Long time no see!

Jaime/Ashara

Text in bold-Valyrian language.

The thing Jaime Lannister hated the most in Myr were merchants.

"What?" Jaime widened his eyes. "No, no, no. I won't pay you that much for stupid paints!"

"Then go and fuck yourself!"

Jaime growled and covered Jon's ears before he started offending the long-haired man.

"What was he saying, dad?" Jon probed, looking back at the stall where the obese man still shouted after them.

"Nothing important. Did you hear anything?"

"Just motherfuc-"

"-woah! Don't you say that in front of your mother. Or ever." Jaime swallowed hard thinking of Ashara's outrage that he let himself swear in front of Jon.

They passed colourful stalls in the main city market, the shouting buzzed in their ears in different languages creating a turmoil. The idea of being anonymous in the crowd was something what Jaime valued. He was no Kingslayer or Lord Tywin's son here. Just Jaime, a lowborn sellsword from Westeros with wife and son in tow, living in one of these white brick-built houses he despised(though not really now, and three years ago he would've wished it was different wife and son). But struggling to provide for his family in a foreign land taught Jaime a lot. And he was thankful for all of it, but there was still something unredeemed, what niggled him at night.

When Robert Baratheon at Eddard Stark's suggestion sent him to exile these five years ago, Jaime Lannister thought it must've been a mummer show. Seven hells, his lord father guaranteed he wouldn't be punished for the Mad King's killing, yet fate had other ideas. What an awful punishment it was to be sent to Myr with few coins attached to his hip with notion that he would never see Cersei again?

Jaime was wrong if he thought it was awful, even more so was the punishment Eddard Stark sent on him during the night he boarded the ship. The picture of Stark and Varys working together wasn't bizarre at all when he learnt that they wanted him to find Ashara Dayne and Stark's bastard in Myr and help them, take care of them, protect them… What he was? A damn shining knight from all the tales in Seven Kingdoms? An honourable man? His exile was supposed to be worse than he would ever imagined.

When Jaime was nearing Essos, his mind was plagued with Princess Elia, Aegon and Rhaenys. He'd done nothing to save them, let them be killed by the Mountain, stained the promise he made to Prince Rhaegar all those nights before the Battle of Trident. He couldn't stop agonising over the fact how vile and weak he was. He'd always wanted to play the damn knight but hadn't done anything in this direction.

Then, it struck him. He needed to pay his debt. He would find Ashara and Stark's bastard and help them. When Princess Elia was alive her closest lady-in-waiting was the dornishwoman he was told to find in the foreign land. It can work, he thought, Princess Elia cared deeply for Ashara Dayne. It's sort of a part of paying my debt.

It all made sense during the time he set his foot in one of Myr's decks. He found Ashara and the bastard. He found his debt to be a thing to hold on before he would lose his mind that the baby in Ashara's arms reminded him of someone-especially the eyes. There was only one person he'd known had possessed the indigo colour of their irises.

Ashara Dayne confirmed his speculations. Prince Rhaegar Targaryen was the father of the child, but mother? That was why Eddard Stark cared about the bastard so much, he even named Jon his. Lyanna Stark was the cause it all happened; the war, the exile, the broken realm, the deaths, the Cersei's crown. It made him sick to this point that he wanted to resign, to board the next ship to other city and flee.

But the debt, Jaime. The debt. You have to pay it, you damn coward. The voice in his head was almost the one of Prince Rhaegar and he eventually stayed beside Ashara and Jon. It was a long time ago since he last thought he regretted it.

The stony bridge led to the street of small houses near the sea, almost every door was wrapped in ivy and the green plant ascended until it reached the roof or blue shutters. It was Jaime's home now-their home. Looking at Jon who ran to their place made Jaime smile every time as well as awfully melancholic. This life, this weird surreal dream, this was how he imagined Cersei with him; in a foreign land, far away from prying eyes, just the two of them living in their own paradise. But Cersei never wanted to leave, she craved something else entirely-power-which was destroying the beautiful self of Queen of Westeros as he heard.

A loud barking of their scrub welcomed them in the house. Jon and Ashara loved this awful white-brown animal. Jon found it during squall and there was no way they could've talked him out of it. That was how the animal stayed. It was faithful and protected Jon at least.

"Beri! It's just me!" Jon giggled and hugged the dog around neck and the animal couldn't stop licking him. Ashara walked down the stairs, carrying a basket of cloth. She smiled at him and Jaime's stomach did a weird flip.

"Did you get it?" She kissed Jon's head and looked at Jaime expectantly.

"Uh, no." He scratched the back of his neck.

"Daddy said some bad words at the seller because he wanted too much for paints!" Jon informed Ashara proudly and grinned at Jaime. She closed her eyes and sighed, covering her face with a palm.

"Again, Jaime? Can't you keep your temper for at least ten minutes?" She raised an eyebrow at him and he kept being silent like a petulant child.

"It's not my fault-"

"Like always."

"No! But this time it wasn't really mine! The man was being rude, is that right, Jon?" Jaime turned to his son for help.

"Yhym! He was!" Jon nodded eagerly, tugging at Ashara's hand. "He was saying very very bad words which daddy forbade me saying. And this lady next stall said that he is-"

"Alright, Jon, I believe you." Ashara sighed and the little boy stopped his chatter.

The only thing Jon was terrible at was lying. After some time, Jaime realised the Stark feature of always telling the truth of his supposed son was not to weed out, even for his Lannister mind.

"Go to your room, son, I need to talk to your father." Ashara gave him an encouraging pat on the back and Jon disappeared upstairs, Beri in tow.

She turned to him and crossed her arms. "What's going on, Jaime?"

"Nothing." He waved her question aside and entered the kitchen.

"Nothing? Really? Your mood swings are driving me insane lately. You've got into more fights in two weeks than since we'd moved to this house three years ago. Magister Krevaad complained you're losing your temper whenever his sons make mistake. It's obvious something isn't right, Jaime."

The silence that followed her words pounded in Jaime's mind. How silence could be so loud? He sat on the stool and put his head in his palms. He was tired of being angered. These all bad emotions boiled inside him. His grave features were cracking, he felt that. His whisper startled her.

"I'm tired, Ashara, tired it's not real. How long can we go like that?" He asked and she stood next to him completely still. "I don't have a wife, I don't have a son… Sometimes I'm forgetting it's fake, a made-up story to survive…Don't you have enough?"

He slumped against the wall and opened his eyes. Ashara kneeled in front of him, depressing feelings filled her violet eyes. His hand sneaked to hers and he held her delicate fingers between his.

"I do… I do have enough sometimes." She whispered and focused on their hands. "I took Jon because I loved Ned. I knew he had to marry Catelyn Tully, but I still-I don't know-I was under delusion that he would go back to me… I know it sounds naively, but I really loved him. And then he brought me Arthur's body and-" Her voice cracked a little, Jaime squeezed her hand, she took a deep breath.

"-without Arthur I thought there was nothing in the world for me anymore… And then-Elia, Aegon, Rhaenys-Seven Hells, my Gods had no mercy... It was devastating. I didn't care anymore… Until I saw Jon and… He looked like Ned, his eyes were still blue-grey and I wondered if our child would've looked like him and something switched inside me, you know? Ned told me it's Rhaegar and Lyanna's son, but later, I still liked to think it's my baby… Jon filled so many voids in my life, he gave me so much and he has no idea..."

Ashara looked at him finally teary-eyed. "I hope you understand. I had nothing back then and having Jon was like a blessing. It was like begging again and I'm glad how it turned out to be."

"We sacrifice our own selfish needs for a bigger cause." Jaime murmured and swallowed the urge to tell her more.

It was a sacrifice of their normals lives that this little boy they called their son could live. Baratheon would never believe that Jon is Ned Stark's bastard if he had seen the boy. He looked just like Rhaegar and Aegon with the same indigo eyes and Valyrian features, but with dark brown hair of his mother. A true Targaryen prince Jon was. The Iron Throne was his to seat on, not Prince Joffrey's. It sometimes scared Jaime how indifferent he was to his sister's cause.

"But one day…" Jaime began with a strain of worry in his voice. "One day we'd have to tell him the truth… I don't know I'll ever be ready. It doesn't seem right anymore."

Ashara got up and sat next to him, leaning into his side, his arms sneaked around her. "I know… I feel just the same… But we're going to make it together. Like always." She whispered.

"Together." Jaime pulled her closer to him until her heat and her smell-cider and orchids-soaked through him. Her words circled in his head.

Together. Like always. But they weren't really together. She was his wife only in the name, but he never kissed nor touched her. A friendship was between them and he hated it.

It was almost impossible for him not to fall for her. Ashara was a giver while Cersei was a taker. He wasn't used to this kind of relationship where he didn't need to hide and sneak and have only few stolen moments with his loved one. Jaime wasn't sure anymore why he even loved Cersei. It was like looking at female version of himself, perhaps she embodied all the traits he lacked. She was greedy and vain and he hated how easily she manipulated him. He indeed was a weak man once.

"Jaime…" Ashara murmured uncertain then breathed slowly. "About that wife you don't have… If there's-uh-you know-another woman and you love her, I don't mind." She kept looking at their hands and tensed up, his body felt that well. "I understand, it's been five years… Just be careful. I don't want Jon to know something isn't right."

"Haven't you listened to me at all, Ashara?" Jaime laughed and raised her chin that she looked into his eyes. Her cheeks were red on her olive skin and her crestfallen expression morphed into confusion. "I said we'll make it together. I don't need anyone but you Ashara." Words were spilling from his mouth and he didn't care anymore. "I care for you more than I probably should and I can't pretend there's nothing between us." Ashara's breaths turned into quick ones and she stared at him with wide eyes.

"You make me feel like I'm burning and every time I wanted to say that I love you I ran scared. Me, Jaime Lannister, frightened about his own feelings. Look what you've done to me." He laughed, skimming her jaw with his thumb. "I don't want to pretend anymore, do you?"

"I…" Ashara felt like her voice was stuck in her throat and the more she gazed at Jaime the more it all seemed like one of her dreams. So she did the only thing she could think about.

She kissed him with urge. And no one had ever kissed her back with such longing and fierceness before. She was overwhelmed by the way he kissed her, held her and there was no power in this world to pull them apart. This was what love felt like.

"I don't want to pretend too." She'd be fooling herself if she said otherwise. He placed short urgent kisses on her mouth while she was speaking. "I thought… you don't… wa-nt me… just.. do it for.. Jon… and-shit, Jaime-don't… stop." She swore when he kissed her neck, his fingers swiftly hitched her dark green dress and he skimmed her thigh up, painfully slowly to her heated core. Her palm sneaked under his tunic, feeling his muscles until her fingers went lower to his breeches, and like she said: there was no power in the world to pull them apart… Until their five year old son decided to announce himself loud enough they'd hear him.

"Mama! Papa!"

They sprang apart as they were struck suddenly by a lighting and Jon looked at them in confusion when they started laughing uncontrollably.

"What's so funny? I don't understand, Papa!" Jon tugged at Jaime's elbow and the green-eyed man quickly scooped him up in his arms and the little boy giggled loudly.

"The first one to the apple tree doesn't have to play with Mava tomorrow!"

"Mava? I don't like him!" Jon wrinkled his nose before he ran out of the kitchen to the yard, screaming for his father.

Jaime turned to Ashara swiftly and kissed her deftly. "We're gonna finish it later. Now I have this son of ours to catch."

She laughed when he stormed out after Jon.

The boy with laughing indigo eyes jumping in victory under the tree would always be his son. Whether his name was Jon or Jaehaerys, he'd call Jaime his father.

And Ashara was here with him.

Jaime didn't think he needed more right now.

Thank you, Eddard Stark.