A/N: So this is an idea I had bouncing round my head for a while. It's taken a while to write but I'm really proud of how it's turned out, which is rare for me. I hope you guys like it as much as I do!

Warning: Spoilers for 1x01, but nothing after, I don't think.

Sam Winchester is hurting. (But he's okay)

He's sixteen years old and he doesn't want this life. John doesn't listen when his youngest tells him that he's scared, that he doesn't want to live in fear of dying every day. John doesn't listen but Sam tells him anyway, even when Dean begs him to stop. It does stop, eventually. Usually with raised voices and bloodied faces and the slam of a motel room door.

(He forgets that it doesn't matter what he wants)

He's eighteen years old and he thinks he's free. He didn't want to leave Dean but he needed to get out, to be normal for once. And he is. He has a school, a home, friends, a life. For the first time, Sam understands what it's like not to be constantly moving around. Their house in Lawrence was always a fairy tale, a bedtime story told in hushed voices when Dad wasn't listening. This is real. He dares to breathe a sigh of relief, he dares to believe it's all over.

(He forgets that freedom is an illusion)

He's twenty years old and he's finally happy. After months of dating, and more than enough teasing from their friends, he finally managed to screw up the courage to ask Jess to move in with him. And she had accepted. Their apartment is a mess of boxes and unwashed dishes but, for now, Sam is content to sit and listen to her soft breathing as she lies curled up in his arms. He tells no one, but, when he looks at her, he can see a future. He sees a law degree, a home, marriage, maybe even children. He sees happiness.

(He forgets that happiness isn't meant to last)

He's twenty two years old and he wants the pain to stop. Sometimes he wakes up hearing quiet breathing across the room and thinks it's her, that it was all a bad dream. Then he remembers that it was a bad dream he could ignore and pretend never happened. Until it wasn't. Until she was plastered to the ceiling of their room, flames burning the life out of her. That's when the guilt comes crashing back down and threatens to suffocate him. Sometimes he wishes it would because it hurts - god, it hurts - so damn much and he doesn't know how much more he can take.

(He forgets that pain is part of the life)

Now, sitting in the passenger seat of the Impala next to Dean, with his head still reeling from the nightmares that won't go away, he struggles to hold back the tears. But he manages because he can't let Dean know how broken he is inside. He can't let it show. So he smiles and says he's fine and brushes off his brother's constant worrying.

Sam Winchester is hurting. (But he's okay)

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that! Can you tell Sam is my favourite? Please leave a review if you want and tell me any thoughts or criticisms you have of this piece. Bye!