So, I rewatched 2x17 and...no. I had to do it differently. It's a little fic in three part plus an epilogue, already written.

Read, love & review. A big thank you to my beta, Irene, aka CileSun92, and Veronica (merder32) who helped me with this idea!

Faded

1. Derek

You were the shadow to my light
Did you feel us?
Another star
You fade away
Afraid our aim is out of sight
Wanna see us
Alight

The doors of the elevator opened up to the ground floor.

Derek could clearly hear people gasping and sighing in relief: dr. Burke and he were back safe, Mr. Carlson was alive. Everything went well. He could hear Preston talk to Mrs. Carlson. He felt Richard's hand on his shoulder. Everyone was feeling like the nightmare was finally over, but for him, it was different.

The nightmare had just begun.

His eyes tentatively focused on Richard and Adele; he scanned the entire hall, every corner, looking for her. He just need to see the blonde hair. The green-grey wide eyes. Anything that could tell him she was safe. That he hadn't lost her. That even if he had make a mistake, he still had time to make it better.

"Where is she?" he asked. He was talking to Webber, to Adele; to anyone who could tell him where she was. To anyone who could put him out of his misery.

"You had to be a cowboy," Richard replied, apparently not hearing his question.

Derek asked again: "Where is she?"

This time, Richard replied.

"She's here," he said, and Derek felt his heart swell, getting ready to see her; to look into her eyes, smell on her flowery scent again. Sometimes, when they worked together and she moved in a certain way, he could still feel the scent invading his nostrils. Sometimes, in elevators, he casually leaned closely, hoping for a breath of air to move her hair and make him smell that scent again. This way, it was easier to go home to his wife and live with the wrong choice he had made.

From around the corner, though, it wasn't Meredith to make her appearance – it was Addison.

She threw herself in his arms and Derek couldn't help but hug her, even if for a second. It wasn't right. This wasn't right.

He took a step back from his wife and asked again, louder: "Where is she?!"

He started walking through the hall, looking in every corner and room, scanning every face. It was when he saw O'Malley that he knew where he had to look: the interns' locker room.

He walked straight there, pushing the door open, and there she was: standing up in the shower, still in her scrubs, Yang and Stevens both at her sides. He could still see her eyes, her lips, but her face was dirty from blood – he didn't know if hers or somebody else's– and she had a bad cut on her forehead. For the rest, she seemed good.

He felt a cry burn his throat.

"Dr. Shepherd…" he heard Yang say quietly, and his head snapped up.

Meredith was apparently looking straight to his direction but he didn't know if she actually saw him.

Derek took a couple of steps into the room, needing to be close to Meredith: nothing else mattered in that moment. Not Addison, not his marriage, not even the choice he made, not Meredith's friends. He needed to be close to her. He needed to wash the blood out himself. His lips needed to feel her skin against them.

"Dr. Shepherd, can you step outside, please?" Stevens asked, and her tone was anything but gentle.

"Dr. Yang, Dr. Stevens," he called, his eyes still on Meredith. "You can go, now. I'm here and I'm going to take care of Meredith myself."

Izzie snorted. "Oh, no. You're not."

He raised his eyes to the other blonde, puzzled. He was equally surprised by Izzie's tone and by Yang's quietness.

"Dr. Stevens," he repeated, taking another step forward. "I'm not gonna ask again."

Cristina gently brushed her hand to Meredith's shoulder, but then she took a couple of steps away.

"What the hell are you doing?" Izzie asked Cristina. "Dr. Shepherd, get out! I'm gonna get my friend naked so I can wash her, and I'm not having you here to watch!"

This time, it was Derek turn to snort. "Oh, please. I've seen her naked more time than I can tell you, I can draw down for you every freckle of her body. I need to take care of her. Get. Out."

"You get out, before I yell for the Chief. And Dr. Montgomery."

"You can yell for whoever you want, I don't care. Get. Out!"

"You broke her heart- "

"Dr. Stevens, what happened between us is none of your business, but since you seem to think differently, I'll tell you what: I'm married, I know. I hurt her, I know. But you don't get to wash the blood away from her, I need to do that because she's mine. Do you understand? She's mine, and I'm hers. I get to do this because she belongs to me. Now leave the room, Stevens, or I swear I'll find a way to kick you out of this program!"

He didn't actually think she would really listen, but she surprised him: even if she was looking at him like she could kill him, Izzie left the room, Cristina – unusually quiet – following closely.

They were finally alone.

"Mer…" He breathed. He cleared his throat and tried again, walking next to her: "Mer, I'm gonna help you shower, then we can get you changed and go home, okay?"

Meredith simply stared at him, her green eyes in his blue ones.

Derek wanted to try and make her talk, he wanted to know she was okay with this, especially since he was going to take off her clothes – thrills ran down his back at the thought of her naked again, – but after a moment, he knew she trusted him. He could read it in her eyes – she was scared and lost, but her eyes were open and clear: she was going to give herself to him again, and oh so completely.

Gingerly, he removed the gown they had put on her in surgery, stroking her neck softly while untying it.

"It's okay," he whispered.

After the coat, he helped her out her scrubs and Converse. There was blood - on her hands, face and neck. There was blood on the woman he loved and Derek gulped, trying to stay calm for her sake.

When she was naked and cold, he removed her scrub cap, letting her blonde waves fall on her tiny shoulders. His heart skipped a beat when he realized the hair didn't have its usual flowery scent.

Derek discarded quickly his own scrubs, careful to leave his boxers on. He didn't want to make the situation even more embarrassing for her. He adjusted the temperature of the water and finally, picked her up in his arms and carried her right under the spray of water.

She looked beautiful, but she had never looked so fragile.

"I'm not going to leave you," he breathed softly, kissing her forehead. As soon as those words left his mouth, a unexpected, heartbreaking sob erupted from Meredith's lips. She wasn't crying, she wasn't looking at him or showing she was feeling any contact with reality - just a sob.

Derek washed the dirty of that day out of her body, gently, sweetly, kissing her forehead, her hair, her face, whispering sweet nothings to her. When she was perfumed and clean, he wrapped her in a big towel and held her against his chest for a few minutes. He just listened to her breathing. Even if it was rough and a bit hard, it was a reminder that she was alive.

Dressed in a pair of yoga pants he had found at the bottom of her locker and one of his sweaters, Meredith was ready to go home. She hadn't said anything, not once, and Derek was starting to feel worried. He scooped her up in his arms, deciding to bring her upstairs for a CT before heading home. Nothing was going to happen to Meredith, not again, and most of all, not under his care.

When he stepped in the hall, holding Meredith like a princess in his arms, he found Yang, Stevens, O'Malley and Karev leaning against the wall, obviously waiting for updates about their friend. Derek told them quickly that she was okay, a little bit in shock, and he was going to run a quick exam and before bring her home.

"It's not necessary for you to come, we're going home too," Izzie argued, but Derek simply glanced at her. Anyway, how Meredith was holding onto him was a clear answer.

Behind the four interns, Derek spotted Richard, Adele, Bailey and… Addison.

"Close your eyes and hide your face in my neck," he whispered to Meredith. "It's going to be over soon."

"Oh God, is the poor child okay?" Adele asked.

"She's fine," he assured her. "I just wanna do a CT."

"Yes, of course." Richard nodded. "Do you want me to come with you or page another neurosurgeon?"

Meredith's hand squeezed Derek's coat even tighter.

"No, thanks, Richard. I can do it myself."

"That sweater is a little big for her." Bailey observed. Behind her back, Addison's eyes spoke volumes.

She knew. She just knew. Despite everything, they had been married for eleven years. Derek could read her like an open book.

She knew he was going to take Meredith home and sleep on her doormat. She knew he had rethought his choice. She knew their marriage had come to its end.

"Yes, it's mine," he said. He wasn't ashamed. He felt sorry for Addison, just that. But he wasn't going to turn his back to the feelings he had for Meredith once again. "Didn't find anything she could wear home."

"You showered her?" Bailey asked, the disbelief clear in her voice. "I thought Stevens was going to do it!"

Thankfully, Richard interrupted the awful moment. He put one hand on Miranda's shoulder and murmured: "Bailey, enough." And even if Miranda would have usually spat something back, she dropped the subject.

Derek heard Meredith's muffled voice against his neck: "Wanna go home."

He let out a breath of relief. Thank God, she was well enough to talk. He readjusted her in his arms: "Don't worry, my love. We're going."

The nickname, something he had never used before, rolled off his tongue in the particular moment. He clearly heard her snort against his neck.

"Take her," Richard told Derek.

Derek looked straight to Addison: "I'm sorry," he told her.

Meredith didn't say anything more while Derek did the CT. Luckily, the scans came up perfectly clean, and as soon as he picked her up again to bring her home, he showered her face and head with kisses.

"You're okay," he told her all over again. "You're okay."

Accidentally - or maybe not - one of those kisses ended on her mouth. He almost couldn't believe himself when Meredith kissed him back.

"Take me home," she said, so softly Derek almost didn't hear her.