Castle of Sand

Chapter 1: Tears and Tattered Souls

I stumble in the alleyway and lean my back against the cold stone wall, sliding down into a sitting position. My forehead is bleeding. My leg is gashed. It feels like my arm is broken. Bruises are all over my body. Tears start to well in my eyes as I gaze upward at the stars. One zips passed and I start to sob.

Zuzu is dead.

Burying my head between my knees, I make a wish. Maybe the shooting star can bring him back to life. Of course during my lifetime I've learned that dreams never come true.

Any reasonable person would say I need to face the reality—that Zuko isn't coming back. That father will never change. That I'll be the next to die under his nigh-omnipotent hand.

But I won't.

I'll stay here, crying and praying, waiting patiently for things to change on their own. For someone to save me. I'll serve my father until the day I die, and if it's asked of me, I'll throw away a thousand lives for the fire nation.

One day I'll be happy. I'll do something right. Maybe one day I'll even be the good little girl mother always wanted. One day I'll be the daughter she deserved.

[Time skip]

Three days have passed since Zukos' death, and I just learned that a funeral isn't going to be held. Apparently he's already been cremated.

Meanwhile I'm laying here in the infirmary trying to recover. Father beat me as a warning, threatening that if I ever betray him I'll end up like my brother. It doesn't sound so bad though. I'll trade hell for a coffin any day. But unfortunately I'm weak and want to live. Even if it is hell, maybe it can change.

The Day of Black Sun was a huge success for the fire nation anyways. A failed assault and an avatar who realizes we're more intuitive than he thinks speak for themselves. If nothing else, the failed invasion proved that our kingdom is supreme, and suppresses those who oppose us.

The fire nation is stronger than ever. Meanwhile I'm still weak. And without a doubt father still expects me to perform my duties even though I'm hurt. And that's not the worst of it; Ty Lee is the one taking care of me and she won't keep her mouth shut. I know she means well, and that she's trying to cheer me up, but she could at least give me some space. I want to be alone. But of course, here she comes with a bowl of soup and a disgusting smile. God I hate those.

"Azula! I've got your soup! And you're lucky because I made it myself." She winks. "I promise it won't kill you."

The soup may not kill me, but her perkiness will. It's been like this all day, and she simply won't let up.

"You have no idea how long it took me to crush the tomatoes. I had to use my feet…"

My face scrunches up and I turn away. There's no way I'm eating that stuff.

Ty Lee giggles, "I'm just kidding. Now sit up so I can feed it to you."

I slowly maneuver my body into an upright sitting position, and wince a little in pain. My whole body aches, but especially my left arm which is definitely broken. My legs are covered in bandages and so is my forehead. Maybe I deserve this though; after all, I lied to father about the avatar. Perhaps this is how he chose to vent his anger.

I wish I could sulk in my own pity for a while, but Ty Lee has already brought the spoon to my lips and is expecting me to open wide.

"Open up, Azula." She smiles again.

I just know she's laughing at me on the inside. But I'm hungry, so I take the spoon in my mouth.

"I have a good arm, you know. There's no need to feed me." I state. I make certain she can hear the irritation in my voice.

"But where's the fun in that? Seeing you all roughed up is kinda cute. Besides, we both know your other arm hurts too."

She continues feeding me.

After a while my stomach starts to hurt and I lose interest in food. Zukos' death comes to mind, and my eyes begin to water.

I shouldn't feel this way. Zuko was a traitor to the fire nation. He was selfish and wanted to pursue his own goals, expecting to leave our kingdom behind. But why do I care?

My head is filled with so many questions, so many things I can't make sense of. Why help the avatar? What did Zuzu hope to gain from it? One more question pops into my head, and I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

"Where is Mai?" I ask aloud.

Ty Lee freezes, and her happy face melts into something somber. "She's at your brother's grave, as she has been for the past two days, Azula. She spends all of her time there."

I lie back down in bed and stare blankly at the ceiling. Mai is always emotionless, empty. She never shows any feeling other than boredom. She doesn't ever reveal her true feelings to anyone, but I know how she felt for Zuko. She loved him. But he's gone now. She would never be able to touch or kiss him again. Or feel his skin, or hear his voice. She won't be able to boss him around anymore.

Zuko is dead.

I close my eyes and a tear rolls down my cheek.

I'm sorry Mai. I truly am sorry.

[Time skip]

After a week of bed rest I began to feel a lot better, which is why I'm out walking the palace grounds with Ty Lee. She seemed eager for me to go outside; in fact, she even packed a lunch for the two of us. She wants to have a picnic.

There hasn't been any word from father, so I'm guessing he hasn't needed me to pillage any towns or cities recently, or to track down the avatar. For all I know, father could have already captured the stupid little brat and his stupid friends. They're all stupid.

Being outside feels nice though, and I'm glad Ty Lee brought me out here; although I won't tell her that. I wouldn't want her to think I was grateful.

I've noticed that there are more guards stationed here than there were before, more fire-benders. Perhaps the assault of the water tribe caused a stir. But then again, father does strange things. Who knows why he upped their numbers.

Wearing a cast and sling around my arm, Ty Lee was prudent enough to carry our things, such as the food. The princess shouldn't have to carry stuff anyways. And after walking for a while we find a nice spot on the grass and she throws out a blanket.

Hooray. Nothing beats eating on the ground. Seriously though, we could have just eaten somewhere inside the palace. I don't know why she insists on making my life harder than it needs to be.

"It feels wonderful out here, don't you think so?" says Ty Lee. After setting everything into place she immediately starts doing that weird thing where she walks on her hands. Why do I associate with a circus performer?

I rub my forehead in annoyance. "Yes it is. Now please sit down and eat…"

Even though it is a lovely afternoon, I'm still easily annoyed by her. And I'm still aching all over, so of course I'll be more irritated than usual.

She finally plops herself down to sit in front of me. "Relax and just enjoy the day." She is breathing deeply. "If you don't wipe that frown off your face you'll carry it permanently, you know. Lighten up a bit."

Mother used to say the same thing. She would scold me all the time for simply feeling things. Meanwhile she treated Zuko like a priceless treasure.

I stare blankly at the ground.

"You okay?"

Ty Lee has brought herself as close to my face as possible for some reason and it's making me nauseous. "I'm fine. Can we just eat already?"

Suddenly I hear a loud boom, like an explosion in the distance. It's coming from beyond the palace walls.

Forgetting about food, Ty Lee and I rise to our feet. I try to start running but I'm still too weak, and I grit my teeth when I feel a sharp pain my leg.

"Azula stop! You can't over exert yourself right now. Please let your body heal."

Ty Lee sounds panicked, almost genuinely concerned for me. Not many people are. It feels nice.

Thank you, Ty Lee.

Palace guards aren't moving, and no soldiers are rushing to find out what caused the noise. What's going on? Are we under attack? Why is nobody alarmed? Suddenly Ty Lee grabs my hand.

"I've heard your father has a new weapon, one that can wipe out entire cities. That explosion was far off though. They're probably running tests outside the walls."

This is news to me. I've heard nothing of a new weapon. The princess should be informed of such things, regardless of whether she is hurt or not.

I squint my eyes and stare into the distance, and I see a large cylinder of black smoke piercing the sky. Whatever plans my father has, I intend to find out. I'm loyal to him and have been from the beginning. He can't keep secrets from me.