Note: This piece is intended as a companion piece to Happily Ever After, by Black Sun Upon Icy Sky. While I feel this piece can stand on its own, I strongly, strongly, recommend that Happily Ever After be read first. I purposefully left certain things unsaid here, as in her piece, but reading both should allow for a clearer picture. Despite their titles, and you shall see why, the other piece should be read before this one if they are both to be read. It can be found with the suffix /s/12154587/1/Happily-Ever-After
It would mean a lot her, I'm sure, if you left a review there.
Once Upon a Time
-o-
Life is not like water. Things in life don't necessarily flow over the shortest possible route.
Haruki Murakami
-o-
I don't know what the first mistake was.
-o-
This was the first time they had ended up this way. Looking back on things, he wondered if destiny ever even entered into it.
But then again, he was a Kurosaki, and destiny rarely had anything to say about his thoughts.
-o-
Maybe none of them were, on their own.
-o-
The auburn haired woman in front of him sighed, fidgeting with the tangled apron bunched up on her lap. She wore a stern grimace, her grey eyes almost smoldering in the chill air of their living room.
"You shouldn't be lost in thought now."
-o-
But regret is easy, once you have all the information.
-o-
"I'm just wondering if he noticed. I was never very perceptive of these sorts of things."
The woman stood up, uncharacteristically shielding her torso with the apron as she did so. He seemed to stare through her for a moment, before they met each other's gaze, amber and grey locking.
His comment had a painful weight.
-o-
I just keep wondering if there a was better path to walk.
-o-
"I'm sure he has. Not a lot of married couples fight like this."
-o-
But I don't know.
-o-
Ichigo stared unblinking at the redhead. "He is a lot like you, in that regard. He may have a temper like mine, but his personality is a world apart. The fact that we have been getting less subtle says something."
Orihime flinched, clutching at her apron tighter.
"I never thought it would get this bad." She felt him slouch in place, his eyes transfixed on the floor.
"It's been building up for a while. He probably suspected after our shouting match."
"Probably."
The elder Kurosaki exhaled, scratching his hair almost too casually.
"For what it's worth, I never did." He didn't want to add more detail, Orihime knew what he meant. While he'd never brought her along on those frequent trips, it didn't bother her and neither did it Abarai-kun, she suspected.
For a time, at least.
But Orihime wasn't stupid. None of their group was.
Even 32 years after that night, even after 29 years after they married. It was always as clear as the sun.
"You always had that glint in your eyes when you came back here." He heard a sniff cut through the still air and buried his nails deeper into his palm. "It was always gone in a minute." She shook slightly, and Ichigo moved slightly towards her, stopping before much had changed.
"I didn't mean to broadcast anything."
She whimpered slightly as the tears came. "You were always losing yourself in thought, wondering if the choices you made were the right ones. I was afraid of confirming everything."
"Sorry."
-o-
Ichigo was quick to set his cup down on the table, not wanting to make any excess noise as he heard the front door of the clinic shut. He smirked as he checked his wristwatch. 3 A.M., huh? Someone cut things short tonight? Realizing the nature of his thoughts was much closer to a certain other-other Kurosaki than he'd like, he sighed. Better than having his mother fret all night, I guess.
Idly stirring his tea with a small silver spoon, Ichigo kept his gaze fixed on the darkened hallway, waiting until his son crept into view with a very mild look of shock on his face. "Ichika kick you out?"
"What the fu-"
"Dammit, don't curse, you know how your mother feels about that." Ichigo sighed after waiting a moment, his son seemingly reluctant to respond further. He made a motion for the younger to sit. "Did you think I'm an idiot, or what? You two wanted to sneak around, but damn Goat-chin has been sending wedding magazines over to Rukia since your first little adventure."
The younger Kurosaki couldn't hide his face fast enough when his father's face erupted into a mirthful grin. He remained silent as he stewed.
"You could have said something."
"Like what?"
The older of the two watched as his son contemplated, avoiding his eyes. "I was afraid."
"Pff, the only one to be afraid of is Renji, and the one time he brought it up Rukia hit him so hard he couldn't walk for a week. She's been cooing about adorable grandkids the whole time." Kazui looked up in time to see his father's eyes roll light-heartedly. "Goat-chin really let his ideas set up shop with Rukia."
Kazui turned away instinctively.
Ichigo knew now why it was so obvious. Every time he formed those syllables, and everyone else would nervously avoid his eyes. He wondered why he hadn't listened earlier, because everyone else noticed right away. He felt something for Orihime, he was sure of that, and for a while he accepted it as love, but there were always questions, questions that weren't there with-
It wasn't the first time he had to stop that thought from forming.
"Were you waiting up to make fun of me, or what?"
Ichigo smirked, and he imagined his son picturing him as an old man, needing to be in bed well before sun set. He wondered if that's how things would have turned out. "What's your excuse? Unlike you, I don't have wild oats to sow."
Ichigo waited for another blush to form. "Dad."
"Your mother and I had a talk."
Ichigo could sense Kazui's understanding immediately. There was no need for any more words. He just hoped that Kazui wouldn't blame himself. But what would happen was inevitable.
-o-
But there's a beginning in an end, you know? It's true that you can't reclaim what you had, but you can lock it up behind you. Start fresh.
Alexandra Bracken
-o-
It was a rare occurrence that Kurosaki Kazui felt intimidated. The most recent of which was as he sat across from Kuchiki Rukia, the small taichÅ's gaze chilling his bones. "You really are as reckless as that fool." The words were almost unfamiliar to Rukia, lost some decades ago. She didn't let on that it pained her, slightly.
Rukia could see the fully-grown orange-head gulp. She took some slight pleasure in this Kurosaki being more receptive to her threats. "I love her, with all my soul. If she says yes, I will make her happy."
The raven haired woman grimaced. The air was chill, and she could sense something like fear in Kazui. Deciding she's teased him enough, she dramatically sighed. "I guess I'm doomed to deal with you fools." She made it clear it was a joke, but sadness quickly overtook her smile. "Maybe one of us will have made the right choice."
She could feel Kazui flinch. Before the questions came she moved to hug him softly, with some familiarity. "Don't let us ruin your mood. This has been a long time coming. For both."
-o-
She had known that her daughter would not handle the news well. She had expected that she would tear up, run off, immediately. She knew where she would go, with whom she would find her comfort.
Like many other things, it was obvious.
It was so obvious, that it hurt like hell.
-o-
As much as it hurt, there were no real hard feelings. After all, in all the trauma and heartache of war, something like this was a flash in the pan. It would pass, like all else.
With him, it was a surprise only to those who pretended. With her, it was only a shock to those in denial.
But heartache had no invitation that day.
As their children pulled each other close, slowly closing the gap, everything else was left behind, a din of laughter and cheering and some happy weeping erupted around them. They joined in.
-o-
Some things are destined to be - it just takes us a couple of tries
to get there.
J.R. Ward
-o-
They found each other amongst the trees. His orange hair was long enough again to be caught by the gentle breeze of the summer's night, her long raven hair mimicking the motion. The view of the sky that crept through the canopy matched his hair almost exactly, making her snort in delight, just for a moment.
42 years, and it was still the easiest thing in the world. They shared a knowing smile.
Rukia quickly changed to a mocking face. Her schoolgirl voice was 4 decades rusty, but he recognized it instantly. "Oh Kurosaki-kun, a secret meeting in the forest at sunset? What ever shall people say~?"
Ichigo visibly flinched, a vein twitching on his forehead. "Oi, don't you start with me, midget. This was your idea in the first place, and you know how nosy everyone is."
"Oh, but Kurosaki-kun, why should people be nosy, unless you really were planning something scandalous~?"
"Like hell I am!"
Rukia giggled, part-way between her saccharine persona and sincerity. "And yet you blush."
The orange-head's brow twitched again as he exasperated. "Shut it."
Rukia smiled softly at the taller shinigami. He still acted slightly annoyed, if only facetiously. Noticing her gaze, he relented. "What?" She didn't answer immediately, electing instead to enjoy this rare, shared solitude. If the sky matched his hair before, it was closer to matching her eyes by now. Gentle shadows played over both of their features, but were not enough to conceal intent. He was about to open his mouth again, but was stifled when she inhaled suddenly.
"Do you regret the choices you made?" The question was wrapped up tightly in layers of facade, years of denial. Her mind raced as it quickly rewrote the question, over and over again.
Do you regret the way things turned out?
Are you-
Are we happy?
It was abrupt, and difficult to take in. This was the part that wasn't so easy. The light mood was gone, at least for now. His own mind raced, struggling with all the possible subtext. In a short moment that lasted an eternity, he replied with the truth.
"I don't know."
It was true. He never regret raising Kazui. It would be unthinkable. But he regret hurting his friend, in order to sate something in himself. He regret taking so long to realize the truth that seemed so obvious to everyone else. He regret exchanging happiness for routine.
"Do you?"
It was just as abrupt, though not as unexpected. It still made her flinch. She contemplated, avoiding his eyes, and a second eternity passed.
"Ichigo."
He met her eyes. Amber and violet flickered with that glint, that was so clear to see. He knew her answer was the same as his.
It was unfathomable for her to regret Ichika. But she regret hurting her oldest friend, for the sake of her own insecurity. She regret being blind to the unspoken reality. She regret exchanging happiness for safety.
In the twilight, they both stared. It was enough, for them.
Ichigo adopted a more familiar manner, looking off in to the side and ruffling the back of his hair.
"It may be a bit weird. For the others." He slowly released the tight grip he held on his reiatsu, letting it flow, if ever so slowly towards his companion.
She did the same, allowing her securely clamped reiatsu ever so gently mingle with his own.
"Were things ever normal?"
And as the last vestige of evening faded, the Sun and Moon ignored the vague feeling they were being watched, and took a small step closer to one another.
-o-
A boy
A Shinigami
A chance meeting
A story of fate begins
-o-
A/N: Alright, I really have no idea where to start. First of all, if you have not yet read Happily Ever After as I suggested in the opening note, I would ask that you do so before leaving a review here. Again, here is the suffix: /s/12154587/1/Happily-Ever-After
I would be very happy if you left Anja a review there as well. She needs encouragement.
So, the story. I originally intended this to just be a writing exercise, to flex my creative muscle as I eased back into things. In some ways it was difficult to write, as I felt very constrained in terms of style, but the point was to write the same story as this one's counterpart. It is not perfect, but I think the result is fine. I really do like writing. I miss the interactions between Ichigo and Rukia. As it was just practice, I did not plan on publishing this, but after showing it to my girlfriend, she insisted I do so. It is not 'canon' per se, to the story of Happily Ever After, as Anja wanted that story to be ambiguous, and this does sort of toss that desire out the window. But, I am publishing this with her blessing.
Now that that's out of the way, the elephant. Bleach's ending was... Not good. A month after the fact, I am realizing that Bleach held a much dearer meaning to me than I was willing to let on. I followed sincerely for 8 years, almost singularly for the first 4 years. Being the time in my life that it was, and looking back now, it is clear that the series had a hand in making me who I am today, as trite as that may sound. Even though its quality was called into question, and deservedly so, in the last years, having that chapter there every week was a sort of focal point for me, regardless of whether or not I looked forward to the chapter, or even speculated much after the fact.
Now that it's gone, and left in the manner it did, I have a persistent hollow feeling.
The second reason I have been feeling down is simply the quality of the ending. I cannot help but feel that there was something besides the fact that Kubo was rushed, that maybe he chose to kill the story to spite WSJ/Shueisha/editors. But that speculation is petty, and I will leave it at this: I don't think a single character shown in the last chapter was an acceptable way to capstone 15 years. I don't think, in the ~45 pages he had between the last two chapters, that Kubo did any sort of justice to what he had built. The fact that fan favourites were shafted in order set up a sequel that won't happen is not how you appreciate those who support you. The fact that so many questions and characters were left untouched in the end was inevitable, but in some sense, it was as though Kubo did not even try. The fact that, without any more information, it is essentially as though characters regressed, ignored their development, or were just plain forgotten, is insulting.
Lastly, and while this reason is the most personal, and yet the least legitimate, Ichigo and Rukia. In every series I have ever followed, ever become devoted enough to, to go through its canon in entirety, there has never been a pair of characters who I liked more. While their dynamic is not perfect (and allowing for some exaggeration, considering both the universe and the necessity of comic relief), there is no couple, in all of fiction, that I would have preferred to see. And as I said, Bleach was most significant to me in a time when my opinions on love, on relationships, and on companionship were ultimately being formed. Having those ideas stepped on, years later, is painful. Though I concede that partnerships between Shonen characters are not the correct, sole basis on which to anchor such ideals, following a series so closely during that time would be sure to impact one's views, and I won't make excuses for that. Again, to be told that it was just my imagination after so long is, simply put, shattering. But, I am sure things will pass, as they always do.
I do not regret entering the world of Bleach. Through it, I have made new friends. I learned a lot about story telling, and character design, and world building. I laughed, cried, and waited on the edge of my seat. I grew as a person, and I am ultimately happy of who that person is.
I met my one and only. For that I will always treasure these years.
Thank you for reading this. I hope that it was enjoyable, and that you all continue to make the Bleach, and Ichiruki fandoms the amazing places that they have been over the past 15 years.
Emilio