'Get out of bed. Get out of bed…' He chanted in his mind as he laid still in his small bunk on the Castle Ship. He knew he had to get up. It wasn't like he was back at school and could just call out sick for the day. Zarkon wouldn't give a quiznak if he were sick. 'Get up… Get… Up…' Lance let out a groan, sitting up with a forced finality.

He took his time getting ready, even though all he had to do was throw on the same clothes he had been wearing for probably weeks now. He honestly had no way of knowing how long he had been aboard the Castle Ship, and the Altean calendar did not really help in terms of calculating how many "Earth Days" they had been gone. All he knew was that it was a lot, far too many for his taste.

He was not surprised to find himself the last one to enter the training deck. Everyone else was waiting for him, annoyed looks on their faces when he flashed a wide smile to his teammates. "Mornin' everybody!" He greeted.

"You're late…" Keith scowled as Lance fell into place next to Hunk.

He let out a nervous chuckle. "Sorry. Slept in." He replied simply.

"Lance, it's important that you arrive to training on time everyday." Shiro scolded, arms folded over his chest. "Do you understand?"

He nodded obediently, but surprisingly quiet. He could feel Hunk staring at him. Lance knew that he knew. Neither of them said anything, though, as Shiro began to explain the training regimen for the day.

"Allura for some reason thinks we are not being as open as we can be with each other." Shiro explained with a subtle annoyance in his voice. The other Paladins were sure he had gotten an earful from The Princess about the subject if he were bringing it up. "So… For the next few days we're going to start our training with these." He held up the mind molding headbands. Everyone began to protest as he tossed them all their respecting headbands. "That's enough!" He called over everyone else. "I'm not thrilled about it either, but The Princess seems to think that there is untapped potential in Voltron and we need to unlock it." Shiro stood his ground, placing his own on top of his head and adjusting the against his temples and forehead.

Lance reluctantly follow suit with this teammates. He realized that Allura and Coran had no way of knowing how dishonest humans inherently were. As a general rule, all humans lied. They stole, they cheated, they kept secrets. They did not believe in the same openness that the Alteans did. "So do we just like… Sit in a circle and think about our darkest secrets all morning?" Lance asked as a cynical joke.

Shiro let out a sigh. "According to Coran, ideally there would be no secrets between us. Obviously I'm not going to ask anyone to share anything they aren't comfortable with, but if there is something that the team should know about I would prefer that come to at least my attention."

Pidge spoke up tentatively. "What counts as something that the team should know about?"

"I was thinking relevant medical information." Shiro answered as though he had put a lot of thought into what Allura was asking of them. "Anything that I should keep in mind for the health and safety of the team." He explained carefully as they all took their places to sit in a circle on the floor of the training deck. "As far as personal secrets or intimate information, though, I really don't feel like that's any of my business. And I would hope that everyone here would feel the same way."

Lance let out a gasp, pretending to be offended as he spoke. "Shiro! Have you been keeping secrets from us? How could you!"

"Anyway…" Shiro rolled his eyes, ignoring Lance as he continued. "I don't feel like there is any harm in getting to know each other a little better, seeing as we're all going to be stuck here for a while. So if there is anything that you are comfortable sharing, now would be the time to do it." He concluded, closing his eyes to focus and open his 'head hole'.

Everyone else closed their eyes as well, opening their link as much as each felt comfortable. Lance picked up on something that felt guarded. He was not sure if it was him, or someone else. He began to pick up on everyone else's memories and quickly shifted his thoughts to something he felt more comfortable thinking about. The last thing he wanted was Shiro calling them out on being guarded.

He took deep breath, exhaling slowly through parted lips. Lance easily thought about his family. He remembered playing with his younger brother and sister, reading them stories, and watching cartoons with them. His thoughts were easy and safe, but revealed nothing new about him to his team.

No one said anything as their thoughts and memories began to come together in the open. His memories of his siblings mixed in with other thoughts and Lanced began to try and guess who was thinking what.

He picked up on a memory that was almost familiar to him. There was an old burger shack down the street from a library. He remembered walking there after school and promising his mother that he and Hunk really had been at the library studying. He smiled at Hunk's memory, wondering why his friend had chosen that one. Lance's mind wandered as he pondered when he might get an actual burger next.

He saw a dog through someone else's mind. Did someone have a dog? The grey puppy rubbed up against whoever's side, curling up to fall asleep with it's head in their lap. A small hand reached up and rubbed the pet's neck behind its red collar.

Lance found himself annoyed that someone was thinking about that stupid shack in the desert again. It was obvious everyone wanted to go back home, but he thought Keith was being a little passive aggressive...

Someone thought of a cigarette and Lance could not help but smile. "Bro, same." Lance blurted out as his chest burned with a familiarity from someone's memory. Their link began to close as he laughed. "Real talk, who was thinking about a smoke because if you have some you need to share." He stated bluntly.

"Well I wasn't thinking that… But now…" Shiro responded with a laugh, taking his headband off and setting it beside him.

Surprised by the sudden memory of an unfamiliar burning in her chest and throat, Pidge let out a deep cough. She pulled off her headband quickly, tossing it to the side while she gasped for clean air. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "What is wrong with you? Are you trying to kill us?"

"What? No! We would never!" Lance bantered back sarcastically, unable to stop himself from laughing at his teammate.

"We're on a ship in the middle of space fighting a Warlord." Keith interrupted, a small amused smile on his face. "I don't think a cigarette is what's going to kill us."

Hunk raised his hand timidly. "I'm not comfortable with the 'dying in space' conversation?"

Ignoring his best friend, Lance glanced over to Keith who sat across from him in the circle. "So do you have one?" He asked seriously.

"No I don't. And if I did, I wouldn't be sharing." He answered back with a snarky tone.

Lance opened his mouth to argue, but was cut off by Shiro standing. "So that wasn't so bad." He stated bluntly. "We'll just… keep doing that until… Allura is happy…" His voice trailed off as he shook his head, wondering who exactly the leader of their team was. "Let's head outside and practice our flying formations before lunch."

"Not hungry?" A kind voice asked beside him as he poked at his lunch of green goo.

Lance shook his head. "No I… I am…" He answered, looking up to give Hunk a smile. "Just… takes some getting used to, ya know?"

Hunk shrugged, taking a bite from his own bowl. "It's not so bad once you get used to it. It doesn't look like much but it's totally packed with all sorts of nutrients and stuff." He spoke with his mouthful. "You need to eat." He added, giving his friend a concerned look.

Lance let out a sigh. They both knew. He graced Hunk with a nod before taking a small spoonful into his mouth. Lance did not pick up on it's usually obscure taste as he swallowed the tiny bite. "You don't have to watch me eat, bro." Lance gave him a smile, shoving Hunk lightly when he noticed that other members of the team were looking over at them. "I'm a big boy. I got this."

The much taller Paladin gave him an incredulous look before turning back to his own lunch. "If you say so, buddy." He muttered.

"Is… Is someone a vegetarian?" Hunk blurted out the next morning during their exercise. His tone concerned as he glanced around at his fellow teammates.

Keith huffed, folding his arms over his chest defensively. "What if I am?"

"Just when I thought you couldn't be any more pretentious…" Lance teased.

"Go fuck yourself, okay?" Keith snapped backed, earning a dark glare from Lance.

Before another argument between the two could break out, Hunk spoke up. "Are you really, though? Because-Because I've been messing around in the kitchen a lot and, honestly, I don't know what is in anything that I'm making." Hunk admitted, genuinely concerned for The Red Paladin. "I have no idea if anything is vegetarian or vegan friendly or what allergens are in anything. I've just been… well… guessing… And hoping nobody gets sick."

Keith shook his head. "I asked Coran about what was in the stuff he feeds us and I didn't really understand anything he said. But, I don't think Alteans eat meat either? So, I'm sure it's fine." He flashed Lance another quick glare before turning his attention back to Hunk. "I appreciate the concern."

Lance held up his hand, a smirk on his face. "So… Wait… You actually asked Coran if food goo was vegetarian friendly? What is wrong with you! Is that really necessary?"

Keith frowned, not enjoying being put on the spot. "Yes. It is. I haven't had meat in years, and if I start eating it now, I could get really sick."

"Well we'd all hate that…" Lance muttered sarcastically.

"At least I'm trying!" Keith snapped. "We're all trying to share new things about ourselves to strengthen the team and get closer, but all you ever share is the same bullshit about your family and fucking coffee shops in your hometown! We get it. You miss Earth, but that's not exactly news anymore, Lance."

Blue eyes narrowed across the circle. His chest felt tight as Keith of all people called him out on his lack of participation. It was horribly embarrassing having The Red Paladin accuse him of not being a team player. "Well… Maybe that's all there is to me." Lance finally stated bluntly, joking tone gone from his voice as a more serious atmosphere shifted upon the Paladins.

"Bullshit."

"You don't have to believe me." He shrugged. "But I'm telling you, Keith, that's all I got. Sorry I'm not an interesting as you want me to be." He turned to Shiro. "Can we be done?" Lance asked eagerly.

Their leader nodded. "Let's take a break and meet back here in ten."

Lance gave him a quick 'thank you' before stepping out into the hall. He paced back and forth quickly, his head spinning. He felt awful for leading his teammates on, but he really did not know what else to do. He stopped, pressing his hands against he cool wall of the hallway. Palms flat and fingers wide he pushed hard against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut. He felt awful in general.

"Lance? Are you okay?" He heard to his left.

He quickly pushed off the wall, taking a few steps to balance himself before facing Shiro. "Y-Yeah, man! Why wouldn't I be?" He forced himself to smile widely.

Shiro leaned against the wall, hoping his relaxed stance would calm down his subordinate. "I know it's hard being open like that, and I'm not asking you to share anything. We just need to know that we can trust you, and we need you to know that you can trust us. That's all the exercise is." He explained calmly. "It's about getting to know each other and building trust."

Lance shoved his hands into his coat pockets. "I know…" He muttered, not daring to look at Shiro.

He did not seem to believe Lance, but he also did not feel comfortable prying into anything that Lance obviously did not bring up. "Well if there is anything you ever want to talk about… and not want the rest of the team to know, I'm always available." Shiro offered him a smile.

He knew Shiro could not see inside his head anymore, but Lance still hesitated. He finally forced himself to nod. "Yeah.…" He returned the smile. "Thanks, Shiro."

The next day was torture rolling out of bed. 'Get up… Get up…' He thought, blankets pulled closely to his chest. 'You have to… Come on…' Lance forced himself to sit up, pulling the blanket over his head when he did to sit for a few moments in darkness. He let out a deep breath. 'It's okay… Just get up… You can't be late again…'

He ended up being late again, but he wore a wide smile on his face as he entered the training deck and his eagerness to get started seemed to pacify his annoyed teammates. He shoved the headband on and took his spot in the circle.

"Are you going to participate today?" Keith deadpanned, sitting next to Shiro and getting ready.

"Aren't you eager to find out." Lance teased him with a grin.

"Don't force anything." Shiro spoke, closing his eyes. "Just let it be natural." His voice soothing across the group.

Lance let out a deep breath, trying to concentrate. He was going to do this. He could totally do this. He closed his eyes, trying to steer his thoughts in a direction that would appease the team.

"Do you… Own birds?" Pidge asked, interested in the thought that just appeared in her head.

Lance shifted in his spot on the floor. "Ah… My… My sister does…" He admitted. "But I always liked playing with them."

Pidge nodded with a smile. "Matt had a couple budgies when we were kids. They're really weird." She chuckled at the fond memory as Lance returned the smile.

"Very good, Lance." Shiro encouraged, pleased that he was at least trying to open up. "Try sharing something about you now."

Lance blinked, giving him a frown. "I… Just did…?" He questioned, wondering what more Shiro wanted from him. His memory flashed to the sad state he was in this morning. It was not for very long, but he was sure everyone else saw him laying wide awake in bed, blanket pulled up over his head. They all saw him panting with his mind screaming at his body to get up while he laid there unmoving. Lance scrambled to focus on something else. Anything else. He decided on his sister's birds, thinking back on their brightly colored feathers and their small beaks nibbling on his hair.

"Lance? Are you sure you're alright?" Shiro asked cautiously, not wanting to dip further into anyone's mind than he was allowed.

He let out a sigh, slipping off his headband just incase it could show when he was being dishonest. "So I haven't been sleeping well lately." He muttered. "I think the whole, not having a sun thing is getting to me. I didn't think it was that big of a deal so I didn't think to mention it. Can we be done? Please? This is really exhausting…" He spoke quickly. He could feel all eyes staring at him. He dared to glance over at Hunk and met the worried expression of his best friend. There was no possible way he did not know.

Lance did not feel up to force feeding himself dinner that night. He used his previous confession to his advantage and let out a fake yawn as everyone else turned to head toward the dining hall. "I'm gonna try and get some sleep." He uttered before retreating back to his room.

As soon as his bedroom door was shut behind him, he kicked off his shoes and threw his jacket onto the floor. He climbed back in bed and pulled his blanket up tightly around him. He let out a sigh. He was not tired, but laying down as all he could think to do. He rolled his left arm over so he could take a look at the thin hair-line scars on his forearm. He let out another sigh as his eyes slid shut, pulling his arm close to his body. Hunk swore up and down multiple times that no one could see them, but Lance was certain that they were obvious against his dark skin. He wondered if anyone had noticed them yet.

He heard a faint knock on his door. He squeezed his eyes shut, pulling his sleeve down as far as he could, even though the sleeves were not as long as he liked them to be. "What?" He called out from under the covers.

"Hey, buddy, it's me. Can I come in?" Hunk's kind voice called out from the other side of the door.

Lance let out a sigh, knowing that he would not leave until he was let in. "Sure…" He muttered before hearing the door open and close.

He listened closely to his friend's movements. "I brought you some dinner. Surprise. It's goo." Hunk joked and Lance let out a faint chuckle. He heard the bowl being set down and shortly after he felt the bed move as Hunk sat down. "Is it getting bad?" He asked bluntly.

After a few moments, Lance dared to peek out from underneath the covers. Their eyes locked for a moment before he nodded. "Well it's not great…" He answered.

"Have you told Shiro?" Hunk asked.

Lance sat up, pulling his knees up to his chest before shaking his head. "No."

"Have you tried asking Coran for like… I dunno… Altean medicine or something?"

"No…"

"Have you…" Hunk hesitated with his next question. "You know…"

He shook his head again. "No…"

"Lance…" His best friend warned. "Have you—"

"No!" He said with more assertion. "But I want to. God like… It takes everything I have not to think about it when we're all hooked up…" Lance shook his head, voice cracking as he stared down at his arms that he pulled up to his chest. "I… You know I didn't take my medicine the night we found Shiro. I mean, I didn't get a chance to. We were just supposed to mess with Pidge for a little bit, then go back to our rooms, and I was gonna take my pill, and go to bed. And now here we are… Who knows how many days out and…" Tears pricked at his eyes before he felt himself being pulled into a tight enveloping hug. "I don't know… I haven't felt this bad in a really long time, Hunk…" He sobbed.

Hunk held him close, allowing his friend to cry into him while he rubbed his back comfortingly. "It's okay. You know you're gonna be okay. You've felt this bad before, but you know that it passes."

Lance sniffled, voice muffled by Hunk's chest. "Does it?"

"Yes." Hunk said earnestly. "Would I lie to you?"

Lance smiled, leaning against him as he allowed himself to be comforted. "I should probably tell Shiro…"

"You should definitely tell Shiro…" Hunk offered a supportive nod.

The next day Lance did not try to smile when they started the exercise. His body ached and his mind felt numb from crying through the night.

Having stayed up with Lance most of the night, Hunk was equally as exhausted. While his friend seemed to be acting down, he had to admit that he was pleased Lance was being genuine for once.

As soon as he put on the headband, Lance realized what a mess he was. He found he could not focus on one thing at all. He would start a thought and immediately get sidetracked into thinking of something else. He could hear Hunk's distant voice encouraging him to relax. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on something simple or small. Everything in his mind was foggy. He saw grey. He thought of the rain. He tried to focus on the sound that raindrops made against his bedroom window back on Earth. He hoped it would be enough. It was the best he could do.

The memory evolved as the others dipped into it. The bedroom shifted from his own to Hunk's. He felt at ease in the familiar setting. The sound of the rain the only constant as everything else changed.

A flash of lightning lit up their minds and the setting shifted from Hunk's bedroom to someone else's. He did not recognize the room as his own, so he wondered whose it could be. The sound of the rain still beat against the window above the headboard. The dog someone thought of a few days ago whined and whimpered at the thunder in the distance, circling around on the twin-sized bed. The small hand pet the animal, calming it down as it snuggled close.

The room lit up again with a flash of light and everything changed once more. They were back in Lance's room. He was laying back in his bed, phone pressed against his ear as he whispered to the person on the other end in a voice low enough that he would not wake up his parents. "I can't… I can't…" He cried, barely able to hear his own voice over the rain. "It's too hard, man… I can't keep doing this…" He sobbed. He knew that everyone could see the scene through is eyes. He tried his best to stop it, but when the light from the storm filled his room everyone could see the thin cuts across his arm.

As the lightning faded, the room shifted and changed. The bed they were in this time was larger, enough for two people. Whoever Lance was supposed to be in this memory felt strong arms wrap around him from behind, pulling his back close to their firm, flat chest. Lance's thoughts shifted from anxious to immediately calm and he wondered whose memory this was. "It's okay." He heard a familiar voice whisper in the memory. Whose voice was that? There was another clap of thunder, closer this time. The arms tightened around them. Lance could not help but feel strangely at ease in this scene. "There's nothing to be afraid of." He heard Shiro whisper behind him.

All eyes snapped open. They all looked between each other, none of them daring to say anything. Lance wondered if that was Shiro's memory, and if it were, why did they not see things through his eyes? He wondered if everyone knew which memory was his. He knew he had a hard time figuring out who was who in their head space. He prayed that everyone else was the same. No one dared ask about what they had seen, everyone seemed hesitant to look each other in the eyes.

Shiro swallowed, he seemed flustered as he took off his headband. "That's… that's enough of that for today. Let's meet back here after lunch, alright?" He muttered. Everyone nodded cautiously, rising to their feet to disperse. Lance ripped off his helmet quickly, hoping to his feet to retreat into his room. "Lance. Hang back a second." Shiro called.

Lance froze in place. There was no way that Shiro could know. He glanced over to Hunk who gave him a sympathetic look as he walked passed, leaving him alone in the training deck with their leader. Lance let out a sigh, turning back around slowly, hesitant to face him. "What-what's up, man?" He asked, trying to sound as cheery as he could muster.

Shiro ignored Lance's attempt to put on a happy facade, instead cutting right to the point. "What was that? Your memory?"

Lance's shoulders tensed. He had promised Hunk he would talk to Shiro. Still, he had been hoping to do it more on his terms. "I-I don't know what you're talking about." He lied easily. "How do you know that was my memory? How do you know that wasn't Keith or someone else?" He spoke too quickly, he was sure Shiro picked up on it.

Shiro gave him a smile, trying to come off as friendly as possible. "I can tell you for a fact that it was not Keith who was thinking that. Now talk to me. Are you really alright?"

"How do you know? " He snapped. Lance folded his arms defensively over his chest. He felt exposed and embarrassed in front of Shiro. "Besides, you said you weren't gonna pry!" He barked angrily.

The older man let out a sigh. "I also said I would like to know about anything that could endanger the safety of my teammates." He spoke seriously. "If this is something that you're actively doing then I need to know about it."

"Well it's not. Okay?" Lance snapped back. "It was an old memory from a long time ago. I'm over it and you should be, too!" With that, he turned on his heel and stormed out of the training deck.

"So… You didn't tell Shiro…" Hunk muttered as they ate lunch in Lance's room.

Lance sighed. "No… I didn't…" He admitted, poking around his bowl.

"Why?"

"Do I need to?" Lance asked bluntly. "Everyone knows now anyway so it's not like it matters."

"It does matter." Hunk insisted. "Because you matter. I know that you haven't done it in a long time, but you have to tell Shiro what's going on with you so we can make sure that you stay on the right track."

Lance rolled his eyes. He did not want to admit that Hunk was right. He forced himself to eat more goo, if only to pacify his friend. "It's just hard, ya know?" He spoke softly. "Like… having zero motivation and feeling nothing all the time… Especially when we're somewhere so cool doing such awesome things. Like… What's wrong with me?" He frowned.

He felt a kind hand on his shoulder. Lance looked up to see Hunk offering him a smile. "Your brain chemistry is just a little off. You know you're gonna be alright." Lance returned the smile, thankful for the amazing encouragement from his friend.

Lance was relieved to find him alone in the rec room the next day. "Hey… Uhm… Shiro?" He called out, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stood in the doorway. "Is it cool if we talk?" He asked nervously.

Shiro nodded, giving him a smile. "Of course." He held out his prosthetic arm to motion to the empty in-ground couches.

Lance took a seat across the room from Shiro, resting his elbows on this knees as he spoke hesitantly. "So… You've probably figured it out by now but… I'm depressed." He dared not look up at Shiro as he continued. "And not just like… I'm sad because I miss Earth but… I have major depressive disorder. Back home I'm medicated for it and I see a therapist once a week about it but… here I'm just…" He shrugged, leaning back in his seat. "Me."

Shiro nodded, pleased that Lance was opening up to him, but also concerned at what this meant for his teammate's health. "Alright." He accepted. "So this is ongoing?" Lance nodded. "Is there anything I can do to help? Anything you need?"

Lance shook his head. "Not really… I mean… it's just…" He struggled to find words to describe what exactly it was. 'Make it smaller', he told himself. 'Small enough to explain.' He waved his hand in the air awkwardly as he thought. "A chemical imbalance in my brain. That just… Makes me feel dead inside." He let out a hallow chuckle, trying to make both of them feel better. "Talking about it helps… So… I appreciate your offer." He admitted with a small smile.

The older man did not laugh at the joke, mind processing what he was being told. Shiro nodded after a moment, debating on asking the question on his tongue. "Is that where the cutting comes from? If you don't my asking."

Lance took in a deep breath, his smile dropping. "No I… I don't mind." He answered, looking down at his hands. "I used to… A lot back home… Yeah… I guess."

"Lance, have you hurt yourself at all since we've been on the ship?" Shiro asked carefully, trying to be mindful of boundaries, hoping that Lance would be honest with him.

He shook his head. "No. I haven't." He answered softly.

Shiro rose to his feet, approaching Lance. He knelt down in front of him so their eyes could meet. "Thank you so much for letting me know." He said honestly. "I really appreciate it." He rested his hand on Lance's shoulder. "Please let me know if you need anything at all, and…" He squeezed his shoulder. "Promise me you won't hurt yourself." He begged.

Lance let out a shaky breath, forcing himself to give Shiro a smile. "I-I promise. Thank you, Shiro." He managed out, biting the inside of his cheek as the older man pushed down on the fresh cuts underneath his shirt.