September

I walk through the halls on the first day, amongst the bustling excitement of going back to school, all the students buzzing with the newness of the year. When I get into the office, I see Paul and he greets me, giving me a hug. I am genuinely happy to see him.

I somehow make it through the day without running into Cosima. I don't know how I do it. I walk into the office after my final class and sit down at my desk, organizing my files and making sure everything is set for the new year.

I sigh, sitting back. It does feel good to be in the classroom again. It will help keep my mind focused.

I see a small form enter the office in my peripheral vision and I don't even have to look to know that it's her. I knew I'd have to see her eventually.

I turn as she walks in and give her a nod. "Hello, Cosima," I say, politely.

Surprisingly, her eyes light up when she sees me and she smiles. "Hey, Delphine," she replies.

I should ask her how her summer was but I can't bring myself to do it because I don't want to know the answer. I know how her summer was. She spent it with Shay, living in their newly engaged bliss.

"Did you have a good summer?" she asks me before I can say anything.

I want to laugh at that question, but I don't. Keep it professional. "Yes, it was good to have a break," I answer, staying as neutral as possible.

"Yeah, totally," she states. She looks at me as if she's expecting me to say something else. I see a tinge of sadness in her eye as she stares at me.

"How have you been?" I finally inquire. I do care about how she is. I still want her to be happy.

"Oh, um, ok, I guess," she mutters, "I, uh, went through some kind of big changes this summer, so it's been a little rough."

I look up at her, concerned. She seems upset all of a sudden, the vibrant life drained from her face. "Oh? Everything ok?"

She takes a deep breath and looks at me. "Delphine, it's really nice to see you again," she admits.

"Cosima...I…" I stutter. "I'm embarrassed about the way I handled myself the last time I saw you...it was completely uncalled for. I hope we can just continue our professional relationship." I strain to get the words out, but I know I have to.

"I broke it off with Shay," she blurts out.

My breath hitches. I was not expecting that at all. "Oh," is all I can say.

"Yeah, I realized I wasn't happy. And I wasn't being fair to myself. So I did it," she explains.

I nod, unable to find any words, my heart pounding so hard in my chest.

"I moved out. It was kind of messy," she continues. "So...yeah…a bit of a rough summer."

"Sorry to hear that," I answer. I am starting to feel my want creep back in, my want to take care of her, my want to comfort her, so before I say anything stupid, I get up to leave. "Well, I'm going to head home. I've got to get things ready for tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, ok, of course," she responds, moving out of the way. "I'll, uh, see you tomorrow."

I give a firm nod and jet out the door. My mind is reeling. She broke it off with Shay? Why did she do that? She wasn't happy. Why wasn't she happy? All I want to do is make her happy. All I want is for us to be able to talk again, to be close again. I miss it so much.

The week finishes and the other teachers are going out for their traditional first week drinks. I'm not sure I feel up for it so I head home instead, promising them that I'll go next time. Cosima and I haven't spoken much since Monday. We've both been so busy. It might be for the best. Focus on the work.

I settle in at home with a glass of wine, trying to relax when I hear a knock on the door.

I get up and open the door. Cosima is standing there, looking extremely nervous. I look at her and furrow my brow. "Cosima? What are you doing here? You ok?"

"Hey," she speaks, "Um, can I come in? Can we talk?" She's playing with the end of her scarf, rolling it between her fingers and she isn't quite looking me in the eye.

"Oh, uh, yeah, of course, please," I answer, moving out of the way as she shuffles past me.

She doesn't sit but instead paces the floor in the living room, looking down at the ground.

"Cosima, what's wrong?"

When she looks up at me, I see she has tears in her eyes.

"Cosima?" I move closer to her, a concerned look on my face.

"Um...Delphine? I, uh, wasn't completely honest with you...about Shay. About why I broke it off with Shay."

I can see that her lower lip is trembling now and her hands are shaking. I reach out to grab them slowly, hoping that the contact is ok. She grips my hands immediately. "Ok," I answer, "Why, then?"

She looks into my eyes and I can see something in them...fear, sadness, hope?

"You can't marry someone when you're in love with someone else."

I swallow hard, my own tears rushing immediately to my eyes. "Cosima…" I whisper.

She brings her hand up to my face and cups my cheek. I gasp at the contact.

"Delphine, I...I am so sorry...for everything," she soothes. "Can you...can you forgive me? Can you give me a chance?" Her eyes are pleading now.

I can feel my heart beating throughout my entire body. I bring my hands to her face, letting my body do the talking as I pull her lips to mine. I move gently against her, my mouth opening slightly to breathe her in. She moves her hands to the back of my head, her fingers tangled into my hair, and I can feel her grip tighten. She lets out a whimper and I almost can't stand anymore.

I can tell she's crying and I pull myself back, letting my forehead lean on hers. I bring my thumbs up to wipe the moisture from her cheeks.

"I...I was so mean," she mumbles, "I was so unfair, to you, Delphine."

I shake my head. "It's ok, I...I shouldn't have put you in that position. I mean...you were with someone else, and I didn't respect that," I sigh, "I just...I couldn't fight my feelings for you."

"Does that mean you forgive me?" she whispers, her eyes searching my face, looking for an answer.

"Cosima," I respond, gripping her face in my hands, "I want to make you happy. I want you. I've wanted you for so long. And if you want me too, I want to put all of it behind us." I smile through the tears that are now flowing down my own cheeks.

"I...I was really hoping you'd say that," she replies, wrapping her arms around my waist and pulling my hips toward her. "I just want to make it all up to you. You are so wonderful, so beautiful," she tells me, pressing the length of her body into mine.

I swear my heart is about to explode out of my chest. "I love you," I tell her and she beams the widest smile I've ever seen on her beautiful face.

I pull her as tight as I can to me, lowering my head and kissing her deeply. I let my tongue explore her mouth and she happily accepts it. I can feel her breath quickening and the way her body moves into mine makes me weak.

She kisses my face, down my jaw, and onto my neck and I moan into her touch. "Delphine," she whispers, "I...I want to feel you...do you want…"

I nod, grabbing her hand and dragging her to my bedroom. I've wanted this for so long. I've wanted to fully love her, to show my love for her. We stand in front of each other and I reach out, pulling her shirt over her head. She removes mine and I step forward, placing my hands on her bare torso. I feel her body shudder under my touch.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," I coo as I run my fingers around to her back, kissing her neck and moving down to her collarbone. I close my eyes, letting myself feel her soft skin with my lips, a shaky breath leaving my body as it hits me that I'm actually able to touch the woman I love.

She pulls me up, placing her hand under my chin. "You...you are amazing," she whispers.

I take her hand and bring it to my mouth, kissing the pads of her fingers softly.

She walks me backwards and I sit as my legs hit the edge of the bed. She reaches around me to unhook my bra and does the same to her own before she climbs on top of me, straddling my waist. She presses her chest into mine and I groan into the shivers I feel. She lays gentle kisses just below my ear and I bite my lip, closing my eyes.

I grab her around the waist and flip her over onto the bed. She looks up at me and I still see a glint of tears in her eyes. "Is this ok?" I ask, making sure she really wants this, that it's not just some fantasy I've made up in my head.

She smiles up at me. "Yes," she answers, "Delphine, I've wanted this. I've wanted you...for so long." She wraps her fingers around the back of my neck as I hover over her.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," I grin, pressing my mouth to her chest, kissing her hungrily. She's so smooth, so soft, so intoxicating. She pushes her chest up into me and I oblige her, taking her breast into my mouth as she lets out a moan. It's the sweetest sound I've ever heard. I kiss down her flat stomach and can feel her hips moving in rhythm already.

I move to unbutton her jeans, looking up at her, asking for permission with my eyes. She bites her lip and nods. I slide her pants down her legs, removing mine quickly, wanting to feel her gorgeous body on mine. I climb back on top of her and lay my body on hers, pressing my thigh between her legs, and kissing her passionately.

She grinds her hips slowly against my leg and I can feel how much she wants me. I know it's real. I am getting hotter as I move in sync with her, our bodies moving as one, finally able to express our desire for one another.

"Delphine," she whispers, gripping at my back, and I hear the desperation in her voice.

I move my hand down, removing her underwear and coming back to her as I slide my finger over her, feeling as she shudders underneath me. I am amazed at her want for me and I don't waste any more time. I slide into her and she groans, opening herself up to me.

I look into her eyes as I move within her. My love radiates through every touch and every small whimper she makes fuels my desire. She is writhing underneath me and I can feel her body moving closer to the edge. I kiss her as she quakes, and she pants and moans into my mouth, grasping me tightly. She lets out a last sigh as her body relaxes. She grabs me tightly to her chest, breathing heavily and kissing my head repeatedly.

I smile into her skin and kiss her chest where my lips lay. As her breathing slows, I look up at her, bringing my hand to her cheek. She looks at me with such adoration, I close my eyes, unable to handle the emotions I feel when she looks at me like that.

"Hey," she whispers, "Look at me."

I open my eyes again, taking a deep breath.

"Are you ok, baby?"

Oh, god. When she calls me baby, I feel a shiver rush through me and I bite my lip with desire, staring at her and nodding.

She smiles at me and pulls me closer, kissing me again. She begins slowly, grazing my lips with hers before deepening the kiss, causing me to lose myself completely. She rolls us over so she's on top, kissing me all over. Her hands are everywhere. Her mouth is everywhere.

I pull my underwear off, anticipating her touch. She sees my desire and doesn't keep me waiting. The moment she pushes into me, I lose all control. I allow her to take everything I am; every cell in my body is hers. My body ebbs and flows with pleasure, the most love I've ever felt in my life, and when she puts her mouth on me for the briefest of moments, I unravel in her arms, my heart thumping to the rhythm of her fingers. I can barely see as my tears flow down my cheeks and she collapses on top of me, burying her face in my neck and whispering her love for me over and over.

This is better than my fantasy, better than I ever could have imagined it. I can barely believe she's here, that she's mine. I grip her tightly to me, not wanting to let go, wanting this feeling to last forever.

As my heartbeat and tears slow, she lifts her head, looking into my eyes, stroking my head. She doesn't say anything. She lets her eyes do the talking. I part my lips and she moves in to kiss me sweetly. She envelops me, unwavering in her motions, until I grab her face, kissing each cheek, kissing down her jawline, feeling every inch of her skin.

She lays her head back down on my chest and we breathe together. My tension is gone. My worry is gone. My heartache is gone. For the first time in months, the familiar ache in my chest is finally gone.

I feel for the first time that maybe everything I've hoped for could finally come true.