Rating: T

Chapter warnings: Cursing

AN: Nicktoons Verse. Set in Junior year, so Roger is 18 and everyone else is 16/17.

"Rats? Can you believe it? Rats!" Roger threw his arm out as he spoke to the group. Everyone was crowded into one booth at the Honker Burger, lips on the straws of their drinks in fascination with Roger's story. He turned and gave Stinky an annoyed look. "I mean, what do I even have this dang cat for!?"

Stinky only responded with a defiant raspberry from her perch atop the back of the bench, and promptly curled over onto her other side. Roger sneered a little as he took a drink of his shake.

"—so anyways. What was I sayin'? Oh right." He regathered himself while everyone leaned in further in moderate concern. "So because of a little rat problem, Ma and I gotta find someplace else to be for a while."

"Where are you guys staying?" Asked Skeeter with a mouth full of fries, while Patti, Chalky, and Connie murmured about how awful Roger's situation was.

"My family always stays in our lakeside cabin when there's work being done at the mansion." Offered Beebe. Roger rolled his eyes before snorting and smirking at her.

"You offering me the keys then, Bluff?" His smile creaked up more. Beebe shrieked at the idea.

"No, obviously!" She frowned, nose up. "Daddy would never let someone so low class on the property like that." She paused. "…no offense."

"You could always stay at a motel." Patti cut in before the two got into another bickering match.

"Yeah, 'cept you need money for that." Roger crossed his arms and frowned at the window. Everyone looked at each other uncomfortably. Roger's financial situation was always in the back of their minds, but could he and his mom really not afford to stay at a cheap motel for a few nights? Roger spoke again, bringing their attention back to him.

"—Look. My mom's stayin' at her boyfriend's place, but there isn't any room for me to crash there. Which is fine by me, 'cause I'm not about to stay under his roof anyway. But less-fine because I got nowhere else to go." He mused, waving his hands a little as he spoke. Suddenly his eyes flashed open and up at them with a familiar grin on his face—the grin that was usually trying to sell them something.

"So, which one of you lucky guys n' gals wants to be my roomie for a few days?" The smile got just a tad more crooked. Every other face on the table had a look of shock or horror.

Ideas of Roger wrecking their houses flashed through everyone's minds. Chalky could just see him using one of his trophies as a drinking cup, and Beebe could hardly imagine sharing a space with someone so poor! Doug and Skeeter could still remember when he had them babysit Stinky, and she tore the whole damn house apart. Everyone started looking at each other uncomfortably again, willing each other to be the one to speak first. Roger frowned after a few more seconds.

"Well don't everyone jump at once!" He yelled, making them all smile sheepishly.

"Sorry Rog but.. my parents won't let boys sleep over." Connie explained with an apologetic smile.

"Yeah and uh.. we have a strict regimen at my house, you probably wouldn't like it very much." Chalky shrugged.

"Judy is home from college right now, and you know she doesn't like Stinky's fur, hehe, sorry.." Doug smiled just as guiltily as Connie and Chalky.

"And you don't really like hanging with Dale much—" Skeeter started his excuse when Beebe cut in.

"You are NOT staying with me, Roger!" She huffed and crossed her arms. Patti pouted in worry.

"What about Boomer, Ned, and Willie, Roger? You can't stay with any of them..?" She asked with genuine concern. Roger was sneering by now.

"Nah, they all gave me the same LAME-O excuses you guys just did! Some friends!" Roger closed his eyes in irritation and got up, pushing Doug and Skeeter out of his way to get out of the booth. Stinky trotted over and jumped from the booth and onto his shoulders to curl up against his neck.

"It's fine, it's fine. Hope you guys sleep good tonight knowing I'm on a park bench someplace!" He huffed and dusted off his jacket, trying to not seem hurt by all of their rejections. The group frowned in guilt, but were still unwilling to cave. Roger stuffed one of his hands into his jacket pocket and snatched up his bag from the floor with the other. He started to leave when Patti got up from the table and grabbed onto his elbow.

"Roger!" She tugged him back a little, looking at him with a worried expression. "You really.. you're not really going to sleep on a bench tonight are you?"

Roger quirked an eyebrow at her before looking off and shrugging.

"Who knows, probably! Maybe I'll go camp out in the woods, or find an empty house or YMCA to sleep in!" He frowned more, annoyed at her prying. Like sure, let's all talk about how poor Roger is, right?

"Oh Roger.." Patti sighed, sticking her lip out more. She really couldn't sleep tonight knowing that. "Do you wanna stay at my house?"

Everyone was shocked at that, even Roger. Of any of these clowns, he wasn't expecting to be rooming with Patti. He blinked a second before turning to face her.

"Really?" He asked, ignoring everyone else's equally confused expressions. Patti pouted more and moved her hands to his forearm to give it a comforting squeeze.

"Well, yeah! If you really don't have anywhere else to go. I know my daddy'll say yes, we even have that spare room since we moved." She pinched at the leather sleeve of his jacket in thought. Roger smiled wider at the opportunity. Doug almost wanted to scream that Roger could stay with him instead, if just to keep him out of Patti's house, but he was distracted by Roger looping an arm behind Patti's back and picking her up.

"Mayonnaise you're a pal!" Roger laughed and wiggled her around a little, making Stinky yowl and hiss from being rattled around on his shoulder. He ignored both Stinky's furious and Patti's embarrassed protesting, and hugged her to his side tight, leaning back to half prop her up on his hip. "I owe you one! Really!"

"Roger, put me down!" Patti managed to huff lightheartedly despite their awkward pose. She pushed at his chest to try and keep herself from falling all over him, but Roger only laughed again and started throwing out offers of what he could do to pay her back for helping him. Everyone else was laughing too, mostly in relief. Except for Doug of course, who was already fantasizing of a way to keep Roger and Patti from sleeping under the same roof.

Patti managed to get Roger to sit down again, though he insisted on wedging her up against Beebe with his shoulder while he talked to her for the rest of the evening. It was driving Doug crazy.

"Skeet," he whispered into Skeeter's ear. "We gotta do something."

"Do what, man?" Skeeter whispered back, trying to follow Doug's gaze, which was squarely on Roger and Patti.

"Stop Roger from sleeping over at Patti's! Look at him, he's totally skeezy. Getting all close to her like that!" Doug argued, whispering angrier. Skeeter looked across the table again.

Roger was snickering, trying to get his arm around Patti's back to jostle her around playfully, but Patti kept laughing and slapping his arm and hand away. He was joking a lot, maybe making a few suggestions about "playing house", but nothing abnormal for Roger.

"I.. I don't really see it man." Skeeter glaced to the side at Doug again.

"It's obvious Skeet! He's totally going to try and.. do something with her if we don't do something."

Skeeter seemed unconvinced. Ever since Doug and Patti had dated a couple years back, Doug had been even more paranoid than he used to be about her around other guys. Skeeter was sure that this was just another case of Patti-might-date-someone-that's-not-me jealousy that he'd grown accustomed to seeing from his best friend. Before he could reply, Roger slapped his hand down on the table and made a big show of getting up. He grinned at the group, still hunched over the table.

"Well, I'd love to stay and chat s'more, but it's the missus's curfew soon, y'know."

"Oh, Roger!" Patti laughed into her hand, taking the innuendo as a joke like usual. She scooted out of the booth and gave him a playful shove before turning back to the table. "Night ya'll."

She waved them off and started to the door. Roger bounced back from her shove and smirked at the group one more time, clicking his tongue against his teeth and shooting them a pair of finger guns before grabbing his duffle bag and hurrying after Patti. Doug frowned bitterly as he watched Roger once again try and get an arm around her back while he trotted up to her side. He continued gesturing at random people from school, and earned a whistle from a few of them when he held the door open for Patti and bowed faux-gentlemanly. Patti continued laughing at his flirty gestures, much to Doug's dismay. Didn't she know she was going home with the skeeviest guy in school?

Roger walked alongside Patti down the street, hands in his pockets and happily watching Stinky bounce over and climb everything in her way as she walked. Not knowing where he would be sleeping tonight had gotten him in such an anxious state, but now he could finally relax. He snuck a glance at Patti again.

"Hey, sorry my mom has the truck. I could be driving us home right now." He offered. It felt kind of funny saying 'home' like he and Patti lived together. Patti giggled softly.

"Its fine, Roger. I don't mind walking."

"Yeah, but still. I owe you for—" Roger started.

"Roger, I told you, its fine." She smiled up at him cheerfully. "You don't 'owe' me anything."

He couldn't stop his face from getting hot at her gentle expression. She was way too genuine to be real, honestly. Ever since they met, when she trotted over to him at the playground and squatted down with her adorable, bouncy little pigtails and asked him his name and if he wanted to play, all he could see her as was a sentient ball of sunshine. A ball of sunshine that would put his ass in its place when she needed too, but a ball of sunshine none the less.

He scoffed with a smile, looking away from her in case any kind of blush might betray him.

"Watch you hold this against me later." He mused, chuckling at the thought. He put on his best Patti impression. "O~oh Roger, we need someone to drive the Junior Beets to the petting zoo—you can't say 'no', I kept you from being ho~omeless—!"

Patti laughed and shoved him again.

"Oh I like I would! Besides," She closed her eyes and hugged her elbows tighter. "—you'd drive them even if I didn't have any leverage on you, Mister Senior Bluff Scout."

"Oh-hoh! So it's like that, is it?" Roger couldn't help but laugh at her confident smirk. She always called him on his generally good morality; the girl was trying to ruin his reputation. Patti only laughed and jogged around the corner into her neighborhood.

She and her dad had moved from their apartment downtown into a cute little house in the suburbs again at the end of middle school. Of course there was another reason for that, Roger was reminded, as they walked down the cul-de-sac and came into view of Patti's house. In front sat two cars—Patti's dad's car, and the car of her fairly-new stepmother. Roger swished his mouth a little.

It was still really awkward having the lady around. He could still remember Patti's mom, so he couldn't imagine how Patti might be taking all this. After all, he despised all of his mom's boyfriends. Patti hopped around and smiled at him.

"Here we are! Put on that confident smile of yours—we're going to have to sell this to my dad." She laughed a little, making those pretty curls of hers bounce ever so slightly. Roger couldn't help but smile as instructed.

"Of course." He adjusted his bag on his shoulder and straightened his back, trying to look more presentable. Patti giggled into her hand again before getting out her keys and opening the door.

"Daddy!, I'm ho~ome! Where are you, I gotta talk to you about somethin'." She yelled into the house and hung her jacket up on the crafty coat hanger they had near the door. Roger side stepped in after her as fluidly as he always moved, and took a second to look around while Patti locked up and threw her keys into a bowl on a side table. Patti's dad called from the kitchen before wheeling into the front room. He stopped in surprise to see Roger standing behind Patti.

"Oh, hello Roger." He quickly regained his chipper smile. "What are you doing here so late?"

Roger nodded his head towards him with a smile and waved, while Patti trotted over and bent down to give him a quick hug.

"Oh daddy! Roger's got no place to stay tonight! His house is getting cleaned out from a rat infestation. Can he stay here?" Patti pouted unintentionally, shining her eyes at him pathetically. Roger continued looking around while she explained everything to her dad; no mom's boyfriend's house, no motel, no other friends to take him in, fantastic. He snorted a little to try and ignore that half of his situation, and turned back to watching Patti try and convince her dad to agree. Mr. Mayonnaise only laughed and shrugged.

"How can I say no? Sure, he can stay." He smiled and nodded his head. Patti squealed a little and gave him a tighter hug.

"Thank you, daddy!"

Roger started to smile wider, when a woman appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"What is going on in here?" Patti's stepmother, Emily Krystal, asked from the archway. Roger couldn't see Patti's face fall into an uneasy expression. Mr. Mayonnaise smiled at his wife and took her hand as she approached.

"Roger is going to be staying here for a few nights, while his house is being cleared of rats." He told her calmly. Patti stood off to the side uncomfortably and chewed her tongue. Roger did manage to notice that.

"The whole weekend?" Emily frowned in concern. "Chad, doesn't that seem.." She lowered her voice. "..inappropriate?"

Patti's lip twisted a little, and her cheeks burned in embarrassment while she stared at the floor. She did her absolute best to respect her stepmother, but it was always horribly uncomfortable when she tried to actually 'mother' her. Patti's dad managed to laugh awkwardly.

"Emily, it's okay." He smiled up at Patti. "I trust Patti upstairs with him—she's been a good influence on him since they were little kids, after all."

Patti beamed at her dad and gave him a kiss on the cheek before turning back to Roger. He smiled at her a second, but was quickly grabbed by the arm and yanked upstairs as fast as possible. Mr. and Mrs. Mayonnaise watched in confusion as a magenta cat gave them a nasally reow and bounced up the stairs after the pair of teenagers.

As soon as they were in the upstairs hallway, Patti let go of his arm and started rubbing her face. Roger was still a little dazed when she turned to him again.

"God Roger—I'm so sorry about that." She peeked at him, blushing awfully. "Emily can be so.. embarrassing."

Roger watched her look off for a moment before she began to rub at her face again. He grunted with a laugh.

"It's fine. I mean," He shrugged a little as he walked past her towards what he assumed was the spare bedroom. "—devilishly handsome bad boy and the town sweetheart upstairs? All alo~one? The implications are there, Mayo."

Patti stared after him in confusion before snorting and laughing. She jogged after him and gave him a shove, which only made him laugh too.

"'Devilishly handsome bad boy'? Really?" She laughed and continued pushing at him. Roger cackled and pawed at her, trying to playfully deflect her slapping.

"Hey, I'm just stating the facts! That's like the uh.. Pythagorean Theorem right?" He smirked at her. Patti chortled into her hand again.

"Not even close." She rolled her eyes with a smile and pushed open the door to the spare room. She clicked the lights on and headed inside with Roger close behind. She stopped in the middle of the room and clapped her hands together softly before gesturing around her. "So! This is the um, guest room. Got your bed, and a desk, and a dresser if you'd like.."

Roger squinted and blinked a moment at the antique looking wood furniture.

"..this looks like a grandma's room." He finally commented, looking at the doily underneath the bedside lamp. Patti laughed loudly at that.

"Well, that's who is usually staying with us." She smiled a little sheepishly. "It is kind of funny, huh? Big, rough you, staying inside a cute room like this."

Roger quirked an eyebrow at her, purposely trying to not find the humor in the idea. He rolled his eyes up and puffed some air out of the side of his mouth, dropping his bag from his shoulder to his side.

"I guess beggars can't be choosers, eh?" He nodded at the decorative pillows on the bed. He squatted down and gave one a poke. "..I'm not supposed to sleep on this, right? It's all bumpy."

Patti did her best to hold back another laugh. She stepped up to his side and took the pillow gently.

"No, gosh! You know these are decorative don't be silly." She smiled and tucked it under her arm, then scooped up the rest of them, leaving only the down pillows that had been hidden behind them sitting against the headboard. She carried them over to a rocking chair that sat in the corner of the room and piled them there. "There, happy?"

Roger was smiling at her again. She was so domestic, setting up his bed for him like that. What was she going to do next, cook him dinner? Iron his shirts?

"Sure am, wifey." His smile curled into something flirtier. He dropped his bag by the bed and strode over to her, leaning down slightly to set his arms around her. "You gunna tuck me in too? Maybe a kiss goodnight?"

He grinned teasingly before closing his eyes and sticking his lips out to making kissy noises at her. Patti stepped back half-out of his grasp and pushed her hand over his mouth.

"You're a horrible flirt, Roger Klotz." She smirked up at him in that tough, 'watch it, Mister' way that make her nose curl just a little. He smiled beneath her hand.

"Mmm, oh forgive me, 'honey'." His voice was muffled against her palm. He gave it a couple of quick kisses and backed off before she could swat him. He cackled again and rounded the bed to get into his bag.

Patti started to follow him, intent of getting him back for being an insufferable flirt, when Stinky jumped in front of her and onto the bench at the foot of the bed, making her stop a moment. Stinky yawned and flopped on the bench cushion, sprawling out comfortably. Patti smirked a little, almost proud to see the usually grouchy cat so pacified by her home. She hadn't mentioned Stinky to her dad but she was sure he wouldn't mind, as long as Stinky didn't yowl too much. Roger cleared his throat to get her attention again. He had taken off his jacket and hung it over the desk chair, and was smiling at her with his hands on the bottom of his shirt

"If you don't mind, I'd like to change." He whined faux-shyly, attempting to cover his chest by flexing out his arms despite still having his shirt on. Patti's cheeks when pink again, but she quickly laughed it off.

"You are such a dork, Roger!" She laughed into her knuckles. "Alright, alright, don't get all embarrassed, I'm going."

She walked to the doorway, but paused before leaving. She turned and rested her hand on the doorframe.

"Roger, if you need anything else, I'm just down the hall, okay?" Patti smiled at him kindly. Roger felt his face heat up again. She was so gorgeous and so genuine—like a bizarre mix of an angel and maybe a well-meaning, old grandma.

"Sure, sure, yeah." He turned around and pretending to fiddle with his shirt. He heard her chuckle quietly again.

"Alright." Patti lingered a second longer to watch him fidget a little more. "Goodnight, Roger."

"..Night." He managed to answer. He waited until he heard the door click shut before rubbing his face to try and ease his blushing. After a few seconds he wiped his face off and rubbed down to his jaw, adjusting it in an attempt to relax. That girl was trying to kill him.

He looked over at Stinky, who was giving him a very smug smile. He felt his face go red again.

"Oh shaddap! What do you know!" He yelled at her in embarrassment and threw his shirt at her, only to get a nasty laugh in reply from his feline companion.

AN: Yaaay end chapter one! :D

I've got my own vision for the "Nick" and "Disney" future universes written down, I'll probably link them on my page soon.. but it's kind of self-explanatory throughout the story anyway. Obviously Roger's not/never was rich. I included Emily (Ms. Krystal) from Disney's Doug as Patti's stepmom still, cause I mean hey, why make up a whole 'nother character if she's already there, right?

Anyway I've got a Rotti thirst that needs quenching so here's a fic for anyone else dying for content. R&R, Love ya'll!