Well, this is just something me and my sister thought up and I just had to write it down.

This is why there isn't really romance in One Piece.

Anyway, I don't own One Piece, blah blah blah, Oda does, blah blah blah, disclaimers, and NOW TO THE STORY!

It all started when the King of the Pirates realized he was in love.

Well, he didn't really realize he was in love.

The thing was, every time he saw his navigator, his stomach felt wobbly, as though he might have eaten something strange. He couldn't seem too look directly into her eyes anymore, but those very same eyes seemed to be fixated into his memory, and he could almost hear her soft voice in his head. He didn't understand anything that was happening; didn't understand how she had managed to become the thoughts in his daydreams, even more than meat! And so Straw Hat Luffy created a chain of chaotic events in order to realize that he was, truly and completely, in love with his orange-haired navigator.

~oOo~

"Chopper?" The King of the Pirates appeared at the doorway of Chopper's medical room, sticking his rubber head inside, and found, to his relief, that Chopper was in the room, currently writing in one of his medical notebooks, but at the sound of his name he put down the pencil and turned to Luffy. "Did you eat too much again?" The reindeer asked, upon seeing Luffy's worried face.

"No," Luffy said, stepping into the room and sitting on the patient cot with a sigh. "I think I might be sick," he admitted, looking down at his sandaled feet.

"Let me check up on you," Chopper order, grabbing his stethoscope and several other tools. "What kind of things have been going on so you think you're sick?" The furry doctor asked as he worked.

"Well," Luffy started, taking off his hat and fiddling with the straws, "Sometimes I have trouble going to sleep, or I feel nervous and my stomach gets all funny and I don't feel like eating-"

Chopper looked up, alarmed, and pressed a hoof to Luffy's forehead. "That's serious!" He exclaimed, his eyes widening. "When do these things happen most often?"

"When I think about Nami," Luffy muttered, and Chopper noticed his heart began beating faster. "It only happens when I think about Nami, and I've been thinking about her more and more." Words started spilling out of Luffy's mouth before he knew it, and Chopper patiently listened, making notes and occasionally nodding. "I keep noticing the things that she's doing and I feel like I need to be close to her, but at the same time I get nervous when I try to talk to her, and I just don't understand anything that's going on in my head anymore!"

Chopper looked over his notes, and exhaled in relief. "I thought so," he said, closing his notebook. "You're not sick, Luffy. It's...something different."

"What?"

The reindeer doctor looked away, obviously uncomfortable. "I can't explain," he said, turning to face Luffy. "I don't know much about it, so you should probably ask someone else in the crew. I'm sure they know what to do! They're smart!"

"Yeah!" Luffy agreed, jumping up and running out of the room. Seconds later, a rubbery arm arced upwards and into the crow's nest, Luffy following soon after.

"Eight thousand six hundred and thirty-two...Eight thousand six hundred and thirty-three..."

"Hey, Zoro!"

"What is it, Luffy? I'm busy!" The swordsman turned to his captain, holding in one hand a weight that looked twice as big as the man lifting it.

"I need your help! Chopper told me to ask someone else why I'm feeling so weird!"

"I can't help you. Go away."

"Have you ever thought about someone and that's all you can think about and it's hard to sleep and your stomach feels all funny when you think of them?"

Zoro paused, and a blue haired woman with glasses briefly flashed across his mind before he pushed the thought away. "No," he said, somewhat forcefully. "Go ask the Love Cook or something."

Luffy nodded, and was gone in a second at the thought of someone being able to help with his problem and being near food. Zoro waited until he was gone before resuming his training, all the while mentally arguing with himself that no it wasn't like that, it wasn't like that at all-

"Sanjiiiiiiii!" Luffy called, bursting into the kitchen, hands already reaching for any unguarded bits of food. There was none, however, and Luffy found himself sitting on the floor, nursing the bruises on his hands that had been inflicted by the cook's precise and haki-coated kicks.

"Food won't be ready for a few hours," the cook scolded, not bothering to look up from the stove.

"It's not that," Luffy whined, sitting on a chair and resting his head dejectedly on the table. "I need help with something."

"I'm busy cooking."

"I need you to answer a question."

The cook nodded, stirring the contents of his pan. "Go ahead," he said. "I'm listening."

"Well, whenever I think about Nami, I feel nervous and it's hard to sleep or eat when I'm thinking about her, but I want to be around her all the time and make sure she's always happy. I'm confused, Sanji. Do you know what's going on? Sanji? Are you okay?"

"Get out of my kitchen." Sanji had frozen in place, and he spoke through gritted teeth. Luffy, noticing his tenseness, quickly backed out of the kitchen and straight into Usopp, who jumped back from the door. "Oh, uh, hi Luffy, I most definitely didn't hear anything that you said at all-Franky needs me downstairs! I conveniently have to go right now!" The sniper raced towards the basement, escaping Luffy's curious questioning just as the door to the kitchen closed.

Sanji fished through his suit for a new cigarette, taking a long breath. It couldn't have been, he thought, reflecting on the conversation. Luffy must have been talking about something different.

Luffy paused, standing still on the lawn of the deck. Who to go to next? Franky was in his workshop and had strictly told Luffy not to come down there, and Robin was with Nami in the aquarium room, so talking to Robin would mean having to face Nami, which made him feel suddenly anxious. And then he heard the sound of a violin on deck, and his face lit up again. He ran to the bow of the ship, where Brook was leaning against the balcony at a forty-five degree angle, lost in a happy daydream created by his own music. When Luffy approached, the music slowed, before eventually coming to a stop. Brook straightened, smiling joyously at his captain. "Ah, Luffy-san," he said, "did you enjoy the music?"

"I need help with a question," Luffy said, hopping onto the balcony and swinging his legs over the side of the ship.

"In that case," Brook said, carefully placing his violin back in its case, "tell me what the problem is, and I will do my best to help you."

The conversation lasted longer than all the rest. Brook patiently listened as Luffy told of all his problems relating around him thinking of Nami. After hearing everything, Brook told Luffy that he must act gentlemanly towards Nami, and then told him to follow his example. And so the skeleton boldly walked into the aquarium room, with Luffy standing at the doorway, watching curiously.

A few seconds later, there was a crash as the door flew open and Brook flew back out, several bumps on his head. The tall musician flipped over the railing and landed flat on his back on the deck below. From inside, Luffy could hear Robin's amused chuckle and Nami muttering, "I swear, if he asks me one more time..."

The Pirate King jumped over the railing, land lightly next to Brook. "I don't think that worked," he said.

"Yohohoho," the skeleton breathed, gasping for breath. "Nami-san is harsh. I'm afraid my gentlemanly demeanor has no effect on her. I truly am sorry, Luffy-san. I'm afraid I cannot help you when it comes to things such as this."

Luffy paced around the deck for several hours, thinking long and hard, until his face turned red and sweat began to appear on his forehead. He didn't understand what was going on, and no one had been able to help. He needed to know, he needed to ask someone really smart, someone who would know what was going on. The desire to know grew stronger with every passing minute, almost as though the answer to that question mattered more than anything, more than even the One Piece-

And then it struck him-he knew exactly who to ask. Quickly, he dashed to the nearest Den-den Mushi he could find and almost fled to the men's quarters. With trembling hands, he dialed the number, nervousness making his rubber heart pound furiously. He felt like a jumpy bundle of nerves, even more so than his usual endless stamina provided.

After what seemed like hours, someone picked up on the other side. "Who is this?" A man asked.

Luffy swallowed. "It's me," he croaked. "I think I might die."

"Luffy? What's wrong? Are you sick? Did someone hurt you? I'm coming over to you right now!"

"Wait, Sabo-" But the call had already disconnected. With a sigh, Luffy let the snail down onto the floor and crawled into his hammock, pulling his straw hat over his eyes and thinking...

Around dusk, just before dinner, a large black crow flew over the deck, and from it jumped a man with blond hair, holding his top hat in one hand. His feet turned to flames, slowing his descent until he landed gently on the deck, instantly striding over to Luffy, who was sitting on the deck, listening to music provided by Brook.

"Whats wrong?" He demanded. "What happened?"

"Sabo," Luffy said, looking anxious. "I need your help."

~oOo~

"Bllap bllap bllap bllap," The transponder snail droned.

"In a minute," Koala called from another room, though she knew the snail didn't understand. She strode over to the table where the Den-den Mushi sat, and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Koala, it's me." Sabo's voice echoed through the Den-den Mushi. "I think I might die."

"What is it?"

"Luffy's in love, Koala! My little brother is in love and he doesn't even know it! I thought something big had happened when he called, but I didn't think it would be something like this!"

"Didn't you check his Vivre card?"

There was a pause, and then Sabo answered, somewhat sheepishly. "I kept it in my room, and didn't check it before I left. It kinda slipped my mind. Anyways, I need your help. I have no idea what to do in this situation please help me Luffy expects me to help him but I don't know how-"

"So," Koala said with a small smile. "you need love advice."

~oOo~

"Dragon-san? Can I talk to you for a moment?"

Dragon looked up from the stack of papers on his desk as Koala walked in. "Of course, Koala," he said, inviting her to stand in front of his desk. "What is it?"

"I need-well, Sabo needs-well, actually Luffy-can you give love advice?"

"What?" The Revolutionary Commander looked up, surprise written clearly across his normally withdrawn face.

"Luffy's in love with his navigator and none of us know what to do," Koala explained. "Please help us, you're the only one out of us who's actually been in a relationship before!"

"Would you mind stepping outside for a moment while I think about this?" Dragon asked, rubbing his forehead with one hand.

"Yes sir," Koala said, leaving immediately.

Dragon sighed, and his eyes drifted to the Den-den Mushi on the corner of his desk.

Seconds later, that same Den-den Mushi was sending out a signal across the sea.

"Hello?"

"It's me."

"Oh, Dragon-san! I didn't expect you to call."

"I need your help, Nico Robin. This is a very important matter."

The archeologist chuckled. "One second. Nami, could you excuse me for a moment? Thank you. Now, what do you need, Dragon-san?"

Dragon coughed. "It's...well...about my son."

~oOo~

Nami sat on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Of all the people to have fallen for, she had to fall for him, her idiotic captain that hadn't the faintest idea what love was. Did he even feel anything romantic? The idea of a romantic Luffy seemed too strange and unnatural. And yet, she couldn't help but wonder if he loved her back. She loved him, she wanted to tell him that she loved him, but how? How could she tell him in a way that even Luffy's thick rubber head would understand? The usual flirting had no effect on him, she had tried several times with no progress.

I need advice.

Her mind drifted to the aquarium, where Robin was talking to someone. Nami was so engrossed in her thoughts of Luffy that she hadn't even thought of eavesdropping.

I need answers, and I need them soon, before I go crazy.

She stood up with new resolve, and headed for the nearest Den-den Mushi. Within a matter of seconds she was sitting on the bed again, receiver in hand. "Nojiko? It's me, Nami. Listen, I-I really need your help."

~oOo~

"Nami has really grown up, hasn't she?" Nojiko said, a hand on her hip. Genzo peered at her suspiciously over his newspaper. When he didn't speak, Nojiko continued.

"She was going to fall in love eventually, I personally agree with her choice-"

"WHAT?"

"I have your attention now?"

Genzo leaned forward, setting down his newspaper. "You have my full attention," he said, his chin on his hands. "Who, exactly is this person who dares to steal Nami's heart-"

"Her captain."

Genzo froze, his clasped hands tightening.

"Oh, come on," Nojiko said, smiling. "You mean you didn't see this coming? She doesn't know how to confess to him, and she needs advice. Do you have any suggestions?"

The man with the pinwheel stood up. "I have somewhere to be," he declared suddenly, rushing out the door.

~oOo~

"What do I do? I swear if he ever does anything to make her upset I'll personally hunt him down myself and-"

"Calm down, Genzo," the doctor said, patting him sympathetically on the shoulder. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

"But what advice do I give her? Should I even give advice?"

The doctor smiled. "Let me handle it."

~oOo~

Five oranges were set on the ground in front of Bellmere's grave. The doctor, holding an old book in his hands, tediously recited long phrases of old forgotten languages, almost desperately calling out to the spirits. There was a rush of wind, and in the middle of the ring of oranges appeared a ghost.

"Bellmere!" The doctor cried, dropping his book.

"Well?" The spirit asked. "You summoned me. What do you want?"

"Nami's in love, Bellmere. With her captain. And we need to give her advice, but-"

"But you don't know how." Bellmere nodded, a fond smile growing on her face. "Here's my advice," she said. "Tell this to Nami: Just kiss him."

"What?"

"And don't forget the tongue," she said, with a smirk. "It worked for me in the afterlife, it should work for her."

Somewhere else in heaven, and man in a black feathered coat and painted lips started blushing furiously for no reason and accidentally set him self on fire again.

"Are you sure-"

"Well, if that's all you needed, I better go. The land of the living is tiring," Bellmere said, vanishing quickly, with a last "and don't forget to give her my advice!"

~oOo~

"Are you sure this is going to go well?" Usopp nervously asked Robin, who only smiled in return. Sabo shrugged his shoulders at the sniper, which didn't help to boost Usopp's confidence.

"OW! Our captain's growing up!" Franky cried, sniffling. "It's so romantic," he bawled.

"Shhhh!" Chopper hissed, putting a hoof over Franky's mouth. The four of them were gathered on the railing, watching Nami reading a book below. In the kitchen behind them, Zoro was dutifully holding down Sanji, while Brook played him soothing tunes to keep the cook from making any noise.

"There he is," Sabo whispered, pointing to Luffy, who was walking towards Nami.

"Hey, um, Nami," the captain said, fidgeting as he came to stand beside her. "Can I talk to you for a second in-in private?"

Nami blinked, looking up at him. "Sure," she said, putting down her book and standing up to follow Luffy.

A few minutes later, they both emerged, grinning wildly. Robin noted that Luffy's hand was intertwined with Nami's. Luffy raised his hand, and that was all the sign they needed.

"A celebration!" Franky yelled, pumping his fist in the air.

"To the new couple!" Usopp and Chopper joined in. From inside the kitchen, they heard the faint sounds of Sanji crying, but they were quickly masked by the sudden noise that always accompanies celebration in the Straw Hat crew.

"By the way," Sabo said to Robin, looking down into his drink. "I...heard you give love advice?"

Robin smiled. "Koala?"

"Yeah. How did you-"

Robin put a finger to her lips, quieting him. "Well," she said. "Here's what I'd suggest..."