Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. This came about after 12x03. I wanted to explore Dean's reaction to Mary leaving. What happened was a fluffy Destiel fic. I mean, really fluffy. It's canon compliant, although you should know after 12x01 Dean and Cas slept together. Other than that, you should be good to go. Spoilers for 12x03 though.

She Left

By Julia

Dean watched his mother walk out, and he didn't know what to do. First instinct was to call Cas. He pulled out his phone, and hit speed dial three, which was Cas' number. He waited while it rang, he needed to tell him about this, get some perspective. Dean could already feel his green eyes filling with tears. Dean shook off Sam's arm, and walked off to his room. It's not like he didn't want to talk about t with Sam, but he needed Castiel right now. His heart was pounding out of his chest, and he was already starting to get shaky.

Their mom had been gone for 33 years, and now she was back. And she didn't want to be with them. Dean couldn't explain how much that hurt in words, there weren't any words that were strong enough. He was already crying when Castiel picked up, and said hello Dean in that sexy voice that he needed to hear. Dean was quiet as he gathered the words that he needed to say. "Cas, I need you. Where are you? Can you be here at the bunker?" He asked, rubbing his eyes with his free hand, they were already dripping tears.

When Cas heard Dean's voice, he knew something was wrong. "What's happened, Dean? Is it Sam? Are you okay?" Castiel asked, his tone immediately worried. He and Dean hadn't spoken much since the other night when it was passionate I thought you were dead sex, but it was obvious that something had changed between them. Cas didn't want to make Dean talk about it just yet, mostly because he wasn't sure if it would stop whatever was going on if that was the case. He had wanted this for so long, and he was certain that Dean had wanted it too, if the way he kissed him was any indication.

"I'm not far, I can be there if you need me." Cas said, he really could tell that Dean was upset, and if he was turning to Cas that was a really good sign. Castiel wanted to be there for Dean however he could, and if it was something serious they would get through it together.

Dean was still struggling with words, and he was wishing that he could just get in Baby and go to Cas, but there was no way he should be driving right now. He reached to grab a bottle of Jack he kept in his closet, and took a long swig. "Mom….. Cas, she's…. She left." He wasn't sure that he could go into the whole thing right then without breaking down completely. "Please…. I need you, Cas. Just you." His tone was pleading, and he was sure that there was yearning in his tone too. He didn't know what to say about what had happened the other night, but he was okay with the changes that had happened.

The sex had been extremely hot, and he knew that part of it had been because Castiel had thought he was dead. Dean honestly didn't care why, it had happened and that was the important thing. He wouldn't take it back. He had wanted it for so many years now, and he wasn't going to take it back, pretend that it hadn't happened. Dean had been dealing with the realization that he loved Cas for a long time now, and he had had time to accept that he was bisexual.

When Cas heard that, he felt horrible for Dean and for Sam. They had had to spend 33 years without her, and now she was back and wasn't with them? Castiel was sure she had her reasons, but that didn't make it easy for her boys. "I will be there as soon as I can, I'm getting in the car now, Dean." Cas said, they hadn't exactly worked out if they were using terms of endearment, the other night there hadn't been much talking, lots of grunts and moans. The sex had been quick and a bit rough. Cas had just been so grateful that Dean was alive. They hadn't expected that, and the kiss that had initiated it all had been explosive.

"We will make it through this together, Dean. I…" Castiel stopped. He had been about to say that he loved Dean, but he wasn't sure that that was the right thing to say. It was true, but as they hadn't spoken yet about what the other night meant, he didn't want to complicate things. Especially not right now. He had said it to Dean before, but now it was different. And they both knew it.

Somehow, Dean knew what he'd been about to say. "I know what you were going to say, and I love you, too, Cas. I'm in love with you too." Dean said, wanting it to be crystal clear. He was taking another long swig out of the Jack bottle, and was ignoring Sam's knocks on his door. He would tell Sam when he got off the phone to leave him alone for now. It was just Castiel that he wanted to lean on.

"I know that you were scared to say it, but now I've said it and it's out in the open, on the table." Dean said, his voice still shaking with tears. "Drive careful, please, I can't lose you too, not again, I just can't." Dean told him, his tone no nonsense. It wasn't an order, Dean wasn't a possessive boyfriend, but it told Cas he wasn't joking.

"I love you then, Dean." Cas said, tears filling his own eyes with happiness. He hadn't expected that at all, especially so soon after the other night. "I promise you I will make it home to you, Dean. Okay? You don't have to worry about losing me." Cas told him. He was still learning the human things, but he was doing better at it. Cas wished he could do more for Dean right now, but he couldn't. It was going to have to wait till he saw him.

"I have to drive now, so I'll go, but I will be there in a couple of hours, Dean. I promise. I will be with you soon." He said, and listened to Dean's crying breaths. "I know that it doesn't help, but try and calm down as best you can before I get there, okay? Just keep telling yourself that it will be okay, and I love you."

When Cas said that, Dean could actually start to feel himself calming down a little. He repeated that he loved Cas, and then they hung up. He took a breath, wiped his eyes, and went to the door, opening it. "Sam, I can't…. I know that you need to talk too, but I can't do this with you." Dean always had to be the strong one for Sam, and he just couldn't do it right now. He needed Cas, he didn't have to be strong for Cas. He could just let it all out and let Cas hold him. He knew it wasn't necessarily right, but it was just the way it had to be for now. His whole life he'd taken care of Sam, and he wasn't going to stop now.

Sam hated that Dean had been crying. He didn't say so out loud, but he knew that Dean and Cas had slept together. Sam also didn't expect that Dean would talk with him about this now. Sam knew that Dean was still trying to be the strong one, it was just how he was. Sam knew that he'd talk about it eventually, he just had to give him space.

"Dean, I can't force you to be ready. I know that. I'm not even going to ask you why you're going to talk to Cas and not me. What I am going to tell you is I know that you and Cas slept together. If you're going to be with him now, it's okay with me. You don't have to hide it from me. I know that you need him to help you through this, so just let me know when you need me. When you're ready to talk to me." Sam didn't have anyone he could talk to besides Dean and Cas, but he didn't want to talk about it just now. He wanted to be alone.

Dean nodded, and they shared a knowing look before Dean shut his door. He wasn't surprised that Sam had brought up him and Cas, and he was glad to know that Sam was okay with it. He got back on the bed, curling into a ball. Sam didn't have many memories of his mother, he'd been a baby when Mary had died. Dean had been four. He remembered her. This was almost more devastating than her dying. She was alive out there and had chosen to be away from them.

It was late when Castiel got home, and he went straight for Dean's room. He had picked up pie, and several cheeseburgers and fries from McDonalds. He knew Dean. He knocked once and then opened the door. Dean was asleep. Castiel set the bags down on his desk, and touched Dean's arm softly, shaking him. "Dean, it's me. I'm home." Cas said, his voice soft. Dean's eyes opened immediately, and they filled with tears as they took in the sight of the angel.

Cas immediately took Dean in his arms, and Dean buried his face in Cas' neck, holding onto him tightly. Cas rubbed Dean's back. "I brought cheeseburgers and pie." He told him, waiting for Dean to make the first move to talk about Mary. He hoped that Dean would eat, he was sure that the other man had been drinking, and it would put something in his stomach if he was going to drink more.

A rush of love for Cas swelled in Dean, Cas knew him well. Dean took another sniff of Cas and then pulled back. "Thanks." He managed to say, his stomach rumbling at the smell of the burgers, which he could smell now that his face wasn't pressed into his boyfriend's neck. He got up, a bit reluctantly, and grabbed the bags from McDonalds. He pulled out a few of the burgers and some fries.

Taking a bite, he scooted as close to Cas on the bed as he could. He chewed for a moment, and then turned to Cas. "I….. I'm so glad that you're here." He said, not sure where to start with his feelings about Mary being gone. It's not as if it was going to be easy to talk about. Dean finished chewing and leaned out, kissing him, softly. It was tender, and not passionate, but it expressed all the love that Dean had for Cas. "I love you so much." Dean said, his voice in a whisper. Maybe it would be easier to talk about their relationship, Dean wasn't scared of it. He might have been a few years ago, but life was too short, and he and Cas loved each other. There was no point in being apart. Not when they could be together.

Cas sensed the change in the room, and he said, "I love you too, Dean. We haven't spoken yet about what the other night meant. If that's easier for you right now, we can talk about that." He said, getting out his own burger and unwrapping it. He didn't often eat burgers, but he liked to when he was with Dean. It was like they were sharing something together. Something that was important to Dean. Cas loved sharing in things that Dean liked.

"I want to be with you, Dean. I've never really had a relationship, it wasn't something that I ever considered a priority. Not until I met you." Cas said, watching Dean eat, glad that he had made that happen. He felt like he was making a difference in Dean's life, and it felt really good. "I want to be in your life, more than I am now. I want to be your partner, boyfriend, whatever you want to call it." He said.

That filled Dean with happiness. It felt wrong being so happy with Mary being gone, but he was glad that he had Castiel. He really was. There was no way that he could get through this without him. They had already been through so much together. There wasn't any kind of safety in this work, and they had had to deal too many times with the thought of losing the other one. Dean brushed his hand over Cas', and took it in his. He stroked the back of his hand with his thumb.

"I want to be with you, too, Cas. Life is too short…. As we both know well." Dean said. He kept his hand in Cas', and stroked it softly. He looked down at their entwined hands before he cast his glance back up at the angel. He would never have believed that things could work out with them. He had thought that there was no way that Cas would ever feel the same way for him. Then they had slept together. Dean knew that Cas loved him back, there was no way that he could fake that kind of passion. Dean honestly wasn't at all scared by the notion of marriage, either, which he wasn't sure that he should bring up but he felt that he could marry Cas, maybe even have kids with him. Dean loved kids, funnily enough.

"I'm afraid to tell you how much I really love you, how much I'm ready for." Dean said, finishing his burger, his fingers squeezing Cas'.

Cas looked down at their hands, too, and set aside his empty wrapper and sat even closer to Dean, looking into Dean's green eyes. "You should never be afraid to tell me anything, Dean. You should be able to tell me anything. We have been through too much together. You can tell me anything, I'm not going to leave you or freak out, as you would say." Cas couldn't help himself, he kissed him again, those green eyes were his Achilles' heel.

When Cas kissed him, Dean kissed back, not able to help himself. He set aside the bag of burgers, and pressed close to Cas, taking the other man in his arms. He didn't know if this was the best idea, but ill advised sex was his favorite way to deal with things. He whispered against Cas' lips. "I know that it's crazy, and it's way too soon, but I am ready to marry you. If you aren't, I understand that. But life is too damn short, Cas. I don't want to die again without having made some sort of commitment to you. I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. Everyone's always joking about how close we are, but it's not really a joke. I think they've been seeing for years what we were too scared to see. I'm not too scared to see it anymore. I love you. I want to be with you forever, if we have forever. I know how problematic this life is. I know that. But if we have the chance, I want us to take it." Dean said. He reached into his bedside table drawer, and held out a ring to Cas. It was a silver ring that he had worn off and on his whole life.

He held the ring out to Cas. "If you'll have me, Cas, I want to marry you." He looked into those blue eyes, which seemed surprised, but Cas wasn't running in fear or shaking his head no or anything like that. That was a good sign, right?

Cas looked into those green eyes. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure if them getting married was a good idea, but he wanted to. They could work something out with papers, Castiel was still in Jimmy Novak's vessel. He could easily marry Dean as Jimmy Novak. Especially since Claire's mother had passed on. Cas should be freaked out by the idea, but he wasn't. Cas offered Dean his left hand, and Dean slid the ring onto his ring finger.

He stared at it, looking at the pattern, it was interwoven leaves. Dean loved it, it had been given to him by John. Cas knew how important it was. He stared at it, loving the feel of it on his finger. He didn't know if they were crazy or not, but he was sure that they would be happy. Cas looked into Dean's green eyes, taking Dean's hand again, loving feeling Dean's ring on his finger. "I love you too, Dean, in all of my life, I've never met someone that I care about as much as I care about you." He didn't know what else to say. He loved Dean so much it had used to scare him. His love for Dean was enormous.

"So you're saying that you'll marry me?" Dean asked, as he looked at his ring on Cas' finger. He liked seeing it on his finger. He was taken back when Cas nodded, and Dean kissed him then, pushing him back on the bed. He straddled him, it was going to be hotter than the first time. He unbuttoned Cas;' shirt, taking it off, his hands running over Cas' chest, loving the feel of it under his fingers.

Dean took off his own clothes, they got undressed hurriedly. It may be the wrong time, but Dean was going to fucking go for it. He parted Cas' legs, and took the other man's cock in his hand, stroking it with his long fingers. He just needed to lose himself in Cas, he loved that he was here for him. Dean rocked his hips, feeling a shock of desire from his stomach that led all the way to his cock. He stroked him, and then cupped his balls, Cas gasping against his lips.

Cas shivered as he touched Dean, his hips rising up to meet the other man's. He wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, they were moving quickly together, Dean lubing up his fingers and teasing Cas with them, running his index finger around Cas' hole before sliding it inside him. Cas gripped Dean's hips, rocking his hardening cock against Dean's. They both gasped against the other's lips, as Dean finger fucked him. Cas loved the feeling of knowing that Dean was his fiance. He should be concerned that they were rushing into this, but they had known each other for years. The things they had gone through together most people hadn't. It made you closer than most people got. Castiel scratched Dean's back as his fingers crooked inside Cas, and Cas whispered in Dean's ear.

"I'm ready for you to be inside." Cas told him, gripping Dean's waist tightly. He moved with Dean as Dean lubed up his long, hard cock, and eased into him. Cas gripped Dean's ass, pushing him in further. He loved the feel of Dean inside him. Cas let Dean take the lead, kissing him as Dean fucked him, hard. Cas loved the feel of it, he was surprised the first time they had sex that he liked it rough. He wondered if Dean had done it any way but rough. Cas had never asked. He clenched around Dean, scratching at Dean's back.

Dean shivered as Cas' hands moved over his back, his hand moving to Cas' dick, and he stroked, he loved having Cas' cock in his hand. He stroked as he moved his hips, he was going to come soon, he just wanted Cas that much. He couldn't believe that they were having sex as an engaged couple. Dean had never thought that he'd be normal enough to fall in love with someone that wanted him back. His lips moved over Cas' earlobe, he nibbled on it lightly. He was spurred on by Cas' fingers digging into his back, it felt so good knowing that Cas wanted him as much as he wanted Cas.

He came then, whispering Cas' name in his ear. "Oh fuck, Cas." Dean gasped out, laying his head on Cas' chest. He was surprised when Cas came too, slicking them both up with come. Dean didn't move to get out of him, though, he just wanted to lay here, feeling his cock inside the man he loved. The afterglow of sex was fading though, and his pain over Mary being gone was coming back. Tears brushed his eyes.

Cas held Dean closer, glad that Dean was still inside him. He pressed a kiss to Dean's forehead. "I am glad that I could be here for you, Dean." He said, feeling both of their stomachs sticky with come. Cas stroked Dean's back. "I think we should have Sam get ordained and marry us, and I would love it if Claire was there." Castiel had caused enough trouble for Jimmy's daughter, but she had started to calm down, and he was sure that she would want to be there for their wedding.

"Do you want to talk about Mary now?" Castiel asked, he tilted and saw Dean's green eyes filling with tears. Cas knew that it had to be hard, but he didn't want to assume that Dean wanted to talk. He wanted to let Dean set the pace for that. Cas wanted to talk about the wedding, but he didn't think that was as important as Dean's feelings about Mary.

Dean shook his head. "I just want to lay here and be with you." He was sure that he was going to need to talk about it eventually, but right now it was fine. He wanted to be with Cas, just bask in the idea that he could be with him now. Dean was almost glad that he had had to fight off Amara, because it had led to him and Cas getting together. That was the way that Dean wanted it. Dean knew they would never be a normal couple, but maybe that was okay. They would figure out how they worked best. Dean leaned up to look Cas in the eye.

"Whatever you want for the wedding, Cas. I know that Sam would be glad to marry us, he told me that he knows about us and he's okay with it." Dean had a suspicion that Mary knew too, it's not as if he and Cas had greeted each other lacklusterly. They had been glad to see each other. Especially Cas, since he'd thought Dean was dead. Dean could look into Cas' eyes forever. They were so blue, and it reminded Dean of the sky. He kissed Castiel again, softly and tenderly. Like he would be doing it every morning for the rest of his life, and it looked like that would be the case. Dean broke the kiss when he needed to breathe.

"You're family, Cas, and you always will be."

Author's note: So….. I didn't expect that this was going to be so fluffy. But I'm glad it was, fluffy Destiel gives me happy feels. I can't believe that Mary left! After all the years that she's been gone, you think she'd want to get to spend some time with both of them. Anyway, I hope ya'll liked, and leave a review if you are so inclined!