THE CLICHÉ BEACH EPISODE

"So how's the repairs to the seireitei coming along?" Kyoraku asked his assembled captains. They just got through the attack on soul society from the bounts. These people mounted a surprise assault on them, but were quickly dealt with and finished off along with their leader Jin Kariya being defeated by Kenpachi.

"Surprisingly well", Ukitake smiled at his friend now head captain.

"Knock! Knock! It's the big bad wolf!" A voice shouted from outside the double doors to the meeting hall.

"Oh no", Renji whispered knowing who it was already.

"Let's just get this over with", Kirinji sighed as the doors were thrown open revealing the soul king Ichigo Kurosaki.

"My peeps! What did I miss? Please fill me in", Ichigo skipped into the meeting hall.

"Does he know?" Toshiro asked.

"Know what?" Ichigo smiled looking around at them.

"No he doesn't", Ukitake whispered putting his finger to his lips.

"It has to do with that phone call a few days ago about the bounts", Kyoraku swallowed nervously.

"That was real?" The soul king continued to smile. "I thought that was prank call", his smile never wavered as they told him about the bount attack. They also filled him in on the history of the bounts, how they were indirectly created by the shinigami's experiments in the past and how the previous central forty six ordered them to be exterminated a long time ago.

"So your telling me", Ichigo paced up and down the hall. "This problem was just sitting around and no one was doing anything about it? Is that the gist?" He looked somewhere between rage and amusement. To him it was pretty much the Muramasa thing all over again. Seriously, after everything they had been through, these idiots still let another invasion walk right into the seireitei.

"Yes", Kyoraku said not liking the other's growing temperament.

"Ichigo!" Yoruichi appeared in burst of flash step interrupting the meeting. "I need your phone to talk to Kisuke", he tossed her his phone without a word and she vanished in another flash.

"So my question to you assholes", Ichigo smirked. "When central forty six originally ordered these poor bount creatures to holocausted. Did anybody think to go over their heads to the soul king himself and bring up issues about exterminating an entire intelligent sentient race?" Some of the older captains looked away in shame. Shinji mumble something quietly. "Please Shinji share what you know with the rest of the class"

"I said", the Vizard cleared his throat quickly. "We couldn't go directly to the soul king for anything"

"And who told you that?" Ichigo appeared next to him with an arm around the blonde's shoulder.

"Central…forty…six", his eyes widened for a moment and then face palmed at the stupidity. In fact almost all the captains were internally face palming. They always took what central said back then as holy gospel and never questioned or went around them. Ichigo even made a note of bringing that up back when Aizen killed them all and impersonated them. He said they were idiot attack dogs that bark and bite at whatever central told them to do. And he was completely right, it was incredibly foolish not to question their decisions.

"You know I was going over the previous soul king's journals and scrolls. He was always concerned that no one came to him with complaints or problems", that just further drove the point home as Ichigo walked past all of them. "Segway time, please tell me that this bount attack was dealt with swiftly and efficiently with the minimal amount of damage?" Ichigo clasped his hands together as if he was praying.

"Do you want the truth of the sugar coated version?" Renji asked.

"As much as I love sugar, truth please" Ichigo ran a frustrated hand though his hair as some of the captains listed off the amount of collateral damage that was caused. The icing on the cake however was once again the lack of coordination and tactical strategize on the Gotei thirteen's part. Ichigo couldn't help but let out a hollow laugh. "Oh man", wiping the fake tears from his eyes. "You know, the only thing keeping me from firing all of you…is the fact that finding replacements for you idiots would be a gigantic pain in my ass!" Walking up to Hitsugaya he grabbed his cheeks and stared at him in the eye. "Do you get that pretty boy? The only thing saving your jobs is my own laziness", letting him go he continued to pace in front of the assembled captains. He paused when he passed a new captain in the spot for squad three and walked backwards a few paces. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Shusuke Amagai. The new captain of squad three your majesty", the new captain bowed respectfully.

"Oh nononononono! You get one warning cause you're new, but do not ever refer to me as that!" Ichigo growled out while shaking in anger.

"A-as w-what?" Amagai stuttered feeling the king's all powerful reiatsu, well just a glimpse of it.

"Your majesty. Don't ever. Ever! Call me that", Ichigo pointed down at him. Your majesty was what that old fuck Yhwach had his piece of shit Nazis call him and he refused to be compared to that worthless pile of wrinkled flesh in anyway. "Its Ichigo Sama, Kurosaki Sama, or if you prefer Dark Lord Ichigo Kurosaki. Got that?" Amagai quickly nodded in agreement. "Good", and just like that he smiled and his reiatsu was gone.

"Alright Kyoraku! Let's go to your office", Ichigo announced walking out of the meeting room.

"Why?" Shunsui asked following behind him,

"I find it easier when my anger is directed at a single person than a whole room of INCOMPETENT TWATS!" He shouted back making sure the captains all heard him.

IN THE OFFICE

"Seriously, how difficult is it to strategize?" Ichigo questioned while rubbing his temples. He sat at Kyoraku's desk going over the amount of damage caused by the battles with the bounts. "Every time soul society is attacked your counter attack plan is always attack the enemy back".

"But It works", Kyoraku argued.

"Not all the time", Ichigo replied.

"Ichigo!" Yoruichi appeared next to him and smacked him upside the head.

"What I do this time?" Ichigo asked rubbing his head.

"First of all. You have way too many naked pictures of Orihime on your phone", she pointed at him accusingly much to the head captain's amusement.

"I don't have enough actually", Ichigo corrected while making a pouting face. "And why were you going through my pictures?"

"But more importantly", Yoruichi scowled at him and showed his list of contacts. "Why am I listed as Sexy Kitten!?" She yelled. Ichigo just chuckled and took his phone back.

"Actually you're listed as Flash Goddess", He pointed out showing her the contacts.

"Wait what? Then whose Sexy Kitten?"

"That's Grimmjow", Ichigo said without missing a beat. Yoruichi fell over in shock, and then left with a huff of frustration and a tad bit of jealousy that someone else got her rightful title.

"Any other good news?" Ichigo wondered sarcastically.

"Well, this doesn't have anything to do with the bounts, but Shuehei Hisagi is requesting to rejoin the Gotei", Kyoraku said showing him the request form.

"That is the last thing I needed to hear right now!" Ichigo shouted punching the desk. "That pussy Hisagi wants to rejoin! I gave him ten years to get his shit together! And he wants to come back early! It hasn't even been one fucking year!" His reiatsu kept raising higher and higher with every sentence.

"Can't we cut the kid a break?" Shunsui pleaded. "Maybe give him some sort of test?" Ichigo's spiritual pressure decreased as he got a wickedly evil grin on his face.

"Oh yes. A test for him", the orange haired king chuckled and took his phone back out, hit the call button for Sexy Kitten and waited.

"What do you want Kurosaki?" Grimmjow's voice growled over the phone.

"Grimmjow! Buddy! My second favorite kitty cat!"

"Just say what you fucking want!"

"I need a favor, I have this ex-shinigami that needs to get tested before he rejoins, and not for STDs. Basically I want you to fight him"

"Fight him? I'll fucking destroy him!"

"No sweetie, you can't kill him. You can kick his ass though"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you can do whatever you want to Shuehei Hisagi as long as he's relatively alive at the end"

"What's in it for me?"

"Catnip, a mousy toy and a new scratching post"

"Fuck you"

"Alright, how about this. Your Grimmjow card is half expired. I'll give you a brand new one if you do this", there was a short silent pause followed by the arrancar's response.

"Deal!"

"Good, I'll send him your way in three days. Happy hunting"

"Get fucked"

"I'm trying" And they hung up on each other.

"A Grimmjow Card?" Kyoraku asked.

"Since he wants to fight me so badly we worked out an arrangement", Ichigo explained. "I gave him a card that he can use for ten fights. Every fight I stamp one of the slots and when he runs out he has to leave me alone for four months. After that I send him a new card, rinse and repeat"

"That's clever", the head captain nodded his head.

"Yes, but whatever you do don't tell Kenpachi about this arrangement or he'll want a card too", Ichigo shivered in horror. "One psychopath I can deal with but two? Not fucking likely", he huffed sitting back in the chair looking over more damage reports. "You know what, I'm too mad right now. I need a beach trip to get over this"

"A beach trip sounds wonderful", Kyoraku smiled seeing this as an opportunity to get the king out of everyone's hair and hopefully finish repairs.

"Glad we're in agreement", Ichigo stood up and started walking towards the door. "Well I'm off to go invite friends and twist arms"

THE NEXT MORNING

"AH! This is the life", Ichigo smiled seeing the sand and ocean. "Our own private beach to enjoy ourselves".

"Speak for yourself", Hitsugaya grumbled trying to shield his face from the sun. He wasn't a sunny day person.

"At least we got some eye candy to look at", Renji smirked watching the women they brought along strut down the beach in their new bikinis. Orihime was here wearing a very hot white two piece, Yoruichi dressed in orange and yellow floral two piece, Rangiku in a peach two piece and Rukia in a dark blue one piece.

"Yeah we do", Ichigo grinned perversely. It took only a few minutes to set up the umbrellas, towels and chairs, which was all they really needed. Orihime sat down and started to rub some sun block on her arms and stomach but soon realized that she wasn't able to reach her own back.

"Yoruichi-san?" Orihime smiled at the woman with a bottle in her hand. "Could you put the sun lotion on my back?"

"Of course", Yoruichi smirked taking the bottle. Orihime moved over to the beach towel and laid stomach down. The flash goddess untied the back of her bikini top and poured the lotion down her back. She then began slowly rubbing it all over her back, her shoulder blades, her lower back and even going over her lovely hips. Orihime blushed and let out tiny little moans, enjoying the hands roaming her body.

"Is this really happening?" Renji asked watching the whole erotic scene.

"Hush. You'll break the spell", Ichigo whispered enjoying the hot girl on girl action. It got even better when Rangiku walked over.

"Hey don't forget the legs", the lieutenant grabbed the lotion and rubbed it into Orihime's thighs.

"This is hot", Ichigo said filming it with his phone while Hitsugaya fainted and Renji ran off to find a restroom.

"Idiots", Rukia mumbled watching both the other women rub down Orihime and the men going gaga over it.

"Ah. Let them have their fun", Ukitake smiled, happy that his new healthy state allowed him to enjoy this little beach trip. "Even though he yelled at us earlier, Ichigo was nice enough to invite us here".

After fully setting up and having some fun in the sand and surf Ichigo and Orihime sat together on adjacent beach chairs. He then discreetly started speaking to her in sign language. They both learned how so they could secretly communicate during all those boring meetings with the noble clans.

'Sex on the beach?' He signed.

'The drink?' Orihime signed back.

'No the super-hot intercourse'

'Are you crazy?'

'Of course I am'

'No'

'Come on, please' With puppy eyes.

'No'

'I promise no one will catch us' Orihime took a long moment to think about before responding.

'Okay'

'Sweet. Wait for my signal then meet me behind those rocks', it was then that Yoruichi walked up to the couple and did a few hand signs of her own.

'You're not the only ones that know sign language'

'Want to join in? I'll mess you up pussy cat' Ichigo signed to her. Yoruichi just smiled grabbed him and then hurled him far into the ocean. After dusting her hands off, she quietly sat down in Ichigo's seat. Orihime slinked off towards the rocks while she was distracted. What Yoruichi didn't know was that throwing Ichigo was the signal.

GUEST APPEARANCES

"So you see, when you play Titanic backwards it actually has a happy ending", Ichigo finished explaining.

"Is that a fact?" Rukia said sarcastically. They were still hanging out on the beach chairs when suddenly a garganta opened up near them. Everyone jumped to attention reaching for the Zanpakuto's they didn't have with them excluding Ichigo.

"Stand down", He chuckled leaning back in his chair. "Did you forget I can sense hollows before they even arrive?" Ichigo stood up from his seat and walked over to the dark portal. "Hello!" He waved at the figure coming out, knowing already who it was. A teal blur dashed out of the garganta and proceeded to glomp him.

"Ichigo!" Neliel shouted with her arms around him. She was dressed in a bikini top that matched the color of her long flowing hair and was just a tad bit too small for her rather impressive assets. Below that she wore a pair of white short shorts showing off her ridiculously beautiful legs.

"Neliel, always good to see you", Ichigo was truly surprised by this, he didn't recall inviting her which he now regretted after seeing her in all her half naked glory. "How did you know we were here though?"

"Miss Yoruichi invited me!" She exclaimed. "She also delivered this outfit, she said you'd like it"

"Really now? One moment please", He disappeared in a burst of speed and appeared next to the flash goddess. "Alright what are you up to?"

"Did you forget who it was that taught you how to stir up some entertainment?" She smiled while directing her gaze elsewhere. Ichigo followed her eyes and spotted his Hime watching from a distance. Judging by the cold look on her face and the way she kept staring at Neliel it was obvious what was going on. In other words, if jealousy had a name right now it was Orihime Inoue. She suddenly put a smile on her face and walked over to the arrancar.

"Hi Nel!" She said happily as the two embraced glad to see each other again. Everything seemed fine between them, but he knew better.

"You're playing a dangerous game kitty cat", Ichigo warned.

"Am I?" Yoruichi asked mockingly with a raised brow.

"I'll have you know, that I am the only person who has ever been on the receiving end of her anger and survived", he said thinking back to that dead sternritter and those foolish assassins. "It was the best fear boner I've ever had"

"Maybe I didn't think this through", she started to grow doubtful of her evil plan to cause trouble as she watched Orihime drag Neliel over to the chairs so they could chat and hopefully nothing else.

For the rest of this conversation Orihime and Neliel will be speaking in code that is called Secret Girl Language. I will put in the translations in bold text so you understand what is really being said.

"So how are you and Ichigo lately? It must be interesting with him being the new soul king now", Nel asked. Translation: "If you two break up I'll be there to pounce on his dick in a heartbeat"

"It's a lot to get used to, but we've been managing just fine", Orihime chuckled lightly. Translation: "Keep your paws off my man bitch!"

"That's good to hear", the arrancar woman smiled cheerfully. Translation: "Your lucky people are watching"

"I know Ichigo's enjoying himself", Orihime smiled back. Translation: "You wouldn't even know what to do with his shredded body"

"I bet he is", Neliel said. Translation: "I know exactly what to do with that delicious body of his, lick every inch of it"

"Hehehe", Orihime giggled lightly and looked away. Translation: "Is that really a road you want to go down with me?"

"What a nice a day for a visit", Neliel sighed. Translation: "Fine let's have a truce before we end up trying to kill each other"

"It sure is", Orihime nodded. Translation: "Agreed"

SURPRISE SURFING

"Shunko", Ichigo chuckled as he activated his gravity Shunko and started making a pulling motion with his arms towards the ocean. Renji was wading out in the water unaware of what was about to happen.

"What are you doing Ichigo?" Rukia asked while watching him continue making pulling motions at the ocean.

"Trying to drown your boy toy", Ichigo smirked, deactivating his Shunko. "Wait for it", they only had to wait a less than a minute as a giant title wave came rolling in. Renji turned around in the water just in time to see it looming over him.

"Oh shi-", the water came crashing down on top of him.

"Hahahaha! Surfs up Red!" Ichigo laughed, grabbed his surf board and ran to the water. More equally large waves that he made with his Shunko came in, giving him plenty to surf on. "Later pussies!"

"That sounds like a challenge!" Yoruichi yelled, grabbing her own board and chasing after him.

"This looks like fun", Rangiku grabbed a spare couple of boards handing one off to Toshiro.

"I don't surf", He said looking at the board.

"Neither do I, let's learn together", Grabbing his hand she dragged him into the water leaving only one behind.

"So is Renji dead?" Rukia wondered.

SAND SCULPTURE CONTEST

"I call it 'Epic Hubris', my masterpiece", Ichigo grinned showing his large sand sculpture. Basically it was a super realistic statue of himself punching Yhwach in the face. "So do I have a shot at first prize or what?" He looked over at the competition. Rukia's looked like a big lumpy rabbit, Renji and Ikkaku attempted to make some sort of house that fell apart at the foundation, Orihime and Rangiku tried to make a big fox, and Toshiro was forced to help Yoruichi make a big replica of her cat form. All of their sculptures were hideous and messy.

"Well Ichigo certainly has the most artistic talent", Ukitake laughed lightly. "I think we have a winner"

"Oh come on that's not fair!" Rukia shouted.

"In your face shorty!" Ichigo chuckled.

"Shut up!"

"Make me!" Ichigo laughed at her.

"Now calm down everyone, Ichigo one fair and square", Ukitake tried to keep a fight from starting.

"That's right! Now what do I win?"

"What do you mean?"

"The prize! What kind of prize did I win?"

"Oh there is no prize, I tried to tell you all that at the beginning"

"So you're telling me that I just made a sand statue of me decking old prune face for nothing?"

"You had fun doing it didn't you?"

"Of course I did, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"All you do is for the sake of your own fun and amusement!" Rukia clarified.

"True, but I was hoping to win a cash prize", Ichigo pouted.

"You're the Soul King! What do you need money for!?" Rukia practically screamed at him.

"I don't", Ichigo chuckled. "But it's not about winning money for myself it's about taking it away from you lot"

"You're a sick twisted man Ichigo", Renji scowled at.

"Would you like me if I was anything less?"

LATER THAT EVENING

The sun was down and everyone was now dressed in dry clothes gathered around a fire. They decided to go around taking turns telling stories from their past. That was until Rangiku got an idea and turned to the most famous couple in soul society.

"So Ichigo, what was your first time with Orihime like?" She asked making everyone blush at the question.

"Really?" Ichigo asked with a mouth full of his s'more. "You're asking me about the first time I made sweet sugary love to my Hime?"

"No not that", Rangiku quickly corrected. "I want to know what your first date was like"

"Oh! Well let me set the scene for you", Ichigo grinned and began his story.

FIRST DATE- ICHIGO'S VERSION

Orihime was busy strutting down the street in the Rukongai, bored and looking for something to do. She was dressed in a Japanese school girl outfit with a ridiculously short skirt and a shirt with the top few buttons undone showing off her cleavage. Just then a motorcycle rolled up next to her (pick a cool bike). Straddling it was Ichigo wearing a leather jacket, white tank top, leather pants and Zanpakuto strapped to his back. He popped his skull mask off and smirked at her in charming way.

"Hey baby, what's a place like you doing in a girl like this?" Ichigo said while leaning over his bike.

"I'm just looking for a good time", Orihime cocked her hips. "Know where a girl can find one of those"

"Hop on my bike and I'll show you", He winked at her. Orihime smiled and straddled the bike behind him, gripping Ichigo's torso with both arms. "Hold on tight baby", and with that he peeled out.

He took Orihime on a ride throughout the town where they stopped at a nice a restaurant where the food was on the house, because the owner said Ichigo was just so awesome that he deserved a free meal. Afterwards he took her to a romantic spot in the woods where they were attacked by a couple hollows.

"Stand aside sweetie, let me take care of these assholes", Ichigo popped his jacket off and draped it on her shoulders. "Hold on to this for me", unsheathing his Zanpakuto he took off and sliced through the vicious creatures, bifurcating the first and slicing the other's head clean off. For some reason the hollows exploded into a blast of fire which Ichigo just casually walked through as he returned to his girl.

"Wow that was amazing!" Orihime clapped. "You're the best Ichigo!"

"Of course I am", Ichigo walked over and picked her up princess style.

"I want to have you babies", Orihime wrapped her arms around his neck. "Let's get started right now"

"With pleasure", he said right before he planted his first kiss on her.

END

"That's not how it happened", Orihime cut him off while blushing bright red from his story.

"Well it is a little embellished", Ichigo replied.

"So how did the date really go?" Rangiku asked, this time to Orihime.

"Here's what really happened", she began.

FIRST DATE- ORIHIME'S VERSION

Orihime was walking down the street in normal sensible clothes, going down to the market area of this district to get some food with the money she earned. She stopped when a large object blocked her path it. It was a pretty white horse and on top of the stallion was her best friend and roommate for the past several years. Ichigo was dressed in his torn and faded jeans, and that was it. His chest was bare showing off his impressive pecs and abs that she secretly wanted to touch. Unfortunately it would be inappropriate because they were just friends.

"My dear Orihime", Ichigo started jumping off the horse and kneeling down in front of her. "Would you allow me to take a fare maiden such as you out to dinner tonight", taking her hand he laid a gentle kiss along her knuckles. Orihime thought about for a moment and agreed.

"I would love to Ichigo", she beamed at him.

"Excellent!" He smiled back and made arrangements to go out tonight.

Later that evening Ichigo, now dressed in a nice suit and tie, took Orihime, who wore a fancy white dress, went out to the nicest restaurant in their district. They talked, Ichigo was polite and well mannered, for once not crazy and weird.

END

"Wow!" Yoruichi exclaimed with a laugh. "You two are both delusional"

"Wait her version is wrong too?" Rangiku asked.

"Incredibly wrong. This is what really happened", Yoruichi told the truth of what their first date was actually like.

FIRST DATE-WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

"Hey kitty face", Ichigo said hello while reading his book. Yoruichi approached him in her cat form. They were sitting on the roof of a building in the Rukongai. Ichigo had his black hooded jacket and mask on, taking a break from hollow hunting.

"Hey strawberry boy", she shot back, jumping on his lap. "What are you reading?"

"Stephen King's Carrie", Ichigo said as he kept reading. "It started out sad, but I'm pretty sure it's going to have a happy ending. She just got crowned prom queen", he then turned the page and frowned at what he read. "Oh no! Come the fuck on!" snapping the book closed he tossed it away in anger and took off his skull mask.

"I guess you were wrong", the cat chuckled.

"Well, since you're here, can I ask you for some advice", Ichigo started petting her gently.

"What do you need?"

"There's this girl, that I like, and I wanted to ask her out on a date"

"Its Orihime", Yoruichi stated without question.

"How did you know?"

"Who's the only girl that you hang out with nearly all the time?" The cat dead panned.

"Okay fair enough. So how do I go about this?" Ichigo asked lifting her up in the air to face him. "Tell me the secrets"

"Just ask her out", Yoruichi sweat dropped. "Why are you even asking about this? Unless your…", Ichigo turned red in embarrassment. "Oh my god! You're actually shy!?"

"No! It's actually more complicated than that", Ichigo put her down. "I think I might be in love with Hime, like super in love. To the point that if she rejects me, then it will kill me. I won't die physically, but I'll be dead on the inside"

'Oh this is too perfect', Yoruichi thought with amusement. Just recently she had a similar conversation with Orihime. That girl had the hots for Ichigo and wanted to know what she should do about it and now she knew that he felt same everything was lining up nicely.

"I'm sorry Ichigo I didn't know you were a coward", She said with a mocking tone. Ichigo gripped her tighter.

"What did you just say?" He glared darkly at her

"A coward, the Ichigo I know would have manned the hell up and ask her out by now", she replied. "But hey if you don't have the balls to do it you can keep pining after forever"

"You little furry bitch", Ichigo laughed while he started shaking her. "I'll show you! I'll go ask her out right now!" He tossed the cat aside and jumped off the building he was sitting on. Locking on to her spirit energy he took off into a sprint.

"Oh I got to see this", Yoruichi chuckled following after hm.

Orihime was walking down the dirt road daydreaming about a certain someone who she saw shirtless recently and boy was he ripped. 'No! Bad! I shouldn't be thinking like that about my best friend!', she snapped herself out of her little fantasy. Unfortunately the object of her affection came running up to her from the opposite end of the street.

"Hey! Orihi-", he tripped on his own feet when he tried to stop and landed flat on his face.

"Um. Hi Ichigo", she looked confused as she looked down at him.

"Embarrassing, great start fuck head", Ichigo whispered to himself as he stood back up. Dusting himself off he suddenly went stiff remembering why he was here. This was going to be hard. "Oh! Hey Orihime!"

"Now I was wondering", no that won't work.

"I was hoping", no

"There are times when I look at you", no

"I want to stick my", hell fucking no, don't say that you idiot.

"Um", Orihime stared at him with curiosity.

"Oh shit was I saying all that out loud?" Ichigo flushed embarrassed again. "Alright! I'm just going to spit it right out!" He started sweating. "I was wondering…", he took a moment to take a deep breath. "If you wanted to…", A nervous swallow. "Wanted to go…", rubbing his arm awkwardly. "Go…on…a…date", refusing to meet her eyes he finished. "With me", Orihime was too stunned to reply making him think this was a sign of rejection. "Look I know I don't have much to offer, I'm not the nicest jerk wad in this district, but I've liked you since the day we met"

"Yes", Orihime interrupted.

"I'm sorry what?"

"I said yes", She smiled at him. "So what do you have in mind for our first date?"

"I don't know I didn't think I'd get this far", Ichigo pondered for a moment. "Let's go out for dinner this evening and see where it goes from there".

"Alright I look forward to it", Orihime waved with a blush, it seemed her fantasy was coming true. Ichigo waved back feeling numb for some weird reason. It seems his worries were all for not, or maybe the excitement hadn't caught up to him yet.

END

"Then we had a nice dinner", Ichigo replied, cutting off her story. "Nothing else happened"

"You two went to a karaoke bar", Yoruichi continued.

"And then what happened?" Rukia smirked having a good idea of where this was going.

"I may have…uh", Ichigo's face turned mildly red in embarrassment. "I sang to her alright"

"He sang Heroes by David Bowie to me", Orihime chimed in.

"Hahahahaha! Oh my god you were such a dork!" Renji laughed.

"You know I thought you would be more sympathetic towards romantic blunders", Ichigo said as he glared at him. "After you made that nude pick for Rukia and accidentally sent it to Byakuya's phone"

"You swore you wouldn't tell anyone!" Renji screamed at him dashing forward with his fist raised. Ichigo easily caught him and put him in a head lock.

"I like it. I think its sweet", Rangiku spoke up.

"Speaking of Bowie, have you guys found him yet in the Rukongai?" Ichigo asked Ukitake.

"We put a word out, but nothings come up" The white haired captain smiled apologetically. "Why are you looking for this man?"

"I want him to sing at my wedding. Heroes is the first song I sang for my Hime and I want him to sing it at our wedding", Ichigo explained.

"That's very romantic", Rangiku gushed.

"What a heart throb you've grown into" Yoruichi mocked.

"And as for you kitty cat", Ichigo brought out his phone, pushed a few buttons quickly and smirked at her devilishly. "Revenge is sweet"

"What did you just do", the flash goddess asked while glaring at him.

"Remember that nude painting I did of you and my Hime? I saved a photo in a secret folder on my phone and I just sent it to…Soi Fon", Ichigo laughed pulling out a cherry lollypop and sticking it in his mouth. "Have fun with that"

"You bastard!" Yoruichi screamed and came dashing towards him.

"What? I gave her something to touch herself to. Maybe now she'll be a little less uptight", Ichigo continued to laugh as he dodged he fists.

"Why can't I have Ichigo's life?" Renji sighed. Ichigo got to see all this hot naked women, and was getting married to one of them.

"We should really do these beach trips more often", Ukitake chuckled having fun despite the conflict they just recently averted.

Wow sorry for the long awaited update. I've been really depressed lately and it makes it hard to write. Joy doesn't always find you, sometimes you have to look for it. For example, one thing that has been putting me in a good mood recently is that I finally checked out My Hero Academia, and OMG its sooo good! Its been a long time since I've been this in love with a series.

As a reward for your patience here's some of Ichigo's insults I found in my notes that I never used.

"Look at me! I'm a crazy random insane person! Jokes! Memes! HaHaHa!

"Seriously Yhwach, what's with the big white cartoony google eyes? It looks like a kindergartener designed you"

"I would say that you've aged like milk Yhwach, but sour milk doesn't look that repulsive"

"Oh yes. Give me your evil plan. Cover me in your evil, all over my face"

"Let's all give a round of applause for Yhwach. Congratulations old man, you spent centuries growing fat on a diet of millions of Quincies, built an empire, an army, lost all of it. All for the effort to kill a limbless god stuck in a snow globe. Bravo! Let's not forget those poor stupid sternritters. What were they based around again? The Dewey Decimal System? Lucky Charms?"

"Can we pause the fight for a moment Aizen? I just need to ask. Why a butterfly? You look like a Disney princess with those wings, that hair, and that dress. Did the Hogyoku do this, or did you get to pick? Is this like Ghostbusters where you get to choose your god form or something?"

"Does it hurt being that ugly Yhwach, cause I got some painkillers I can loan you if it does"

"Yhwach, you look like someone hit you with an ugly stick, then kept hitting you over and over"

"Haschwald listen I need you to show me on this anatomically correct doll where Yhwach touched you"

"Maybe you wouldn't be in this situation if instead of gorging yourself on the powers of the Quincies, you could've, I don't know, done a few push-ups"

"Oh yes Aizen you're so villainous, so much so that you slick your hair back and yet a single lock of hair falls forward. That says I'm so evil even my hair won't follow orders"

"Hey Yhwach, I've been meaning to ask, does Batman know your wearing his cape? Or did you get this one on loan from Dracula?"

"Congratulations Yhwach, you now get to be part of a very special group called the 'I Know What Ichigo's Dick Tastes Like Club'. The group consists of the President Orihime, the vice president Aizen, then Ginjo, and now you" Ichigo smirked at him pulling his fist back. "If your wondering why Hime is the president, its because she's the only one that likes it!" He shouted as he bashed the old man's face in with his bare fist.

"Shinji close your mouth, every time you smile it reminds me to dust my piano"

"I want to say you hit like a girl, but I've actually been slapped in the face a few times by Orihime and holy hell did that hurt. She uses her whole freaking hand!"

"Why did you only cover the upper half of your face Yhwach? You should seriously consider covering the rest cause your face looks like nonsense and ugly had a baby and named it gross. Do you get what I'm saying old man? I'm calling you hideous"

"If I had money equal to how much of a threat you are to me, well…I'd be in extreme debt right now"

"You know Yhwach, I've met a lot of villains lately, but none as fucking boring as you. I mean you're a real boring fuck. My breakfast cereal is better written than you"

"I really should have seen this coming Ginjo, with your slicked back hair, slanted eyebrows and leather jacket. You're a walking villain cliché"

"You know prune face you did do something I thought was impossible. You made me miss Aizen"

"Now then, I'm going to pound you so hard that Orihime's going to get jealous"

"I know I've said this a bunch of times already Yhwach, but you're really ugly. Right now somewhere hanging in Dorian Gray's mansion is a painting of you that's slowly becoming more handsome"

"You're about to get fucked. And not the gentle love filled kind I save for Orihime. No the hateful aggressive kind I reserve for people like Aizen and Yhwach"

"Your…um…ugly. I know I keep going back to that Yhwach, but holy hell. With all your powers you couldn't fucking fix your face?"

"Oh! I see it now. Kubo took the Gary Oldman Dracula and combined it with Professor Snape to get you"

"Hey old man. Ever play a game called Bloodborne?" Ichigo chuckled as he shoved his bare hand into the man's torso. "Visceral attack!" Rummaging around in the screaming king's inside until he felt something soft and squishy. "Is that a kidney I feel, let's find out", Ichigo said as he violently tore it out. "Yup that's a kidney"

"For realsies Yhwach? You're surprised that I'm kicking you ass? You claimed that you knew about me since I was born and yet you just let me continue to get stronger for years, like the fucking biggest dumbass in the world. Now here we are, the end result of your mental retardation. It's all come full circle!"

Some of these aren't that funny, and just incredibly mean. The last one is kind of a personal rant about villain clichés that I hate, hence why I cut it out. Seriously I hate villains that are like 'Oh I've known about you your whole life', okay then why didn't you take them out when it would have been easy? Why wait until they get strong and become a threat to you fool? I get it, every villain has to be their own downfall blah blah blah their own foolish arrogance led to blah blah.

I was going to do a oneshot where Kisuke does an experiment with Ichigo and he ends up sent through the multiverse and has to find his way back. Basically its him in different anime. He was going to end up in the Fairy Tail universe and start hitting on all the women .Erza tries to smack him, but it just turns him on more. One was where he ends up in the early days of the Naruto series and Ichigo tells him that everything turns out great for him in the future, he also lies and says that Sasuke ends up super gay in the future. I'm not writing it because the paragraph you just read is about as far as I got.

Also another important notice is that I've kind of run out of steam for this story. What that means is I've exhausted all my humor. Next chapter is going to be the end of this. It's also going to be a long one. It will include the wedding that I keep mentioning, tie up some last minute loose ends and all that. Don't know when I'll finish it, cause I want to throw in some scenes I didn't include in previous chapters. But that will be it for this.

FUTURE BLEACH STORY

I noticed some few writers on this section of the sight are posting their own how Bleach should have ended stories. I'm all for that, there's so much Kubo left unanswered and unexplained. In fact I think I might just throw my hat into the ring as well. Some friends and I have come up with some theories about certain character abilities and possible back stories. It's not going to be the whole thousand year arc, because I think most of it is really good. It will probably start right before the fights in the soul palace because I think that's where the arc started to go downhill. One big thing I'm definitely going to change is Ichigo's Bankai, I'm completely revamping it into what I think it should have been, because wow was it such a disappointment. Anyway look for this in the future.