This got stuck in my head one day as I was re-reading Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen. If you haven't read that yet, this will make no sense to you. Even if you never read this though, you should definitely read Dreaming of Sunshine, literally one of the best Naruto fanfiction pieces that I have ever read.

Summary: Sasuke has always wanted revenge for his clan, but lately...he's been noticing a change. When Orochimaru's cronies invite him to leave the village, does he have a reason to stay?

Uchiha Sasuke's POV of DOS Chapter 57 with flashbacks ALA Elelith's Sunshine and Stormclouds.

Disclaimer: I own nothing here, neither Naruto nor Shikako nor Sasuke.

A Reason to Stay

Sasuke can't identify the moment, let alone the day, when his priorities began to change. He only knows that they have, somehow, without him even noticing. It couldn't have been more obvious to him that he was changing than it was when four enemy ninja surprised him alone in the training field. He feels a thrill of fear as his life is threatened yet again, but also a small burst of gratitude.

At least he's alone this time.

"Who are you?" He demands, stalling for time. He is hopelessly outnumbered, and they're obviously not just infiltrators. Infiltrators don't reveal themselves and assault a ninja in his own village. Even worse, after those first blows Sasuke can tell that this is not a fight he can win. Even with Naruto and Shikako backing him up he's not sure they could win. The smirk the enemies share on their faces tells him that they know it too.

Fortunately, any Shinobi worth his salt fights with more than his muscles (also known as Plan A). Sasuke instinctively reacts as trained. Time for plan B: Gather intel and stall for backup. Sasuke calmly activates his Sharingan.

"We are the Sound Four," the one with six arms replies, gesturing to each of the four in turn. "Kidomaru, Sakon, Tayuya, and Jiroubou. Orochimaru-sama sent us to you with an offer." Sasuke's mental calculations shift gears with the new information, but he cannot help the cold thrill of fear that runs down his spine at that name. It's matched almost immediately by the fury-fueled irritation he usually feels at the Snake Sannin. He has had a hard enough time already without this ridiculously powerful missing-nin constantly dogging his heels.

"I don't care what he has to say." Sasuke replies firmly, testing their reactions. "Tell him I want nothing to do with him."

"Not even if he can help you in your quest for vengeance?" The silver haired one, Sakon, queries pointedly. "If you remain in this village, you will never become strong. Every day, you're slowly decaying. Spend enough time here, and you'll forget all about Uchiha Itachi. Orochimaru will give you power."

For the first time, Sasuke starts to feel real doubt. He had felt overwhelmed and surprised by their appearance, but he had known where he stood. Their offer though...well, Sasuke is hard pressed to deny that it is tempting.

Itachi. He had thought he was making progress, but then he had been powerless as his brother practically tore his team to pieces right in front of him. All his strength was nothing before that man. And hadn't he just realized that somewhere along the way he had begun to lose his hatred? Somehow, he was losing his drive to kill Itachi. He was getting distracted, growing attached. He would never find the power he needed that way.

Unbidden, Shikako's words rise to his memory.

It isn't power that's your problem, Sasuke. Power comes easy… it's knowing when and how to use it. You've already seen that, haven't you?" Shikako squeezed his hand. "If you don't use it, it's useless. But if it uses you… that's even worse.

Remembering how it felt to harm his own teammate. He had never felt more ashamed, powerless even, than at that moment. Somehow, the words she spoke fit his situation even better now than they did then, although there was no way Shikako could have known he would face this choice. Orochimaru was offering Sasuke power, but at a price. Sasuke could see the strings, and if Orochimaru thought he was going to be so easily manipulated then he was sorely mistaken.

"I can find my own power." Sasuke replies, ignoring the doubt he still feels. He knows that they can just take him by force if they choose to, but there must be some reason that they haven't already. Perhaps their orders were very specific, and he might be able to lead them on...Time for plan C: Play to their expectations.

"Not if you die," Tayuya says with a snort. She pulls down her collar slightly to reveal a very familiar seal, although the configuration looks slightly different. "Your Heaven Seal is unstable. Incomplete. Without Orochimaru's help, it will kill you."

The uneasiness that crosses his face must be plainly visible. All four of them grin as they see that he believes them. Their obvious pleasure disgruntles Sasuke, and despite the precarious situation he allows his anger to get the better of him.

"Of course," Sasuke says dryly. "The snake is a madman who plants time bombs on his subordinates. Surely he'll make me stronger."

Kidomaru takes a step forward in anger speaking rapidly, "Orochimaru has given you a gift! You ungrateful-"

Abruptly, he is cut off by Sakon, who restrains him with one arm while giving Sasuke a contemplative look.

"Kidomaru. Orochimaru was very clear. Sasuke will come with us of his own free will." Sasuke tries to hide it, but some of his relief at that shows in the incremental release of tension he feels. Of course, it could just be a lie to trick him into letting down his guard. Alternatively, Sasuke thinks. I could use it to help along their belief that I've come around to the idea... Sasuke falls out of his stance and loosens his shoulders. It's worth more to him as a conversational gambit than in combat right now, since he would definitely lose anyway.

There is a moment of silence as the sound four take stock of the situation. Now, Sasuke thinks.

"What exactly is Orochimaru offering?" He asks, and the reluctant curiosity in his voice isn't even all feigned. Sakon is too good to give himself away, but the grin on Tayuya's sharp face looks like a victory dance to Sasuke's eyes.

"Personal training," Sakon replies. "Hidden techniques, medical enhancements, access to all of his resources to grow strong enough to achieve your revenge."

"Sounds too good to be true." Sasuke replies, amused at how ridiculously one-sided the offer seems. "What's the catch?"

"Orochimaru is the strongest shinobi in the elemental nations." Sakon replies. "He has no need for anything you could give him, but he is always seeking to expand his knowledge and expertise. You have caught his interest and he wants to see how far you can go. Personally, I don't see the point."

Ignoring the barb, Sasuke continues to play the role he hopes can get him out of this mess. "And what if he loses interest." A snort from Kidomaru draws everyone's gaze. Noticing the looks the other three Oto-nin are giving him, Kidomaru shrugs.

"Like that would happen."

Another silence descends on the five of them. This time Sasuke waits, carefully arranging his face to express a mixture of curiosity and rigidness. His enemies would likely interpret that as him trying to restrain either fear, or his curiosity, or both. Trying to fool ninja with a facial expression was ludicrous on too many levels, but he needs every advantage he can get, no matter how uncertain.

"Think it over." Sakon says abruptly. Sasuke meets the enemy shinobi's eyes, gritting his teeth. Fighting to look genuine he nods. Sakon smiles slowly.

"If I was to agree to this, what should I do?" He asks, as if he were stopping Sakon from jumping to any conclusions.

"You need to leave the village tonight. We will escort you to Orochimaru." Again a pause, but this time Sasuke can tell he has them fooled, as the tension is bleeding out of the air. Again, he nods to Sakon, more firmly this time.

Apparently, Sakon feels like that is a satisfactory answer as he half turns away, and the other three sense the signal to leave. Before they do though, Sakon delivers his parting words, "You know this is your best chance, boy. Don't make us wait too long."

"How will I find you?" Sasuke asks, more to cover his relief that they are leaving than for any other reason. Or so he tells himself.

"Simply leave the village. We will find you." And with that, they are gone. Sasuke waits for half an hour before he truly relaxes, but when he does he finds himself trembling from the shock and tension and collapses against a tree as he considers the choice that has been laid before him.

While he had been playing the part of cooperating in order to escape capture, now that the danger has passed, Sasuke suddenly feels uncertain.

He remembers the day he swore to avenge his family and his clan, slain through betrayal. It was the day he had said goodbye to the brother he thought he knew and instead replaced him with the monster he was. He had felt a hatred strong enough to burn down forests. That hatred had swiftly consumed him, driving him to push forward in ways that he never would have otherwise. It had driven him to the top of his class. He had pushed away all distractions and sworn that nothing would get in his way.

If he had found himself facing this choice on that day, he knew that he would have accepted Orochimaru's offer in a heartbeat. So what had changed? With a sigh, Sasuke realized that the answer was obvious.

Team Seven.

When he had found himself on a team with Naruto of all people, that hopeless buffoon, and Shikako, the painfully shy girl who quailed before any true confrontation, he had given up hope that he would find any assistance on his team.

And yet, Sasuke had been surprised by the amount that they pushed him to grow. Shikako was inexplicably just as driven as he was. She seemed to have a core of steel that matched his own determination. And despite how annoying he could sometimes be, Naruto's surprising depth rounded out their team in ways he never would have predicted. They had both opened Sasuke's eyes in ways he hadn't thought possible. For a time, he had thought that perhaps he could allow himself to have...comrades. Maybe even Friends.

Then Itachi had come for Naruto, just as Sasuke had allowed himself to finally accept that dork as an equal. The terror had cut deep in a hauntingly familiar way, and Sasuke couldn't bear to experience the same loss for a second time.

That day had been a brutal lesson in fear, and had stripped Sasuke of all his delusions. He had never truly comprehended the gap he faced. Itachi hadn't even broken a sweat, and then before Sasuke knew it he was trapped in his grip.

And then he wasn't. Itachi dropped Shikako with surprise which was clearly unfeigned, and Sasuke barely had a moment to comprehend that she had done it again before Jiraiya was there and his brother had fled. Shikako's screams accompanied him all the way home that night, and into his dreams.

Sasuke wasn't surprised in the slightest when Shikamaru came for him. By that point he had already been at the training ground for hours, and had managed to beat his hands bloody against the training post. There had been a moment of silence as each took in the sight of the other. The dark bags beneath both of their eyes. Sasuke's bloody knuckles. The wary look on his face.

"I know what you're thinking," Shikamaru began. "And it's troublesome...but you're wrong." Sasuke let out a mirthless laugh. Shikamaru didn't mean that.

"It's my fault." Sasuke replied bitterly. "I'm the one who insisted on going after Naruto."

"It is your fault." Shikamaru spat back angrily. "But you're not the one who did this to her." Sasuke stilled, his tired eyes burning afresh.

"Itachi." He breathed. Shikamaru pinned him with a fierce glare, and after a few moments looked away, apparently satisfied with what he saw there.

"I need information," Shikamaru said, and it was obvious that Sasuke owed him that much. "So talk."

The events of the following month had been a revelation. Shikamaru had put it best when he said that it was Sasuke's fault yet also made it clear that he didn't blame him. Slowly, one by one, everyone had paid Sasuke a visit for the same purpose. They wanted information on Itachi.

At first, Sasuke had found them all annoying, and he went to extra lengths to avoid them. But as more and more of the people he had come to know and rely on after graduation made it clear that Itachi was on their radar now, he felt a peculiar lightening of his burden. For the longest time, Itachi had been Sasuke's monster. His to prepare for and kill. Now, suddenly, he wasn't alone.

Some didn't have much to add. They were all genin just like Sasuke, and none of them were stronger than him. Nobody could promise him anything. Even so, Shino's blunt promise of assistance meant something. When Kiba wanted to get a sample of Itachi's scent, and Chouji gave Sasuke a silent nod, he knew what they were saying. Even Hinata asked for a description, and Ino's usually annoying babble became pointed questions that were clearly an attempt to build a psych profile.

Even going on missions with Gai-sensei and Tenten and the Hyuuga, Sasuke could still feel their support. (Gai-sensei seemed to express that by holding back his usual exuberance more around Sasuke, but he appreciated that just as much as the rest.)

As Shikako's coma drew on, Sasuke had at first feared that she wouldn't wake, but with every passing day he began to fear that she would, and would want nothing to do with him. As those who he had held at arm's length supported him, he realized just how much he needed those he had let even closer.

Tsunade's return heralded the rebirth of Team Seven, with Kakashi-sensei and Shikako woken up and Naruto back from his trip. Sasuke ran to the hospital to see for himself that Shikako was truly awake, but in his heart he wasn't sure if he was ready to face her.

She was…not fine, clearly not fine, but better than he had feared. Sasuke babbled through inanities as he tried to think of what to say. Of how to tell her, that he was sorry. That she shouldn't have been hurt. That it should have been him.

Finally it just spilled out of him.

"I'm sorry." He said while looking out the window, shoulders tense.

"I- what?" Shikako replied. Did she not hear him?

"I'm sorry," He repeated. "I- that's twice you've gotten hurt pulling me out of danger. It shouldn't have happened. I should be better than this."

"No, no, Sasuke. It's not your fault," Shikako said hastily. Sasuke heard her sliding out of her bed, moving towards him. And she was moving to comfort him? Did she really just say- "It's okay."

"It's not okay," Sasuke snapped. He was trembling. Shikako was saying it wasn't his fault? No one else the entire month had disagreed with him about that. But Shikako did? "Don't say that. I heard you. You were screaming like… like… They knocked you out and you still kept screaming. Don't even try to tell me it's okay." How could he get her to understand.

Shikako looked a little nonplussed, a wry smile touching her lips.

"It's still not your fault."

Sasuke sneered in his frustration. "Oh, so you were saving someone else from getting attacked?"

"I used the jutsu," Shikako replied firmly, unfazed by Sasuke's anger. "I used the jutsu and I don't regret it." She placed extra emphasis on that sentence, and Sasuke was speechless.

"And you know what?" She continued. "I'd do it again. Because it would have been worse to watch you go through that. I would willingly put myself between you and danger, no matter what."

Shikako didn't seem to care that with every word she was breaking the walls Sasuke had put up to keep everyone out. The walls he had spent so long working on the last month, even as he had felt more appreciation for his fellow ninja than he ever had before. He felt the last of his resistance go, and he faded from anger to exhaustion. The exhaustion he hadn't let himself feel for weeks, which had pressed down on him through it all.

"You shouldn't." Sasuke responded, shoulders slumping. "You'll get hurt."

"So could you," Shikako replied. As if it wasn't completely different. "You went to warn Naruto because you couldn't stand him getting hurt and I went with you because I couldn't stand either of you getting hurt."

Sasuke flexed his hands at this affirmation of Shikako's regard. "I don't want either of you to get hurt either. I was trying to help Naruto and you got hurt. It wasn't… it wasn't meant to be like that." The unfairness of it all, the injustice that Sasuke couldn't seem to beat, passed between them unspoken.

"I know," Shikako responded gently. Like he was the one who was infirm. Like he had been in a coma for a month.

"Next time…" He began a desperate, last-ditch plea. "I'll go alone. Then you won't get hurt." It was the perfect solution, except that even as he spoke Sasuke didn't know if he truly meant it…or if he just wanted to hear her deny him that separation. If he needed to hear her give voice to her own preference.

"We're not going to let you just push us away, Sasuke." Shikako replied, faintly annoyed.

"He's just going to come back," Sasuke said, a mixture of emotions on his face. Didn't she get it? "I have to kill him. Or he's just going to keep coming back."

And destroying everything I have, Sasuke thought but did not say. There was a short silence as Shikako was clearly reassessing. Sasuke thought that maybe she would get it this time.

"I'm just not strong enough." He said, finally admitting it. Letting that last barrier fall. In response Shikako slipped her arms around his waist.

"We'll train," She promised. "And we'll be ready next time." And that was that. It shouldn't have made a difference, but on top of everything else...it was enough.

It had been weeks since that day, they had trained and grown stronger. But Sasuke was torn.

Sasuke despised everything about Orochimaru. The madman was nothing but evil, had betrayed those who trusted him and clearly cared only for himself. He was obsessed with testing the limits in a way that reminded him faintly of Itachi. But at the same time, he was the strongest of the Sannin, the legendary three ninja who stood at the pinnacle of Konoha's strong. If anyone could make Sasuke stronger, it would be him.

Six months ago, that would have been enough.

Now though, Sasuke felt no desire to go. Now with the tension of their presence gone, he knew that the Sound Four were right, and this was a very rare opportunity. But his time on Team Seven had taught him that there was more to strength than power. Sasuke wanted both, but not at the cost of either.

Yet, if he didn't go with them, he might die due to the cursed seal. Then he would never get to avenge his clan, or even protect his friends. He was trapped.

He spent several hours contemplating the choice before him, idly toying with a kunai while he thought, when he heard a voice he had half been expecting.

"Sasuke," Shikako said, sounding oddly relieved. A look of concern crossed her face as she peered at his battered state.

Sasuke looked up. "Shikako? What are you doing here?" Sasuke was certain that there was no way she could know of what had happened, so he was a little confused as to why she would be looking for him.

"You missed dinner," She explained. "We were worried."

"Oh." Sasuke looked around, feeling like an idiot, then ran a hand through his hair. "It's later than I thought, I guess. Sorry."

"What happened?" She asked. Sasuke hesitated. "You're hurt." She sounded strangely suspicious. Sasuke wasn't sure he wanted to talk about it so he looked away.

"It's nothing." Sasuke couldn't talk to Shikako about this. She was one of the reasons he wanted to stay, one of his precious people. Those rare few who had stepped into the gaps he had felt ever since that day he lost his whole family. For the same reason, she was one of the people who would be safer if he were to leave.

"It's not nothing!" She said, voice uncharacteristically sharp. Sasuke stared at her with wide eyes as she took a deep breath, visibly restraining herself. Maybe she did know something after all?

"Please, Sasuke. Tell me what happened." The plea in her voice reminded him of that day, in the hospital, when he had decided that he would trust and rely on his teammates. Sasuke looked away, working out how best to tell her.

"There were these ninja…" he began. "They said. They said they were from Orochimaru. They called themselves the Sound Four." He swallowed just thinking about it, reminded of the terror he felt upon finding himself surrounded with no warning.

"Here?" She croaked in surprise. "In the village?" Sasuke was amazed that she connected those dots so quickly, but he shouldn't have been. Shikako had always been quick to make connections.

Sasuke nodded. "They wanted me to go with them," he confessed quietly. Sasuke very carefully didn't mention that it was still an option.

"You didn't," She said. "You didn't go with them." She almost sounded like she wanted him to confirm the fact. Like she was worried that he might be considering it.

Sasuke reached his hand up and curled it over the mark on his neck. He thought of the things Orochimaru had done to his team on the day he received the burden. In front of him Shikako was very clearly panicking over his silence. He knew that she of all of his friends would understand why this was something he was considering.

"'If you remain in this village,'" he quoted to her. "'You will never become strong. Every day, you're slowly decaying. Spend enough time here, and you'll forget all about Uchiha Itachi. Orochimaru will give you power.'" There was a brief silence as he quoted the words back to her, the ones that had driven the deepest.

"They're wrong," Shikako said with a conviction that told Sasuke that even as she understood, she did not agree. "You won't forget about him. We're the reason you want to kill Itachi. You think… you think I don't want him dead too? You think I don't want to stop dreaming about-" She cut herself off. The emotion in her voice reminded Sasuke of what she had seen. He had never asked, but that was only because he didn't need to. Itachi would only have wanted to show Sasuke one thing.

Meanwhile Shikako's voice was rising. "Orochimaru came from Konoha. That's what made him strong. Itachi became strong here. Jiraiya. Tsunade. Sensei."

Sasuke couldn't think of anything to say. She was right, and she was wrong. None of that mattered though. What mattered was that Sasuke had changed. He wanted to be strong…but he wanted that strength for the sake of his friends. Sasuke needed the strength to protect his comrades. His thirst for vengeance had slowly been quenched by what he had found in its place. Where before he had had no reason to stay, now he did.

"He can't offer you anything, Sasuke." Shikako continued, echoing his thoughts. "And he wouldn't, even if he could. The only person that Orochimaru looks out for is Orochimaru. Everyone else is a tool."

"I know," he admitted softly. But there was one further sticking point she needed to be aware of. "They said the cursed seal was killing me."

Shikako grimaced. Apparently she believed them too.

"You don't use it though," She said. "And Tsunade is the best medic-nin in the world. If anyone…" She trailed off. There wasn't much to discuss that way. Neither of them knew enough to know whether or not that problem was fixable.

There was a moment of tense silence, as Sasuke realized that Shikako was still worried he was going to leave. What would she do, he wondered, if he tried. Sasuke felt briefly amused at the fact that he wasn't sure he could get past her.

"You are strong," She said softly, taking another tack. "Look at what we've done since we became Genin. How many A-ranks have we done? How many battles have we fought? How much have you learnt? Sharingan, Chidori… you are growing stronger. We are growing stronger."

Sasuke stared at Shikako. She was right. They were getting stronger. It just took time. And he wasn't sure he could bear to fight his way through by himself anyway. At least with Shikako and Naruto around he was always in for a surprise.

The thought brought a smirk to his face, tired as he felt. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Shikako scoffed weakly, clearly relieved. "You guess." Sasuke was glad to see her joke with him, even that faintly. Shikako had clearly been very scared about what his answer would be.

"What should we do?" he asked, more to reassure her than because he didn't know. Enemy ninja walking freely through the village needed to be reported, and that needed to happen ASAP. Shikako had connections though, being the Jounin Commander's daughter, and would probably be able to determine who to inform first.

Shikako took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "We need to go and see the Hokage."

As they headed over to meet up with the others (apparently Shikako had organized an entire rescue effort when he missed dinner, Sasuke had had no idea she felt so strongly about their little get-togethers) Sasuke couldn't help but feel that he had narrowly avoided something. That some long and dreary fate had almost caught him this night. He shook the premonition off even as he focused on following Shikako. As long as he had his precious people, he knew that he would never be alone. As Shikako had demonstrated, he could only ever lose them by pushing them away. As long as he sought to protect them, he would always have a reason to stay.