A MiaXDiego story - yay.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Ace Attorney.

An Attorney's Testimony

Diego knocked on Mia's door. "Come in!" he heard her call, though her cheerful voice was muffled by the wood and distance. Shaking his head, Diego turned the knob and entered the apartment.

"Come in?" he repeated in exasperation, closing the door behind him. "You don't even ask who it is, you just invite the world into your living room?"

"Diego!" Mia gasped. There was a clatter of pans in the kitchen, followed by an expletive. "You're early," she continued without enthusiasm.

"Yes," Diego admitted, dropping his jacket and briefcase on the couch, "you're welcome." He took a few cautionary steps towards the kitchen. "Are you okay in there?"

"Of course — don't come in!" Mia exclaimed; Diego froze, startled. "I'm fine," she stressed, "just… stay where you are."

"So, anyone can enter your house, just as long as they stay out of your kitchen?" Diego took another step forward. "What's going on, Kitten?"

Finally, Mia appeared. She stuck her head out of the kitchen door, her eyes wide, her cheeks flushed. She looked slightly wild, and she held a large wooden spoon in one hand.

"Are you going to use that to beat me to death?" Diego asked, pointing to the spoon. Mia looked at the utensil in her hand, seeming confused by its presence. Then she laughed.

"You've taken on too many murder cases, lately," she said, emerging fully from the kitchen, still holding the spoon. "Your taste of humor is suffering for it."

"Well, you must admit, that thing does look like it'd make a pretty good cudgel," Diego retorted. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she linked her own arms around his neck. The spoon in Mia's hand knocked Diego's head, but he didn't feel pain. He laughed. "If it's not a weapon, what are you doing with that thing?"

"Trying to make you dinner," she replied, smiling. "It's not going well."

"What are you trying to make?"

"It was supposed to be a surprise, but, since it's rather unidentifiable at this point, maybe I should just tell you. Of course, it would only serve to tease you, because that goopy mess I just pulled from the oven certainly isn't edible."

Diego grimaced. "It sounds like an unique dish, at least," he murmured. Smirking, he continued, "You know, I have a thousand and one reports to get through before court in two days. How about we strike up a deal?"

"Lawyers aren't supposed to strike up deals," Mia retorted, now poking him purposefully in the shoulder with her spoon. "You should lose your badge, Mr. Armando."

"Just listen, Kitten — if you help me make some headway on these papers Grossberg heaped on me, I'll buy you some cooked food."

"And if I refuse?"

"I'll eat that unidentifiable blob you spoke of, die of food poisoning, and leave you to be charged with first-degree murder." Diego released Mia and crossed his arms over his chest. "The choice is yours, Kitten."

"Is this how you convince witnesses to testify?" Mia asked, raising one eyebrow.

"No, I usually skip the threats and open with the promise of free pizza."

"Will your talent never cease to amaze me?"

Diego smirked again. "Go on and sit down, I'll just pour us some coffee before we get to work."

Mia shot in front of Diego, standing between him and the kitchen. "What? No!" she exclaimed. "You should sit down, you had a hard day at the office. I'll get the coffee."

"I appreciate the gesture, Kitten," Diego said, frowning at her, "but it's just two cups of coffee. I think I can handle the strain."

"No! I… I don't drink coffee anymore!"

"Since this morning?"

"Yes! A lot can change in eight hours."

"Like…?"

"Like, things!" Mia's eyes darted left and right. "Like deciding that so much caffeine isn't good for a person's body!"

"You only drink a couple of cups a day," Diego said, feeling very confused. "But if you really feel you need to give it up, I'm not going to make you drink a cup. May I have one, though?"

"Hm? Oh!" Mia nodded her head eagerly. "Yes yes yes yes yes! I-I'll just go get it for you." She spun on her heel and flew into the kitchen.

With more ease than Mia had just displayed, Diego meandered back towards the couch. What was that? he wondered, sitting down with a sigh. That was probably the strangest conversation we have ever had — even worse than last year's Christmas party debacle, when I was drunk and convinced she was my mother.

Diego picked up his briefcase. He opened the clasps and began to sort through the pages he had shoved haphazardly inside before fleeing the office that evening. His mind, however, was still on Mia. Why would such a nice person suddenly turn against innocent coffee?

Mia slipped back into the room carrying a full coffee mug. She walked slowly, careful not to splash any of the drink onto her carpet. "Here we go…" she sang nervously. She set the mug down on the end table and daintily sat beside Diego on the couch. "Now, to work?"

She picked up a slip of paper, but Diego pushed her hand flat on the table. "Hold it," he objected, "what's going on?"

"I-I don't know what you m-mean!"

"Wow. I have never met such a horrible liar. Your nose even twitched!"

"Diego, stop it."

"Should I take a step back? Is it going to shoot out and stab me?"

"That's an oxymoron."

"Hey, watch those accusations, Kitten. I may only be the best defense attorney in Marvin Grossberg's nationally famous firm, but even I sometimes get lucky and know when a witness is nervous — which, incidentally, you are."

"W-why should I be nervous about coffee?" Mia asked, roughly freeing her hand from under Diego's palm.

"I don't know," he admitted. "So let's take a moment to consider what I do know, shall we? First, I know you were already stressed out before I even got here, which is why you were a wee bit rude about my being early."

"Sorry," retorted Mia, rolling her eyes.

"First dash A, I can prove you're stressed by your rude tones and gestures." Diego shook his head. "Do not judge her too harshly, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, she does not mean to disrespect her superior officer."

Mia laughed. "Mr. Defense Attorney, why are you prosecuting me?"

"I'm really a prosecutor disguised as a defense attorney. The legality is a bit grey, but there's no better method to uncovering guilty customers. Now, may I finish?"

"Please do, sir. I didn't mean to interrupt."

Diego smirked. "Second, I know for a fact that you enjoy your cups of coffee — admittedly, without the dedication your handsome superior displays. Yet you like it all the same. One does not simply give up a pleasure on a whim."

"Diego, you're not going to like my answer, so let's just stop this game, all right?" Mia appeared flustered again. "You're investigating a murder case, you said? That sounds much more fun than trying to pull from me the reason why I've decided to give up coffee."

"Hold it!" Diego exclaimed. "Did you say give up coffee?"

"Yes."

"As in, give it up completely?"

Mia frowned. "For now."

"Why?" Diego asked, feeling exasperated. "What could possibly have changed since eight o'clock this morning to turn you so vehemently against coffee?"

"I already told you, you won't like the answer!"

"I didn't like Math, either, but I did it anyway! Tell me, Mia."

"The teacher didn't give you the answers then, so why should I do so now?"

"Fine! I'll try and solve you, problem-child." Diego propped his chin in his hand and leaned his elbow against his knee. He wasn't sure himself whether he was thinking or pouting. "Can I ask some questions?"

"Why don't you just drink your coffee and let me read?" Mia retorted.

"Was that a yes?"

"Oh! Fine."

"What specifically are you objecting to about the coffee?"

"The beans, Diego. I've decided that we shouldn't rob plants of their baby beans and grind them into deadly muck to drink anymore. There, case closed."

"Ah hah! As sarcastic as that statement was, I saw a kernel of truth hidden between those beans. So, you think coffee's deadly now?"

Mia grimaced. "N-no! I mean… Well, sort of."

"What about coffee is deadly? I mean, I've handled a lot of murder and assault cases in my years as an attorney, but I must admit, I've never heard of a cup of coffee committing violence all by itself. Do you think drinking coffee leads to violence, perhaps? You know, sort of like cable and video games?"

"You're badgering me, Mr. Armando. Surely, I deserve some representation before this continues."

"Very well. The court appoints Ms. Mia Fey as the defendant's state-assigned attorney." Diego rapped his fist against the table and Mia smirked. "You're late to the trial, Ms. Fey. That's not going to look good on the court record."

"Sorry, Your Honor, but no one warned me about the trial. Now, Mr. Armando, I must object to your harassment of my client."

"Harassment, me? I'm a gentleman, Ms. Fey. I would never harass anyone."

"Objection! You've done nothing but badger and harass my client since arriving."

"How would you know? You just got here yourself."

"Diego," Mia said, frowning, "instead of playing lawyer, how about we actually sort through your papers and try to keep our jobs?"

"This is great practice, Kitten, trust me." Diego smirked. "What's more, I'm getting very close to a confession. So, defendant! tell me why you described coffee as 'deadly'?"

Mia rolled her eyes. "Because caffeine is bad."

"Bad for who?"

"Everyone!"

"Objection! Narcoleptics like caffeine, even consider it healthy — are they not people, Ms. Kitten?"

"Fine, just about anyone, then."

"The prosecution asks that the witness stop being so vague."

"Am I the defense or the witness now?"

"It doesn't matter," Diego replied. "All you need to know is that I'm the judge, and I don't like the way you're testifying."

"A judge, a prosecutor, and a defense attorney all rolled into one infuriating package. You could hold an entire trial all by yourself."

"Eh, almost. I'd need a witness."

"Too bad, because I'm done playing, Diego."

"Not until you clear up the ambiguity in your last statement. Then I'll let you alone, okay?"

"All right." Mia crossed her arms and glared. "Too much caffeine is bad for old people, middle aged people, young adults, teenagers, small children, babies, and the unborn. Admittedly, if certain members of these groups listed above suffer from specific disorders such as narcolepsy, then an above-average dose of caffeine can be healthy. However, this is not so for the common members of these groups, and never so for two of these groups, namely, babies and the unborn!"

Diego opened his mouth to reply, then stopped. What did she say? His mind was suddenly blank. What is she not saying?

Mia bit her thumb nervously. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled like that. It seems, despite my efforts, you've dragged the truth from me."

Why couldn't I just shut up and drink my coffee? Diego wondered, his mouth slightly agape. He could not speak. Damn my lawyer instincts…!

Mia put her hand over Diego's. She was smiling now, but looking sheepish. "Maybe you think I'm overreacting, but I'm not. I'm sure. You asked me what happened in between drinking my morning coffee with gusto and turning down a cup so vehemently tonight. Well, I was listening to the radio in the bus on my way home, and there was a doctor on warning people to be more careful and to look out for… symptoms."

"S-s-symptoms?" Diego stuttered.

Mia's brow furrowed. "Maybe that's not a good word for it, but yes, basically they are symptoms. I know I've been feeling more tired lately and not hungry as often as I should."

"Y-you're overworked. Grossberg is a slave-driver."

"I tried making excuses, too, Diego, but that won't erase the facts. I've also been more ratty, lately, which I'm sure you've noticed."

"No! No, you're fine. You're perfect. You're lovely!"

"Diego, we just argued for half an hour over coffee."

"That was my fault! I pushed you and…" Diego sighed. "No, I'm sorry, Mia. I'm not being much of a man right now, am I?"

Mia shook her head. "It's all right. As I said, I tried to deny it, too."

"If you're sure," Diego stressed, feeling his chest tighten with each muttered word, "then I promise to support you. After all, it is at least partly my fault."

Mia's eyes widened. "No, don't — well, I guess you have been sort of a bad influence on me."

What? Diego grimaced. Is she blaming me for this?

"I wouldn't go that far," he murmured. "It's more a fifty-fifty thing, isn't it?"

"Oh, of course! I wasn't saying it's all your fault. But now that you've admitted to the problem, my next question is, what are you going to do about it?"

Diego ran a hand through his hair. "Uh…" He could not find anything more clever in his vocabulary. He cleared his throat loudly, then stuttered, "I guess that sort of depends on you."

"On me?"

"Well, how involved do you want me to be? I have to admit it, Mia, but I never imagined this was where our relationship would go. Sure, we've know each other for years — but we've only been dating for three months. Maybe we shouldn't rush into marriage right off the bat. Of course I'll still provide for the k-k-kid. I just don't want us messing up any further by jumping into marriage before we're ready! That would just cause more complications, don't you think…?" Diego trailed off. Mia's mouth was open and her cheeks were bright red. "What's wrong?"

"What are you talking about?" she whispered.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be dishonorable by not offering marriage. I'm trying my best to be calm right now even though I'm having a little trouble seeing straight!"

"Diego, are you absolutely insane? Why are you talking about marriage?"

"Because you're —!" Diego stopped. "You're not… you're not… you know?"

"Diego!" Mia grabbed a throw pillow and beat Diego over the head with it. "You idiot! Idiot! Oh, I wish I hadn't put that stupid spoon back in the kitchen draw!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Diego exclaimed, cowering away from Mia. "What the hell were you talking about then?"

"Caffeine addiction!" Mia screamed. "That doctor on the radio said caffeine addiction can be extremely detrimental to your health, and I realized that some of the symptoms he was describing reminded me of myself, but most especially you!" She pulled the pillow against her chest and panted. "How could you even think I meant that?"

"You were talking about symptoms and doctors and the unborn…" Diego put a hand over his chest. "I think I'm having a heart attack."

"See! This is what I was afraid of!"

"Then why did you terrify me like that?"

"Because I care, Diego! I don't want you to drop dead at twenty-seven because your body is ninety percent coffee. But I was afraid of broaching the subject to you — afraid of fighting with you — which is why I spent all evening cooking a ridiculous new recipe and emptying my apartment of caffeine."

"You did all that just for me?" Diego murmured.

"Don't you dare be flattered now! I'm furious with you!"

"Wait, then what's this?" Diego pointed at the coffee mug Mia had brought him earlier.

"Decaf," Mia said. "That's why I ran like a fool into the kitchen earlier — so you wouldn't see the label. I thought it would help you detox."

Diego swiped the coffee and drank it down. It was cold, it was disgusting, yet Diego didn't mind. Mia yelled at him, and he finally slammed the empty mug down with a laugh. "Mia, I am glad we don't have a need to rush into anything right now; but if we ever do, will you marry me?"

Mia's face grew bright red once more. "Wh-what?"

"I said, if…"

"Do not repeat that question! Idiot." Mia chewed her thumb nervously.

Diego shrugged his shoulders. "All right, I'll let you think about it, then. Whew, all that panicking has left me starving. Let's go get that pizza."

"What about your work?"

"Later," Diego waved away her concerns, standing up from the couch, "you come first."

Mia slowly smiled and stood. "Flatterer." She followed Diego to the door.

"Just so you know," he murmured, helping Mia with her coat, "I'm not drinking decaf."

"I'm starting to go off the idea as well," she admitted, laughing lightly. "… And Diego?"

"Yeah, Kitten?"

"Yes."

Ending note: I'm not sure whether this was a good story or not, honestly. I enjoyed writing it, and I do think Mia and Diego's relationship involved a lot of humorous mock-trial scenes such as this one. I hope you agree, readers; please let me know what you thought through your much-appreciated reviews and favorites. Thank you for reading!