but I'm pretty much useless in that arena now, so he's gonna have to rely on Rose to do the ass-kicking from now on. Don't be offended, Edward - kicking ass was never your forte.

Being weak is the least cool part of it, but the coolest thing about being human is sleeping. Sleeping might actually be my favourite thing, if I was getting any sleep at all. The twins send their love by way of screaming and hair pulling. We're excited for the day when they can sit upright. I feel that all our troubles will come to an end then. Once they can sit upright, we can plonk them down on the floor and surround them with toys, or such is my theory. Jemima is, of course, the most incredible Mom and she handles them without breaking a sweat. Jem sends her love also and asks if you guys could confirm with Esme about Christmas; she's only asked us a hundred thousand times this week so she's clearly mellowing over time. I'll probably ask you that on the phone too in like, five minutes. This is so retro.

I guess I'm supposed to immortalise our life in this moment so you can keep the letter and read it later as opposed to me asking stuff which I'm gonna confirm with you by phone anyway so… OK.

Jemima is on the sofa with the twins and they're all chewing foam puzzle pieces. Hayley is absolutely cracking up whenever Jemima pretends to eat it and then makes a face like it tastes gross while Sarah is slowly copying Jem. Pads is in the corner watching them play and hoping I get up in a minute to take him for a walk before dinner.

The place is kind of trashed which is how I like it, if I'm being honest. It's warm and cloudy today and later, we're gonna make dinner together. Dinner is the best, I take it back about sleeping - dinner is the best thing, though breakfast is great too. No, dinner. Dinner is the best because we make it together and tonight, we're having this chicken lasagne which Jem makes with all kinds of vegetables on the side and holy God, her chicken lasagne is the best. It's got this layer of fancy cheese on the top that goes kind of crunchy at the sides.

And you two poor suckers are just gonna be having blood! I don't even feel bad rubbing it in. When you come to your senses and join us here in the land of the living (also known as the land of snoring, using the toilet, catching a cold and burping) we'll invite you to dinner and then you'll understand what all the fuss is about.

I've got to go now mostly because Pads is whining, but I'm also not sure what to write anymore. I'm gonna talk to you both in literally one minute, but I sort of see what Nessie meant. Time never used to matter much before. Now it's finite, worth capturing and keeping.

Huh.

Love from Emmett, Jemima, Sarah, Hayley and a very impatient Padfoot.

2062

Dear Rosalie and Edward,

I hope this letter finds you well after the last time we saw each other in Italy. I didn't want to risk calling for a while, not with Caius tracking us, but now that he's dead, things should be a lot safer for us all to communicate. Esme and Carlisle are still with me, we've been together for the entirety of our sojourn underground. It'll be nice to travel freely again. They both ask after you.

How is Roman? I think of him a lot, of his bravery in facing the Volturi down when they captured him. I believe that if we hadn't have gotten there in time, they might have had to kill him. He reminds me of Jasper in some ways. Too bright not to burn, too wild to be caged.

I've been hearing whispers of people trying to fill the immediate gap left in the void of the Volturi's leadership, but mostly we hear about how things are better now without them. There's talk of a democratic establishment, whatever that means. There's a lot of talk in general which I think is good. Change is being embraced.

Speaking of which, we dare not contact them, but we are thinking of Emmett and the girls every single day. I hope this letter finds them still safe and hidden. Whoever thought Emmett would need protecting? How strange this life can be when given the chance. If there is any hint of danger to them, don't hesitate to involve us. You know we would move heaven and earth, burn the world if need be, to protect them. Esme has a few recent pictures of the girls. They got us through the worst parts of hiding out.

The future is a wonderful muddle to me at the moment; a scribble in the sand, easily altered by the wind. I've given up trying to make it out, content to let the wind take me where it will for now. Carlisle says we can travel to you in France now, that we'll be safer together. I hope this doesn't change. I hope we beat this letter in getting to you all.

I've had a lot of time to think. In a few years, I would like to make the transition back to human. There are reasons, but the central pull is Emmett and Jemima's girls. I want to grow in old ahead of them, they've made me want to re-join the natural world in many ways. To think that I could have a child, to even consider it… it's more than I ever knew to hope for. To change, to grown, to evolve.

Tell Roman I love him, as I love you both so, so much.

Stay safe, we will be together soon.

Alice.

2063

Dear Edward,

I haven't been able to write back until now; I haven't been ready. I appreciate that you gave me the time I needed and I think now I'm settled enough to be able to sort through everything that we said to each other last year.

Being human again has made me realise so much. A lot of it was the things I said to you when we argued, but a lot of it has been a real surprise to me. I was a stupid kid when you turned me and it was to save my life, I don't regret it or blame you but the later years were impossibly difficult. Now, this feels like a fresh start and I intend on keeping it that way. I know in Esme's mind we're all one big happy family and it breaks her heart when I don't come back for Christmas but if this is my fresh start, then it must be mine.

You and I made a child together and we raised her together in the midst of magic and immortality and a monumental lie. We were happy for a time and maybe that's enough. Humans are happy for a time, aren't they? That's all they have. A portion of time. A segment to fill with happiness and our happiness had run its course even before everything blew up. I harbour no regrets but as I said, I will never be able to think of you as I once did. I hope to think of you as a friend one day before I depart this beautiful life in the coming years.

Nessie told me about Roman's continued work to find a cure for Jacob, but that it would be many years away. She refuses to even consider becoming mortal until Jake can do it alongside her. Part of me is pleased that our baby girl remains young and invulnerable a while longer. I have faith in Roman's abilities, I know he'll cure it eventually and then they'll be human together. I wonder if I'll be alive to see our Grandchildren.

I know you will be.

It's why I'm writing this letter after so long, after promising myself I would never speak to you or Rosalie ever again.

I know you're not doing it for me. That's not the reason you two don't want to become human and I fully appreciate that but at the same time, I can't help but feel grateful that this is the decision you've made and, thus far, stuck with. It sounds petty and maybe it is, but I want to have a chance living in this world of sunshine and food and feeling, all of which will be easier if you are contained in the other world.

I want to move past this. I know I will be able to. The world has so much to offer me now in a way that I never saw before because all I could ever see was you, Edward.

Thank you for stepping aside and allowing me to see past you now.

Take care.

Bella.

2064

Dearest Dad and Rose,

Corsica is just as pretty as I remember, but it's much less fun without you. Jacob is having so much fun with the twins, he's teaching them a very dangerous way of swimming that has Emmett chasing after him every ten seconds yelling and threatening bloody murder. Jemima loves it here and agrees that they should buy a little beach house for the summer.

For now, they're happy staying in your place with us, even if it's a little crowded. The girls are so amazing, they look just like Emmett now. When was the last time you saw them? At least a year, right? They miss you and ask after you a lot. We show them the photos of you both on the wall.

Emmett has a beard now, it's the weirdest thing. I'm starting to see him get older now and it's so unsettling, but in a wonderful way. Growing up with people who never age makes it difficult to understand the effect time can truly wield. I looked forward to the day Roman finds a reliable cure for Jake. I know he could simply not transform and that he would age naturally, but that's not the only reason behind it as we've talked about.

The idea of settling down and building a real life has such appeal, I can only dream about the time when it's not a distant plan. I want to set down roots, build a family, a foundation upon which I can imprint myself into the world through deeds and actions and love.

Everything is so beautiful here. It only lacks you two. I hope we see you soon. I know how busy you both are.

Love you both so much,

Your daughter, Nessie.

2065

My Dear Rosalie and Edward,

As always, I open with the hope that this letter finds you both wonderfully happy, safe and prosperous. I know Esme and I already wrote you last month, but I suppose there's no harm in writing again. The chaos here is waning at last, thanks to your intervention. Things are becoming more stable and I even found the time to take Esme out dancing the other night.

This responsibility I took up is a great one and I wear it every moment of the day, but it is not as heavy as I expected. The Volturi had their own ways of controlling everyone, of inflicting fear to garner obedience.

This way is better and though I question my choices every day, those who come to us and seek guidance or refuge have done so of their own will. That counts for a lot.

We continue to live a small life. Esme made me laugh the other day, suggesting we obtain thrones perhaps. That would never be us. I'm a doctor at heart, always seeking to help and now I can do just that for our own kind. There are so many choices for us as there never were before. The future is what we make of it.

I say without any hubris that Esme and I are resplendent in this role we've created, perhaps a role we crash tested with you both all those centuries ago. I think of you both every day, I know I always say that when I see you but it's true.

As you said, Rose; time is a gift. Here, we can put it good use, I believe.

We can change lives. That is a wonderful gift indeed.

I love you both very much.

Always,

Your Father.

2067

My darling Rose,

I hate communicating this way but if we call, then we'll video call and if I see you, I'll get on a plane and be back with you in four hours. I know I won't be able to control myself; I miss you that much.

I suppose I could just send a message, but this way you'll get the letter long after these feelings have calmed and it'll be like a little piece of me, frozen in time and shipped off to you that you might hold me forever and see how silly your husband is for missing you when we're only going to be apart for three months.

It's been two and a half weeks but it feels like a year. Around me, Carlisle and Esme continue to better the vampire world. What they've created here is nothing less than astonishing. A small-scale operation tantamount to a parliament, but invisible and guided by the will of our people. Carlisle is truly at his greatest. His potential shines so bright I wonder that he was ever able to contain himself with helping humans.

Their safety is my paramount concern, obviously. Those who opposed the fall of the Volturi are out there and they remain a vocal minority against Carlisle and Esme. I keep mostly to shadows, watching for any signs of them. They will show themselves soon enough, the intelligence sall points to an attack in the coming weeks. I will be ready and I will be safe, my beautiful Rose. Alice is with me and together, we make a formidable team if I say so myself.

I close my eyes and think of you now. What are you doing? What language are you speaking and with whom? Is your hair up or down? Up, I'll bet. Is Roman nearby? I can just about feel you. I feel your energy and spark, I know you're doing something wonderful with the Havens and that makes me happy.

I know this was your idea for us to separate, that it will help to hide my presence here if they think we're together in England, but I feel sick with the distance. We've not been apart since that night in Virginia and it's strange now, being without you. I often turn to my right, seeking you out mentally and physically but you're not there.

I tell myself every day that it won't be long now. I think of all the years we spent apart and remind myself that we survived, but we were never really apart, were we? We're not really apart even now. I feel you, Rose. I feel you everywhere.

You're close enough to touch, for me to run my fingertips down the side of your neck and skirt along your collarbone. To pull you into me and kiss you. I can taste you on my lips, love. You and I are kissing, we are always kissing.

I have to stay sharp and cannot spare much more time in writing this, otherwise it would likely go on in perpetuity. As ever, my darling, nothing stands between us, not time, love or obligation. Keep this part of me that longs for you daily. Keep it immortal as we are.

Your husband,

Edward Hale.

Edward,

Sometimes I begin to write you a letter and then stop myself. I wonder what I will put in it, what pen to paper will create because I never really know. I think of my old desk and how I used to carve words into it with no clue of what they would say until I was done. I think of that angry woman I was and I can smile now, knowing she is no longer tormented with resentment and jealousy. It's hard to reconcile who I was and I often fear that in writing, some part of me will rush forth in recollection of those times I spent crying your name silently and clawing my feelings into wood with my fingernails.

You'll return to me soon, less than a week. Days, hours only until I can touch you again. I didn't read your letter; I want to wait until you're here again and I can see you fully. I'll read it once you are home and we can study that little part of you that decided to write me a letter for the first time in decades.

Being without you the last three months has been difficult. That's such a stupid, inadequate word. Difficult isn't living without you, living without the other half of myself. We should write that language we used to speak of, create words for our feelings that humans could not fathom or coin. I feel you, despite the distance and that is the only reason I didn't break the act and rush to your side. They were watching me, as we guessed, so my plan was at least correct. Roman told me yesterday that the threat is taken care of and that both you and Alice are safe and unharmed. Roman is very excited that when you both return, Alice intends to begin her journey into becoming human. I'm excited for her too.

I wish I knew what to put here, my love. What can I say to demonstrate how much I miss you? How I reach for you, but you're not there? We were never very good at being apart, even though we always managed. Looking back, I have no idea how we managed. I suppose there seemed no alternative at the time.

We are lucky to have been give it in surplus, time. We needed much of it to reach this point in our lives and we need even more of it going forth. I don't know if there will ever come a stage that I will be at ease with parting from you. We say this often, but I feel it so keenly without you here. Eternity is barely enough, forever is barely sufficient to encase how much I love you. Even this small slot of time taken from us by necessity feels like a theft. I miss those three months, I resent this piece of time we were not together even though I know it's ridiculous.

Come back to me, love. Come be with me so I am not alone in this world without you. Be with me always, like you promised.

I'm waiting. I'll wait forever.

Your Rose.

The End.

(I bet you thought this would never actually be finished and for a while, so did I. I'm so happy to have been able to give you this last little piece of what has been the greatest literary journey of my life. I started this story in August 2008 and now, in December 2019, it ends.

But nothing ever really ends and every single word of kindness from you all has shaped me as a writer and impacted my life in ways you'll never know. I can't thank you all enough.

The last few years have not been spent idly; I've been crafting a series of my own which is being published in 2020. If anyone wants to read it or come with me on this journey into a new fictional world, created solely by me, I'm on twitter azriel_green

This story means so much to me, it always will. Thank you for following me along this path. It has changed me and I hope, in some small way, it changed something in your life too. Isn't that what every writer wants? I wish you all the best and thank you again from the very bottom of my heart as we move forward.)