OK I'm so sorry to everyone who wanted this fic to become a longer thing but I might just end it here, and you can imagine whatever you want to come next or just stitch it onto the canon events of the show. I think it's just messing with my head a little to write this while divergent events are happening on screen. I have really liked writing Mary though, and it's been nice to write some outsider POV destiel too. Thanks so much to everyone who read, reviewed, faved and followed this little fic! Signing off on it now xxx

Sam chokes out what might be a laugh or a sob before half-tackling his brother, falling out of the chair to wrap long arms around him. Tears sting my eyes at the sight, the love and relief on Dean's face, the way he barely keeps from being bowled over but still returns the embrace fully. Sam buries his face in Dean's shoulder and I think to myself that at least John got this right. At least my boys understand how important they are to each other. At least my family wasn't totally torn apart, if these two are still there for each other.

Sam pulls back and turns to me and I feel embarrassed because tears are rolling down my cheeks, but it's just so much to look at this utter stranger who I have no recognition of and think of my precious little baby. My Sammy who I got so little time with, who's apparently become this enormous, beloved person with absolutely no input from me. My last moments before death were consumed with fear for him and now he's here, gazing at me with lost eyes that seem to be every colour at once. It's too much.

"Hello," I manage, my voice crumpled and weak. Sam blinks, and when he speaks he sounds much the same, like he's struggling not to cry.

"Hi, Mom." He swallows heavily, eyes moving over my face. "How are you here?"

I shrug and nod towards Dean. "He told me I was brought back by God's sister. Still not sure if I believe him."

Sam turns to Dean, eyes popping. "Amara did this? But… the soul bomb, the sun… how did you fix it?"

"I didn't," Dean says quietly, happiness shining from his eyes. I didn't realise how tense he was until now, but having his brother back seems to have knocked years off of him. "I'll tell you all about it soon, OK? Right now we need to get outta here."

Sam nods slowly. He looks back at me, his expression strangely haunted, which I suppose makes sense. I'm a ghost to him. I'm a ghost to both of them. Should I really be here?

"Cas?" Dean's worried voice pulls me from my morbid thoughts and I frown in concern as I watch him clutch at the angel's shoulder. Castiel doesn't look great, face drawn and eyes tense. He nods as Dean asks him if he's alright, face grim.

"I'm better than I was, but I'm still a poor imitation of a fully powered angel," he says ruefully, starting to drag himself to his feet. Dean leaps up and pulls Cas after him, his movements anxious but gentle. The angel huffs as he leans on Dean for a moment before straightening. I stare up at him. I didn't know he was ill. Can angels get ill? Maybe he's injured, in some mysterious celestial way. Dean reaches down to help Sam up too. I scramble to my feet and place a pointless hand underneath Castiel's elbow, wanting to show gratitude for his help more than anything else. He smiles wearily at me.

I watch Dean hoist Sam up, watch the younger man grumbling a little but smiling and rolling his eyes at Dean's fussing. They're so familiar together, like two halves of a whole. My eyebrows raise as Sam stretches to his full height. He's so tall. Dean catches my look and grins cheekily.

"I know, right? Sammy here is a total sasquatch."

"Shut up, man," Sam mutters, shooting me a self-conscious look. It's endearing and I feel a rush of warmth for him. I smile up at him and he smiles back, looking sweet and unsure.

"You turned out so handsome," I murmur shyly, feeling like an idiot. Sam flushes and looks down at his feet. Beside him, Dean snorts.

"Yeah, he got all the looks for sure."

I open my mouth to protest, because honestly, both my sons look like they could have been models or actors, they're so good-looking. Castiel beats me to it, frowning, shoulders still stiff as though he's cold or pained.

"You're very handsome too, Dean."

I snap my mouth shut, amused at Dean's outraged look and glowing cheeks.

"Dude, what the hell?" he hisses, shoving a little at a bewildered Cas to get him moving. "Come on, move out, we need to get going…"

I try to suppress my laughter and as Sam catches my eye, I see that he's noticed. He jerks his head towards Dean and Castiel and rolls his eyes, lips pressed around a smirk. I raise my eyebrows as I turn away, taken aback to find that I'm not the only one who's noticed the odd dynamic between my elder son and the angel. Well, of course, Sam knows them both far better than me. For the first time, I wonder if I was a bit too relaxed when it occurred to me that Dean might be in love with a man, or a male angel as it turns out. It just seemed of little consequence compared to everything else going on. But seeing it acknowledged by Sam, it seems like it should feel more wrong than it does. Surely it must be wrong. But then, I mentally shrug to myself, so is returning from the dead.

I'm pulled from my musings by Dean's voice where he's paused in the doorway, staring down grimly at the mystery blonde woman's body.

"Guess we're taking this one back to the bunker for questioning. Spot of revenge might be in order too."

No one argues. Castiel concentrates and does something to the camera system so we can't be seen; messing with electronics seems to affect him far less than fighting, healing and forcing through warding. He easily lifts the blonde again and takes her out to the car, hurrying across the parking lot in the dim light of dusk. I wonder what the plan is for if someone spots us and tries to stop us. It doesn't matter. No one does.

Sam hovers close to me, our eyes catching now and then. It's so strange to look at him and see the hopeful longing in his eyes. At least with Dean I can convince myself that I see similarities with the child I lost. With Sam, it's blank. I feel love because I know that he's my son, because I can intellectually understand the link between this man and my beloved baby. But he's a total stranger to me.

Once Dean's secured the blonde in the trunk, we all pile into the car. I blink in surprise as Castiel slides into the back next to me without any hesitation. Sam takes shotgun without seeming to think about it. I realise that Cas riding shotgun was as temporary and unusual as him driving the Impala and it saddens me, somehow. I watch Dean and Sam in the front, smiling tiredly at each other, and I ache with how external I feel. Glancing sideways, I can see that Castiel is peering out the window. As I watch, he glances at Dean, his expression caught between fond and forlorn. I think about how we're both outsiders from within this odd little family, about how I know and understand and like Castiel better than my own baby boy, and I want to break down crying.

I tell myself that this will get better, and I stare out the window too.