Alright. Ok. Well this a story that I started because of an anonymous ask on tumblr. It's not all to happy. It's sad but it's real. Sometimes relationships don't work out when you're young and it takes some more maturity and experience under the belt to be able to give it a go again. Sometimes we lean on others and pretend things are ok when. There really not. We lie to our selves so we can forget the truth. We're only human it's natural for us to turn to this at times. The term ignorance is bliss is a very true to term expression. I really wanna capture this idea while also weaving in the intricate set up of beast boy's and raven's relationship. I don't own teen titans.

" You know mabey...just mabey we'd be good together Rae. Perhaps that's something you could think about."

Beast boy gazed at her for a moment, the air surrounding him was serious, similar to the expression of his face.

His eyes searched her face for some sort of answer. Anything that might give him some sort of insight as to what she's thinking.

" Dwelling on such an idea would be a waste of my time."

She kept her tone clipped and stern. The sound seemingly echoed in the small space of the hallway. She watched as his demeanor seemed to deflate, his ears drooping and his shoulders slumped down. He looked defeated but also relieved . She wouldn't allow her feelings to sway her answer, not when he seemed to be wary of the situation.

" you should head back to your room." She murmured tearing her gaze from his to stare at the floor beside took a step back so that the doorway was between them.

" But...Rae I need you...I've never needed anyone as much as I need you. You keep me steady. You make things feel good again. I feel good when I'm with you." She could hear the slight hysterical note in his voice as he tried to step into her room before the door slid closed.

"Raven..please dont be like this. I know there's something here...there's gotta be. "

She pressed her hand against the door before resting her forehead against it as well.

"Garfeild..." she breathed out just loud enough for him to hear as she tried to calm her heart. She moved to speak again but the words lodged in her throat.

" I know she messed you up...she messed you up big time. And I know that I've been here to help try and put you together. But I'm messed up too. And two people- two broken people should not lean on each other like this."

Her words were thick with emotion as she struggled to hold the tears at bay while Beast boy stood on the opposite side in a similar position. Both hands braced against the door trying to reign in his own emotions.

" What about when you kissed me ? YOU kissed ME rae. You kissed me and I know you liked it. I liked it. Why...why can't you just be reasonable about this."

A sob wracked through her at his statement. She did. She liked it. She really really liked it. But they couldn't do this. Everything was so jumbled and mixed, she still felt the dull ache in her chest from the betrayal with Malchoir. She wasn't sure sure what she was feeling. Was all this genuine or was it because they were comforting one another that they're confusing things.

"I...did..I did like it." She managed to get out between silent sobs as she pressed her palms against her eyes in an attempt to stop the tears.

" But this isn't what you really want Beast boy , this...is...well it is what it is and I don't think we should look into anymore than we have."

His emotions seemed to mirror her own. He liked it. But he felt conflicted. Was it normal to feel this way after all the shit Terra put him through? He felt guilty yet relieved when he was with Raven. He felt like he was turning his back to terra...even when she was the one who broke him. All he knows is that Raven makes all the pain go away when she's near.

" I want to. I need you with me Rae - I just cant..." he sucked in a sharp breath as he laid his head against the cool metal door. " Won't you at least try? Mabey we can fix eachother, just give me a chance rae , if you dont love me fine I get that but just... try me out please ."

Silence was the only response he'd received from her as he stood put side her door. He wanted to beat down the door and grasp her by the shoulders and just shake. Why was she doing this to him?

" Good night rae." He whispered as he leaned away from her door , letting his fingers drag down the surface of it as he walked away from it.

" I'll try."

His body paused he whipped his head towards her bedroom door with so much force his neck cracked.

" what?" He croaked .

" I'd like to try..."

The door slid open to reveal Raven leaving against the wall closest to her door , her arms wrapped around he body tightly.

" Thank you." Seemed to be the only thing he could manage to get out.

He reached out and brushed his hand over the soft curve of her cheek. The memory of last night's dream still fresh in his mind. She had been so adamant about not wanting to try.

The more he stared at her the more he began to regret things. He regretted ever tainting her with his touch.

" Are you just going to stare at me Gar?"

A deep breath left his lungs when she said his name like that. He didn't understand it himself but it left him with a warm feeling inside. He hadn't even noticed her wake up.

" I - I'm sorry I just...I was thinking about when you agreed." He murmured softly and leaned over to place a kiss to her hair. Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink as she lowered her gaze.

" I don't regret agreeing either." She whispered, looking up at him.

" You should." He pulled away from her ,his eyes glancing away from her.

" What do you mean? " she sat up holding her hand against her chest , her fingers Clutching the uniform beneath them. She searched his gaze , looking for something. Anything that would've hinted that he was just joking.

" I mean I think... I think-" He racked his hands through his hair tugging harshly. " I just get worried I'm not good enough for you." The lie slipped from his lips so easily that he felt his chest tighten. It wasn't compleatly a lie but ...it wasn't what he wanted to say. He didn't wanna hurt her. Fuck hurting her wasn't somethings he planned on, she made all the pain go away. She made him feel good, so of course he didn't want to hurt her. But thats all he seemed to be doing.

Her eyes seemed to soften, easily believing his lie, as she placed a small hand over his larger one. That wasn't the Raven he knew. The one that would know he was lying, that wouldn't be so obedient. She was empty. She was so shattered and fragmented that she couldn't tell how different she was.

" You're more than what you let your self believe you are gar. ." She gave a bashful smile and lowered her eyes. Gar turned his gaze away, he was honored and he'd always treasure that fact she trusted him enough.

" you don't regret it?" Cuz you looked like you did.'he kept the last bit to himself. It had hurt. Whatching her look so upset with her own decision to do it, she kept getting frustrated , and he felt so guilty for trying to convict her to try. He felt like had backed her into a corner and he felt sickened with himself.

" I - of course I don't!" She leaned forward and leaned her head against his chest.

"I was just... I was nervous." She murmured against him, placeing small kisses around the area of his heart.

His fingers played with the silky strands of her hair, watching them slide through his fingers effortlessly. She was beautiful, but she was so thin. So so thin. He had noticed the change imeadiatly, the way her hip bones seemed to just a out more than usual, the the arch of her rib cage as her stomach dipped. But her legs were the most noticable, he loved to stare at her long firm shaply legs- so of course he noticed when they began to get thinner, her knees were knobby and her thighs- that once touched one another now had plenty space between them, they seemed to quiver whenever she stood.

It had started Two months into their relationship when she started acting weird. His Raven, his fallen ange the

the queen of poker faces, had started giving away her emotional disposition, something that would've pleased him if it weren't for the way they were expressed. Instead of the independent and opinionated strong willed woman , she was rapidly being replaced with this meek, obedient, and shy version. He hated this new version of her, the very thought of raven being brought down to this ...this lame copy of herself left him seething with anger. At first it just put him off a bit, but he would work around it. But after Nine months of it continuing, and all he could feel was disgust for it. For himself. For turning her into this. He wasn't sure how long they would last. How long she would last.

"I like you." She whispered as she placed a kiss over his heart, her fingers tapping to the pace.

" I like you too." Her tossed his free arm over his face, covering his eyes with his fore arm. He wanted to tell her. But he couldn't the words never seemed to be able to make it out. He closed his eyes and he wished for sleep.

Blahh I'm sorry if this isn't grand or what not but I'm trying I swear just bare with me ok?

Feedback Is welcome.