A/N: So after receiving a comment from Marcelina that almost brought me to tears it made me so happy, I had to start the next chapter. There are many ideas brewing in the back of my head for the future (much excitement, such wow) but for now, we'll have to make do with some fluff, cuddles, and extreme angst.

One of these is not like the others…

Enjoy!

Izaya stared straight ahead absently as the tender tuna practically melted on his tongue. True, the quality wasn't as good as other places but there was something about that slightly fattier and definitely saltier taste that he was straight addicted to. Simon was no A class chef, but he knew how to make Ottoro like no one else. Absently, his eyes drifted again to the Alpha that sat across from him at the table and he had to pull himself away from the directions his mind threatened to go in.

The silence that around them was undeniably tense, but instead of dwelling on it, Izaya focused on the food in front of him. He still couldn't believe this was happening, it all felt surreal. Somehow, part of him still expected to be at Shinra's, curled up on a hospital bed while he struggled not to cry.

And yet he was here, letting his tears dry on his face as he ate his food quietly. Shizuo was picking at his own sushi, seemingly lost in thought Izaya didn't blame him, He'd given them both a lot to think about. Inadvertently, Izaya had revealed yet another level that he couldn't be trusted and now he suspected Shizuo was trying to reconcile it with everything else.

Izaya certainly wasn't making it any easier. His constant back and forth, his apparent inability to decide what he wanted couldn't be helping Shizuo's mental state. The Raven knew that, but he also knew that he was finally sure of himself. I want to stay. It's not instincts, it's not hormones. It's logic.

He'd been so sure before, when he was alone, that Shizuo's love was nothing but instincts. It had scared him to death. But then Shizuo had shown up and the Omega had seen the pure emotion in his eyes, the feelings that he held for Izaya shining through him like the sun. The way he'd knelt before him, scared for Izaya, wanting to do what was best for him even while it clearly tore him apart.

Izaya had been ready to leave, even as it tore him apart as well, he'd known it was the right choice. Then he'd seen it. Such a stupid thing really, nothing that should have changed his mind, but Izaya hadn't been able to look away. As Shizuo held him close, Izaya had seen the bag of food the Alpha had dropped behind him.

And he'd seen the Ottoro falling out of it.

Like a puzzle finally falling into place, Izaya's mind had cleared. He'd understood in that moment what he was looking at. He wasn't looking at instincts. Sure, Shizuo was probably being driven by instincts as well but that wasn't something that could make Shizuo magically know his favorite food. No, that simple thing was love, just like the beast had claimed.

Suddenly, Izaya had felt safer. Maybe not entirely safe, he doubted he'd ever be able to get rid of that knot of fear that this whole business brought him but Izaya felt better. More than that though, he'd known that whatever else he felt about Shizuo, he'd be more comfortable staying with the man than staying away from him.

He'd managed to distill it down into a logical set of conclusions even, something he very much liked, given how uncertain the rest of his life had become. If Shizuo really did love him, not in some strange, rut fueled fever dream but actually loved him, then he'd do what was best for Izaya, no matter what. The Omega was happier when around the Alpha, despite their history, and he trusted him, for all intents and purposes. Moreover, he was comfortable. The pain that he would have felt otherwise was gone.

If he left, he'd be in pain, and he'd have to deal with it on his own. Izaya didn't like the thought of that, so he stayed. It was as simple as that.

Or at least, he wanted to convince himself it was.

"My goodness, this is absolutely divine," Izaya praised, his words breaking the silence at last. Shizuo glanced up and when he noticed the smile on the man's face, he seemed to conjure up a tentative smile of his own. "Really, who needs anything else in the world when there's Ottoro to be had."

"I'm pretty sure water and sleep are important too," Shizuo told him dubiously, though he chuckled. After a moment more of eating, the atmosphere lightening somewhat after their exchange of words, the Alpha asked, "So, are you feeling better?"

Drawing in a breath, Izaya looked up and said honestly, "I don't know, but I'm better."

Shizuo furrowed his brows, almost like he wanted to ask something, but then he decided against it and looked back down at his food. "That's good." Scratching his neck, the blond muttered, "I was thinking, we should probably both go see Shirna tomorrow if you're up for it." When Izaya's eyes widened in shock, Shizuo waved his hands hurriedly, scattering grains of rice over his floor. "I- I mean, just to make sure everything's okay. I'm not going to leave you there."

Trying not to let on how much those words had momentarily shaken him, Izaya nodded, pretending like he was fine. "Yes, that probably would be a good idea. Though he'll grill you. It might be annoying."

"That shitty doctor's always annoying," Shizuo commented, huffing and finally eating a piece of his sushi. "But I'd rather be pissed off and know that you're okay than be happy and you be in deep shit." When Izaya chuckled, Shizuo turned red. "What?"

"You," Izaya said simply, his eyes softening. "Worrying about me." How did I not see this before? How has neither of us noticed how he feels until now? It's so obvious. "I find it cute."

Shizuo turned red and glared at Izaya, but he didn't actually look angry. If anything, he looked embarrassed and flustered, which only made Izaya laugh harder. "Oi! Fucking stop it, it's not fucking funny," he groused, crossing his arms. In that moment, he didn't look like an intimidating Alpha, he looked like he was a teenager again, jumpy and awkward about everything. Honestly, Izaya felt the same.

It had been a better time. Part of him wished he could go back there.

"But it is~" Izaya cooed, looking at Shizuo through half-lidded carmine eyes. "What would people think of us now, seeing us sitting together, not fighting. It's hilarious." Pushing away his finished sushi, Izaya watched as Shizuo roughly ate a few more pieces of his sushi roll, his eyebrows still furrowed. "They'd think we'd gone crazy Shizu-chan."

"I think that's still up for debate," Shizuo grumbled. It wasn't serious, but in his eyes, Izaya saw the shadow of something that Shizuo wasn't saying. He frowned, but he pushed it away for the time being.

Stretching, pleased that his limbs no longer ached terribly, Izaya gave a little shiver and curled up in his chair. "So mean Shizu-chan, I assure you, I'm entirely conscious of my own actions. Very much not crazy." Though it wouldn't be hard to believe, Izaya was definitely acting out of character.

"I hope so," Shizuo muttered, and in that moment, Izaya felt himself deflate a little. Ah, of course. That was to be expected. Clearly, the man was still thinking about earlier. Izaya didn't blame him, he was still drifting back to it himself. Part of him wanted to bring it up, the rest of him realized that whatever level of comfort around each other they'd had before, they were back to treading on eggshells again.

"Don't worry," Izaya finally said, watching as the man got to his feet and threw out his and Izaya's sushi containers. "I mean it this time."

Shizuo looked at him briefly, and Izaya was glad to see his frown lessen somewhat.

The moment the Alpha walked back, Izaya held out his arms expectantly. When Shizuo just stared at him, Izaya sighed. "I don't want to sit here all night, I might as well sit somewhere comfortable." Obediently, Shizuo lifted him out of the wooden chair and carefully carried him over to the couch. Izaya expected the man to sit next to him but instead, Shizuo pulled up another old chair and sat in it. The distance made the Omega frown but he didn't complain out loud.

He kept feeling like Shizuo wanted to ask him something, but he couldn't tell what. So instead, he did his best to huddle up in Shizuo's overlarge shirt and relax back against the couch. A moment later, Shizuo switched the TV on and Izaya's attention was diverted away from whatever had been nagging him before.

It was strangely domestic, this act of watching television after dinner. Shizuo found his cigarettes and lit up at some point, filling the room with a nice overlay of smoke that complimented the man's pheromones. Not that Izaya thought that, no, he just liked the smell of the smoke. It was such a relaxing and familiar presence, the Omega forgot that Shizuo usually smoked only when something was stressing him out.

Instead, Izaya found himself focusing on the stupid program that was on. He would have changed it had he been near the controller, it was an anime that he wasn't familiar with, but he'd seen the name Yuuhei Hanejima flash in the opening credits and he didn't have enough energy to complain, so he settled back to watch.

It was a stupid space anime. The main character of the episode appeared to be a blond bartender/bounty hunter Alpha who flew around the galaxy in his stolen spaceship. He wore the most ridiculous blue and pink suit that Izaya had ever seen and the bowtie was an affront to humanity, but he recognized Kasuka's voice and he didn't criticise the character.

Apparently, the main character, Alexander, or Shades as the other characters seemed bent on calling him, had to save a group of space soldiers who were in over their heads. Izaya couldn't help but chuckle ruefully as it was revealed that, yes, the person he needed to rescue was a female Omega. Her patently useless uniform was done up in whites and blues that just happened to match Shades and his atrocious wardrobe.

As the girl, Sargent Space was her name, was rescued and then acted quite stupid about the whole thing, like she couldn't stand Shades when she was clearly smitten with him, Izaya's eyes traveled back to Shizuo. The man wasn't even watching the show, his eyes were fixed on Izaya, an unbearable sadness in them that made Izaya's heart jolt. Realizing Izaya had caught him, Shizuo looked away, snubbing out his cigarette as he did so.

"Something on your mind," Izaya hummed, tuning out the ending credits of the anime easily. Shizuo switched it off a moment later, plunging the room into silence. He wouldn't have minded it, but instantly he felt self-conscious. The way Shizuo stared away from him, like he needed to say something but didn't want to, made Izaya nervous.

"No," Shizuo muttered, not looking at him.

"Lies," Izaya said simply, unwilling to let the matter just rest. "I can see right through you."

Glancing up at that, almost like he was afraid, Shizuo steadied his expression. Oh don't bother Shizuo, I already know you're in love with me. Do you see me running? But then the words that came out of the man's mouth really did make him think about running.

"Why are you so afraid of me?"

Staring at him, Izaya gaped for a moment before scrambling for an answer. "That's abrupt, why do you-"

"You keep trying to run away, yet you don't," Shizuo said, his jaw set. Izaya's stomach churned, but he pushed it down. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter," Izaya said, brushing it off. "You know how it is, I've been hiding my be life, it makes sense that I'd still be a little skittish." It was a stupid answer and the Raven knew it, but that was a can of worms he wasn't really ready to open. It's your fault for trying to run, his mind reminded him helpfully. You're the reason he has to ask at all.

"Bullshit," Shizuo muttered, his mouth tightening. "When I left, you tried to run, why? What did I do? Why did you feel the need to run?"

Because you're an Alpha and Alphas can be cruel. The answer was blunt and he didn't like that it had risen up from his mind so easily. Hiding it, Izaya muttered, "Because I got scared."

"Why?" Shizuo pressed, looking at him intensely from across the room, which had suddenly grown very cold. "I'm not going to get upset if you're honestly just scared of me, but I want to know. I don't like that you keep running. It makes me wonder if I should be just calling Shinra or something. I don't want to but if you're always scared, then maybe I should."

Lurching forward, Izaya blanched. "No!" he couldn't help but yelp. "Don't do that, please."

"I just want an answer," Shizuo muttered, looking away. "You asked. I don't want to hide shit from you." If you don't have to that is… "You don't have to answer or anything, but you did ask."

And that was fair enough. Izaya couldn't blame him for wanting to know. I owe him this much. The thought was irrational, and yet Izaya clung to it. His fear of what Alphas could do, however, it was such a broad topic, it was hard to find one reason. It wasn't a simple answer in the slightest. In fact, it was probably the most complex question Shizuo could have asked. The idea of answering it was scary, but Izaya found himself opening his mouth anyway.

"It's not that simple. There's a lot there." At the words, Shizuo looked up at him, his gaze strong. Knowing that he had the man's full attention didn't help Izaya's nerves, if anything, it made them worse. "I- I've been through a lot Shizu-chan. It's not you that I'm afraid of, it's… It's the concept."

"So explain."

"I can't," Izaya said bluntly, which only prompted Shizuo to sigh and look away. Heart thumping painfully for some goddamned reason, Izaya blurted out, "But I could tell you a story. There are a lot of them, but they're all pretty much the same so…" he trailed off as Shizuo slowly turned back to face him.

"And this story will explain why you're afraid of me?" Always with those golden eyes, so condemning, so calm. Izaya knew there was love in those eyes and let that knowledge draw the affirmation from him.

"I'm not afraid," he insisted, his eyes falling. "But it will explain."

"Okay," Shizuo agreed. Facing him fully, the man waited patiently. "I'm ready." Drawing in a deep breath, the Raven took a moment to order his thoughts before speaking.

"I was twenty," Izaya said softly, fiddling with the hem of his borrowed shirt. "So I couldn't have been much younger than her." Why he was telling Shizuo this story out of all of them, he would never know. Instead of dwelling on this, on the heavy atmosphere between them, Izaya kept talking regardless. "I was working that night, one of the Yakuza's clubs. Prying information from drunk men is always easier after all."

Izaya's eyes scanned over the room, the people talking, the smoke filling the air, all of it passed through his mental nets. Turning to his right, the Raven glanced at Shiki. The older Alpha was talking frustratedly with yet another dark-suited executive that Izaya could have remembered the name of but chose not to.

Looking down at his own immaculate suit, Izaya tugged on the cuffs unnecessarily and unconsciously. Come on, he thought, irritated with himself. You've been sitting here for the past twenty minutes, do something. The scents of the Alphas in the room were stifling, and Izaya had to suppress the urge to sneeze.

"Of course," Izaya muttered, shrugging easily. "Usually, I would have been talking to people, but I was already feeling off that night." Shizuo watched him silently and Izaya suddenly wished the Alpha wasn't so far away. No one but myself to blame for that. So be pressed on. "I was in the middle of my heat and I'd pumped myself so full of hormone and scent blockers that it was a miracle my heart hadn't exploded yet. Then again, it's not like I had much of a choice."

"Why the fuck were you there at all?" Pausing in his shifting, Izaya stared at the blond. Shizuo was looking at the Omega like he was insane. "If you were in the middle of your heat, why weren't you at home or some shit?"

"Work doesn't stop just because of a little thing like that," Izaya chided in an attempt to be dismissive, unable to quite meet the Alpha's eyes. Shizuo kept staring at him regardless and Izaya could see those golden eyes in the corner of his vision. He looks worried, even though it happened years in the past. Feh, how stupid… The uncomfortable something that fluttered in his chest, however, seemed to disagree.

Squashing it, Izaya hurried to say, "Besides, I was young and needed to keep up my reputation."

"By spending time around strange Alphas?" Shizuo growled, frown deepening. Still with that look in his eyes like he wanted to be concerned but didn't know what to get upset about. For reasons that he didn't understand, a feeling welled up in Izaya's chest. What the hell is wrong with me? It's just because he's in love with me that he's acting like this.

So he lashed out. "What I do with my time is my business!" Izaya spat. Instantly, Shizuo's mouth snapped shut. Such a well trained monster… Ultimately though, that didn't stop the swell of the Alpha's pheromones that filled the air of the room. Gritting his teeth as an unfortunately pleasant shiver traced down his back, Izaya said, "But it didn't matter this time, I ended up taking a break anyway."

Shifting in the plush cushions, Izaya wondered if anyone could smell his scent. It had been especially powerful that morning and though he knew it was paranoia of the highest degree, the Omega feared that somehow, he'd slip up. I'm at the limit for how much of this stuff I can take, he reminded himself. Shinra even gave me a special formula that he specifically tailored to me, this is the best I can possibly do.

Besides, he'd been talking to people for most of the night, sitting shoulder to shoulder with Alphas. If he was going to get found out, it would have happened already. At least, that's what he kept telling himself. It was hardly comforting, but he clung to it. He'd gotten used to never being sure if he was safe or not.

"Tired of talking to people already Orihara-san, or do you just enjoy my company?" Looking over at Shiki, who was leaning closer so he could talk to the Raven, Izaya furrowed his brows in annoyance. "You've been rather twitchy tonight, haven't you?

Absently, Izaya shifted closer to the man so he could more easily murmur, "What are you talking about Shiki-san, I've been the very picture of serenity." Even as he spoke, Izaya forced his fidgeting hands to stay still. "All that aside though, what business is it of yours whether I was twitching or not?" It was amazingly difficult to sit still.

"So it's work when it comes to doing what's best for you," Shizuo repeated, skeptical. "And yet you can take breaks whenever you want because going in the first place is bad for you." Eyes shifting off of Izaya, the Alpha glared at the wall and muttered, "Sounds like bullshit to me."

"I have a very understanding boss," Izaya said, his tone rueful. "He took pity on me."

"Orihara-san~" Shiki hummed, hiding his expression behind a drag of his half-finished cigarette. "I could smell you from across the room you know."

Blood running cold, Izaya jolted upright and sputtered, "W-what?" He knew he sounded terrified but he couldn't help it. They know, they know, they all know I'm an Omeg-

"Calm down," Shiki ordered, a smirk on his lips as he watched Izaya's panic. "I'm lying Orihara-san, I can't smell a damned thing coming from you." Giving Izaya a minute to breathe as the new information sunk in, Shiki mused, "But you've just answered my original question beautifully. I knew that something was up from the moment I saw you this evening. How much of that doctor's medicine did you take before coming here?"

Resentful, frustrated with Shiki's underhanded tactics and his ability to lie straight to the Informant's face without him being any the wiser, Izaya muttered, "Enough that I feel as sick as a dog, not that it matters. I've got work to do."

"And you're doing such a marvelous job of it," Shiki mocked lightly, chuckling as Izaya bristled in protest. "Orihara-san, what have you actually accomplished tonight apart from showing up and making your presence known?" Which in and of itself is important, Izaya did not point out.

"I got the information you asked for," Izaya grumbled, trying not to sound too much like a petulant child. Granted I haven't done much else tonight which is disappointing considering the wealth of information practically surrounding me… "Don't make me out to be useless Shiki-san. I might be an- I might be who I am but that doesn't mean that I'm not the most talented informant you've got."

"I know that Orihara-san," Shiki responded, an eyebrow raised. "In fact, I suspect that you know better than even I, given that you doubtless know my checkbooks better than I do, just how important I find you. Don't turn this into a game of your worth, I tire of them."

Pressing his mouth into a firm line, Izaya asked, "So then what do you want me to do? If you want me to get up and start talking again you just have to say so Shiki-san." Izaya almost hoped the man would kick him off of the couch, he did need to do something, no matter how poorly he felt. "I'm here at your behest tonight, what would you have me do?"

"Subservience doesn't suit you Orihara-san," Shiki commented calmly, before calling over a server and asking for some unknown drink. "Don't act like I have any control over you when we both know full well that it's not true in the slightest."

"You're the one paying me," Izaya replied silkily, his body stilling as he focused his mind on talking to Shiki. By the same token though, he was glad the man was so quick to remind Izaya of his own independence, he had a tendency to lose some of that every time he went into heat. Truthfully, the older Alpha was a godsend, he could have very easily abused his position to hurt Izaya, but instead, he kept his mouth shut and let Izaya operate how he wanted. It was more than most Omega's got.

As the server returned with the drink Shiki had requested, the Alpha handed the glass to Izaya and said, "You're right, I am. With that in mind, I'm going to ask you to take a break and go into the rooms behind us. Use your skills to get information out of the Betas and Omegas working back there if you so choose, or, as I would rather have you do, take a break." He cocked an eyebrow. "You're strung tighter than a cheese wire. I don't want you to break down."

Shizuo rolled his eyes, likely irritated at Izaya's words. "Pity, yeah, I'm sure you reacted to that wonderfully."

Izaya sighed. "I really needed it at that point, I wasn't about to complain."

"So why is it when I try to show you even a little bit of consideration, not even pity, you reacted so badly?" The unasked question why did it take you so long to believe that I might have your best interests at heart was behind the question and Izaya didn't like how Shizuo's mouth tightened as he stared at the wall.

"It was different," Izaya argued, frustrated more with himself than Shizuo. He couldn't possibly articulate the fact that it was only different because Shizuo was his soulmate and not just some random Alpha. He didn't want pity from Shizuo, he didn't want to be seen as anything less.

As if he was able to read his thoughts, Shizuo turned and looked at Izaya with eyes full of the will for the Raven to just understand. "It's only different because you make it different. Why is this boss of yours anymore allowed to pity you than I am?"

"Because I don't want your pity," Izaya said, crossing his arms to keep himself from picking at his shirt. Why can't you just understand what I'm trying to say? Apparently, just because Shizuo was proving to be much more perceptive than Izaya had once thought him to be, he still wasn't perfect. "Don't act jealous," the Raven bit out without thinking.

"I'm not acting jealous," Shizuo ground out. Izaya could tell he was getting frustrated and yet he kept not turning that anger on the Raven. "You said you were going to tell me about why you keep acting so afraid of me. If you don't want to, that's fine, but I'd rather not argue with you about what emotions I'm allowed to feel when I'm around you and which ones I can't." Like love, right Shizu-chan?

Taking a deep breath, Izaya pressed himself back further into the sofa and curled up. Why can't he be closer? Because he'd destroyed whatever progress they'd made earlier, that's why. Izaya hated that he'd been so effective in breaking the fragile things Shizuo had been so carefully erecting and wished that he could have that trust back. I get it now, I get why you act like you do, so why does it have to be so awkward again?

"Fine. Back to your original question, no, I didn't much like it, but I didn't argue. I was tired and ready to drop. At least in the back rooms, without my scent to give me away, I could blend with the people back there." Rubbing his bare arms, willing the goosebumps that kept rising there away, Izaya continued, "So I listened to him and went to the very back of the building. It opened out into an alley, it also had back doors to several of the private rooms of the club, it had the back stairs up to the main floor. Very useful, also, a lot calmer."

Looking at Izaya with a touch of worry again, Shizuo's mouth twitched and for a moment, Izaya thought that he was going to get up and move to the couch as well, but a second later, he settled back into his chair. Ignoring this purposefully, Izaya looked at the floor. "Of course, it didn't turn out to be calm."

"I'm not going to break down," Izaya hissed back, giving Shiki a dark look. "I'm fine, Shiki-san." He knew that wasn't true, he was definitely feeling the strain taking so much medication was putting on him but he didn't want to just cave.

"No, you aren't going to cave," Shiki agreed, injecting a touch of iron into his tone. "But you are going to go and get out of this room before you drive yourself or me crazy." Though he wanted to argue further, Izaya knew the man had a point and also knew this was the best way for him to leave unnoticed. It was a blessing more than anything.

Bringing the glass in his hand to his lips and taking a drink, Izaya sighed. The fire that raced through his veins settled him just a little bit, though he would have equated it to smothering him. He'd never liked alcohol, never would, but as with many of the social nuances of the world, Izaya tolerated them. "Very well Shiki-san," he agreed, at last, feeling irritation crawl under his skin before he stifled it. Getting to his feet, he murmured, "I'll make myself scarce then."

Before his passive aggressive comment has the time to sink in, Izaya flitted around the sofa and wove his way through the Alphas and Betas in the room towards the admittedly welcome door that led away from the mess of people the Raven didn't have the energy to deal with. As it swung open to make room for a pretty Omega carrying a tray of food, Izaya ducked around her and into the back.

It was as you'd expect. The lighting was bad, but the air was significantly less clogged by cigar smoke. Though it was ridiculous, Izaya thought of Shizuo and his recent smoking habit that he'd taken up. That smell was one Izaya could tolerate, the oppressive blanket of smog that ran through the room behind him, not so much. Pushing those unwelcome thoughts from his head, Izaya closed his eyes for a moment to take in the peace and quiet.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Turning to face the tentative voice, Izaya found yet another Omega at his elbow. Exhausted though he might have been, the Raven managed a charming smile.

"Ah, not as such." Looking about, he spotted the door that presumably led out into the December night and, conveniently, the forgotten looking table that sat next to it. "I'm afraid I'm suffering from a slight headache, I was only hoping to find somewhere to sit down."

Blinking at him, no doubt unsure how to deal with Izaya's odd I'm-too-medicated-to-think-clearly way of talking, the Omega answered, "O-okay, feel free to sit wherever you want. Though I'll warn you, it's not always quiet, this place shares a wall with several of the private rooms. People can get quite loud in there at times."

Izaya nodded absently. It was true, doubtless, but the music blaring from the upstairs portion of the club that filtered down through the stairwell covered up most noise most excellently. Perhaps Shiki-san had a point, I'm about ready to drop. I shouldn't have taken so many suppressants. "Thank you, that is most kind of you."

Pressing his fingers into the glass he still held in his hand, Izaya carefully walked in the direction the Omega had pointed, taking care not to stumble or give away that he was in any way weak. The most important thing about concealing his identity was never allowing his wellbeing to rely on someone else. If he did, the chances he'd be discovered skyrocketed. So as long as he didn't give anyone any reasons to rush to his aid, Izaya'd be fine.

Gratefully sitting down at the small table, shivering slightly at the chill that seeped in from under the door beside it, Izaya stared at the doors that lead into the private rooms. They were locked, after all, they were the back entrances. True to what the Omega had said, Izaya could hear soft sounds emanating from them but he ignored these in favor of leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes.

This had been a bad idea, but at the same time, it had been a good one. Shiki doesn't expect me to do anything, I've already gotten what he asked me to retrieve. If I drift for a while, no one will complain. Sighing, Izaya forced himself to face the fact that his next heat was going to have to go unsuppressed. Though he'd been doing it for several years now, he hated it. It was painful and time-consuming, but there was no way around it.

Unless he wanted a mate. Izaya could only shiver at that thought.

"The Omegas back there are wonderful you know, even if they are skittish," Izaya mused, staring at the floor like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. "The fact that they work there at all, an establishment so heavily controlled by the most backward thinking group of people imaginable, it's testament enough to their courage. Then again, it might just be desperation."

Biting his lip to keep his teeth from knocking together, Izaya continued, in a flat and emotionless tone, "Of course that doesn't mean that every Omega there was treated as well. The things these Alphas get away with, if they weren't as powerful and influential politically and to the underground, any one of the things they do could get them locked up for the rest of their lives."

"You know, you talk about this stuff like you understand but sometimes, I wonder if you get it at all." Glancing up sharply, Izaya found that Shizuo was still watching him, that same frustrated look in his eyes. "I know that you know that it's not all Alphas. You've said it a hundred different ways already so you must understand. Except, when it comes down to it, you don't believe shit."

Izaya didn't like the churning in his gut, like Shizuo's words made him actively uncomfortable. It was the feeling one gets when an idea they hold to be true, even though they know it's just a belief based on opinion, is confronted with the facts. That sick, upset feeling, even when there's nothing to be stressed over. He just doesn't understand.

"It's not like that," Izaya argued, shivering as another wave of chills raced through him. "I've seen what people are like, you don't get it Shizu-chan, you exist within a bubble."

"No Izaya," Shizuo evenly bit out. "You're the one closing yourself in."

Over the sound of music and the mental silence that came when the mind was pushed to such a peak of exhaustion, Izaya heard the sounds of yelling. It was faint, but it was there. Repetitive, pulsing, irritating his already sensitive mind. Opening his eyes, Izaya stared at the two doors that lead into private rooms. The right one… he thought listlessly, not even really paying attention. Someone's yelling in the right one.

Except it wasn't just yelling. No, Izaya could hear two voices now. One, obviously male, obviously angry, from the smell starting to permeate the air around Izaya, obviously Alpha. The other voice, however, was desperate, pleading, lighter. Female, Izaya decided. Female and quite likely an Omega. Though it turned his stomach, Izaya forced his eyes closed again.

But they kept fighting, or rather, the Alpha got angrier and the Omega started to cry. Then came the thuds, like someone was getting knocked around. Izaya bit his bottom lip and tuned it out. Things like this happened, they had nothing to do with him. It was a private room in an exclusive club that he had no jurisdiction in whatsoever. Izaya was an Omega in heat who was just barely surviving by the skin of his teeth. He was in no place to intervene.

Not that he would have anyway. Perhaps it was the stupid instincts that rose up whenever he was in heat that was making him even consider doing something. Whatever it was, Izaya didn't like it and didn't want to deal with it. That being said, it was hard to ignore. Was the Omega getting beaten? Izaya didn't doubt it. Places like this were hotbeds of cruelty and callousness.

Lifting a shaky glass to his mouth, Izaya took a sip and waited for his nerves to settle. You're twenty, get a grip. He was twenty, he shouldn't be dealing with things like this. But he was in too deep to just escape so it was either here or with an Alpha. Izaya was going to go with the lesser of those two evils and pray it didn't kill him too quickly.

At last, the sounds quieted. A door slammed, footsteps retreated. The music rushed in to fill the empty space left behind. Izaya took a deep breath. Now, all he could hear were soft, hiccuping sobs. That was okay, he could tune that sound out, he could shut himself up in his own mind and pretend it didn't exist.

To be honest, though, the sound bounced around inside his head like a broken record. It made his chest feel tight and his head throb. Hah, it was more relaxing to be in a room full of Alphas. At least the Omegas in there were laughing. Some were trophies, some were slaves, that's how the underworld worked.

"That's stupid Shizu-chan, I'm not closed away at all, I just know how the world works," Izaya stubbornly insisted, his voice sounding tremulous to his own ears. "You think you understand but you don't get it. I've seen things Shizu-chan, I've seen too much to believe the lies and the pretty masks that all Al- phas…" His voice slowly died away as he realized what he'd just said.

"Look at me Izaya," Shizuo demanded, and even though Izaya was already facing the man, there was nothing that could have prepared him for the utter intensity that the Alpha poured into his stare. "You're looking at a fraction of the population and assuming that what you see is everything. Hell, you fucking seek out the worst of the worst! How is that supposed to be fair? How is that supposed to tell you anything?"

"Because it does!" Izaya shot back, abandoning all pretenses. He wasn't even sure where the words were coming from, all he knew is that each one made him feel sicker, angrier, and colder. "Alphas are the most powerful secondary gender, they have privilege and they abuse it! I've seen it again and again, don't you dare tell me I'm being unfair because I'm not!"

"News flash Izaya," Shizuo all but yelled. "In the real world, I don't have any privilege. I'm treated like shit by everyone except for my friends because I'm looked at as a poor, out of control Alpha. Once you take all that money out of the equation, Alphas are no better than anyone else. Most of us are held to account for the disgusting things those rich Alphas you spend time around do." Izaya wasn't even sure what to say to the tirade, he could only sit there in furious and shocked silence.

"Do you have any idea what it's like to blamed for something you never had a hand in doing?" Shizuo demanded, his eyes narrowed. "It's not all of them, but some Omegas and Betas make being an Alpha for normal people, hell. And then they turn around and bow to the fucking Alphas who keep treating them like shit, just because they've got the money and the power."

"Power doesn't even matter," Izaya argued, his face going red as he kept getting more and more worked up. A heavy shiver wracked his body as he spat, "Just a day ago I was almost raped by a pack of Alphas who probably didn't have a thing to their names worth anything. Don't you tell me that Alphas aren't all bad!"

"Guess what, some people are shitty!" Shizuo barked. "And it doesn't fucking matter what orientation they are. Some Alphas are shitty, some Betas are shitty, and, amazingly, some Omegas are pretty fucking shitty too. Being an Alpha doesn't automatically make me evil Izaya, no matter how much you want it to be true. It just makes me different."

Izaya's voice, his whole body, shook as he spoke his next few sentences. "Do you want to know what I saw that night Shizu-chan? Do you want to know?"

"Whatever you saw," Shizuo growled. "Doesn't make it a fucking-"

Without any sort of control over his own tone, Izaya yelled, "I saw an Omega beaten and bloody and I turned her away."

Shizuo's mouth snapped shut as the Omega's teeth started chattering and tears pricked his eyes before running down his cheeks.

Suddenly, Izaya was startled out of his headspace by the sound of a door crashing open. Turning abruptly, the Omega found a girl on the floor in front of him. Her face black and blue and her hair was matted with what looked like drying blood. Izaya could see the remnants of past beatings covering her and he knew in an instant that this was the girl he'd been hearing from the other room.

As if to prove this, she let out a heavy sob.

"Y-y-you've got t-to help m-me," she choked out, her breath coming in ragged jolts. "Pl-please, you've got-t- You've got to do something." Her scent was fearful, and Izaya was surprised it had been covered up so effectively before. "I- I can't-"

Several pairs of footsteps came running. Swiveling his head, Izaya found several other Omegas standing there. One of them held an old broom, the handle thick and dangerous looking. At one look from him, however, the three froze in their places. It was as if he was looking at life through a funhouse mirror. Izaya stood up, and immediately the other Omegas cowered away from him.

They think I'm an Alpha, he realized. Then, I can't tell them I'm not.

"Oh god," the beaten Omega gasped, reaching for the others standing just outside of the alcove. "Please, one of you, any of you, he'll be coming back in a moment. I- I need h-help. I need help!" But the other women just stared at Izaya, fear clear in their faces. They'd been ready to defend this woman, but seeing him here, someone who had standing, someone who in their eyes could hurt them, had them backing away.

Izaya couldn't make his mouth move. He wanted to say something, but all he could do was turn back to look at the bloody Omega. The dreadful sounds she'd been making seemed to catch in her throat as she stared into the Raven's emotionless gaze.

"W-we'll just be going then," one of the Omegas who had rushed to the rescue stammered. The girl in front of Izaya widened her eyes and if he hadn't been holding her gaze, she would no doubt have turned to her fellow Omegas and begged for them to stay. "Sorry, sir!"

By the time Izaya had turned his head back, the three Omegas were gone.

"Please, you've got to help me," the woman begged, freed from whatever hold Izaya's attention had on her. "Whoever you are, I need you to help me. He's gu-going to kill me." The return of her tears only made Izaya's nose wrinkle. He didn't mean to do it but the reaction was involuntary.

"What makes you think I can?" Izaya asked, his voice flat and emotionless. She choked at the words and the tears started pouring harder. Why is she crying to me like I could ever be her savior? "What makes you think I can stop what's been happening to you at all?"

Unexpectedly she lunged forward and Izaya found her hands tangling in the legs of his pants. One of her legs was at an odd angle, he realized, probably broken. She can't walk, she can hardly crawl. "Because you're an Omega too," she hissed, her eyes desperate, pleading. "I can tell, you're one of us. You've got to care at least a little bit. I can't live like this anymore. I used to have a home, a mother, and father who loved me. I had a little sister, please don't let him kill me like this."

How does she know?! "Why does your family matter to me?" Izaya asked, not moving to shake her off but not helping her either. He couldn't make himself do anything, his entire body felt caught in an internal battle that removed his ability to function. Her words, condemning him as what he was, they had left him immobile. "Why are you coming to me. I'm not an Omega."

"You are, I can smell it, I can feel it in the air," she was babbling now, shaking her arms and pulling, like she wanted to bring him down to her level. "You've got the power to help me, use it! Please, I'm not asking for much, just a little help. Don't let me die like this, I want to live."

Before he could answer her, a roar from behind her yelled, "AIRI!" Her eyes widened in fear and instinctively, Izaya stared up at the door and straightened, his back stiffening and his chin going up, like he wasn't afraid, like he wasn't an Omega. Like he was an Alpha as well. Like he was just like one of them.

Shizuo's arms were suddenly there, pulling Izaya in close. "Shit, all I do is make you cry," the man muttered, pulling Izaya's head against his shoulder and enveloping the freezing Omega in even the pretense of hesitation, Izaya whimpered before just letting Shizuo hold him close. It was like before when Shizuo had found him crying on his floor, but this time, Izaya didn't bother fighting it.

"It's my fault," he whispered against Shizuo's shoulder, closing his eyes and letting the tears come. "I know, I know you aren't all like that, I know you're different Shizu-chan, I know." He did, even as that churning in his stomach was replaced by a solid mass of guilt, Izaya didn't fight Shizuo's claims anymore. "I see these things happen every day and I do nothing because I-I-"

"Don't want to challenge the people that let you be powerful?" Shizuo asked, again so blunt, yet hitting the issue precisely without hesitation. "Do you think I blame you for that Izaya? I know you don't want to be weak, I know you don't want people to look down on you. I get it."

"You don't," Izaya murmured, his voice thick. As Shizuo pulled him onto his lap, only so he could better wrap around the Omega, Izaya finally started to relax. He'd been wound so tight and he hadn't even realized it. "I love my job Shizu-chan, I love what I do. And I know that I'm in the middle of the worst parts of humanity but I can't leave because I don't want to." His hands fisted in the front of Shizuo's stupid vest. "I know that not all Alphas are evil, but sometimes it feels like that's all there is because that's all I've seen. And its easier to turn that hatred on people who won't fight back than at people who could ruin me."

"I'm sorry for getting pissed, I just wanted to make you understand." Shizuo's words echoed beside his right ear, pulling something like a sigh out of Izaya, even though he hadn't stopped crying. The warmth that kept spreading through his body dissolved the rock in his chest that wouldn't let him breathe right. "But I guess neither of us understands, huh?"

A hand dragged through Izaya's hair and the Omega whimpered because it felt good and yet why did someone like this love him? He'd done nothing but fight, throw blame, cause problems and cry since Shizuo had cornered him in that damn alleyway. Even now that the Alpha had some idea of how despicable he really was, the man still held Izaya like he was precious. I'm not, it's not even that I'm just an Omega, I'm an Omega who has spent their life doing nothing but watching other Omegas suffer.

Yet Shizuo held him close. Looked at him like the stars and sun revolved around him.

Out of nowhere, Izaya found his voice returning. "You know Shizu-chan, she begged me for help. Pleaded with me. I just stood there. Eventually, her Alpha came back and he was furious. I couldn't even argue with him, didn't try and stand up for her, I acted as though I was just like him, just as cruel and despicable." Bitterly, he added, "I am as cruel and despicable."

"You're not," Shizuo protested, almost crushing him as he clung tightly to the Omega. "You're not disgusting Izaya, you're perfect. You were just trying to survive."

"There was no way that Alpha would have known I wasn't an Alpha as well." Izaya couldn't stop himself from talking, it was almost like he wanted to prove to Shizuo that he was worthless. "I could have saved her, I could have saved all the others who came after her. I never did, I just-"

"I don't fucking care. You're still my Omega and I still care about you, no matter what you did or didn't do before." Izaya's voice died on his tongue.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?" The Alpha was drunk and furious, but he still stopped at the sight of Izaya, standing above his Omega. Airi, apparently, cringed away from the man, her eyes going wide and scared. Izaya could feel her tremble against him. "W-What the hell?" he repeated, his tone getting quieter as Izaya's eyes hardened.

"I'm sure she was just coming back to you," Izaya responded smoothly. The Omega at his feet cried out in fear as he backed away from her, shaking her weak grip. "Really, there's no need to storm around in a place like this with such rage. Think of the other customers." His eyes narrowed. "Think of me, I've been sitting outside your door the entire time and I have a headache, it was very rude of you."

The man straightened and Izaya watched as he reeled his anger in. Izaya recognized him dimly, one of Shiki's many colleagues. "Ah, Orihara-san, I did not realize you were back here. If I had known, I would have been more considerate." The Alpha's voice slipped by Izaya and the Raven hated it, but he didn't so much as flinch. "I'm sorry Airi has been causing you such a headache."

"I'm sure you didn't Kaneko-san," Izaya answered back, pulling the man's name out of the air as easily as one might have caught an injured butterfly. "But even so, it was quite irritating. I'd rather it not happen again."

"I have to agree." The darkly amused voice of Akabayashi from behind Izaya made the Raven relax ever so slightly. Shiki's fellow Awakusu-kai leader and, as far as Izaya was aware, mate, was quite a bit more intimidating than the Omega he had come to back up. "You know Kaneko, I really do tire of you bringing your familial disputes to my partner's club. It's rude and frankly, low class." Falling back, Izaya let the other man handle things.

"I assure you, that was never my intention," the man assured the red-headed Alpha. "Akabayashi-san, I do apologize most sincerely."

A small whimpering drew Izaya's eyes. Glancing down at the Omega once more, he stared at her silently. Part of him wondered if she was going to tell anyone what he was, but a smaller, darker part of him knew that she wasn't going to last that long.

"How brilliant," Akabayashi exclaimed, clapping his hands together. "Now, why don't you make good on that and take your leave. Your Omega appears to be in pain, she must have had an accident. Pity." Smirking, he turned to Izaya. "Now, I do believe that Shiki has requested your presence immediately." Teeth showing in a grin, the man bowed his head. "Don't keep him waiting, Orihara-san."

Nodding smartly, Izaya turned and left, unable to meet the eyes of the Omegas he passed on the way back to the smoky billiard room Shiki was waiting for him in. He felt like he'd done something wrong, and yet he knew how it was. It wasn't his business to intervene, so he wasn't going to. That's how the world worked.

Shiki was waiting for him when he arrived. "Ah, Orihara-san, I'm glad Mizuki-san found you." The familiar name for his mate made Izaya look at the ground. How nice it must be to have someone you can trust. He squashed those hormonal thoughts instantly. It was just his heat, he was just going a little crazy. He always did around this time. "I have decided that on second thought, you should stay here. It's… safer."

Izaya didn't argue, he just took up his seat on the couch beside Shiki once more and stared straight ahead. He didn't feel guilt, he didn't feel relief, he just felt empty.

This is what I've become, Izaya realized, his mind oddly still. I'm no better than any other Alpha. I'm just like them.

And it hurt.

Sinking into Shizuo, Izaya took a great, shuddering breath and asked, "Why Shizu-chan?" Why me, why did you fall in love with me. "Why do you still care?"

"Because you're my fucking soul mate," Shizuo growled fiercely. "And because that means something to me. You are not your past mistakes Izaya, you're just who you've always been." He laughed, and Izaya could almost hear the adoration in his voice. "A shitty Flea who's annoyed me for as long as I can remember while always being stronger, smarter, and better than anyone else I knew."

"Keep saying things like that and I'm going to think you don't hate me anymore," Izaya murmured, his tone light. But he didn't mean it, no, not when he could feel Shizuo's pheromones sinking into his skin, making his bones feel heavy. Not when his own scent was rising up and it didn't smell frightened anymore, it smelled calm. All he wanted was to forget, pretend for a moment that this was okay.

With Shizuo this close, Izaya didn't have to pretend, he knew that it was.

And he was too sleepy to think about what that meant.

"Come on, you're falling asleep," Shizuo murmured, his voice so calming and relaxing to Izaya's ears. "I think we've both had enough for one day."

"Mmm," was the only sound Izaya managed to make. As Shizuo stood up, lifting Izaya with him, the Omega could feel himself drifting off. He felt better, after finally admitting to himself why he was so scared, Izaya wondered if maybe he could change.

Maybe if Shizuo believed he could, then it would be possible…

The rest of his thoughts were lost as he drifted off to sleep, content to curl up in his Alpha's arms.

A/N: After suffering a major panic attack at school (shaking, crying, making a fool of myself in front of this poor seventh grader who didn't know what the fuck to do), I decided to write some shit. I'm not okay, but when was I ever?

Also, I want to pose an open question that I hope some of you will take the time to answer. What's your writing process? I know there are some authors out there who read my work, and I'd love to know how you guys write.

I personally will write a chunk, get distracted, then come back to it later. Whether that be an hour later or a day, I'll reread what I've written, editing as I go along, before finally writing new stuff. Then after a while, I'll get distracted again. The cycle repeats. I end up with something that's pretty much edited before I even have to edit it.

But what about you guys? I'm genuinely curious here.