"Grandpa? How come women have different chests than men do?" A little girl with bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair asked.

Alucard wanted to ask about the title she had given him, but decided against it. After all, Seras was his fledgling. That would make him a sort of father figure. Instead, he chose to focus on the even stranger question. "Hmm? Why do you ask?" he turned to her and holstered the gun he had been using at the firing range.

The girl nervously shifted on her feet. "Well… mommy has a different chest than daddy."

He could have told her the truth then. But what fun would that be? With a mischievous grin, he knelt down to her level and gestured for her to come towards him. She did after a hesitant pause, and he placed a hand on her shoulder and gently turned her around. "You see the police girl?" he asked, pointing at Seras. The girl nodded. "She has what every female does. They are called "Funbags". Hers are especially large, and they make the mercenary very happy."

"But why?" she asked, tilting her head innocently like a confused puppy. "And shouldn't Grandma Teggy have them too?"

He shook his head. "No, Sir Integra is different. See, she is a unique specimen. Hers are just called "Mosquito Bites"."

"I am a proud C-cup, thank you very much," the heiress huffed as she came up behind them. "I just don't like perverted men like you gawking at them when I try to do my job."

Alucard grinned and stood up, patting the girl on the back. "Go tell your mommy what you learned." The girl saluted him respectfully before darting off. He chuckled as he watched her run right up to Seras with a big grin.

Integra shook her head as she watched the Police Girl's expression go from warm at the sight of her daughter to horrified at what she had to say. "One of these days, she's going to get in trouble at the school."

Alucard laughed again and crossed his arms, receiving the nasty glare Seras was sending his way. "I hope she does. That would be hilarious."

Random oneshot I found while scouring the depths of my computer. Hope you enjoyed! This is just a humorous little take I had while wondering what it would be like if Seras and Pip had a kid.